Cold Heart - What happened After Re-Take

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Cold Heart - What happened After Re-Take

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Postby Zeak » Mon Apr 24, 2017 6:01 am

Hey all,

I am posting here as this is probably the best place I can think of to explain a few things and what the grand plan in with it.

Cold Heart - The boring 9 years of work to get to now.

So all the oldies on here will remember the Re-Take project and the failure it was. Long story short... Time, experience, knowledge and a take-down notice being issued are what killed the project. Having been through all the take down stuff and a few lessons from that story and playing with it a little I finally came to the conclusion I would begin a rewrite and create something of my own. I Played around with retake for a long time after this trying to work at-least something original out keeping with the original NGE themes.

I wanted a story that was unique to me and had characters I created in my own setting. I loved the way NGE finished and how Re-Take was adapted to suit the ending so this new work of fiction began based around that type of story. So I planned a little and scrapped the Eva's completely from the story and looked more at the human side and the way characters interacted. I spent the better part of 6 years at sea and had a lot of time to think about it all.

Ships are an interesting place to work from and to write, the characters you interact with are always different from what you would see daily around your home town. I continued writing at home and incorporated some of my children's upbringings in to the story however most of these parts ended up being scrapped due to the adult nature and direction this story peruses. All the sexual content I started to remove at this stage, it no-longer had a place in the story.

Over the past 9 years the story has changed so much from where it started with some of the line I wished to keep totally removed now all together. It all started to get fun at this point. The Very first time I put pen to paper establishing my own IP was probably one of the hardest things I have done on a computer. Forget an idea, plot or setting, I started with a character. The idea of her was planed to be like Rei crossed with Asuka (bipolar in nature). This is what I did and I created Gina. A 19 year old girl dealing with life mid way through the tunnel. She ended up having an attitude similar to my sister and issues I was having with her at the time. I wont explain but Gina ended up having a few problems with temper and a boy she was overly attached too. So I played with Gina and another character I created, Darnell. Both names very deliberate and set up personalities for the characters. It was at this point (end of 2009) I pulled out a sketch pad and drew Gina for the very first time as a Human. What I found was the body's were good but I could not draw the faces. No matter how many times I tried they just would not work. As a laugh I looked at our pet dog, a border collie named Archie. Only problem was he is a he so talking to my wife (who was watching the animals of farthing wood at the time) suggested Foxes. A little googling and some work with Photoshop to get a basic idea I created the first plan for Gina.


The story continued to progress through 2009/10 until I became unhappy with its direction and decided to scrap the modern day setting. Having my character driving cars looked a little bit too odd. So I went to space and started with a Mass Effect style story based around a 5 an crew of an orbital defense Frigate. This story suited a more earth-like situation and being able to use points of reference in space. So the idea was shelved (and actually came up again not too recently but that isn't a focus at the moment). Both the characters, Gina and Darnell had developed substantially from the start of 2009 and I decided to take a step back and look heavily at what story I exactly wanted to tell. Story, I still had no story to tell and that became my focus. The end of 2010 and half of 2011 were really trying times for me and the family. I already had one child and spent a large amount of time over those two years on ships traveling. Each time something would happen that I found effected me, I would write it down and try keep an idea of what happened and how it would work in a story.

2012 and 2013 not a lot got done but I had chosen a medieval setting for the game and started to explore the ideas behind the world and creating a plot. The plot was an interesting one to come up with and how to reveal the ending but I will keep that for those who choose to read the book to work out for themselves. But I had a story. It is called End of Light and was written as a side scrolling video-game. I always wanted my own game or animation (re-take :P) and for a large amount of time was torn between both. A full synopsis of end of light with basic script and character development included with the introduction of a new character, Kolin. Kolin was to be a relationship option in the game with the player being able to choose from either Gina or Darnell. An extra female character was created to act as the Female relationship option, Kaida. The biggest problem I had with end of light and trying to write a video game was story. How to make a game fun and tell a specific story at the same time. This didn't work and like the first few attempts was shelved for a later date. This lead me to 2015 and the birth of my third child and where the story changed once more. I ended up having to live away from home for 9 months and spent most of my time developing the world and ideas behind it. 2016 I spent drafting a plot and by the end of the year had the basic story line worked out and character setups. How much they all changed and for the better. Gina and Darnell were now enemies and I had introduced a whole new enemy, the plagued. The last half of 2016 up to this point so below I present the setting up for Cold Heart - Strangers behind me. There are still a lot of NGE themes set into the story. I still need to go back and flesh a lot of it out, fix some grammar and spelling issues before it goes of to an editor but I finally have something to call my own


Its been almost 13 years since the mysterious plagued appeared on Orion, wiping mods of the Canidae population from the planet. In a last effort to save the remaining Canidae's from being over run the five Shaman's of power activated a barrier now know as the dark Gate. The war is abruptly ended almost as soon as it begun restoring peace to the surviving part of the region. Now two years after the death of her mother, Gina takes solitude in the towns abandoned and derelict warning tower to watch the sun set each night as she once did with her mother. When signs of another persons footprints appear, the young girl attempts to discover who shares the tower with her and make contact by writing messages on the wall. Follow Gina a young Vulpes (red fox) as she discovers the mysteries behind Orion, the shamans and stones of power and her ultimate choice, that you the reader make.

I do apologies in advanced for any spelling/grammar errors in the story as I have not yet gotten back to editing yet. Once a final edit has been conducted the chapters will be removed from the internet ready for publishing.

I am after feedback on the story though regarding plot holes or anything that you may feel could need some more explaining. I really hope this is the right place to post this. I really like the characters I have created.

Thanks for taking the time to Read this lengthy post.

Parts 1-4
Parts 5 and 6 are in editing and will be posted one chapter at a time to fiction press.


Vicky Eleta - Deceased VIC-KEY
Gina Eleta GEE-NAH
Hayley Akodi HAY-LEE
Kolin Akodi COLL-IN
Kaida Akodi K-EYE-DA
Amphion Darnell AM-FI-ON DARR-NEL
- Partner – Deceased
- Son – Deceased
Theodore Marko (Mr.Marko) THEO-DOOR MAR-CO
Andrea Marko AND-REA
Phil-Byron Coolac PHIL-BY-RON COOL-ACK
Arnold Teptor ARN-OLD TEP-TOR
Nieve Teptor – Shaman of Forsight NE-EVE
- Jessica JESS-IKA
Sar Iovius – Shamon of Pain SAR IOV-IUS
Terrin Clarus – Shaman of Life TER-RIN CL-ARUS
Elton Petrovich – Shamon of Eternal Life EL-TON PET-ROV-ICH
Tiatha Dima – Shaman of Power TY-ATH-AH DEE-MA
Philip Vacnerian – Comdr of the Altona PHIL-IP VAS-NERI-AN
Etad Caetus – Crown ET-ADD CAY-TUS

Reed Lawarn REED LAW-ARN
Ryman Saxor R-EYE-MAN SAX-OR
Alyssa Tedral AL-EYE-SA TED-RAL

The Planet Orion is one of 7 planets in its star system. It can be found on Orion's belt and has a nice view of the horse head Nebula in the night sky. It is an earth like world with a 378 day Rotation and 24 hour days.
The months are split into 12 the same as ours under the following names.

Each time period is named after a significant event in a 100 year period. The story of Cold Heart (messages on the wall) is the "Century of 3 kings 63".
The story behind the name.
The continent is split into three large areas separated by mountains. The main trade routs between each country are through the middle of these mountains. War between the 3 countries broke out with the lands and wealth at stake by three power hungry Kings. A proposal from the five Shaman was each king face each-other in a fight to settle the rights for the lands and spare all the Canidae's within the lands. The Victor would wed a wife in each region and heir a son to each wife. The sons would be bought up to love and respect each other giving the land and its people peace. This was agreed on and proved to be a successful way to establish freedom under a united government.

Religion: No religion exists on Orion, if it did when the Plagued appeared all of it was lost.

Canidae: The Canidae people are split into 4 main different Races. Canina, Cerdocyonina, Vulpini and Urocyon.
It is considered Taboo for Canidae to breed outside of their race with another race. Each race had several sub races.
Canina are divided into the following:
Lupus, Latrans, Anthus, Simensis, Aureus, Alpinus, Pictus and Asustus.
Cerdocyonina are divided into the following:
Chysocyon, Vetulus, Filvipes, Griseus, Gymnpcercus, Culpaesu, Thous and Microtis.
Vulpini are divided into the following:
Zedra, Cana, Chama, Vulpes, Corsac, Ferrilata, Macrotis and Lagopus.
Finally Urocyon are divided into the following:
Littoralis and Cinereoargenteus.

How Canidae talk about one another: Canidae is often abbreviated to Canis or Canid depending on the area a Canidae had been bought up in. A Canidae will call another Canidae they don't know by their sub race for example Gina is referred to as Vulpes at times however if the Canidae's name is known calling a Canidae by their race is concerned highly insulting and even racist.

Five Shamans exist each holding a stone. During the life of a Shaman each one has a power used to keep the world in balance and identify areas where the lands or people are suffering. A Shaman is immortal until they bare offspring. The Child of a Shaman is tought how to use the stone and inherits a power from the mother or father. Once a Shaman has handed over the stone they are destine to live out their days as mortals. The oldest of the Shamans is Sar at 316 years.

Life expectancy:
The average life span of a Canidae is 82 years with some living as long as 105.

The Plagued:
Little is known about the plagued. They are a highly intelligent parasite that infects a host turning them feral. Some instances can infect within a matter of minutes and others within days. The only know cure is death. Plagued are unable to cross into the region of Craydon (last remaining region of living Canidae.

Four different languages exist on Orion.
Sek (Latin) - Language of the Shamans (Hardly ever used or known about).
Drish (English) - Language of the South
Nudnete (Spanish) - Language of the North
Kulo (Welsh) - Language of the West.

So to end it all I have written a script, recorded voices and started the video. Started comic slides and a few other things. Plans for a mobile game are still in drafting.

Any Questions feel free to ask and thanks for taking the time to read.
Writer and Lead animator of Cold Heart

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Re: Cold Heart - What happened After Re-Take

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Postby Zeak » Sat Jun 03, 2017 8:18 am

Bit of an update now. Spoken to a publisher and have interest so I have almost completed the manuscript now and will be sending it off to an editor shortly. its Interesting experience looking for an editor to say the least. I have received a number of quotes from a number of different editors across the last three weeks. A lot of it is what can my coin buy me. Originally I had been quoted around $1000 - $2000 (Aud) for an editor. I looked everywhere from Here in Aus to south Africa, the Uk, china and USA. It was interesting looking at all the different examples of work. Trying to find one that fit me was the hardest point. So many different examples of work, writing styles ect. So turns out that from my picks I managed to find someone local and reasonably priced. The good news is I plan to have the manuscript to her by July for a final edit.

I will be self publishing and are in the process of that now, this will be paper back and ebook so when its done I will post links and sending off to a few big publishers. For the moment I think I will avoid amazon until I have my head around things.

If anyone has experience with self publishing or publishing in general please let me know. After a few pointers.
Writer and Lead animator of Cold Heart

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