[Fic] SSD's fanfics and stuff.

Everything Evangelion Fanfiction related.

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Sailor Star Dust
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[Fic] SSD's fanfics and stuff.

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Postby Sailor Star Dust » Mon Nov 20, 2006 9:06 pm

Evangelion: After 3rd Impact

You'll probably have to read After Third Impact first [url]http://www.fanfiction.net/s/3049359/1/[/url] (yeah, I know the first chapter kinda sucks, but it seems like people enjoyed it more as it went along *shrug*) to understand Together Forever, but please enjoy, regardless! ^_^

Evangelion: Together Forever

[url]http://www.fanfiction.net/s/3253176/1/[/url]


Btw, feedback is your friend. :wink:
Last edited by Sailor Star Dust on Tue Jul 06, 2010 12:29 pm, edited 2 times in total.
~Take care of yourself, I need you~

poetic_assassin
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Postby poetic_assassin » Tue Nov 21, 2006 12:23 pm

It's cute. Don't get me wrong but it needs to have a little more detail. It's not your fault, as their are so many other Eva fics out there. I like thinking that Asuka and Shinji got so far, though. Nice happy ending.

Sailor Star Dust
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Raison d'etre: Munashii Nagare fanfic

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Postby Sailor Star Dust » Wed Jan 31, 2007 4:09 pm

Raison d'etre: Munashii Nagare

Don't ask me why, but for some reason I *really* want some more reviews on this baby. Some pre-EoE A/S angst & romance for youse.
Ff.net link here, as what's below isn't exactly in a spiffy format. http://www.fanfiction.net/s/3304733/1/

Asuka sat, head buried in her knees which were pulled into her chest. NERV construction crews worked on retrieving Unit 2 from that day's earlier Angel attack, but she was oblivious to it all. The only thing she could think of was that she defeated after being mentally raped...

The girl was already depressed--getting her first period certainly didn't help matters--but the Fifteenth's attack was what pushed her over the edge.

Hearing soft footsteps behind her, stopping by the tape labeled Do Not Enter, a hesitant voice spoke, not really knowing what to say.

"I'm glad for you, Asuka."

Him, as she suspected.

How dare he show his face after not bothering to save her, after failing to protect her?

Body shaking, she replied, the hatred in her voice evident.

"Shut up! There's nothing to be glad about! Of all the people, she had to be the one to save me! I had to be saved by HER! I would've rather died than be saved by her! I hate it! I hate it! I hate everyone! I hate everyone so much!"

----

"I wasn't able to win in my Eva. I'm not worth anything anymore. Not anywhere.

I hate it. I hate it all. I hate everyone. But what I hate the most is myself. Somehow, I feel like nothing matters anymore."

"I think it's okay for you to do whatever you want and I won't say anything,

because I think you did your best, Asuka."

Already having disregarded her self-made promise not to cry when she was attacked, Asuka began sobbing into her pillow as Hikari sadly watched on.

----

Presently, Asuka sat on her bed, still in her pajamas despite it already being noon.

Blankly staring at the ceiling, she remembered seeing Hikari off the week before.

Hikari and her family finally evacuated New-Tokyo-3 due to the area becoming dangerous.

Suddenly losing what she used as a hideout to forget about the world for those mere two weeks, as an Eva Pilot, Asuka was required to return home under NERV's orders. Not that the German girl cared anymore, anyway.

The former Class Rep had tearfully promised to write, reminding her friend to be strong despite going through hard times.

Asuka only mumbled a goodbye before returning home, and when she did return, Misato barely regarded her!

As she later found out from Shinji, Misato had been shutting herself up in her room as of late.

Asuka realized that Misato was so distraught that she didn't even call Kaji-san anymore.

She didn't understand her guardian's change, yet as Asuka wasn't never really fond of Misato, she didn't care.

Shinji, however, continued to act kind as always to her, but he seemed to be more depressed than usual.

His anxiety and depression seemed to increase whenever somebody said anything about Rei, which wasn't that often to begin with, as Rei was found to be

alive and well after that latest Angel attack.

Frowning, Asuka suddenly recalled hearing the news that Rei had survived that.

Asuka thought it ironic that Rei trying to kill herself to stop the Angel was actually against direct orders. Knowing that relived some of her hate for the usually obedient doll, but not much.

Feeling sad, she clenched her pillow so tight that her knuckles turned white.

Her mind began wandering.

As always, her thoughts ended up on the time she was attacked.

/"Why are you there?! You won't do anything! You won't help me! You won't even hold me!"/

Shaking, Asuka painfully whispered to herself. "Why...Why did I see him? And am I really so worthless that that's why Shinji never helps me or loves me...?"

Silent tears filled her eyes at that thought.

Grabbing a nearby lamp from the tabletop near her bed, she threw it against the wall.

As it made a sickening crash, Asuka buried her face into her pillow and began sobbing uncontrollably as she muttered: "It won't move anymore. No matter what I do or think, that piece of junk, that doll, just won't move. I...I'm...now at zero percent... Why...? Uh...! Everyone! I...I just hate everyone...!!"

In her dark and lonely room, Asuka broke down, sobbing.

----

Shinji was listening to his SDAT--full-volume, which was unlike him--while blankly staring up at his ceiling.

Today especially, he just wanted to block out the world.

Usually listening to tracks 25 & 26 featuring Mitsuishi Kotono made him feel better.

But not today.

Asuka had returned the other day, locking herself up in her room.

It was her December fifth, her fifteenth birthday, though she seemed too depressed to want to do anything.

Besides feeling a little depressed that Asuka was depressed, the boy felt like he was losing control as recent stressful events were getting to him.

Toji, Kensuke and Hikari had finally left, moving away after that battle.

He was too ashamed to apologize or say goodbye to them, still guilty at knowing he couldn't save Toji from his injuries...And hating his father for what he had done.

After finding out that Kaji-san died--but especially after attempting to seduce him after Rei II's sacrifice--Misato began acting distant, as if she was suddenly too busy to help Shinji.

And then, with finding out the truth from Ritsuko, he didn't know what to do.

Rei...was a clone. The Rei that he met after the sixteenth Angel's battle barely remembered him.

It turned out this Rei was the Third clone, but what stunned him more was who he was starting to suspect Rei was a clone of.

"Ayanami...Rei...Could it be that she is indeed..."

He swallowed at that thought. Knowing this fact about the blue-haired Eva Pilot of Unit 0 only increased his anxiety instead of stopping it.

"That would explain why I always felt so comfortable around her, if she is Mother.

But, there's something else about her that unsettles me...What about that girl in the street? Maybe it was this Rei, the third one? But...if the second one was who I met at NERV, then how...?"

The boy let out a loud sigh, looking worried.

"It's pointless for me to brood about this when I don't understand anything. Ayanami isn't a normal human, that's for sure...I, I thought I could understand and befriend her, but I really know nothing about her...She...scares me..."

Rolling to his side on his bed, he curled up, shivering, staring at the wall ahead of him. "I wonder...what Asuka would do...in this situation?"

Sooner or later he'd start hallucinating or have a nervous breakdown, maybe even both.

But if that were to happen, would anybody help him?

Would anybody even care?

Little did Shinji know when that day would happen, Misato, Asuka, and Rei would help him in their own way; and that they did care for him despite the painful truth that it wasn't how he wanted help.

Be it protecting him so he could find himself, making him see he was at fault with his relationships, too, or showing him that life--besides having many different perceptive--is what you make of it, the three woman would help him, after all.

Everything and everyone around him was changing, but Asuka seemed to be more or less one of the few constants.

He wanted to help her, but how?

Letting out a sigh, Shinji tiredly closed his eyes as the SDAT lulled him to sleep.

----

Raison d'etre: Munashii Nagare

Sailor Star Dust December 2006 Rating: PG-13

----

Asuka, dressed in a pair of light blue overalls stood by her door, looking somewhat annoyed.

Shinji, wearing his light red shirt and some jeans, blinked.

He was puzzled as to why Misato dragged both of them into the hallway after ordering that they get dressed.

Appearing from her room sporting a pink tank-top and some shorts, Misato cheerfully explained the plan for the day.

"Now, now. There's no reason for us to all be depressed on such a good day!"

Both Asuka and Shinji glared at that, saying in unison: "What's good about it?"

"Asuka's birthday, of course! So, we're gonna party today! Right, Asuka?"

In a monotone voice, Asuka crossed her arms at those words.

"Hurray. I'm so excited I don't what to do with myself."

"Jeez. You should be more cheerful than that!"

"Life is hell, especially lately! How else do you expect me to act?"

Misato looked away at that, troubled. That's true enough for all three of us.

Surprising I can keep up this facade when finally sober from now on...The truth...

Time is running out, isn't it?

"Is something wrong, Misato-san?"

Covering her true feelings, the purple-haired women smiled.

"Oh, it's nothing! Now, come on. Let's go into the living room."

----

As the three roommates entered the room, Asuka's eyes shot open.

"Why the hell is she here?!"

Misato smiled nervously as she scratched the back of her head.

"Well, you see, I invited her..."

"Misato, you idiot, why would you do that!?"

"Because. I asked to come..."

Whirling in shock towards the source of her anger, Asuka promptly glared.

Ayanami Rei, expression neutral as always, continued.

"Even without Ikari-kun or Major Katsuragi saying anything, I could see how much pain you were in, before and after that Angel attacked you. Asuka, you must realize that the Evas have souls. Your Eva, unit 2, has closed her soul off, because you closed off your heart..."

Ignoring her wise words, Asuka promptly sat down in the kitchen, glaring at Rei.

How... How did that bitch survive being blown up?! And what does she mean, my former Eva has a female soul?

Not wanting to involved in the fight, Misato busied herself by preparing the instant ramen. "Okay...so after we have this, we can have some chicken teriyaki and then the cake. It's a good thing Shinji-kun already prepared everything the other day, I wouldn't want to ruin dinner on Asuka's birthday, after all!"

As Misato trailed off, Asuka let out an annoyed sigh, impatiently tapping her hand

on the table.

Shinji meekly sat in the chair across from Asuka's, uncomfortable at the apparent hostility between the two girls.

Or at least, Asuka towards Rei.

Having the feeling somebody was watching him, Shinji looked up, only to realize Rei was staring right at him.

Panicking, Shinji found himself looking at everything but the blue-haired girl. Ikari-kun...I feel comfort around him...And I feel as if it's not the first time I've felt

this way... I...saved him? I remember that, but when? And why...? From an Angel? Strange, it's as if there is someone else within me. No, it's someone as well as something. That something is within my very soul...Who are you?...Who am I?

"So. You're still alive." "...Yes."

Trying to make herself feel better despite her non-existent Synch Ratio, Asuka

smugly continued.

"Pity you lost Unit 0. Guess that means I still have a chance of kicking your ass during the Synch Ratio tests."

"I don't know. But if Unit 0 is no more as you say, Asuka, then I guess so."

Asuka's hands hit on kitchen table, hard.

"Damn it; acting as if you just heard of that! Your oblivious nature is pissing me off! Shinji, say something stupid like you always do! Maybe that'll get a rise out of Miss Perfect!"

"Eh? Um..."

His eyes nervously meet Rei's for a moment.

Her expression was neutral, despite a hint of familiarity in her eyes. "What?"

"Oh, um, n--nothing!"

Freaking out, he turned to look back at Asuka, who blushed in reply.

"Why do you keep looking at me? Stop it!" "S...sorry, Asuka."

His heart pounding, the boy blushed, as well.

It's just...You're the only one I feel comfortable around.

Asuka stared at the floor, looking angry.

Baka! Sure, pay attention to me after I need your help, but when I actually need you, you just...

Trembling out of rage, she clenched her hands so tight they turned white.

It's annoying! I hate you! You just keep on hurting me! I really...really hate you! Rei quietly stared at the pair.

Do Asuka and Ikari-kun wish to become one with each other? Then why don't they confess their feelings? I do not understand.

"Rei? Could you come over here, please? Dinner is served! It's ramen with pork, but Shinji-kun made a vegetarian plate for you."

"Yes. Thank you, Ikari-kun."

Blushing a little from modesty, Shinji nodded.

"Oh, um, it was nothing. Since I knew you don't eat meat, it was the least I could do..."

After everyone chorused the words "Let's eat", Rei frowned slightly, eating her vegetarian-style ramen in silence.

----

Misato, clearly lost in thought, looked serious while remembering what Ritsuko showed her and Shinji just the other day.

Rei. You're clearly human, and yet... Could you be a piece to uncovering the

truth?

"First!" Rei blinked in reply. "I said, First!"

"...My name is Rei. Not First Children."

Asuka looked shocked at that remark, to say the least.

"Eh? What the hell did that accident do to you? It's like you're a different person!

Does this mean you'll stop acting like Commander Ikari's little doll?"

"I am the Third. And in terms of Commander Ikari...", Rei's expression became ever-so-slightly cold as she said his name.

"He does not control me. I...I am my own person."

Asuka blinked, turning white as realization hit her like a ton of bricks.

"Third...? You...You're a clone! What are you cloned from? A person? An Angel? Why are you here? Tell me! "

Without missing a beat, the blue-haired, red-eyed girl calmly responded.

"I am I. That is all I know. My purpose, why I'm here, is to pilot Unit 0 for the sake

of protecting mankind."

For the sake of protecting mankind...

/"Mom! Mom! I've been chosen! I'm an elite pilot, chosen to protect all of mankind! I'm the best in the world!"/

Asuka's eyes widened at that, then clenched tight in pain.

No! She wouldn't allow herself to think of that painful memory at a time like this.

Satisfied with Rei's answer but still angry, she turned to Misato and Shinji.

"You two! How DARE you keep this from me!"

Misato became stern at Asuka's reaction.

"Asuka! Shinji-kun and I found out the truth about Rei and the Dummy Plug

System just the other day. How could we say anything to you when you weren't even here? Regardless, Rei's still human and your fellow EVA Pilot. Treat her with respect! That's an order."

Not being able to take it anymore, the German promptly turned red from anger.

"NO! Not when that damn girl took pity on me! It was a disgusting act of pity! I

wanted to throw up from how sick it made me feel! None of you know what I went through! My mind was unraveled! I was mentally raped!"

Clenching her fists, she screamed, "And do any of you even care?!"

"...I care."

Blue-eyes widened at that.

Shinji slowly stood, walking towards her.

"Asuka. I care. I, I want to help you, but I can't if you don't say anything! Please...Let me help you. Asuka..."

Growing sad, Asuka stared at the floor. "But..."

He slowly hugged her, causing her to blush.

/"You won't even hold me!"/

Eyes wide at that memory, she instantly pushed him away.

Glaring at him dangerously, hatefully, the redhead screamed, "Don't TOUCH me!"

Knowing he did something wrong, again, the boy silently nodded, sitting back down as his blue eyes grew sad.

The girl continued, her pride and hate once again overpowering any romantic feelings she had for him.

Hate seemed to be all she felt for him lately...

But if Shinji was stupid enough to not notice her blatant flirting or romantic feelings towards him, that was his problem.

Her patience was wearing thin.

If he continued his ignorance by not acting receptive, then to hell with him.

She wouldn't want anything from him then.

But...strangely enough, a small part of her still had hope.

That maybe someday, somehow, they'd finally be on the same beach instead of opposite shores...

That they'd finally understand each other...

"If you of all people take pity on me, it really is my end!"

Sitting back down herself--but not before giving him one last glare--Asuka fell silent.

----

There was an awkward silence between them all. Shinji tried his best to break it.

"I just remembered! Asuka, do you want your cake now? I, uh, spent all day yesterday making it myself."

Exhausted from her wavering emotions, she gave up on thinking and just blankly stared at the floor.

"I'm not hungry anymore, anyway. Whatever."

He frowned. "Okay. Would you...like your presents, as well?"

She blinked at that, looking somewhat surprised.

"You and Misato actually got me something?"

Misato smiled, standing up to get the plates and forks as Rei decided to help her.

"Not just us. Rei did too."

Her blue eyes widened. "No way...Miss Perfect did?"

Shinji, smiled gently at her.

"Of course. We all care about you, Asuka."

Blushing, Asuka was stunned and strangely flattered.

Maybe people did care for her, after all. "I..."

Shinji, smiling, curious what she wants to say, "Hmm?"

Freaking out, she looked away. "Ah, n--nothing!"

Despite herself, she managed to feel a little better.

People do care.

It's all in your head if you think they don't.

----

Shinji stood, going to his bedroom for a moment.

Reappearing, he noticed Asuka was already sitting in the living room, opening her gift from Rei.

It was a book entitled "Healing Depression".

A little puzzled, Asuka opened it, realizing there was an inspiration.

"Please remember: You're valued as a person, not just an Eva Pilot. No matter how this Earth may change, life is always worth living. -Rei"

Her eyes softened at that. Scheißen...that girl is perceptive! How is she so dead-on with other's feelings? I thought she was just a doll-girl!

"Think you could use that?"

Brought back to reality, she looked up, annoyed to see Shinji curiously looking at her.

"No...why do you care?"

He shrugged, handing her the gift before sitting down on the couch.

"Well, I suffer from depression and anxiety...So I know I could use something like that."

Tossing the book onto the floor, Asuka promptly scoffed.

"Anta baka? Things like depression and anxiety are all in your head! If you're told

you have those problems, then that's what you'll think!"

"I don't know about that..."

"Hmmph! What do you or Miss Perfect know anyway?"

Opening the next gift from Misato, it was a new light red top and a pair of jeans.

Asuka rolled her eyes at that. "Jeez!"

"What's wrong, Asuka? Is something wrong with the color?"

"No, it's not that! I just don't understand what the hell Misato's thinking! It's early December! Why the hell would I wear something like this at this time of year?!”

"You should at least be thankful she got you that...Misato-san wanted it to be something you'd like...”

"Yeah, yeah...", the girl responded, uninterested, until she noticed what Shinji got

her.

"Th...This...is from you?"

It was a golden bracelet with her birthstone of Turquoise.

"Yeah. Um...girls like jewelry, right?"

"I can't speak for other girls, but I do."

Silence.

Asuka smiled a little, realizing just how touched she felt at his kind-hearted gesture.

"Hey. Baka Shinji?" "Yes?"

"...Thank you." Blush. "You're welcome...Asuka."

Smiling to herself, Asuka decided to give him a hard time.

Her expression instantly became annoyed as she teased him.

"Ew, gross! Don't blush around me, pervert! It's creepy! "

"N--no, I wasn't--"

She quickly changed her tactic to flirting.

"What, do you have a crush on me or something?"

"What?! No! I just..." He turned red again, trailing off.

Laughing to herself, her blue eyes grew light. This is fun!

"Baka! What did I just say about blushing?"

"So...sorry!" Now she was in her element.

Standing up, Asuka slowly, seductively, walked up to him, bending down so he could get a good view of her cleavage.

His breathing went funny as he turned a deeper shade of red.

"Shinji. I know what you do at night in your room when you think naughty thoughts about me. Wouldn't you prefer the real thing? It is my birthday, after all. Sex doesn't sound like such a bad gift, hmm?"

Embarrassed because Shinji did sometimes think naughty thoughts about Asuka at night in his room, he promptly fainted as blood trickled from his nose.

More than satisfied with her handiwork, Asuka innocently sat back down just before Misato and Rei returned.

"Okay, guys, let's eat--OH MY GOD, SHNIJI-KUN!"

"Ikari-kun isn't moving."

Asuka remained her composure, looking innocent as she laughed inwardly.

----

The cake eaten and presents open, the party had reached a standstill.

There was a strangely uneasy silence despite the day of celebration.

"Sigh...Where in the hell has Kaji-san gone?"

Misato, sitting and staring at the kitchen table, head leaning against her hands, flinched at Asuka's words.

"I haven't seen him lately."

Trembling, she stood, uneasily adding, "I think I'll call him."

Shinji abruptly stood at that. "Asuka."

She walked towards the phone, hiding behind laughter as she looked clearly depressed, "I mean, your birthday only happens once a year. Whether it's your 15th or 40th, it's important. ...You can see if people really care for you or not..."

"Asuka! Wait. I...I need to tell you something."

At that, he blocked her way to the phone.

Too tired to narrow her eyes; there wasn't the same life in her voice as before.

"Get out of my way, Shinji, and let me call Kaji-sa---"

"He's...gone." "What are you saying! Of course he went somewhere if he's busy-"

"He didn't go anywhere! He's dead, Asuka!"

Mouth dry, Asuka stared on, silent for a moment.

Preoccupied with searching for the truth, his final request; Misato continued to stare while sitting at the kitchen table.

The canned coffee by her side was long forgotten.

She silently hoped the two Children would stop fighting, knowing they needed to work this out themselves.

In shock, Asuka grew angry.

Slapping the boy with such force that he knocked over the coffeepot on the table behind him, Asuka yelled.

"I don't want to hear any more of that garbage from you! You're just stupid anyway, Shinji!"

His left cheek, the same cheek Asuka would one day caress with tenderness, was now red.

The boy grew irritated at Asuka's not accepting reality.

"How many times do I have to tell you?! Kaji-san's gone!"

Eyes wide, Asuka stared at Shinji, stunned. "You're lying!"

/"Kaji-san's gone!"/

"No...No!"

Trembling, her voice cracked as her knees nearly buckled. "Kaji-san...!"

Somehow making her way to the kitchen table, she sat down, head bowed, arms folded underneath her. "...Why...?"

As the girl sobbed brokenly, Shinji looked on, distraught.

It was the first and only time he'd seen her cry.

Shaking, he walked up to her, his blue eyes sad. "Asuka...I'm really, really, sorry but I. I had to tell you...It was the right thing to do."

She quietly replied, "...Why do you keep on hurting me?"

"Asuka, I'm sorry. Really, I am. If you need to talk or have someone just listen, I'm here..."

Voice broken, "Since when do you care for me?"

Taken aback, he realized his crush for her was showing.

"I, I want to help you. So you can help me, too..."

Standing, Asuka looked at Shinji with lifeless, reddened eyes as she continued to silently cry.

Her voice shook. "Everyone...I hate everyone."

"Asuka..."

Not knowing what he was doing, he walked up to her, trying to hug her.

"Don't you even dare to THINK about hugging me now of all times! I hate everyone! I hate Misato! I really hate First!"

Shaking as they loosely embraced, he asked, "What can I do? What can I do to help you, Asuka?"

She roughly pushed him away, "I hate you, too, Shinji!"

Her eyes twitched.

"BUT I HATE MYSELF THE MOST! I CAN'T TAKE THIS ANYMORE!"

"Asuka!" "FUCK OFF!"

With that, she ran to her room, slamming the sliding door behind her.

Worried, Shinji turned to look at Misato.

Nodding, she quietly said, "Make sure she's alright. Asuka shouldn't be alone right now."

Rei watched Shinji run out of the room, red eyes sad.

Her heart's closed off. Just like the soul within Unit 2...

----

Running into her room, past the sign that said: "Do not enter without permission.

If you do, I'll kill you!", it dawned on Shinji that it was his first time in Asuka's room.

The girl was sitting face down on her bed, sobbing brokenly into her pillow, repeatedly muttering something in German.

He would have been surprised to know that she was saying "I don't want to be alone anymore."

His eyes softened at the sight before him.

How could he help her? Would she even want his help?

"Asuka...?"

Her body stiffened at that as her eyes widened.

What was he doing here?

He hesitantly, slowly, sat down at the edge of her bed.

"Asuka...Is there anything I can do to help you?"

Sniffling, she dried her eyes into the back of her hand.

"Yeah... Stay with me."

"Eh?"

At that, the redhead hugged Shinji, burying her head into his shoulder as she silently cried, shivering.

"Oh, Shinji...! Why, why did he have to die?"

His arms tightly held onto her back at that, trying to comfort her.

"I don't know. I don't understand why anybody has to die...Especially the people that are kind to you..."

Looking at the floor, he found himself thinking of his mother.

It reassured him somewhat knowing that she was within Unit 1, but...

He frowned, shaking his head.

Now wasn't the time to think about that, instead, he had to focus on helping Asuka...

"I just don't...know what to do! I really, really, loved him! I know Kaji-san didn't feel the same way, especially because he had Misato...But..."

He soothingly rubbed her back at that.

"Asuka, even if he didn't love you in a romantic way, I'm sure Kaji-san did care about you..."

"You really think so?"

"Yeah. An...anyway, do you believe in the afterlife or reincarnation or anything like that?"

Nodding, she sniffled, looking into his eyes.

"Well...I believe in Heaven..."

"Then, don't worry. He's watching down on you, he'd want you to be happy..."

"But it still hurts..."

"I know, Asuka. It's alright if it hurts, it's normal to feel that way."

A pause as he looked uncomfortable, about to share something personal.

"Um, I don't know if this would make you feel any better, but I'm still trying to get over Mother's death, and I lost her when I was four."

The girl sadly muttered, "At least your mother probably loved you and didn't go insane..."

"Huh?"

She sighed, still feeling as if somebody had torn her heart in half. "...Nothing."

Staring, really staring, deeply into Shinji's blue eyes, Asuka softly asked: "Shinji?

Do you want me to be happy?"

"Eh? Asuka, of course I do!"

"Really?" "Yes! Asuka, I..."

He blushed at that, realizing he was about to confess his feelings.

"I...care about you. You're an important person to me..."

"Shinji...Kiss me."

"W...What?"

"Please! If you really care about me, then kiss me!"

Nodding, his soft lips gently met hers.

Her soft-blue eyes watering, Asuka pulled his mouth into hers, French-kissing him.

Shinji's eyes widened at that, looking shocked.

A...Asuka?

Pushing him onto her soft bed, Asuka laid on top of the boy, straddling him.

The girl managed to undo her overalls, now wearing only her bra and panties.

Her tears stopped, the girl let out a whimper as they cuddled.

The two kissed over and over again, Asuka breaking away, leaving a trail of saliva behind as she bent down to kiss and suck on his neck.

"Uh...Asuka...Oh..."

"Mmh...Shinji...So good..."

Breathing heavily, their hands began roaming the other's body.

Groaning loudly, Shinji tightly shut his eyes, losing himself in the warm, pleasant, feelings.

"Oh, Asuka..." "Shi...nji..."

Her hands quickly unbuttoned his shirt, throwing it onto the floor as she massaged his chest underneath.

She slowly made her way towards his pants...

Blue eyes shooting open, Shinji realized just what Asuka wanted to do.

His lips broke away from her own.

"Asuka...!"

His blood ran cold at realizing she was trying to seduce him.

Yet at the same time, he felt excited by their making out...

Because of his feelings for her?

"Asuka...I...I'm sorry, but we can't. It's not because I don't care for you, it's because I do. I, I don't want things to get carried away..."

The girl stared at him, looking rejected.

"Get out."

"Asuka...Please. Listen to what I have to say." "You'll NEVER understand me!"

She kicked him away, adding; "GET OUT!"

With a sob, he ran out of the room, but not before hearing Asuka starting to cry brokenly, as well.

----

Neon Genesis Evangelion: Suicidal Hate

----

It was later that night.

Rei had already left, excusing herself after Shinji had gone to check on Asuka.

After Misato said goodbye, the Major of NERV let out a sigh, shutting herself back into her room.

If she couldn't help her surrogate children, the least she could do was to continue finding the truth.

For all their sake's.

Having changed into her school uniform, Asuka let out a sad sigh.

She looked around her room, frowning.

After had Shinji left, the girl snapped.

She destroyed her room, throwing and ripping anything and everything that was in her sight.

Posters that once hung from her wall were torn down, contents that once rested on various surfaces spilled and broken onto the floor.

Momentarily stopping to stare at the gifts from Misato and Rei, she promptly threw the book and clothes into the trash, kicking the trashcan hard against the wall.

Her eyes softened as she saw the bracelet sitting on her nightstand.

Shinji.

If he was only trying to help her, why didn't he? Why...

Shaking her head slightly, she gently placed the gift on her pillow.

"I'm not coming back here, anyway. So what does it matter?"

The girl left her bedroom, the sound of the door resonating behind her.

----

Shinji blinked, his eyes adjusting to the sudden bright light from the hallway.

After fighting with Asuka, he had fallen asleep listening to his SDAT, blocking out the world once more.

A slim, feminine figure had suddenly entered his line of vision, standing above him.

"Asuka...?"

Her long red hair, normally held by her A10 clips, were down.

The girl had thrown them out the balcony, knowing full well that she wouldn't need them anymore.

"Shinji... I, I have to go away now."

Was this a dream?

"What? Why? Asuka, please don't leave me!"

Grabbing onto her, he began sobbing into her shoulders.

If his pillar of strength left him, how could he go on?

"Please, Asuka! I...I need you..."

She began crying herself. "I'm sorry...I'm so sorry, Shinji!"

Her face crumpled up with tears.

"I was always so cruel to you, but I can't go back and change the past! My spirit and mind are too damaged."

The girl sniffled as her face turned red, "So even though I want to, I can't give you my body! Not under these circumstances!"

Asuka never apologized.

Nor did Asuka ever cry.

It had to be a dream.

"I'm sorry...Shinji. This is goodbye."

Before he could say anything, Asuka softly, sweetly, kissed him on the lips.

As she left the room, tears welling up in her eyes once more, Shinji fell back to sleep.

----

Shinji awoke the next morning to a knock at his door.

"Shinji-kun, I'm coming in."

Blinking, opened his eyes.

He had fallen asleep listening to his SDAT like he always did each night.

He couldn't sleep without it.

Still tired, the 14 year old boy yawned loudly as he kept his distance from her, asking, "Misato-san? What's wrong...?"

The woman grew visibly upset at that as she sat on his bed.

Eyes full of sadness, she quietly replied. "Shinji-kun."

His heart leaped, already knowing something was wrong.

He quickly sat upright, fearing the worst.

"Asuka's...missing. She ran away last night."

Eyes wide, Shinji couldn't breath at first.

Finally, he said, monotone and shocked, "So last night wasn't a dream, after all." Knowing she had failed as Asuka's guardian and that it was only a matter of time before she failed with Shinji, the guilt-ridden young woman shut her eyes tight.

"I'm sorry."

Her body shaking, the Major of NERV buried her face into her hands, too upset at her failure to even cry.

Although Asuka wasn't fond of Misato, especially as time went by, the purple-haired woman cared about the girl as much as she cared for Shinji and Rei.

The safety and happiness of the three Children were her top priority, regardless of what anyone else thought.

Visibly sad yet puzzled, Shinji looked on.

Misato wasn't stupid.

She knew that Asuka and Shinjj were attracted to each other from the first day they met.

And now, all that work of getting them to care for each other as Eva Pilots and room mates had been for naught.

"I'm so sorry, Shinji-kun! They haven't been able to find her yet... I, I don't know if she'll be found alive or..."

At those words, Shinji grew angry.

Asuka was strong; much stronger than anyone else he knew.

She wasn't a wimp; a spineless coward like he was.

He knew she could make it.

"Don't say that, Misato-san! It's Asuka we're talking about! She'll be okay, I know it!"

The woman looked at him, surprised, "You really think highly of her, don't you?"

Blushing, he nodded.

Misato suddenly frowned, wishing she could give the boy a reassuring hug, but knowing he wouldn't let her in again, like last time.

Changing the topic, she stood up from his bed, somewhat coolly saying, "Well. I'm gonna make some coffee now. Later!"

Nodding in reply, once Misato left his room and shut his door, Shinjj began trembling.

He was able to remain calm while Misato was there, but once she left, he became anxious.

Her last visit to his room was fresh in his mind; it still made him sick to his stomach remembering it.

He thought Misato was one of the few people in New Toyko-3 he could trust, only to be eventually betrayed...

Laying his head back on his pillow, he looked up at the ceiling.

"Asuka. Come home soon. I, I can't deal with any of them on my own! I need your help; I want you to help me! I need you! Please...help me. ...Asuka..."

----

After wandering around for six days, Asuka finally found a remote, vacant, demolished house.

The blood from the recently-made deep slits on her wrists flowed into the dirty bathtub.

The pale and shivering nude girl--her ribs sticking out from not eating in the past

six days, her long red hair falling onto her breasts, her once confident blue eyes

now dull and lifeless--thought back.

/"So, look! Look at me! Come on, Mom!"/

/"How many times do I have to tell you?! Kaji's gone!"/

"Synch rate, zero..."

That was what did it for her.

Without her reason to be, she could no longer act superior to hide her inferiority.

Kaji-san was dead, so she couldn't ask him for advice...

No matter how much she wanted him to, not even Shinji could help her. He would never understand her, nor her him, so why bother?

If they hated themselves, how could they ever learn to love each other?

The one thing she wanted the most, she could never have.

And, those painful childhood flashbacks, which had only been vaguely in the back of her mind, pushed towards the forefront from the fifteenth Angel's attack made it hard to think about anything else.

Or for the German redhead to realize she was worth something despite her mentally ill mother having said otherwise.

That "dear Asuka-chan" was worthless and better off dead if Papa didn't love or need them due to his having an affair, or Mama having that accident with Unit 2 that made her lose her mind...

Asuka's head leaned upwards, the flesh on her neck sticking through as vacant blue eyes stared at the cloudy blue sky.

"Not qualified to be the Second Children...There's no reason for me to exist anymore. Because no one will look at me now. Not Dad, not Mom, not anyone. There's no reason for me to live now."

Feeling faint from losing so much blood, she barely registered an unfamiliar male

voice calling out, "Soryu Asuka Langley, correct?"

As Asuka's world faded to black, she hoped sweet death would come take her, returning her to nothing.

---

It was early evening.

Mere hours earlier, Ikari Shinji had granted Nagisa Kaworu his wish of death.

His tears having stopped trailing down his wet face for a moment, Shinji looked at the destruction from Rei II's final battle.

Ayanami Rei...the girl was a clone of his mother...

How could he ever act the same around her after knowing that fact?!

Meanwhile, the only words of comfort the recently distant Misato gave was that he wasn't wrong in killing the last Angel, which Shinji didn't believe.

He needed sympathy after killing Kaworu, the only true friend he ever had...

The only one besides Mother who ever told Shinji he was loved...

Misato-san and Ayanami...They... scare me...

Feeling very alone and betrayed by everyone around him, he couldn't take the stress anymore.

He just couldn't...

Forgetting Kaworu's message of everybody needing the future, he'd completely given up.

Shinji began wishing for death.

Nobody liked or cared for him.

He didn't even like or care about himself.

So why bother living on?

Nothing mattered anymore...

He tiredly blinked, letting out a breath.

Within his sleep-deprived mind, Rei suddenly appeared, asking him why he killed when Kaworu was human like her.

Shinji denied it, saying Kaworu-kun wasn't human, but an Angel; the enemy. While being mentally, psychologically, interrogated by something unseen, Shinji begged for help.

Help!

Help!

Help!

Somebody help me!

Sweating as his right hand continually twitched, he cried out loud.

"Please! Please somebody! HELP ME!"

Silence.

The madness within his mind ceased for the time being.

His tear-filled blue eyes suddenly widened at remembering somebody who could help...

...Asuka...

She was staying at the hospital after disappearing for a week...

She could help him out of this suicidally-depressed state!

She was always so strong; physically, mentally and emotionally...

The German redhead had to help him...

If Asuka wouldn't, then Shinji knew he'd give up on life right then and there.

Holding back a sob, he began walking, his body shaking.

Shinji brokenly said, "Asuka, help me. Please. Help me...Asuka."

To be concluded in TV Episodes 25 thru 26 and The End Of Evangelion...

----

AN: Whoever guesses where I got the "English eye catch title" from wins the reward of self-satisfaction. (Hint: It's from a song.)

Well, I hope you all enjoyed this fic as much as I had writing it. Granted, because it's angst, I guess it can't be enjoyable reading-wise, but yeah...

Please forgive me if Asuka and the others are out of character, I did try to give them the same personalities, but my fanfic author meddling probably messed them up! (Sweatdrop) Please give me feedback and let me know what you thought! Till next time, take care!
Last edited by Sailor Star Dust on Fri Nov 12, 2010 9:17 pm, edited 1 time in total.
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Postby BobBQ » Sat Feb 03, 2007 9:30 pm

Not bad overall, but I have a couple of quick comments:

-Writing is mostly good, but watch the spacing and line arrangement. There are a few things about the style that can trip readers up. For example, I'm pretty sure one shouldn't have two characters speaking on the same line.

-Characterization is a little bit shakey. In particular, Rei III is talking a lot more than normal and seems to be ditching Ikari senior too quickly.

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Postby Sailor Star Dust » Sun Feb 04, 2007 9:23 pm

BobBQ wrote:Not bad overall, but I have a couple of quick comments:

-Writing is mostly good, but watch the spacing and line arrangement. There are a few things about the style that can trip readers up. For example, I'm pretty sure one shouldn't have two characters speaking on the same line.

-Characterization is a little bit shakey. In particular, Rei III is talking a lot more than normal and seems to be ditching Ikari senior too quickly.


I intentionally did that with Rei the Third, mostly to "foreshadow" her betrayal of Gendo. Although I was afraid it was somewhat shakey... >_<;

In terms of spacing, ff.net seems to give me problems with that, though I think part of the problem is I don't automatically let the text word warp, instead,
I do this to make it onto the next line.
Which isn't good, though it's something I only recently noticed I do, despite the fact I've been writing fanfiction for, oh, 6+ years by now. :roll:

Thanks so much for your comments! ^_^
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Postby Darknemo2000 » Mon Apr 23, 2007 12:54 pm

The mood changes are too drastic - depressed suddenly turns into happy, then into depressed again... The pace is too fast and too sudden.

Asuka seems to be rather OOC well at least her shiftings from depressed angsty Asuka, into a flirting, love-thirsty Asuka are.

Besides I dont think that Asuka has that much introspect to be able to admit that she has some feelings for Shinji to herself.

Rei III is terribly done. Who is that character I don't know but its not Rei. Too talkative, too understanding and she even says "Asuka" instead of "pilot of unit-2" or "Sohryu".

A small mistake that you made - in EVA universe there are no winters, summers etc. anymore , it is all eternal spring, thus Asuka saying "How can I wear that at this time of year" when she talks about Misato's gift, makes no sense at all.

The sudden mood shifts. OOC are the most basic flaws that I see with your fic. Otherwise its not too bad. Nice writting style too.

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Postby slothen » Mon Apr 23, 2007 5:10 pm

The only thing she could think of was that she defeated after being mentally raped...
Image WUT?

Don't use the word "rape" there either. it breaks immersion because its almost always used in the prase "Asuka mind rape." At least for me anyway, they don't use that word in the english dub

I'm a ridiculously harsh critic, so don't take me too seriously, but the writing style needs work, particularly the sentence structure. Write naturally, as if you were talking. Too many sentences have subordinate clauses tacked on akwardly. For example:
Already having disregarded her self-made promise not to cry when she was attacked, Asuka began sobbing into her pillow as Hikari sadly watched on.

it lacks direction, because you're trying to fit many different ideas into one moment. unfortunately this leads to it being really confusing. I would break this up into possibly four sentences, but the first part is irrelevant, so I'd write, "Asuka sobbed into her pillow. Hikari bit her lip, there was nothing she could say." Sometimes less is more. The problem with this sentence is I can't tell if its about Hikari or Asuka. And the urge to fanwank something not shown in the anime was enormous.

Take it all with a grain of salt; I've never written a decent story in my life.
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Postby Sailor Star Dust » Sat Jun 09, 2007 6:31 pm

....I only JUST noticed these replies? Shit. O_o

@ Darknemo2000: I knew Rei was acting OOC, but it fit with the story. In terms of her being "understanding", I thought that worked well due to what we find out she symbolizes in EoE. ("The hope that people will understand each other...") And in terms of her refereeing to Asuka by name; in both GoS1 and After the End, Rei actually calls Asuka by name. Though neither can really be considered canon... The only thing I remember Rei calling Asuka in the anime was "nigoki no pilot", and that was only once, in episode 14.

Thanks for the constructive criticism and I'm glad to know you still enjoyed it, regardless. ^_^

@ Slothen: Yeah...with using the term "mind-rape", I guess it subconsciously caught on without me realizing it. Despite the fact they never even say that in the subs, only that "she's been defiled". (btw, love the use of pissed off Ebi-chan! ^_^ hehehe)
Thanks for pointing out my sentence structure problems; I've been meaning to work on that. ^^ ...I hope you at least enjoyed this somewhat!
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Postby Mr. Tines » Sat Nov 10, 2007 1:46 pm

As prompted by this request:
http://evageeks.org/forum/viewtopic.php?p=134663#134663

>>did Tines actually read this, an A/S work?

Scanned, to check content, rather than read.

>>would you ever considering R&R a fic of mine

OK.

Prose style needs work. At the end of the first paragraph, the viewpoint looks to be interior third person, looking at Asuka's mindstate -- then there is a wrench to more exterior third person ("the girl", rather than "she"; and a more objective info-dump).

The third scene could do with some paragraphs. While short sentences giving a kaleidoscope-like style can be used for effect, it has to be in the context of a more structured body of prose (and if used for such effect, could be even more broken, sentence fragments). As it stands, it read more like notes for the scene rather than the scene itself.

Both, really, are symptoms of a more systematic issue. Writing gains life if you show, rather than tell. Rather than something like

Blankly staring at the ceiling, she remembered seeing Hikari off the week before.

Hikari and her family finally evacuated New-Tokyo-3 due to the area becoming dangerous.


do something more like

The war had really come home. I was skipping school with a clear conscience, knowing that it wasn't there any more. I'd seen Hikari off at the station.

I could tell how bad things were, since while we were waiting for the train, Misato turned up, and pressed a basket containing an indignant Pen-Pen into her arms, and started giving her a full lecture on the care and feeding of warm-water penguins.

After the train had chugged away, Misato offered me a lift back to what was left of town, but we rode together in silence. We were both waiting, in our own ways, for the hammer to fall.


though you don't have to use first person -- there was just something about the psychological immediacy of the series that drew me away from the usual third person interior as the narration flowed on.

The scene with the 3 pilots and Misato (Asuka's birthday) suffers from the viewpoint not being fixed -- one viewpoint character per scene except under the most exceptional circumstances (and even then you need to break the scene by viewpoint). In repeating the earlier model's utterances (unless this is a poorly signalled flashback) you make Rei III a bit too much like Rei II -- Rei III's concerns are starting to move away from the sphere of the merely human.

We will of course disagree on certain aspects of Asuka's characterization, but truly I have difficulty seeing the story and characterization for the style, as it breaks my reading flow.

You have no problems with spelling or grammar, but need more practice at prose; and while you can simply read guides on how to write fiction, there is no real substitute for reading actual examples.

As an interesting experiment, I would suggest you read the first two of Mervyn Peake's Gormenghast novels (Titus Groan and Gormenghast) and seeing about moving your prose style about 1/4 of the way in that direction.
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Postby Sailor Star Dust » Sat Nov 10, 2007 3:05 pm

Thanks for the feedback. ^_^ I know formatting/some of the prose is something I need work with.

I knew that Rei 3 wasn't really in-character, that was somewhat intentional on my part.

Writing gains life if you show, rather than tell.


Indeed. It's something I'm certainly still working on.

And thanks for the reading suggestions, I'll be sure to give those a look! ^_^

One more thing: did you think Asuka's mood swings/depression worked well, or did she go back and forth too fast in her feelings?
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Postby Mr. Tines » Sat Nov 10, 2007 3:14 pm

Truth be told, the choppiness of the style made it hard to judge.
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Postby Sailor Star Dust » Sat Nov 10, 2007 3:26 pm

I see. Ugh. "Let's worki!" ^^;
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[Rebuild of Eva] Eros and Thanatos (SPOILERS!) COMPLETE!

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Postby Sailor Star Dust » Tue Jan 13, 2009 8:37 pm

Sucky title I know, only thing I could come up with that sounded good. This fic takes place throughout films 2.0 thru 4.0, my own take on the events. I know this first chapter of part 1 isn't a lot, I at least wanna get SOMETHING written out despite this stupid writer's block I've had for like, a year. Anyway....yes this intro post is shit; I was struggling to even write this despite having this first scene in my mind for some time now.

Evangelion New Movie Edition: Breaking Up (SCRAPPED) wrote:Rebuild of Evangelion: Eros and Thanatos
2.0 Part 1/Chapter 1 (January 13 2009)
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Author Note's: I decided to take an approach with just writing whatever comes to mind although I have a general idea how I want to go with this. Splitting this up into chapters for the time being. I wanna get feedback on the forums first before eventually uploading the whole story to fanfiction.net. Dunno when I'll update this, but I need to do SOMETHING to get out of my writer's block. Feedback is needed.



The Third Boy Shinji Ikari, wearing his school uniform, was sitting in the kitchen table of the Katsuragi household. He was still half asleep--it was only 7 in the morning--but wanted to do some homework. His guardian Lt Col Misato Katsuragi was cooped up in Nerv. She had the joyless task of filling out various damage reports after Operation Yashima's success from only the night before. Pen Pen, the final roommate of the household was still sleeping in his refrigerator.

Last night...I'm glad we were able to defeat that Angel, and I'm glad Ayanami is alright. I...I can't believe she smiled at me. I wonder, maybe it was the first time anybody saw her smile?

The sound ring of the doorbell brought Shinji out of his thoughts. "Who is it?" "It's Ayanami.", came the quiet reply.

Ayanami? What's she doing here?

"Ah, come in, it's open!"

Slipping off her shoes and entering the small apartment, Rei sat at kitchen the table. The First Girl was dressed in her school uniform--maybe the only outfit she owned?--her school bag at her side. She pushed forward a few print outs towards the boy, getting out her own and cracking open a textbook. Eyes already on a page, Rei said without looking up, "Since we have the rest of the week off, we should catch up on the homework we missed. Class Rep Horaki left those print outs at my door this morning."

Shinji was somewhat taken aback at Rei's showing up, but before he could even reply, Rei added, "They were orders after all. I must follow them."

"Eh? Orders? By who?" Shinji didn't need to hear the answer, he already had an idea without Rei having to say it. Besides, what would confirmation of this fact change?

"Commander Ikari did. He insists that I get along with you, Ikari-kun."

Shinji's heart sank at her words. He remembered nearly burning the palms of his plugsuit when opening Rei's Entry Plug. The relief he felt at knowing Rei was alright. Her warm smile, and her equally warm plugsuit-covered hand while he helped the blue-haired pilot out of the Entry Plug....

Orders, huh? Does that mean last night was nothing but orders too?

The boy had planned on offering Rei something to eat or just engaging in friendly conversation, but now he wasn't in the mood for much of anything. With a sigh, he dejectedly read one of the printouts before writing his responses. The two pilots worked in the silence of the small, otherwise empty, apartment.
Last edited by Sailor Star Dust on Tue Jul 06, 2010 12:33 pm, edited 5 times in total.

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Postby Indigo Arcangel » Wed Jan 14, 2009 9:49 am

Eros and Thanatos, eh?....I'll be watching this (steely glint in eye)

Decent enough intro - trust me, I've read a lot worse!

Also, just to be plain annoying...OMGWOWSSDLUVSSXRNAOLLLOLOLOLOLOLL!

Oh god, the jackassedness...seriously tho', has the large hadron collider finally done something, or did you just have a change of heart?

Or maybe I'm reading to much into this...(sheepish)

EDIT: Ignore all that, I just realised that this is based during Rebuild. Sorry!
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Postby Sailor Star Dust » Wed Jan 14, 2009 2:16 pm

This is gonna have various character interaction, but you'll see when I write the next chapter, probably another short one, although slightly longer then this one.

This isn't going to be a Rei/Shinji fic (you should already know my preferences ;) namely, Rei/Kaworu and Asuka/Shinji), but their relationship WILL be developed quite a bit. I already have it somewhat planned out where I want to take this story, it's just the actual writing things out is somewhat tough lately.

Glad to know somebody reviewed this intro chapter and that it wasn't total crap.
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Postby NAveryW » Wed Jan 14, 2009 2:24 pm

SSD: The post was interesting, though it feels pretty different from NGE's style

I mean, it feels more like a doujin-type thing than what you'd actually see
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Postby Lucretius » Wed Jan 14, 2009 2:40 pm

Cute so far. I'm assuming Eros and Thanatos are Asuka and Rei, respectively? :wink:

He shuddered a bit, remembering the somewhat creepy level of detail Kaji had gone into, while rubbing a watermelon in a disturbingly sexual way.

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Postby Sailor Star Dust » Wed Jan 14, 2009 3:23 pm

I took the Anno approach in thinking it just sounded cool, but that works too.
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Postby BobBQ » Wed Jan 14, 2009 3:37 pm

Off to a decent start, but you need to polish the punctuation a little. Bother me on IRC if you need some pointers.

Sailor Star Dust
Kept you waiting, huh?
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Postby Sailor Star Dust » Sat Jan 17, 2009 11:42 pm

Evangelion New Movie Edition: Breaking Up (SCRAPPED) wrote:Rebuild of Evangelion: Eros and Thanatos
2.0 Part 1/Chapter 2 (January 17 2009; Tweaked on January 22 2009)
Sailor Star Dust
A/N: My sad attempt at making Rei more or less Kaworu-ish with claiming to love him on the spot, so to speak. Short "chapter" is short, next one should be much longer.

"Um...you know...I'm glad you're alright, Ayanami." Shinji finally spoke up after an hour of mostly silence. The blue haired girl didn't look up from the page she was reading. At length, Rei quietly replied, gaze still down. "I see."

Suddenly looking up, red eyes meeting blue, Rei honestly said, "I'm glad I could protect you. I love you, Ikari-kun."

His eyes widened from surprise, cheeks growing hot. Here he was thinking that maybe she was only doing as ordered, and yet Rei claimed she cared for him? "EH?! Lo...love?! But...we barely know each other and--"

Rei cut him off, "If you care deeply for someone and wish to see them happy, that means you love them, doesn't it? I am in debt to you being so concerned about my safety last night." Her cheeks slightly red, the First Girl continued. "So, I love you. Ikari-kun, how do you feel about me?"

"Um....uhh...." Shinji's palms were sweaty, his heart thudding in his chest. What was he supposed to say in this situation?! What if he managed to hurt her feelings or make her angry? "Umm....so you love me, huh?" To say Shinji sounded nervous was the understatement of the year. He let out a nervous laugh, scratching his head.

"Ikari-kun?"

"Ye--yes, Ayanami?"

Rei's eyes locked with his. She was shaking, clearly upset about something, although her expression as usual didn't look that way. Blinking in surprise, Shinji idly wondered if he should hug her in reassurance.

The First Girl quietly said, "I...I think I'm afraid. Nerv...there are things we don't know about Nerv...Things that could be dangerous for us both. You should leave, you are not safe here. I mean...what we discussed after the battle last night, it is proof that Nerv's secrets could be harmful to us."

Slowly lifting his arms from their sides, Shinji put them around Rei's small frame in a light embrace, but an embrace nonetheless. He remembered their brief conversion last night, after the battle.

Out of curiosity, Shinji asked Rei if she ever had any reoccurring dreams about them together in a train car. She responded to the negative, going so far as to say she didn't dream period. The female pilot went on to mention an oddity of her own: For some reason, she couldn't shake the feeling that a part of her was within Eva-00.

Disturbed and frightened by the sudden nature of their discussion, Shinji instantly changed the subject to school. The two walked back to Nerv's operation base then parted ways for the night. Neither pilot was sure why they opened up about their feelings, and although their conversation was brief, they felt a small comfort in sharing their concerns. It felt...right, somehow.

Rei's soft voice brought Shinji back to the present. "How can I be within Eva-00 if I am sitting here with you? Why does being within that train car and standing on the street sound...familiar if I have never experienced that before? It does not sound like Deja Vu, but something more...I...I am not sure how to put it. While parallel or alternate universes where we exist could be possible, this does not seem to be what either of us have experienced."

"I really don't know about any of that, Ayanami. But....I..." Shinji attempted to regain control of his voice, worried that Rei of all people was looking so worried. Her feelings were usually contained within her eyes compared to a particular expression on her face. The eyes were the window to the soul, after all. "I...I must pilot Eva. It's why I'm here, and anything else would just be running away." He offered a weak, nervous, smile. "I know it's not much but, I'm here for you. I...I promise I'll be here to help you."

A small smile, but a smile nonetheless tugged at the corner of her lips. You are so kind, Ikari-kun. That is why I love you.

Breaking away from his hug, Shinji let out a breath. "Um, anyway...if you think that I should leave, what about you, Ayanami?"

Rei shook her head. "I am already too deeply involved to be free of my fate. Besides, I owe everything to Commander Ikari. He is the reason I'm here."

Shinji wasn't sure how to respond, and instead stared at the kitchen floor. "...I just wish I could get along with him like you do."

"You should try to understand him.", the pilot of Eva-00 quietly advised before going back to her studies.
Last edited by Sailor Star Dust on Tue Jul 06, 2010 12:34 pm, edited 2 times in total.


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