Evangelion 2: A Legacy of Angels

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Evangelion 2: A Legacy of Angels

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Postby Asuka'sBigBrother » Tue Nov 07, 2017 11:01 pm

Aight, I've never really done anything with fan-fics before, but I like creative writing, and on occasion I've actually enjoyed fictional sh!t. So I'm going to be trying this out.

This is a sequel to EOE. It picks up right from the ending of EOE and any time jumps will be very small ones. Unlike, some other fan fics here, this is not going to be primarily a romatic novelization of any sort. Character analysis and relationship development will be important here, but I do plan on keeping this a science fiction based story with psychological drama. Mechas will be back, but, I'm not going to annul the ending of EOE by reviving all the angels, or resetting character development or anything like that.

Some important disclaimers for this fictional piece of writing:

-> Fan service will be kept to a minimum(I'm American, sorry).

-> While this is all going to be English, I've realized an important truth of this universe. The word "baka" transcends language. It holds meaning that is universal across all time and space. It wields unimaginable power that can't be restricted to the linguistics of a specific people. Hence, I'm going to be using this word. "Baka" will be the foundation and the skeleton of this tale I'm weaving. If there is anything you get from my attempts at good writing, it will be the unquestionable greatness and truth that shines through the lips of anyone wise enough to frequently overuse the word "Baka".


I'll be posting this story part by part. Given this site's dislike of double posting, I might need yall to comment from time to time for the sake of wordcounts and all.

DISCLAIMER: The episode order is not always linear, so read closely! There's a reason I've ordered the episodes as they are, if you can figure it out, you'll enjoy the story more than if I tell you. If ur still confused, ask me and I'll explain the order. If people still are getting confused I'll make an explicit chronology list.

With that out of the way, here is

EPISODE ONE: From the Beach
SPOILER: Show
Red met white. Pale sand met velvet sea. Beautiful, and yet, lifeless. But above the desolate beach and blood-pigmented ocean was a shimmering blue canvas, illuminated by light.

A bit below the sky was a boy. And a bit below the boy was a girl. Between the two were tears.

The boy's shoulders shuddered, then he collapsed. His head fell onto the girl's stomach. Ms. Soryu's sympathies were pushed out by irritation: "you're getting water all over me!".

Shinji, having sufficiently utilized salt water, lifted his head up.

Deadpan, she asked "Are you done?"
"Yes"
"Do you plan on getting up?"
"sorry" Shinji responded, rising to his feet.
"Baka" Asuka muttered, gradually rising to her own.


...


Asuka sat on the edge of the sand, staring at the ocean and at the sky. Shinji stood at her right side. For a moment, his eyes fixated on the red of sea. Then his eyes looked upwards as he sat down beside Asuka. Mr. Ikari marveled at the light of the stars, but Ms. Soryu was marveling at the abyss of her boredom. Her head cocked rightwards onto Shinji's shoulder, headbutting it for attention.

"Ow!"

Ever appreciative of nature's beauty, the redhead asked, "Can we go?" Clarifying, she added: "I'm bored."
"Uh, sure."

Asuka rose to her feet. Mr. Ikari followed her example.

"Where are we going?" Shinji asked, mere mortal he was.
Uninterested in ridiculous queries, Asuka grabbed Shinji's right hand with her left one and pulled him away from the beach, "somewhere."
"That's not an answer!"
Asuka just pulled, forcing Shinji along.
"You don't know where we're going, do you?"
Asuka, refusing to humor such accusations, kept pulling.
Shinji sighed and allowed himself to be pulled. Then, he started to lose his balance. Finally, with a graceful "Wait Asu- Ow!", Mr. Ikari hit the sand. Asuka fell on top of him. And then thunder echoed through the heavens:

"BAKA Shinji!"

Mr. Ikari's eardrums didn't approve.

After a moment of indignation, the redhead commanded, "let's try that again".
And so they did, Asuka pulling her companion.
"please don't pull me"
Hesitating for a moment, Asuka, against her better judgement, let Shinji go, making sure to frown.

"I guess we saved the world."
Asuka shrugged.

As Shinji pulled up to her side, Asuka cocked her head to the left, head butting Shinji's shoulder a tad more softly now.

The corresponding "ow" was a tad quieter than before.

"Baka Shinji,"

Asuka was just about able to force her lips downwards, but she couldn't deny that the corners of her lips had a more inherently upward tendency.

"I don't mind saving the world," Asuka decided.

They walked towards the sky, shining blue. Shining, full of light.

EPISODE TWO: A Walk Home
SPOILER: Show
Black circles overlapped each other on the sides of a white sea. More circles were forming. Given existence by a little black rod. And holding the rod was yellow wood. And holding the yellow wood was a small cushy saucer of red. And holding the small cushy saucer of red was ...
Toji Suzuhara.

You see, Mr. Suzuhara himself was being held. Being held in a classroom. A history classroom.

Soon enough, a voice entered the fray: "Doodling is not permitted in the class". Hikari's eyes, each containing their own black circle, bore into the depths of Toji's soul. Facing the abyss, Toji refused to blink.
"Relax, class rep".

"Do what Hikari tells you stooge!" Exclaimed a righteous red head.

Noting a line of steaks on the right side of Ms. Soryu's notebook, Shinji bodly intervened hoping to save his outgunned friend,
"You're doodling too."
"That's not a doodle, that's art"
Shinji rolled his eyes and muttered, "right," further incurring the dragon's fury:
"Baka, only a stooge like yourself wouldn't see the difference."

The supreme arbiter made his presence known.
"None of you seem to see that you're in class, not the circus."
Mr. Ōkina-Orokana-Atama's voice commanded the attention of all his circus performers, save for one.

Not even granting the transgressor eye contact, Asuka simply continued her artwork, replying in a low voice "Baka Atama, your class is a circus."

Mr. Ikari slapped his face with the palm of his hand. Hikari and Touji stared at their red haired partner-in-crime. Asuka simply drew.

Behind the quartet of delinquents, a child with blond hair and glass-covered eyes smiled and remarked, in a voice his professor couldn't hear,
"I like the circus."

...

The red-head was waiting in the principal's office. Shinji and Hikari materialized into view. Mr. Ikari opened deadpan, "Let's go, Toji and Kensuke are waiting outside."
Smirking, the red haired countered, "can't keep the stooges apart for long, can I?"
Hikari's only contribution to the battle field was a sigh. As they walked towards the exit, Shinji, attacked down the flank: "you know, you don't have to come to high school if you don't want to."
Asuka raised the wall of Jericho as they exited the building: "and leave a stooge like yourself unsupervised? Baka Shinji."
Shinji drove at the wall once more, dry as wood: "You can't even supervise yourself."
The wall drove at Shinji: "Because I'm too busy supervising you!"

Hikari, as the trio turned to face the remaining two members of their quintet, smirked: "You know, you two-"
Asuka promptly snuffed Hikari's dangerous spark: "Sound like a married couple? That's original. What is this, an anime?"
Hikari, ever insightful, responded: "it could be a text adaptation of an anime's sequel".

Shinji and Asuka froze and stared, puzzled by Hikari's suggestion.
Hikari sighed,"Never mind."

Toji intervened, the makings of mischief on his face: "It's not suitable for a class rep to be in the principal's office."
As she walked ahead of Toji, Hikari's middle finger became a weapon of vengeance, crashing hard against Toji's forehead.
"Hey, what was that for?"
Asuka passed by, making contact with the back of her fist.
"Ow!'
Asuka simply muttered, "stooge".

Hikari exclaimed angrily, "Asuka!' before softly asking Toji, "are you alright?"
Toji cooly replied,
"I am now."
Hikari's facial features softened.

Asuka muttered "disgusting", Shinji smiled, and Kensuke chided, "children."
Then, the quintet began their journey home.

...

The kids made their way down the sidewalk discussing important things, like the veiled hatred inside Misato's cooking. As they approached the corner of the block, a man came into view. He faced the 5 children and extended his right arm. A gun cooly hugged his palm.

Asuka instinctively responded, aiming her left foot for the trigger hand. Her aim proved true, and the man's weapon clattered onto the sidewalk. Asuka's eyes then fixated on the crest sported by the man's uniform. On it were the letters N, E, R, and V, half covered by a blood drenched leaf. Her eyes widened, her fists clenched, and in place of the girl, a dragon rose.

Fist met flesh, looking to tear through skin, just as 9 spears had torn through her.

Coffee staining shirt, the dragon roared.

Hands squeezing throat, the dragon roared.

Red draping arms in a bathtub, the dragon roared.

A girl hiding in headless armor, the dragon roared.

Exposed in hospital sheets, the dragon roared.

Child solider pitted against child solider, the dragon roared.

A rope tying mother and doll, the dragon roared.

Hikari and Shinji held the dragon, and the dragon stared. The man was still breathing, barely, his face drenched in blood. The dragon fell on it's knees. In it's place, a girl sank, breaking into tears. She could barely feel Hikari and Shinji hold her.

And she could still hear the dragon roar.

EPISODE THREE: Through the Glass
SPOILER: Show
White walls enclosed them. Asuka waited on a red cushion attached to 4 wooden legs. Shinji sat next to her on a virtually identical contraption. They faced a room concealed by a white door. Behind the door came the source of the sound they heard. The sound of Misato's voice filling up a doctor's office. Asuka's head turned left towards a window. Through the window, she could see a tree. Shinji's head did the same. They stared at the leaves, still green, in silent reflection.


...


Shinji smelled burnt led. The ghost of gunfire. His companion smelled it too:
"I hate this smell"
"hmmm"
N.E.R.V headquarters came into vision. The pyramid had little exterior damage. It would take a look inside to see evidence of a battle.
Asuka stared at the bandages choking her right arm. She tugged.
"Asuka, what are yo-"
The bandages rolled off, Asuka's arm, once a bisected pair of what used to form an arm, was now a fully intact and functioning arm.
Shinji's eyes widened.
"How di-"
"Don't know"
Asuka stared for a few seconds, her hyper intellect at work: "probably has something to do with the LCL"
"but then why the bandaid?"
Asuka stared for a few more seconds. Her eyes squinted, skeptical, than widened again. Asuka finally sighed
"maybe a parting gift from my mom?"
Asuka, turning her face away, hurried, "whatever, it doesn't matter now."
She subsequently pulled at the white cloth covering her left eye. What once was a fountain of blood was now a perfectly intact sphere allowing Asuka virtually perfect vision.
"lets keep going."
Shinji nodded.
As they made their way to the base, an iota of green caught Shinji's eye.
He tapped Asuka's shoulder, her eyes saw it as well...

A tree.


...


A woman exited the door, her blue hair loosely combed at the sides. She observed the two children, red head and brown head, facing the window.

Misato squinted in befuddlement.


...


They stared at the tree. The tree stared back. What once was a fountain of LCL was now an oxygen producing organism.

“That means-“
“Uhuh” Asuka affirmed.

Boy and girl glanced at the base. Boy and girl looked back at the tree. Boy and girl walked to the tree. Girl and boy sat under the tree. Girl and boy waited. Then they waited some more.

There was an hour of silence. The silence was deafening, so the boy broke the silence: “How are your arm and eye?”

Asuka started: “Fine,” then smirking, added “how are yours?”
“Functional”
“Was that sarcastic?”
“Nope.”
“You’re no fun.”
“Would you prefer instrumentality?”
“Probably not.”

Asuka started again, this time frowning: “You know, I could have used backup against those white freaks.”
Shinji sighed, “My Eva was stuck”
Asuka smirked again, “Or maybe you were scared.”
Shinji sighed again, “it might have been that too.”
Asuka noticed Shinji's change in facial expression and sighed herself. Then she started frowning. Shinji frowned too.

“Asuka,” Shinji hesitated, Asuka turned towards him, Shinji continued, “I’m, uh, sorry about the hospital thing and uh, well chok-”

“Baka, You’re always sorry about something.”

“What I did was worthy of an apology.”

“I don't care.”

Shinji turned towards Asuka, speaking softly now:
“That's not true."

Asuka looked down at her lap, an expression of resignation marked her face:
"I guess you're right."

Her expression stayed the same, but on the canvas of her face, a small stream of salt water painted itself on the left side. Then the right. Shinji patted his companion's shoulder, "I'm sorry."

The streams grew larger, but Asuka's voice remained consistent: "I lost my mom"
"I know, I'm sorry."
"They killed my mom"
"I know, I'm sorry."
"Then they killed me"
"I know, I'm sorry."

Her voice changed:
"You let them kill me!"
"I know, I'm sorry"
"And then...then," her voice grew quiet now as she turned her salt-covered face towards her assailant,
"You tried to kill me."

Shinji's face fell. The hand holding Asuka's shoulder shook.
"I...know...I'm...so..so-"
"Sorry? Yeah, me too."
Shinji looked up, startled: "For what?"
"For making you hate me."
Shinji's shaking stopped. He held Asuka's shoulder more steadily now.
"I don't hate you."
"No. Not now I guess"

Asuka let herself smile a bit now:
"we're just a couple of sorry kids, aren't we?"
"sorry kids who saved the world, yeah."
Asuka teased: "You've let that get to your head, haven't you?"
Shinji retorted, "beats having you in it."

Asuka frowned a bit, then, she gave Shinji's right shoulder a little jab:
"Baka"
"Ow! What was that for?"
"For making me cry."
"I guess I deserved that."
"Yeah, you did."
Asuka, smiling, gave Shinji's shoulder a soft headbutt. There wasn't an ow this time.

"Asuka?"
"Hmm?"
"I won't let anyone hurt you."
"Hmm."
"I won't hurt you."
"Hmm."
"No more NERF. No more SEELE. No more EVA's. No more Angels. It's over."
"That sounds nice."
"I promise."

Asuka, stared at the NERV base. It was broken inside. It wouldn't heal. It wouldn't grow.
Maybe she was different. Maybe her wounds would make her stronger.

And then, from the horizon, in a great stampede, came life.


...


Asuka turned away from the winow and towards Shinji:
"It's not over."
"I know, I'm sorry."
"Me too."

Misato bent down putting both of them in her arms.

"It'll be alright. This time will be different. This time we'll end it for good."

And yet, Asuka could still hear the dragon roar.


...


A man's figure was just about visible in the darkness of his laboratory.
The man smirked:
"I'll end this for good."

Opposite this man's face was a computer screen with a chord whose other end was floating in a petri dish.

On the screen, in blue letters, red the words: "Blood Pattern Analysis: Blue"

EPISODE FOUR: On a Sofa
SPOILER: Show
Red covered Toji on a hospital bed. Asuka lay silent in a mutilated robot. A man's glasses looked down at him from a window.

It wasn't over.

"Ikari? you there."

Shinji saw a face. The face saw through glasses. Below the glasses was a white beard. Below the white beard was a white coat. White walls surrounded him.

"Sorry."

"There you go again," Shinji turned his head to the adjacent red head, "BAKA! Why are you apologizing to this freak?"
"Asuka!" Shinji made a mental note of Misato's presence.

Desperate to regain control, Doctor Mite Omoshiroidesu tried to dig deeper:
"what were you thinking about?"
"None of your business you perverted penguin!"

Misato's face embraced her palm: "Damn it Asuka."

Shinji took a more reserved approach: "Why are we here?"
"Because of baka Misato!"

The doctor tried again: "Some resistance is to be expe-"
"Shut up Penguin!"

An older woman groaned.

"I miss pen-pen"

The groans got louder.

"Don't compare him with this disgrace!"

Misato's face embraced her hands.


...


Cranes cluttered Misato's peripheral vision. Her ears kept track of the boy and girl walking behind.

"You know, it isn't easy being a mother"

The boy attacked from the left: "My lips can attest to that."

Misato's shoulders drooped as she squinted.

The girl shot a well coordinated follow up from the right: "How disgusting."
The boy made it a trifecta: "You're new to this mother thing, aren't you?"

Misato's eyebrows started to twitch.

The girl finished off the sequence: "You certainly aren't very good at it."

A zombie now walked in front of the children: "This is my retribution."


...


The boy and girl sat at a table, pecking away, crumb by crumb, at another one of Misato's attempts at responsible parenthood. Misato sat across, observing their mannerisms as they ate.

Gags. A home cooked meal, and by home cooked, I mean cooked, at home, with ingredients i shopped for specifically so I could cook, at home and... Gags.

The boy and girl looked up from their 'meal' to see Misato's face. The face in question was face-down, looked up at by the wood of the table.

"It tastes better than it did last time."
"Yeah, your cooking's getting better!"

Misato's head crept upward to face the children. A faint smile was painted on her face.
"I'll get some rest."

Misato rose up from her chair and walked to her room.

The boy reflected, "maybe we've been too tough on her."
The girl shrugged, "it's been tough for all of us."

Misato observed the two children from the edge. The edge of her mattress. Then she collapsed. The bed was her sanctuary. Lazily, her hand took hold of a phone.

"Any news?"
"Sorry Ms. Katsuragi, not yet. We're still looking for clues."

She dialed the security outside the building.
"All is well?"
"All clear here, mam."

She put the phone down.

"Dammit, Kaji. You would know what to do."

She missed the beer.


...


Asuka's arms crossed Asuka's stomach. The people living on the tv screen spoke, but Asuka wasn't listening. She sat sideways in her chair, the leftovers of lunch behind her.

Shinji observed, it didn't take hyper-intelligence to figure out what his hyper-intelligent housemate was thinking about. Ms. Soryu lifted herself up from the chair and headed to her room. She opened the door, and left it open.

Shinji followed.

Asuka's bedroom was dark, but the light from the living room and the midday sun allowed Shinji to makeout Ms. Soryu's figure. She was curled over on the far side of the bed, facing a window. Through the window, Asuka could see a squad of men in black suits. They looked small from there. Small little blots of black outshone by the midday sun.

Shinji sat at the other side of the bed.

"Asuka, I promise we'll-"
"Baka. Stop making promises you can't keep."
Shinji stared, puzzled.
"Other people will hurt me. You'll hurt me. Other people will hurt you. I'll hurt you. That's just how it is."
Shinji looked down. Asuka continued,"I knew that, you knew that, and Misato knew that."
Asuka paused, then turned towards Shinji.
"We came back anyway."

A smile appeared on Ikari's face.
"Since when were you the wise one?'
A smirk appeared on Asuka's.
"Anyone's wise compared to a stooge."
Shinji's smile was replaced with irritation:
"That's a new one."

Lying on her back, Soryu stretched her arms out towards the wall behind her. Restlessness had evicted resignation and moved in taking it's place.
"Let's do something."
"We have school tomorrow. we have to finish ge-woah! Asuka!"

Asuka rushed out of her bedroom. One hand held Shinji's music set, the other dragged Shinji himself.
Shinji, pulled by an unstoppable force, had no choice but to yield.

Having been kidnapped and stuffed on top of the green corner of Misato's green sofa, Shinji's ear felt Asuka stuff an earbud into his head. He turned left to see Asuka stuff an identical piece of rubber in her own. As she clicked "play", Asuka let her head sag onto Shinji's shoulder. Shinji let the ends of his lips curve upward.

This beats schoolwork.


...


Misato exited her bedroom, the television set beckoned her. The sofa's left side was occupied, so she sat down on the right, a smile forming on her face.

Motherhood had its perks, like the two sitting right next to her on the sofa.

Kaji's missing out.

EPISODE FIVE: A Head Set
SPOILER: Show
Black circles faced downwards. The circles were painted onto white spheres. And the white spheres were glued on to tan skin. The petri dish was now a pool. The specimen was growing. A man's eyes looked down at his creation.

One who stands above all else, stands alone.


...


Misato stood alone. Her housemates, er... adoptive children, were sitting down.

Sleeping down actua-, wait, no, that... that doesn't make sense.

Misato was correct, it was foolish of her to try and one-up a relatively omniscent narrator.

Red hair leaned on white fabric. A head set kept the red strings in order. A puppeteer holding a doll.

A girl woke up. First came the sensation of smooth cotton carrying her hair and the side of her head. Not a very soft pillow, but pleasant enough.

Wait. This isn't a pillow.

A slight jerk of her head announced her confusion.
A slight turn of her cranium clarified things. Said clarification was currently asleep.

Oh.

Then her eyes caught a glimpse of blue. blue hair more specifically. The blue head had been watching the red head. The red head got red.
"What?"
"I didn't say anything"
Asuka's arms crossed themselves.
"Oh right. I let you and Shinji sleep in. Given the circumstances, I figured you could use-"
"We don't have school?"
"Yes, as I was just about to-"
"Hey Shinji!"
Asuka didn't register the corresponding sigh.

A boy woke up, albeit, not as peacefully as the girl beside him. The boy first felt a loss of balance. He then felt himself regain said balance, before losing it again. He, more specifically his shoulders, were being held and shook. Then he felt what was pushing him, it was soft, like a hand. Finally he registered the "Shinji!" and It took a fraction of a second to identify who's voice it was. In another moment, he had fully surmised the situation.

Asuka's waking me up.

The boy's eyes opened, greatly tempted to close again.

Home sweet home.


...


Ms. Soryu sat on her bed. A laptop sat on top of Ms. Soryu.

A melody was playing. "The Trip Up North" was the set of words chosen to title the video chosen to accompany the viola piece she was listening to.
Asuka's eyelids were almost touching, her fist pressing into the side of her head. Her eyes shifted to the right. Under "up next" was "The River of the Willows". Below that was "Up North Trip". There were two men living in the icon, one wore a hat.

"Hmm"


...


Misato was in an ocean. Rame ongakuka's crescendo kept her afloat...

An "aah aah" made the water wavy.

Rame sings?

An instrument was playing, but it wasn't the violin. By the time she heard "da da da", the ocean was downright turbulent.

And then the ocean threw her hard against the shore. A bass sound, another sort of drum, and an alien instrument assaulted her ears.
And then came the words. By the time "Next-something-bookings" had hit her ears, she realized what had happened.

Kids these days.

...


Asuka's head bobbed up and down. Rubber smacked her face as it fell onto her lap. Asuka looked down to see that the rubber belonged to earbuds. Asuka turned to see a flash of blue hair exit her room.

Then Asuka saw brown hair. The boy below this hair put a hand to his eye.

Maybe Shinji should know who broke his slumber.

"Hey Shinji! come here."
The boy complied.
"Check out this new violinist I found, she's really good."
Shinji sat down before receiving earbuds from Asuka's hand. As he brought them to his ear, a sound bar appeared on Asuka's laptop. The green bar was raised as high as possible with the "22" in the corner of the pop up turning to a "100". The trap had been set.

Rubber went into Shinji's ears and Asuka's hands ensured the rubber would stay put.

"Asuka!"

Misato entered Asuka's room. She bore witness to Asuka's cruelty.
"You've tortured Shinji enough, we're going out for dinner."
"What are we eating?"
Misato smiled, "Steak."


...


A woman waited with a boy. Behind them was a man dressed in black, security was mandatory. The woman wore a blue shirt, partially hidden beneath a red jacket. The boy, not so stylistically inclined, settled for his standard attire, a white shirt.

Then came the girl. Below her head, Yellow cotton was suspended over blue denim shorts. Above her head, red strings now hung freely at her sides as threads of hair. Shinji stared.

"What? Does the great Shinji Ikari not approve?"

"No. It looks really good."

Smug and smiling, Asuka gently snapped Shinji's forehead as she passed by.

"Of course I do."
"You know, most people would respond with a 'thank you'."
"Guess I'm special."
"Especially annoying, perhaps".
"Bet."
"Listening to rappers doesn't mean you have to sound like one."
"Bet."
Shinji sighed.

That's the worst part. She does look really good.

Meanwhile, inside a trash can, inside a bathroom, lay two parts of an interface headset.


...


The man looked down at what resembled a white glider. "Arael, my child, you are almost ready."

He then strode past a sea of grey walls untill he reached a black door. He opened the coal colored contraption to enter a new room. This room, also grey, held a machine. One that was almost completely red. It loosely resembled a human, and within it, was the soul of one.

"Kyoko, forgive me for waking you, but shouldn't a mother sleep with her daughter?"

EPISODE SIX: From the Sky
SPOILER: Show
Black hair sailed on a man. The man sailed on a boat. The boat sailed on an ocean.

"The Atlantic is nice to look at."
"Not as nice as Misato, I imagine."

Not all of Kaji's hair was free. Past the black canopy, was a green rubber band. The canopy was tethered to a bun. Past the tether was a man. Grey hair graced his scalp. His eyes narrowed.

"Still looking for the past?'
Kaji smirked.

Fuyutsuki did not smile.

"You've ran from the past, and now you're mistaking it for the present."

Kaji' smirk went away, but Fuyutsuki was not done.

"Death did not set you free, and as long as you remember, your attachments remain."
"They don't need me."
"You need them. You can sail from the shore, but not from yourself."

Kaji frowned. Let's head back.
The Atlantic coast awaited.


...


A ghost sat in the living room, he took the form of a man.

The couch was green. That's an odd choice.

The flowers looked into the window sill, puppets with strings of green. Why does green remind me of blue?.

Though Kaji could see pixels in the corner of his eye, he wasn't really watching the tv. That is, untill he caught a glimpse of white.

He turned. A white glider graced Tokyo's skies. That's not a glider.

Kaji's eyes widened, his face went pale. Perhaps the ghost who dressed as a man was really a man dressed as a ghost.

Instinct drove him to the nearest telephone.

"Fuyu-"
"I know, the jet is on route. Oh and Kaji."
"Yea?"
"Welcome back to the world of the living."


...


Blue hair, red hair, and black hair faced upward towards the sky. Not because of the sky as much as the white figure soaring on Tokyo's horizon.

"How?"
Neither of the red head's companion's dared venture an answer.

Asuka crumpled to her knees. The dragon was rose in her place. Her hands consoled her head, but there was no way to reach what her head hid.

A woman held a doll. A string held the woman. A boy held a girl, two hands held her neck. A body held holes, scars of impalement.
Why...Why...Why isn't it over!.

Weakly, the girl rose to take the place of the dragon. Her head lifted itself to a explosion of red.
"Mom?"
It bent down, and a hand, a large hand gently placed itself in front of the girl.

It wasn't the only one of it's kind. Adjacent to the red hand, was a purple one.

A boy voice's echoed. "No, not again. I can't pilot that again!"
A red haired rose, her eyes narrowed, "We don't have a choice."

Shinji shifted his eyes to his right. A mix of awe and fear held him when he saw his companion's expression.

Asuka turned, the dragon suppressed, "It's time to end this."


...


Hours had eclipsed since the red and purple giants offered their respective hands to the boy and the girl. A control center had been rebooted, a plan had been devised, and the moment was fast approaching. The angel drew near. Ikari waited in an armor of purple. Asuka in one of red. Hands gripped handles gripping the machines they prepared to move. Gripping Asuka was a head set, underneath were strings of red.

A doll under a puppet.

And somewhere, from a lab, a man spoke, his words slicing the air around him:

"Kyoko, bring me eva unit one. Bring me Ikari."
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Re: Evangelion: Legacy

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Postby Asukaner117 » Fri Nov 10, 2017 10:43 am

i liked the way you described the scenery. but your characterisation feels off, it is not believable. at least in my opinion. Asuka and shinni so comfortable around each other right after the events of eoe? I'd recommend to give them more time to resolve all these things that happened.
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Postby Asuka'sBigBrother » Fri Nov 10, 2017 3:48 pm

View Original PostAsukaner117 wrote:i liked the way you described the scenery. but your characterisation feels off, it is not believable. at least in my opinion. Asuka and shinni so comfortable around each other right after the events of eoe? I'd recommend to give them more time to resolve all these things that happened.

A fair point. While I do think it's logical we see progress between the two given what we see in "I Need You", perhaps I'm rushing it a little. While I think it's important wee see some development(hence why we see Asuka forcing Shinji along to Asuka letting Shinji walk on his own, and why we see Shinji taking the initative when interacting with Asuka), it should happen more gradually.

I'll address this by changing the language so that we know that while they've made progress, they've still got a ways to go...

Edit: I've made edits. Is it more believable now?
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Postby Asukaner117 » Sat Nov 11, 2017 7:23 am

yeah, it's a little bit better but i will need to read more before i can make a judgment. do you have more chapters ready?
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Postby silvermoonlight » Sat Nov 11, 2017 8:23 am

I think this needs way more chapters to help flesh out the issues as I don't see them being solved over night as they could take months to fix or even years as on that beach you have two broken characters who need to start over from scratch and find themselves again as people before finding comfort or even a relationship with each other in my view. ^_^
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Postby Asuka'sBigBrother » Sat Nov 11, 2017 2:15 pm

View Original PostAsukaner117 wrote:yeah, it's a little bit better but i will need to read more before i can make a judgment. do you have more chapters ready?


I'll try to get something started this weekend, I'm mad busy though. I've got a general idea of how it'll go though.
have to broken characters who need to start over from scratch and find themselves again as people before finding comfort or even a relationship with each other in my view.

I mean, they did just basically fully understand themselves and their biggest flaws and inconvenient truths. And the scene this goes directly after does have Shinji finding conmfort in Asuka.The issues are there, but it' not like they haven't already done a great deal addressing them. Finding the will to live, being willing to open up, and openly show affection are all massive moments of character development that we already have in the scene right before this.
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Postby silvermoonlight » Sat Nov 11, 2017 2:33 pm

View Original PostAsuka'sBigBrother wrote:I'll try to get something started this weekend, I'm mad busy though. I've got a general idea of how it'll go though.
I mean, they did just basically fully understand themselves and their biggest flaws and inconvenient truths. And the scene this goes directly after does have Shinji finding conmfort in Asuka.The issues are there, but it' not like they haven't already done a great deal addressing them. Finding the will to live, being willing to open up, and openly show affection are all massive moments of character development that we already have in the scene right before this.


I would say that human instrumentality is only there first step it merely opens the door like a key to a lock it does not fix everything it just brings the issues to the surface so the characters are forced to deal with them for the first time. Also you have deeper issue like the depression which does not vanish even in a relationship though having a positive relationship helps it can take years to get over and there is a chance it can always return.

There also needs to apologies on both side one from Shinji about the hosbital bed unless your writing an alternative universe where that never happened and the issues will need to be different and Asuka needs apologise for her past bullying behaviour. My best advice read some of the Evangelion on EOE on ff.net and AO3 as you'll get a good idea of what's out there it will give you idea about where to go with the characters in your own version. ^_^
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Postby Asuka'sBigBrother » Wed Dec 06, 2017 4:45 am

View Original PostAsukaner117 wrote:yeah, it's a little bit better but i will need to read more before i can make a judgment. do you have more chapters ready?

I do now.

Part two is finished, enjoy.
View Original Postsilvermoonlight wrote:these kids need to have issues ^

I give you, kids having issues.
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Re: Evangelion: A Legacy of Angels

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Postby Asukaner117 » Sat Dec 09, 2017 7:09 am

hmm...wat?

like, what happened? i feel a little bit lost, did you skip a chapter or two? this feels totally disconnected. is the 2nd chapter a dream? flashback? time skip? i, as a reader, have no idea what is happening or why it is happening. there is neither a sense for place, nor a sense for time passed. i assume the 2nd chapter plays after a timeskip and everybody returned? and then somebody tries to kill the children? why?

your writing is not bad, i liked the banter in the first part. the way the scene in the classroom plays out feels very natural, i could picture it clearly in my head. but overall what you post feels more like a brainstorm, or a draft for a scene. but as it is right now i see no story, only two very different pieces of text with no connection whatsoever.
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Postby Asuka'sBigBrother » Sun Dec 31, 2017 12:15 am

Bump...

Part 3 is finished, Part 1 has been revised.

Feedback?
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Re: Evangelion 2: A Legacy of Angels

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Postby VUX » Sat Jan 20, 2018 2:58 pm

Will you continue with this fic, it seems interesting
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Postby Asuka'sBigBrother » Mon Jan 22, 2018 6:10 am

View Original PostVUX wrote:Will you continue with this fic, it seems interesting

Yeah, I will, didn't think anyone was really interested though due to the lack of comments.

ATM though I'm kinda busy with highschool and making music, so it might be a while till I'm done, I'll get episode 4 started though.

Any feedback?
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Re: Evangelion 2: A Legacy of Angels

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Postby VUX » Mon Jan 22, 2018 2:55 pm

What do you mean by feedback?
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Re: Evangelion 2: A Legacy of Angels

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Postby Asuka'sBigBrother » Mon Jan 22, 2018 4:31 pm

View Original PostVUX wrote:What do you mean by feedback?

Suggestions to improve the story?
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Re: Evangelion 2: A Legacy of Angels

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Postby VUX » Mon Jan 22, 2018 4:57 pm

Oh, maybe you should add a new type of enemy, maybe a new alien species similar yet different than the angels
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Postby Asuka'sBigBrother » Tue Jan 23, 2018 3:22 am

View Original PostVUX wrote:Oh, maybe you should add a new type of enemy, maybe a new alien species similar yet different than the angels

Well, I might conisder adding
SPOILER: Show
god himself

but I'm not sure I want to make this all that religious. If anything he'd end up as a big baddie the dudes have to fight.

ATM though, I'm ok with the more down to earth villian I've got now.
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Re: Evangelion 2: A Legacy of Angels

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Postby VUX » Tue Jan 23, 2018 9:11 pm

You could always call him something else, like Yahwe or Allah
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Re: Evangelion 2: A Legacy of Angels

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Postby Asuka'sBigBrother » Sun Feb 04, 2018 1:03 am

I just wanna
SPOILER: Show
B

SPOILER: Show
U

SPOILER: Show
M

SPOILER: Show
P

this
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Re: Evangelion 2: A Legacy of Angels

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Postby Gryphon117 » Fri Feb 09, 2018 2:02 pm

Okay, just finished reading the four chapters and the first thing I'll do is echo the issues some other posters had with the story: the beginning interactions between Shinji and Asuka ramp up way too fast, and the jumping between the scenes is mighty confusing sometimes, which isn't at all helped by the sheer mood whiplash some of them bring.

My recommendation for the first point would be to just take things slow and develop them further, because you're honestly not in any rush. You mention Instrumentality opening the way for better understanding between Shinji and Asuka as a way of justifying them getting along so well, so quickly, but remember that Instrumentality is also a completely alien process, and that the sheer amount of information received and shared without the character's consent would make anyone confused. Putting their thoughts and feelings in order should be something that takes Shinji and Asuka quite a while to accomplish, days at the least. You can move forward from there.

The second point is more tricky, but I would ask you if you've thought of an outline for the whole story before starting to put pen to paper. It doesn't have to be anything overly extensive (a few general points for the most important sections of the story might suffice for a start) but, if you haven't, I recommend that you do so because it makes a world of difference towards managing to pull of an unified feeling in the plot.

Also, and as a sidenote, I found Shinji cheerfully claiming the whole 'We Saved the World' thing mighty perplexing. He is right, mind, but considering that he also pretty much pulled the trigger on humanity, I'd expect his thoughts on the matter to be a bit more ambivalent than they currently are. To doubt whether his actions were the correct ones, and such.

On the positives, I thought the scene between Asuka and Shinji under the tree in the Geofront was really good (albeit maybe a tad too early, as mentioned before). I'd personally go into some more details during the conversation, since it feels a bit rushed for such an important talk, but that may very well just be personal bias; same goes for the conversation in Asuka's bedroom.

As a last point, does the scene with Doctor Whatshisname serve any real purpose, right now? I was all kinds of confused with that one. :???:
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Postby AdamMalkovitch » Fri Feb 09, 2018 3:51 pm

I really enjoyed this, I couldn't help smiling while reading it. I've always been a sucker for sequels or spin-offs, even fanmade ones, that develop the characters more and explore things that were left unsaid and ambiguous in the original narrative. I only have a few issues. The writing was a bit too abstract for my taste, to the point where I had no idea what was going on at points. I get that this all takes place after I Need You, but I was confused as to the actual order of events. One second we're on that infamous beach with Shinji and Asuka, the next we're in the school, then we're in what should be the toxic wreckage of NERV HQ- it was just all over the place. The baka thing was charming at first, but soon got old. Other than that, it was really well written, and I'd love to see more



Also you misspelled NERV as NERF a couple of times and that gave me a hearty chuckle. "It's NERV, or nothing".
I've reached a point where I just generally don't give a fuck anymore. In a good way.


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