[Fic] Necro Genesis.

[Kyle]

Just to be safe.I dont own "neon genesis evangelion" or it's character's.

This is my first public fic.So im only going to give you a taste.If you guys dont like it then i wont have to write more than i need to.But if you do like it then i will TRY to add a chap twice a month or more.There's no eva's no angel's non of that crap.

I Intend to have violence,romance,horror,action,adventure,suspence,and mystery.If i get good reveiws then ill keep going ball's out.Forgive the spelling...I goes to da amarekan skool sistem!!!


Im trying to keep everyong in character.R&R if you please.Might have an OC.Your help if greatly welcome.Flame if you will,ill take it on the chin.

So without further delay here it is...


Necro Genesis...

The red sun of dawn hung over the horizon mimicking a bleeding gash in the sky.The unknown city in the large vally below was bathed in this almost omnious sun rise.It was desolate to say the least.Empty car's filled the street's and opened door's creaked as the cold fall wind moved them back and forth to it's will.The common sound's of a city were absent.No voice's,no barking dog's,no car horn's,nothing.It was as if everyone in the city had suddenly vanished...

There was,however,life in this somewhat hollow city.On the outskurts in
a hotel's topfloor suite's bed was the sleeping form of a young boy.He stirred as if he was having a bad dream.His eye's were shut tight and his teeth clenched.Suddenly his eye's shot open as he let out a ragged breath.The boy lay there a moment to collect himself when he noticed where he was.

He sat up,his eye's darting to all corner's of the hotel suite.
"Where am I !?"He questioned."Miss Misato!?." he called hearing no answer "Miss Misato!!?" he yelled once more,still no answer came.He clutched his head from a sudden skull spliting headach that came out of nowhere and vanished as soon as it had come.He sat there perplexed by it.

After a moment he swung his leg's over the side of the bed to inspect the suite for anyone to help him find out where he was.But when he flung the sheet's from his naked body he quikly recovered himself now blushing from his sudden exsposer,wrapping the sheet's tight around himself.The boy thought a moment trying to remember where he was and how he got there...he found no answer.


He surveyed the room for some article of clothing.What he found was not exspected.On a dresser on the opposite wall lay a neatly
stacked pile of military fatuiges along with polished black combat boots,sock's,underware,a vietnam era A.L.I.C.E. pack,M.R.E.(meals ready to eat) and a bertta M9 double action 9MM pistol with three 13 round magazines and drop leg holster.The boy taking note of the firearm cautiosly made his way to the dresser,bed sheets wraped around his waste.Upon closer inspection of these items(avoiding the gun) he found an envalope stamped with his name...Shinji Ikari.

The boy now known as Shinji Ikari opened the envalope and searched it's contents.In it he found a map of what appeared the be a medium sized city,and a small vile containing a yellowish orange liquid.He opend the cap and sniffed it's content's looking for a clue as to what it was."It smell's like blood."He said.


The boy looked around the room for somone to guide him as to what to do with this unusuale set of item's."If anyone's here please answer me!"He pleaded.Finding no such luck he got dressed in the combat uniform seeing how it was the only available covering's and fancying it over the sheets that now lay on the floor.What was stranged is how well these clothes fit him.It was like it was all custom made just for him.Even the uncomfortable looking boots felt like they were his own feet!

As Shinji pulled on the jacket he noticed a spec of red on the map from the envalope.Upon closer inspection it was in fact a (X) in the center of the city."X marks the spot."He mumbled."I guess that's where THEY want me to go."He found his location on the map and determened the route he would take to the mysterious X."Mayby ill find answers there."He wishfully thought.Shinji was scarred.He was alone in an unknown place,had no clue how he got there and was given access to a gun for what ever reason.And now THEY wanted him to go to a place with god knows what is waiting.

He didnt know why but somthing that stirred inside him made him want to go.He made one last round of the room making sure he was the only occupant.Satisfied he grabbed the pack,MRE's,map,and the vile of unknown liquid.He walked out the door and left on his way to whatever waited for him.He left the gun behind.Shinji never liked gun's,they always brought death with them.What would he need a gun for anyway?

Elswhere perched high on top of a tall building staring through the scope of a PSG1 semi automatic sniper's rifle was a beautiful young girl with short blue hair and skin as pale as the moon.She wore grey cargo pant's with black combat boot's,a black tank top and an olive colored cap.On her
thigh was a dropleg holster containing a GLOCK automatic pistol fitted with a silencer.In a small buttpack she carried extra ammo and MRE's.
"Sir,subject 03 has left the hotel...permission to pursue."She said in a emotionless tone."Granted."Said an icy voice on the other end of the blue haired girl's ear peice."And Rei......be careful"There was a long pause before the girl,now Rei,replied."Yes sir."

[Mr. Tines]

Orthography:
A run through a spell-checker would help. If you use Firefox 2.0, that includes spell-checking for things in text-entry area like the one on the posting form.

Typography:
A full stop (period) takes an em-space; a comma takes an en-space. In monospace fonts, map to double and single space; in simple web format, a single space is all you can get, but should be present.

Apostrophes:
The special case : "it's" == "it is" and "its" == "of it"
Otherwise, indicates possession (the car's horn) or contraction "wouldn't've" == "would not have"
It does not introduce a plural (in usages like "the 70's" it indicates contraction), nor the present tense of a verb.

Style:
You show a beginner's over-enthusiasm, with slightly purple prose and uncertain mode.

The red sun of dawn hung over the horizon mimicking a bleeding gash in the sky.The unknown city in the large vally below was bathed in this almost omnious sun rise.It was desolate to say the least.Empty car's filled the street's and opened door's creaked as the cold fall wind moved them back and forth to it's will.The common sound's of a city were absent.No voice's,no barking dog's,no car horn's,nothing.It was as if everyone in the city had suddenly vanished...

This weaves between camera (objective view), and narrator (explaining the season, the desolation and desertion, rather than showing them). Compare

The red sun edged slowly over the horizon, burning a bleeding gash in the leaden sky, pouring ruddy light over the city sitting in the desolate valley. Its streets were filled with empty cars; litter and fallen leaves collecting where they formed breaks against the wind.

That wind was the only sound, that and the things it blew fitfully about. No voice, no animal, no engine broke the otherwise silent dawn.

The shopping list of kit verges on what is known as "infodump", and undigested section of information that is difficult to weave into the narrative. You would be better to approach it hierarchically : first he sees a pile of clothes, that look like military uniform; a kit bag, and a pistol in its holster. Then he can take a closer look at them as they come into play.

In the kit-bag was a stack of foil packs, labelled as rations. At least those should taste better than Misato's cooking, he thought, ruefully.

For "The boy now known as Shinji Ikari" put "Shinji"; and most of the uses of "the boy" can be replaced by "he". At the moment it is not ambiguous who you mean. For "the girl,now Rei," put "she". Also Rei should be capitalised.