Evagellion: Legacy

Everything Evangelion Fanfiction related.

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Asuka'sBigBrother
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Evagellion: Legacy

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Postby Asuka'sBigBrother » Tue Nov 07, 2017 11:01 pm

Aight, I've never really done anything with fan-fics before, but I like creative writing, and on occasion I've actually enjoyed fictional sh!t. So I'm going to be trying this out.

This is a sequel to EOE. It picks up right from the ending of EOE and any time jumps will be very small ones. Unlike, some other fan fics here, this is not going to be primarily a romatic novelization of any sort. Character analysis and relationship development will be important here, but I do plan on keeping this a science fiction based story with psychological drama. Mechas will be back, but, I'm not going to annul the ending of EOE by reviving all the angels, or resetting character development or anything like that(though the angel's legacy will be an important aspect).

Some important disclaimers for this fictional piece of writing:

-> Fan service will be kept to a minimum(I'm American, sorry).
-> I am not reviving people who died and weren't part of instrumentality(Bid farwell to Kaji, Kyoko, and Yui for good. The circle of life is lit.).
-> While this is all going to be English, I've realized an important truth of this universe. The word "baka" transcends language. It holds meaning that is universal across all time and space. It wields unimaginable power that can't be restricted to the linguistics of a specific people. Hence, I'm going to be using this word that transcends the cosmos. "Baka" will be the foundation and the skeleton of this tale I'm weaving. If there is anything you get from my attempts at good writing, it will be the unquestionable greatness and truth that shines through the lips of anyone wise enough to frequently overuse the word "Baka".

I'll be posting this story part by part. Given this site's dislike of double posting, I might need yall to comment from time to time for the sake of wordcounts and all.

With that out of the way, here is

PART ONE: From the Beach
SPOILER: Show
Red met white. Pale sand met velvet sea. Beautiful, and yet, lifeless. But above the desolate beach and blood-pigmented ocean was a shimmering blue canvas, illuminated by light.

A bit below the sky was a boy. And a bit below the boy was a girl. Between the two were tears.

With his shoulders shuddering with emotion, the boy allowed himself to collapse. His head fell onto the girl's stomach. Ms. Soryu found herself filled with righteous irritation, but decided to show mercy to the scoundrel daring to lie on top of her, gently patting Shinji's head: "there there, Baka Shinji".

Shinji, having sufficiently utilized salt water to express long suppressed emotion, lifted his head up. After a moment, his lips curled into a faint smile. Asuka felt her own lips start to replicate the motion, but was able to avert catastrophe.

Deadpan, she asked "Are you done?"
"Yes" Shinji responded, his smile getting stronger.
"Do you plan on getting up?"
"Oh, sorry!" Shinji responded as he lept to his feet.
"Baka Shinji," Asuka muttered as she gradually rose to her own.

Asuka sat on the edge of the sand, staring at the ocean and at the sky. Shinji stood at her right side. For a moment, his eyes fixated on the red of sea. Then his eyes looked upwards as he sat down beside Asuka. Ms. Soryu initially marveled at the light of the stars, but now she was marveling at the immense abyss of her boredom. Her head cocked rightwards onto Shinji's shoulder, headbutting it for attention.

Ever appreciative of nature's beauty, the redhead asked, "Can we go, I'm bored."
"Uh, sure."

Mr. Ikari rose to his feet. Asuka followed his example.

"Where are we going?" Shinji asked, the baka mortal he was.
Uninterested in ridiculous queries, Asuka grabbed Shinji's right hand with her left one and pulled him away from the beach, "somewhere"
"That's not an answer!"
Asuka just pulled, forcing Shinji along.
"You don't know where we're going, do you?"
Asuka, refusing to humor such accusations, kept pulling.
Shinji sighed and allowed himself to be pulled. Then, he started to lose his balance. Finally, with a graceful "Wait Asu- Ow!", Mr. Ikari hit the sand. Asuka fell on top of him. And then righteous thunder echoed through the heavens:

"BAKA Shinji!"

Mr. Ikari's eardrums didn't seem to approve, but Shinji's face let itself smile.

After a moment of indignation, the redhead commanded, "let's try that again".
And so they did, Asuka pulling her companion.
"please don't pull me"
Hesitating for a moment, Asuka, against her better judgement, let Shinji go, "fine."

As Shinji pulled up to her side, Asuka cocked her head to the left, placing it softly on top of his shoulder.
"Baka Shinji," she muttered as his hand, after deliberating with itself on the matter, embraced hers. Awkwardly, Slowly, but there was a touch of soft warmth inside their embrace. Asuka was just about able to force her lips downwards, but she couldn't deny that the corners of her lips had a more inherently upward tendency.

They walked towards the sky, shining blue. Shining, full of light.


PART TWO: A Walk Home(not finished)
SPOILER: Show
Black circles overlapped each other on the sides of a white sea. More circles were forming. Given existence by a little black rod. And holding the rod was yellow wood. And holding the yellow wood was a small cushy saucer of red. And holding the small cushy saucer of red was
Toji Suzuhara. You see, Mr. Suzuhara himself was being held. Being held in a classroom. A history classroom.

Soon enough, a voice entered into the fray: "Doodling is not permitted in the class". Hikari's eyes, each containing their own black circle, bore into the depths of Toji's soul. Facing the abyss, Toji refused to blink.
"Relax, class rep".

"Do what Hikari tells you stooge!" Exclaimed a righteous red head.
Last edited by Asuka'sBigBrother on Mon Nov 13, 2017 9:09 pm, edited 6 times in total.

Asukaner117
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Re: Evagellion: Legacy

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Postby Asukaner117 » Fri Nov 10, 2017 10:43 am

i liked the way you described the scenery. but your characterisation feels off, it is not believable. at least in my opinion. Asuka and shinni so comfortable around each other right after the events of eoe? I'd recommend to give them more time to resolve all these things that happened.
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Asuka'sBigBrother
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Re: Evagellion: Legacy

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Postby Asuka'sBigBrother » Fri Nov 10, 2017 3:48 pm

View Original PostAsukaner117 wrote:i liked the way you described the scenery. but your characterisation feels off, it is not believable. at least in my opinion. Asuka and shinni so comfortable around each other right after the events of eoe? I'd recommend to give them more time to resolve all these things that happened.

A fair point. While I do think it's logical we see progress between the two given what we see in "I Need You", perhaps I'm rushing it a little. While I think it's important wee see some development(hence why we see Asuka forcing Shinji along to Asuka letting Shinji walk on his own, and why we see Shinji taking the initative when interacting with Asuka), it should happen more gradually.

I'll address this by changing the language so that we know that while they've made progress, they've still got a ways to go...

Edit: I've made edits. Is it more believable now?

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Re: Evagellion: Legacy

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Postby Asukaner117 » Sat Nov 11, 2017 7:23 am

yeah, it's a little bit better but i will need to read more before i can make a judgment. do you have more chapters ready?
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Re: Evagellion: Legacy

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Postby silvermoonlight » Sat Nov 11, 2017 8:23 am

I think this needs way more chapters to help flesh out the issues as I don't see them being solved over night as they could take months to fix or even years as on that beach you have two broken characters who need to start over from scratch and find themselves again as people before finding comfort or even a relationship with each other in my view. ^_^
Last edited by silvermoonlight on Sat Nov 11, 2017 2:23 pm, edited 1 time in total.
Anywhere can be paradise as long as you have the will to live. After all, you are alive, so you will always have the chance to be happy.

My Eva fanfiction ff.net Fading In To The Stolen Light For download version please go to AO3

Asuka'sBigBrother
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Re: Evagellion: Legacy

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Postby Asuka'sBigBrother » Sat Nov 11, 2017 2:15 pm

View Original PostAsukaner117 wrote:yeah, it's a little bit better but i will need to read more before i can make a judgment. do you have more chapters ready?


I'll try to get something started this weekend, I'm mad busy though. I've got a general idea of how it'll go though.
have to broken characters who need to start over from scratch and find themselves again as people before finding comfort or even a relationship with each other in my view.

I mean, they did just basically fully understand themselves and their biggest flaws and inconvenient truths. And the scene this goes directly after does have Shinji finding conmfort in Asuka.The issues are there, but it' not like they haven't already done a great deal addressing them. Finding the will to live, being willing to open up, and openly show affection are all massive moments of character development that we already have in the scene right before this.

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Re: Evagellion: Legacy

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Postby silvermoonlight » Sat Nov 11, 2017 2:33 pm

View Original PostAsuka'sBigBrother wrote:I'll try to get something started this weekend, I'm mad busy though. I've got a general idea of how it'll go though.
I mean, they did just basically fully understand themselves and their biggest flaws and inconvenient truths. And the scene this goes directly after does have Shinji finding conmfort in Asuka.The issues are there, but it' not like they haven't already done a great deal addressing them. Finding the will to live, being willing to open up, and openly show affection are all massive moments of character development that we already have in the scene right before this.


I would say that human instrumentality is only there first step it merely opens the door like a key to a lock it does not fix everything it just brings the issues to the surface so the characters are forced to deal with them for the first time. Also you have deeper issue like the depression which does not vanish even in a relationship though having a positive relationship helps it can take years to get over and there is a chance it can always return.

There also needs to apologies on both side one from Shinji about the hosbital bed unless your writing an alternative universe where that never happened and the issues will need to be different and Asuka needs apologise for her past bullying behaviour. My best advice read some of the Evangelion on EOE on ff.net and AO3 as you'll get a good idea of what's out there it will give you idea about where to go with the characters in your own version. ^_^
Anywhere can be paradise as long as you have the will to live. After all, you are alive, so you will always have the chance to be happy.

My Eva fanfiction ff.net Fading In To The Stolen Light For download version please go to AO3

Asuka'sBigBrother
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Re: Evagellion: Legacy

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Postby Asuka'sBigBrother » Sun Nov 12, 2017 12:49 am

View Original Postsilvermoonlight#869191 wrote:I would say that human instrumentality is only there first step it merely opens the door like a key to a lock it does not fix everything it just brings the issues to the surface so the characters are forced to deal with them for the first time. Also you have deeper issue like the depression which does not vanish even in a relationship though having a positive relationship helps it can take years to get over and there is a chance it can always return.

Yeah, don't worry, they are going to still have mental sh!t to deal with. Though that's going to be part of the story rather than the focus of the story.

View Original Postsilvermoonlight#869191 wrote:There also needs to apologies on both side one from Shinji about the hosbital bed unless your writing an alternative universe where that never happened and the issues will need to be different and Asuka needs apologise for her past bullying behaviour.

An apology scene would be good, and I think I have an idea of how it would eventually go. It is going to be a bit later though.
My best advice read some of the Evangelion on EOE on ff.net and AO3 as you'll get a good idea of what's out there it will give you idea about where to go with the characters in your own version. ^_^

I will consider that advice.


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