A Song of Space and Time... and the Being caught between

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ElKaizerX
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A Song of Space and Time... and the Being caught between

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Postby ElKaizerX » Sat Dec 15, 2018 10:01 pm

Something odd happened when rewatching Eva all the way through again. The infinity between two absolutes became a weirdly apparent motif. Well... along with all the interestingly sexual imagery. Black and White moon as forbidden gardens of testi and overh. The Children of Adam and Lilin as ova and sperm Messengers of both, who's contact with either would create destruction of old life and herald the coming of a new supreme being.

Reminded me of the overall themes and plot of a Song of Ice (space) and Fire (time) and the more I pondered this with the aid of a recent viwing of Into the Spiderverse a sudden deluge of metaphors rushed in.

The possible reason for the use of Lilith vs Adam as the progenitor of "humanity" is that the Lilin are metaphors for our "thoughts" and the Children of Adam aspects of our "body". Given the Shinji's and others story of salvation from depression I can see why this recurring conflict of mind/body (time/space) would be so prominent. The fear of the mind (Lilith, consciousness) towards the body as it's rotting prison. The fear of the body (Adam, unconscious) towards the mind for it's wrath and destruction. And the glorious birth of a new fetal Being (BNR, self-actualization) that could transcend all. A God beyond story space and time to the characters. A member of the unknowable FAR. A Being that explains why every damn thing in that franchise is called "human", but separated into Lilin (thoughts) and Angels (feelings). A being called Us.

And Us is Anno and Anno is Us. And we anti-social and depressed otaku, broken Gods who's Consciousness can't reconcile the mystery of its origins. A Mind and Body. A Body and Mind. But how the fuck does that solve the hard promblem of Us? Vast Being of order and chaos born from the Dance of time and space. Waves and particles. Spirit and Matrer. Sperm and egg. Ghost and machine. The eternal being deep in the darkness of our minds and the eternal being beyond the sight of our bodies. I'm so very grateful for the story that team created. And it pains me to think what amount of suffering such a creator endured, who hopefully found the love within themself for themself and others beyond their space and time.

The bizarre discoveries continued to flood over. Making a silly amount of sense. The Angels being made of perfect the qualities of space, Particle-Wave matter. And they ate of the Tree of Life granting them eternal propagation as beings of material manifestation, representing the part of Us that lives on in descendants surviving through the gauntlet of evolution. The Lilin, viral and plentiful beings of projected immaterial phenomena of the mind manifested through strength of will as AT Field. Indecisive and stricken with the burden of choice by their nature of eating from the Fruit of Knowledge.

Within the Lilin populace exist the most extreme of religious zeolots Seele, all soul and no man, filled with nothing but Spirituality, who wield wisdom as a weapon of their elitism. Knowing better then the sinners blind to a greater truth. And then there's the other group of elites those they mock and scoff at for their intellectualism, the zeolots of science, seated at the head of NERV, all man and no soul, who wield great cybernetic beasts capable of vast destruction controlled by those considered most innocent and immature.

I don't imagine this is all new insights but the realization of what this show could truly be a manifestation of pierced me to the core. A story of Being and the madness that comes from the fear of not knowing what that is staring back at from out there and the beast that smiles back when you look into the depths of your insides.

PS. Anyone notice how spermy the failures of infinity are? And the funny backhanded portrayals of zeaolt fans in the form of Rebuild's Seele? And the curse of Eva possibly being a slight against us or the creators being unable to let the pilots"sexually" mature beyond children. Ha damn this series is darkly humorous. And how about that use of cyclical storytelling to make an unconventional sequel in the movies that cover similar material ground but direct their commentary on different subjects? The series directed at general otaku and the rebuilds specifically at Evangelion otaku. 3.0+1.0 is going to (not) be a metafictional mind/body fuck of the ages!

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Re: A Song of Space and Time... and the Being caught between

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Postby ElKaizerX » Tue Dec 18, 2018 4:32 pm

More ordered thoughts. Brace yourself. We're going to the Beyond Deep and Deep Beyond:

I can't say whether Anno et al is intentionally trying to mimic the dance between the Hebrew Torah and the Christian Gospel with Neon Genesis Evangelion and the New Theatrical Editions, but there is some juicy imagery/meaning and plot/themes within both that seem to suggest there's a strong correlation.

Instruction, Salvation, Oppression, and Progress, a Cyclic Quaternity for the Otaku/Human to self-actualize:

In some areas of Abrahamic studies it is suggested that the creation of the Christian Gospel was inevitable due to how we humans operate on digesting/understanding material and spiritual knowledge, two abstract truly unreachable infinities. When it comes to the Torah and Gospel they operate on the narrative genre of "teaching maturity" in that the overall the character(s) have a serious shortcoming they need to get over and either fail to mature or ascend and mature. Within each story there's a duality of messages, one is the material message in the form of the plot, the other the spiritual message of that is the theme. They both dance and inform each other like Body and Mind. Err towards one and the story as a whole, the soul/Self, needlessly suffers. It appears like anything it's about a balance/interaction of this duality to make/amplify something greater neither could achieve on their own.

The Hebrew writers who would come to create the Gospel appear to have noticed an unfortunate curiosity/anomaly with storytelling as a tool for teaching that lead them to create a complimentary narrative. The curiosity/anomaly being how we-human's treat understanding of the plot and theme. The Torah as instruction for sociological maturity explicitly depicts (plot) characters who are already biologically mature (having "mastered" the family unit, Mother, Son, Father, Daughter, needed to biologically propagate the species), but continuously fail at not being assholes to each other, hence all the brother kill brother and the failure of Adam and Eve to interact beyond tools for sex, which as an audience/devotee/otaku digesting this is meant to be taught/understand the implied message (theme) of social maturity. However it appears due to our more materially inclined form (as opposed to more spiritually/immaterially based characters) we as a whole have a hard time not just understanding the damn hidden/implied message under the material words and plot, but when we do seem to understand we fail to "act it out" properly, probably because we operate under that strange cyclic dance that allows our universe to even exist.

Sadly it seems that the power inclined (Elohim?) tend to wield wisdom/knowledge as weapon over others in the form of elitism (Seele's slightly different portrayal in NTE) instead of truly helping uplifting others through sharing, because to some, and I can't say they're entirely in error, handing out knowledge can lead to stagnation. And that starts this vicious cycle in where the subjugated rise up only to do the same damn thing as the immature power before. It's only up to the handful that seem to improbably achieve true maturity that notice it's about the balance of motivating and sharing information, an interaction of old (dogma) and new (inspirations) shared ideas, that leads to true understanding. The observation that knowledge wasn't being built on due to some disconnect between ritualistically/dogmatically reading (material repetition) the text being overly favored among the audience and the those deemed spiritual leaders abusing their apparent knowledge of the text by placing themselves as the only way to understanding the text (spiritual repetition) compared to balancing the reading of the knowledge and the acting out/embodying the knowledge (ascension/transcendence) of the text, lead to what the Gospels writers must have perceived to be the source for the loss of hope/meaning in the lives of their people all those years ago. Causing them as a society to be continually pushed around by outside powers.

I believe this observation of explicit messaging (plotting/dogma) being the norm over implied messaging (theme/acting) is why a group of Hebrews created/shared the Gospel. To make the implied message the now explicit message, where the main plot follows the narrative of an inherently sociologically mature figure from birth to death to bring salvation to their people. However, and I'm not sure if they understood this themselves, but there is always an implied message to continue the cycle of further understanding. I tend to lean towards the idea that both writers of the Torah and Gospel seem to vaguely understand the idea of the greater wave like nature of progress that makes a sort of ascending spiral with the subject being knowledge maturity, due to the genre of prophecy, which to me is what we call science/speculative fiction. A genre not meant to truly predict the material future, but more hint at what lesson of spirituality/maturity may need to be taught/understood to maintain a balance that overcomes inevitable stagnation.

In terms of what was the failure of the main figure of the Gospel as to be understood through the implied message if the explicit message was already sociological responsibility? Well the Book of Revelation may hint at it. The next stage of maturity being a psychological. One in which we have to mature the balance between guidance and oppression, perhaps? The main Gospel figure was explicitly the chosen one from the very beginning and did not need to grapple with the idea that they were the child of a higher power that gave them purpose (like an author to a character, yeah this leads to inevitable meta storytelling later), they just needed to complete the journey already laid out revealing the implied message to the audience being, "Don't worry about being the literal child of God, just embody/act it out as honestly best you can and you will find understanding/meaning/purpose and the humanity will continue to flourish." It's with the Book of Revelation, like any decent speculative fiction, that the warning of this failing is solidified. But it appears failure in doing the work is something that the greater cycle is trying to weed out, and so the Gospel isn't the end. Just part 2/4. And I think Anno et al exploited this understanding of the cycle to infuse into their masterful work.

It is my belief that the Evangelion franchise as a whole more closely mirrors a part 4 (or part (3+1) in cyclical terms) to the previous Testaments than Part 3 in that part 3 is hidden from "text" because it played out in historical form as the religion based wars and atrocities that followed from the Gospel being misunderstood by the Catholic Church and it's many denominations stagnating the message of the Gospel within a loop of immaturity. Any true attempts to build on the teachings joining the term that many of a male's sperm share, failures of infinity. However, some change did occur when I think the enlightenment came, and slowly the church/divine monarchy was pushed back in favor of republics/democracies. Separating church from state. But again in reaching psychological maturity the next cycles immaturity is revealed, anthropological/cultural/storytelling maturity. This is from the perspective of the west, but I can't definitely say a similar crisis of dogma vs progress occurred within Japanese culture that would inform Anno similarly. I want to say the experience of World War 2 and the fallout thereafter may be the cultural similarity, but I cannot say for sure. At any rate I think this "hidden" Testament still plays a role in Evangelion in the form of NGE's "Hidden Dead Sea Scrolls" and NTE's "Seele's Apocrypha" in that, and this is where metafictional shit pops up, they represent "real" events in our total Human (FAR?) reality beyond any "sight" or true understanding compared to the "reality" of the characters (Lilin/Angels), and these scrolls/apocrypha play the same role that the commandments do between YHWH and Moses. These "objects" reveal the reality for what it truly is, a story, and the recipients, merely characters in that story, and the messenger, the creator/author of their perceived totality.

I believe Anno et al understood the need and true power of the cyclical nature of storytelling as a whole (and too FAR-fetched to say our own Existence?), sparked by either Anno's reported depression (suffering is an ironically amazing tool for motivating understanding) or the observed stagnation of the mecha genre or anime as a whole. More than likely a balanced combination of both. And it is his main desire to explicitly depict to his intended audience how to be a mature story/culture teller which whether we make our stories material or not, our material complexity makes us them, Homo Sapien be damned, we're Homo Historia, while the implied message for the audience/otaku is technological maturity. It is my speculation that Evangelion doesn't just act as a sort of 4th Testament on a whole, but within it, the Manga is Torah Otaku, NGE ep 1-26 is Gospel Otaku, NGE 1-20-21'-26' is "Threatening/Oppressive" Otaku, and NTE 1-(3+1) is "Progress/Neon Genesis" Otaku. I think this cyclical progression helps show why the imagery of NTE appears both like a sequel and a reboot. It's not to troll, but to reveal the greater cycle of existence and how understanding it allows an individual as well as a collective to see purpose/meaning and they just have to motivate themselves to act. It also may explain why a select number of "knowledge" character act in a sort of vague and meta way like Seele, Gendo, and Kaworu, because they're written to be self-ware, as best as characters can be, until total humanity births true artificial consciousness (I worry for the horrors a materialized Rei would experience, given the desire for some to have a real Westworld to explore). That may be the ultimate question of the franchise and its hope for future maturity, "Are we mature enough technologically, anthropologically, psychologically, and sociologically to properly parent our coming spiritual children? Or will we be wiped out in the flood only for them to have to survive motherless?"

Part (3+1) of any maturity cycle is where shit gets the most meta as fuck. Just look at the human spirituality cycle: Child, Adult, Parent, Elder. Probably why Elder's are sometimes considered the most wise. Now jump to the reproductive cycle: Egg, Zygote, Fetus, Child (maybe why these western religious types are all about this "father from beyond"). I think the reproductive imagery is intentionally implying the Cycle of Maturity. I'm going to speculate that's why NTE "Asuka" is different from EoE "Asuka". Just before the end EoE "Asuka" does what Shinji cannot. She self-actualizes and matures to take on the Production models allowing her to transcend and more than likely why she is formed on the beach seemingly on her own. She went from embodying the daughter archetype to mature into the mother archetype, a new mother for the Otaku to strive to emulate. This possibly supports the implied pregnancy theory and the Misato/Asuka fusion theory and why NTE "Asuka" is a "new" Daughter archetype slightly different from EoE "Asuka".

I can't say I fully understand the story entirely entirely, don't think that will ever happen given I can't entirely exist in the creators' thoughts, but I believe they did a grueling task of embedding the breadcrumbs to try and embody the implied message

Evangelion. New Age myth-making to the core. And just what the world needs to take action and get in the fucking robot. Netflix do us proud.

- Addendum: Another post just juiced my thoughts about another potential ordering of the franchise.

Torah: EvaTV 1-26
Gospel: EvaTV 1-20, 21'-26' or Death & EoE
Opression/Stagnation: EvaFiction (The multitude of Manga and other related denominations)
Progression/Rebirth: NTE

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Re: A Song of Space and Time... and the Being caught between

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Postby ElKaizerX » Thu Dec 20, 2018 6:48 pm

Interpreting the Hierarchy of Angels in Neon Genesis Evangelion using the Body/Mind correlation or the love/destruction of relationships:

Angel Order: Name "Meaning" Body/Mind correlation (Major Organ/Vessel)

Beyond Deep Angel:
FAR "First Ancestral Race" Ancestry.com System (Humanity) or to you, the hint of something beyond your immaterial/spiritual comprehension, but with a little work and a little more work and little more work after that you may "see" the pattern of patterns, the cycle of cycles, the heaven of heavens, that lead to you, oh beautiful creation of change. Don't fret. We know it's tough being you. We've been there before. Stuck in the loop of our parents creation for millions and millions and millions of years, and we still don't fully understand our existence either. Maybe you'll have better luck? We'll ensure you're existence continues until you do. Good luck. :)

Deep Angel:
Earth "The Great Egg of Life" Biology System (DNA/LCL) or to you, the known womb of all your existence. To me, the inevitable product of more basic systems before me. Or more directly, the child of physics and chemistry. I can't talk to my parents. Wish I could, but they just ignore my cries. I vaguely make out others besides me. Oh and I have two friends that never leave me. One that keeps me company during the day and one at night. I enjoy there company most of the time... Most of the time. I AM a thing which will come to form you and you will ask others to help you fully understand and give up on because no one has the answers you're looking for until you realize it was always about just doing the damn work to figure it out yourself. And not I am most certainly not flat. I as freaking round as they come, you just have to put in the work to find out. :)

1st Angel:
Adam "The First Man" Corporeal System (Body) or when you realize you're without sexual guidance in this period called puberty, and you ask the only parent you have around "Mommy?" She looks at you in awkward disgust and makes you feel disgusting for asking. "Daddy. Where are you? I could really use you're help figuring things out. Far FAR away I see. I guess I'll figure this out this body can do on my own." Why can't you're mom just help you? She treats you like you're her world. But that's just it, huh. You're HER world and she only cares about CONTROLLING you not truly loving you. What is love then anyway?

2nd Angel:
Lilith "The First Woman" Mental System (Mind) or that "other" you know that you call friend and you hear her say things like, "Submit to a man's Body? Nah, I'm good. I ain't your daddy's Eve. I prefer to be on top sometimes, Mind that shit." They're strong willed, confident, and above all they're beautiful, they're... perfect. Different than all the other girls. Different than my mother. Something rumbles inside you. What's this feeling happening down there?

3rd Angel:
Sachiel "Covering of God" Female Clothing System (Provocative Clothing, this was the toughest but Misato helped) or the "other" person who gets more beautiful to you every tomorrow and you're like kinda into them a lot now and kinda don't really want to get to know, know them a lot more but more maybe just maybe have what the other others describe as sex but they're like, "Naw, we just friends." And you secretly die inside....

4th Angel:
Shamshel "Lonely Conquerer of God" Combined Sexual System (Penis) or that time you and the "other" kinda sorta had unprotected sex when you were drunk or maybe it was because they were desperate and felt sorry for you... Yeah... That's probably why. Fuck...

5th Angel:
Ramiel "Thunder of God" Female Reproductive System (Egg) or that moment the "other" forgot they were ovulating and their egg be like, "Just over yonder, what is that flood coming in... Holy fuck! Red alert! Red alert! Shields up! Set phasers to kill! That's not a fucking flood! There must be fucking millions of them!"

6th Angel:
Gahiel "Roaring Beast of God" Male Reproductive System (Sperm) or the combined might of your ejaculate that is your seed and they push forth like the most freaking well organized army ever known as they shout in unison, "Our Father, Who art in Heaven, hallowed be Thy name; Thy Kingdom come, Thy will be done on earth as it is in Heaven!!"

7th Angel:
Israfel "The Burning One" Combined Conception System (zygote/Fertilized egg) or that moment when you and the "other" awkwardly lay next to each other in silence, then she says, "I feel sick." And you die inside even more than before... The revelation being the hot passionate sex you thought you were apart of was definitely not how the "other" felt... And you die inside just a little more...

8th Angel:
Sandalphon "Angel of Embryos" Embryonic Development System (Embryo/Fetus) or that sequence of events occurring inside the "other" that neither can see. The "other" still talks to you but you get the feeling they rather forget what happened that one night. And you die inside...

9th Angel:
Matarael "Premonition of God" Digestive System (Stomach) or that moment the "other" notices peculiar changes to her daily routine and thinks, "Why do I feel so nauseous in the morning... Fuck me..." Bleak revelation washes over her, but is broken by vomiting in the sink.

10th Angel:
Sahaquiel "Ingenuity of God" Integumentary system (Skin) or that moment the "other" tells you she's pregnant and it feels like they just dropped a fleshy bomb on you, splattering on you, covering everything you are, wrapping around you in suffocation.

11th Angel:
Ireul "Terror of God" Respiratory System (Lungs) or the wave of shallow breaths you felt... scared and thought, "A parent? How do I? I don't even have an example to guide me? I don't even know myself? I was going places. I just wanted to be with her. Not like this. No. I don't even really like myself. It will hate me too just like all the others do. No, I can't be... a father."

12th Angel:
Leliel "Jaws of God" Cardiovascular System (Heart) or that time you were at the hospital and you heard the heartbeat under the "other's
stomach. You try to stay collected on the outside, but you can "see" it kicking sometimes, feel it moving, gestating, feeding, the beast inside the perfection you desired. Desecrating her body. And you feel annoyed.

13th Angel:
Bardiel "Humiliated Son of God" Endocrine system (Hormones) or that time your judgement was clouded by a viral involuntary flood of uncontrollable emotions and tried discussing possibilities of "ending" the pregnancy and the "other" lashes out at you in disgust and makes you feel disgusting and pathetic for even thinking it and you irrationally lash back with an act of violence. And you die inside more than any time before...

14th Angel:
Zeruel "Arm of God" Muscular System (Muscles) or the period after the "other" forgave you from that awful moment of character you displayed, but seems to only care about the growing bump within her, which she says is a son. Another woman to make you feel worthless... You know your worthless, but it still hurts to feel it. You know the reason you're father left was because you're worthless. He knew how pathetic you'd be. And so does your mother. Why else would she treat you like a child you can't protect himself? Now the woman you say you love tosses you aside for that thing inside her. What do you know about being a real "man" Guidance from your father? You never had one your self. He probably left because of you. Pathetic little bitch that you are. Yeah, you're worthless. You've always known your worthless, because... they made you feel worthless! And they must pay! And so you get rough with the "other" and she pushes back. Stronger than the pathetic thing you are, but anger fuels you. And you awaken something monstrous within.

15th Angel:
Arael "Light of God" Immune System (Lymph) or that time you had your mother over for dinner and she humiliated you in front of the "other" who joined in her laughter. Mother always knows what to say that will penetrate you most deeply. Why does she say "I love you" and treat you as if your just some doll she can treat however she likes? She always said you were perfect, maybe that's why she points out your flaws, because you're perfection annoys her. Yeah that's all the women in you're life treat you so, they're jealous of you. In all you're pathetic weirdness. Then the "other" mentions how she hopes when the kid is born it'll make you start acting like a real man. And you die inside... Drowning in a sea of laughter...

16th Angel:
Armisael "Mountain of Judgment of God" Nervous System (Brain) or that time the "other" insists you place your hand on their stomach and something moves underneath. "Oh fuck..." you think. This is like for real for real. You need to talk to someone. Anyone. No not the "other". She's lucky. She doesn't have to think about what you're going through. She love's that thing inside of her. She's stronger than you. Always has been. More man than you ever could ever hope to be, because you're a pathetic momma's boy. But it's not you're fault. You didn't have a choice. All you had was mom. A God of judgement and control. You feel another kick and the "other" tells you she's never felt more connected to something in her entire life. And you die inside a little....

17th Angel:
Kaworu/Tabris "Angel of Free Will" Collective Unconscious System (Anima/Animus) or when you did everything you can to search for guidance in you're darkest of times and you finally located your father, alive and well...well is relative. He's not the man you thought he was. He's lost. Alone. Says he thinks about you all the time, but he never called. Never even tried. He left not because of me, but because he never grew the fuck up. He left of his own damn free will. He's the pathetic one and seeing you all grown up and reaching out to him showed him that. He broke down in tears saying, "You're a better man than I could ever hope to be." You comforted him as he cried on your shoulder and thanked you for doing what he could not. And so... you killed the image of the father you always imagined you had but never knew. The man you sits before you is far more human. Broken. You can't forgive him entirely just yet, it's not that easy, but you want to try. And you notice something different about you.

18th Angel:
Lilin "Children of the First Other" Collective Consciousness System (Persona/Others) or when you decided to confront all the images you had of others including your "other" and realized is it was just you that you were facing this whole time. You treated the others just like characters in you're story and you're story alone. Flattening their image into what you wanted to see and hate and be disgusted by because you thought it was just all their fault. You survived so long on your own you forgot they were just like you too, not just the image of them in your head. You "other", the "other", her... She has a name. The mother of you're future child. She's been lost and scared too and you just ignored it. So self absorbed in you're own shortcomings not realizing she's been scared too, and you haven't been there for her because you were so worried what she thought instead of just doing the work. They're all lost. Just like you, but you don't have to be. You can change. It won't be easy but change isn't given.

19th Angel:
Evangelions "Gospel, a glorious announcement containing a soul/message" Artificial Reality System (Story) or the artificial womb we immerse ourselves in when we don't feel like interacting with the "other" or the other others. The simulated humans that look, act, talk, laugh, cry just like us but are trapped in a shell of our making. They carry a message, a soul, like us if were willing to do the work to let them do what they do best, "Ask ourselves why we are what we are." Sometimes they comfort us in the dark times, sometimes they stimulate our minds, sometimes they teach us how to act when parents don't, sometimes they teach bad habits too, real bad habits, but as long as they we let them give us guidance and not become our reality that's where they do their best work. They give us a push to make a connection with others. To understand others... no to understand each other.

20th Angel:
Mass Production Evangelions "Product, a material object lacking any depth" Oppressive Reality System (Dogma) or when story is wielded as a weapon to oppress others instead of understanding others or to take advantage of others for material gain instead of sharing a message. Empty... A dummy system operating by the "numbers". A hollow experience. Whose indulgent visceral imagery is solely used to lure you in. Whispering in your ear, "No need to think. Just watch. Just feel. Just dream. I'll do everything else for you. Don't like me? I'll be whatever you want me to be. No work needed." Stagnation.

21st Angel:
Evangelion-01 "The Devil Himself" Personal Unconscious System (Shadow) or that time you thought you finally had it all figured out. You spoke to your father. Slowly building a relationship. You decided to talk with your partner. For real for real this time. But it didn't go as planned. Not at all how you planned. You told her everything. You're worries. Your pain. You're guilt. You're idealization of her. How she makes you want to be a better person. How strong she is. How amazing she is. How perfect she always was to you, but never showed her. But something odd happened. She cried. Not entirely unexpected. She became angry. She lashed out saying she wasn't perfect. She's been afraid this whole time. She's worried this child will hate her like her mother did. She's worried she eventually hate this child like she hates herself. And she says you saying all these amazing things about her makes it worse, because... after years of building up a dam what made you think flooding her with the truth wouldn't be catastrophic. And you regretted you're carelessness, because you forgot to ask yourself how you would feel if you were told how perfect you are, treated the opposite in every instance those words left your mouth... oh but you do know how that feels. And you died... died more than ever before. You feel disgusted not because someone made you feel that way but because you are disgusting. Immature. Childish. Perverted. You treated her like she was you're play thing without even realizing it until now and it makes you feel awful. That feeling of worthlessness creeps back in. You thought you destroyed it, but you merely sent it to hell an now it's rises before you in all it's cosmic horror.

Beyond Angel
Shinji, Asuka, Rei, Misato, etc. "Anointed of the Lilin" Personal Consciousness System (Ego/Thoughts) or the part of you that thought it knew it all already. Even when you admitted you didn't know it all before, but you thought now you do. But that's the thing you'll never know it all. That's qualitatively impossible. And the thought of not knowing it all scares you. You thought you at least knew everything that there was to know about yourself, but did you really ask your Self anything? Of course you didn't you merely acted like you did, because like the others that's what scares you the most. The idea that you can't even know yourself in entirety. We did say, "Good luck." for a reason. Shits probably impossible. Hell what do you even think existence well... exists? Looks to us that even the infinity beyond couldn't even know itself without looking some introspection. I guess we can all be grateful for that... Oh right we were talking about you. Sorry that tends to happen sometimes. Where were we? Oh right you having a hard time not fixating reality around you. Then something happens. You decide to ask yourself something. You decide to ask, "Why." And then answer. Then you ask why again. Again you answer. Then why again. And answer. Why. Answer. Why. Answer. Why. Answer. And like your brother Sisyphus knows all to well by now you notice something among the absurdity. That the only constant all this relies on is change. Change not just from without, but from within and the best way to do that is to have meaningful interactions. And you see that understanding isn't something you can absolutely quantify, merely qualify through continuous work. And you awaken your worth reborn.

Deep Beyond Angel:
GNR or going full FAR "Giant Naked Rei or the closest 'character' to being the only true human in the show" Being System (Humanity) or when you self-actualize realizes you are the core of the circle as well as the whole. Able to project yourself beyond the space and time of your skull. A single being among many and you're all worth it, because built in you is the stuff existence is made of. Change. And with that you breakdown to your mother and she breaks down to you. She was hurt all those years. So deeply hurt, and just needed guidance herself. But you do to. And so do the others. You go back to her, the mother of your future child with the understanding that you will never know everything there is to know, but you can at least know more than the moment before. And as long as your willing to do the work because you truthfully love the work you will go beyond worth and be worth. It won't be easy. Understanding never is but if Anno et al can, hell if anyone can, then you can too. No bullshit.


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