It'd help laddie....
Seppukku would certainly be more dignified than reminding everyone here of your shameful behaviour. Your cries for forgiveness are pitiful. You demand to be reinstated, but do not make restitution for your crimes, you do not admit what you did wrong, nor do I think you understand it.
We will not allow a person back who states:
Look, if I screw up after an unban, then you can simply ban me again. Besides, the worst thing I can do is annoy you somewhat.
Whereas by banning you, you can't annoy us at all. You do not apologise, you merely bitch. You do not offer, you demand. You are the one who has committed the wrong against *us*. And we don't think you understand that matey...
And if you don't understand, you may well do it again.
So then, how do you prove you understand? At this stage, I don't think you can. You can say all you want, but nobody will believe you now. We will assume that you are just apologising because that's what you've been told to do. An empty apology is worse than no apology.
Tradition was that Roman generals threw themselves on their swords, after a great shame or failure. They died a clean, honourable death, their sins washed away by the blood of their atonement. While your unbanning might well be posthumous, it will at least be honourable.