[CYOA] Gendo's Miserable Quest to Ruin Everything

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[CYOA] Gendo's Miserable Quest to Ruin Everything

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Postby Squigsquasher » Tue Nov 08, 2016 9:58 am

Squigsquasher at the tender young age of 16 wrote:Mark my words, I will make a sequel to Shinji's Silly Misadventures!

*Looks at calendar*

Well, shit. It's been FOUR YEARS and I still haven't delivered. Well, even if most of my original fans are long gone and the RP section is completely dead, I'm going to fulfill my duty and do this CYOA if it's the last thing I do.

So let's get going shall we? Pretty simple ruleswise- after 7 5 votes, an option will be selected and the story will move on. Note that in the spirit of the original, this is being written unscripted and completely on the fly, and so may contain more than a few continuity errors.

Anyway, on with the show!

GENDO'S MISERABLE QUEST TO RUIN EVERYTHING


*AWOOGA AWOOGA AWOOGA*

You sit bolt upright, and slam your hand down on the button on your alarm clock, silencing the morning klaxon.

It is 6 AM, the perfect time to wake up from a short period of rest and thus maximize your grumpiness. You wonder what time your useless son wakes up in the morning; probably something stupidly late like 8AM, the lazy slacker that he is.

You get out of bed, slide into your squeaky hamster slippers (made from real hamster skin) and plod over to your bedroom's desk.

Pulling out the leather-bound office chair from under it, you sit down and scoot up to the desk. It is a wonderful desk, one of your favourites in your massive collection of desks you have set up in strategic locations around NERV HQ. It is made of mahogany and sealed with a varnish mixed with the tears of abandoned children. Sometimes, when you listen very closely you swear you can hear it quietly wailing.

After a brief period practicing your signature pose, you power up the computer set up on the desk. It is a powerful. state of the art machine, running Windows 95 and only matched in power by the MAGI supercomputers and Hikari's Sega Saturn. Truly there is no greater OS in 2015. You know this, Ritsuko told you this when she set it up for you.

After a lightning-fast 10 minutes, the machine is booted up, logged on and ready to go. Now, the question is, what do you do first?

1: Check your emails?
2: Play DOOM?
3: Read the NERV base diagnostics?
Or 4: Check on the hidden camera in Rei's room?
Last edited by Squigsquasher on Thu Nov 10, 2016 3:26 pm, edited 1 time in total.
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Re: [CYOA] Gendo's Miserable Quest to Ruin Everything

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Postby Sachi » Tue Nov 08, 2016 10:57 am

Check your emails, make sure nothing is on fire or needs immediate attention, delegate the rest to Fuyutsuki, and then you can play DOOM.
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Postby Justacrazyguy » Tue Nov 08, 2016 4:13 pm

Rei trumps all else! 4!
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Re: [CYOA] Gendo's Miserable Quest to Ruin Everything

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Postby NemZ » Tue Nov 08, 2016 6:02 pm

Yeah, Rei. can't delegate that to Fuyu or he's likely to get all creepy again.
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Re: [CYOA] Gendo's Miserable Quest to Ruin Everything

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Postby cyharding » Tue Nov 08, 2016 11:28 pm

Number 4.

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Re: [CYOA] Gendo's Miserable Quest to Ruin Everything

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Postby Squigsquasher » Thu Nov 10, 2016 4:15 pm

(Note: Due to the reduced forum activity, number of votes required has been reduced to 5. I know we're on 4 but we'd have a majority anyway so eh. Sorry if this seems like I'm rushing things along.)

You decide to check on Rei via the secret camera you have installed in her apartment. You still feel a bit skeevy about having it there, but as a potential impact trigger, Rei needs monitoring, for her safety and everyone else's.

You click on the "ReiCam" icon and a window flashes up on your desktop. After a few seconds calibration, the window displays an image of Rei's room. Rei is fast asleep in her bed, snoring softly. D'aww. It's good to see her peacefully snoozing, if only because it means she can't set off an Impact.

You are about to shut the window down when you hear her talking in her sleep.

"Sh...Shinji..." she mumbles, dozily. "You...make me feel...warm..."

Well, that simply won't do. Rei isn't supposed to feel anything, let alone affection for your idiot son. Something must be done about this.

You close down the window and prepare to get dressed in order to have a little chat with Rei, when all of a sudden the room is filled with the deafening sound of Wagner.

Sighing, you reach inside your pyjamas' breast pocket and withdraw a rotary telephone, removing the receiver and holding it to your head.

"Hello? Gendo Ikari here. What is it?" you say, grumpily.

"Ah, yes, it's um, Fuyutsuki here." comes the response. "There's something you...really need to attend to."

You sigh. "Well, it will have to wait. I'm afraid I need to talk to Rei fairly urgently, so whatever it is you need to deal with it."

"No, sir, you don't understand!" Fuyutsuki pleads. "There's been a major incident in the dummy plug plant! This is serious!"

You raise your eyebrows. "Oh? What...kind of incident, Footski?"

"Well, the Rei clones, sir. They've kind of...escaped."

You nearly drop the phone with a mixture of impotent rage and complete shock.

"...How?" you utter after a moment's silence.

"Well, we're not entirely sure, but we suspect there was some kind of power failure in the containment systems. Ritsuko tells me-"

"No, not that. How the hell did the Rei clones achieve sentience?" you reply. "They're supposed to be inert."

"I...have no idea. But anyway, we need you over here, pronto." Fuyutsuki says, nervously.

"OK. I'll be there soon. Thank you for informing me."

You hang up and put the phone back in your pocket. Time to get busy getting ready.

After a brief period of showering and getting changed out of your Yotsuba&! pyjamas and into your snazzy suit, you are ready to leave. But then, for some unknown reason, you hesitate. What's the hurry? A little voice in your head says. The Rei clones are probably harmless; they're almost certainly just waddling around the dummy plug plant chattering to each other, if that. No, maybe you don't especially need to hurry after all.

Time to decide what to do.

Do you...

1: Actually get on and get to NERV HQ like you said you would?
2: Play DOOM?
3: Go visit Rei and discuss her unusual nocturnal behaviour?
Or 4: Just go for a brief stroll?
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Re: [CYOA] Gendo's Miserable Quest to Ruin Everything

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Postby Justacrazyguy » Thu Nov 10, 2016 4:52 pm

Stick with the original objective. 3.
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Postby Sachi » Thu Nov 10, 2016 7:25 pm

Well, by your second update, you managed to spoil the twist of the my zombie roleplay that I abandoned (maybe I'll pick it up again). :tongue:

I vote 3 as well. Any weirdness regarding the Rei clones can probably be linked back to Rei herself anyways.
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Postby MAGI_01 » Thu Nov 10, 2016 11:45 pm

A bit late to this but I shall vote 3.
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Postby Squigsquasher » Sun Nov 13, 2016 6:14 pm

Majority out of 5 achieved, CYOA progressing.

You decide the most prudent course of action is to visit Rei as you had originally intended. The potential tide of Rei clones erupting from the bowels of NERV can wait. You have to save Rei from her own foolish feelings.

Now fully dressed and ready, you grab your briefcase, head to the corner of the room and press the nose of the stuffed extinct capybara situated there. With a hiss, a panel in the floor opens and a fire pole extends down from the ceiling, into the floor hatch. Once it is locked in place, you grab hold of the pole and slide down it.

The pole takes you to the PimpCave (actually your garage) where your car, the PimpMobile (actually a knackered Ford Scorpio with underfloor lighting) awaits you. With no time to waste you open the door and climb into the driver's seat. With a twist of the key, the engine starts and as soon as the garage door has opened, you rocket out of the PimpCave and onto the open road.

A few minutes into your journey, as you cruise towards your destination, you spot a trio of figures by the side of the road. Intrigued, you decide to pull over next to them. As you approach you see they are about Shinji's age, two boys and a girl. One of the boys is clad in a dark navy tracksuit, has somewhat tanned skin and short-cut black hair, whilst the other has messy sandy hair and wears glasses. The girl has freckles and her brown hair is in short pigtails. The three of them look rather unhappy.

You wind down the window as you pull up to them, and stick your head out.

"Is there anything I can do for you three?" you say, doing your best not to sound creepy.

The burly youth in the tracksuit steps forward. "Ehh, if ya could give us a lift that'd be much appreciated." he replies. "We kinda got stuck out here an' we need ta get back home..."

Hmm. Judging by his attire and Kansai dialect, you deduce he is in fact the comic relief of the piece. You make a mental note to use him as a cannon-fodder pilot for the Eva programme.

"I see." you respond. "How did you manage to get here, if I may ask?"

The girl pipes up. "We were testing an...invention made by my friends here..." she says, grumpily. "It...didn't work very well, and we got stranded out here."

"It was...a space rocket." cuts in the nerdy looking boy. "We were going to be entering it for the school science fair, but, uh, it kinda...crashed."

You look behind the trio and notice a smouldering mass of twisted metal embedded into the ground, with the words "AIDA-SUZUHARA SPACE EXPLORATION SOCIETY" emblazoned on the side.

Hmm. Suzuhara...Aida...The names ring a bell, but you're not quite sure why.

"Are you classmates of Shinji by chance?" you say after a long pause.

The tracksuit-clad boy nods. "Yep...Ya know 'im? How's he doin'?"

"Yes, I know him." you say. "I'm his father."

"Huh. Well, I hope he's doin' OK. He doesn't talk about ya much... Nice ta meet ya in any case!"

The boy steps forward and extends his hand. "Name's Touji, and these're my friends, Kensuke and Hikari. Pleased to make yer acquaintance!"

The other two smile politely, though you notice the girl looks slightly...skeptical?

With some trepidation, you extend your own hand and shake his. You make a note to change your gloves the first chance you get.

"Nice to meet you, Touji." you reply, doing your best to force a smile. "Now, about that lift you need..."

You feel conflicted. On the one hand, the Rei issue is fairly urgent and you're not entirely sure about these bumpkins. The burly one smells funny, the nerdy one looks like he'd follow you into Rei's apartment and steal her panties, and the girl has a certain worrying aura about her that positively radiates "I know what you did, bucko". On the other hand they certainly seem harmless enough, and they are friends of Shinji's. Maybe they'll come in useful. Also, this science project sounds...interesting, you have to admit.

What do you do?

1: Agree to take them to their cruddy little hovels (as soon as you've got the Rei situation sorted)?
2: Politely decline, make an excuse and leave?
3: Agree, but only if they will assist you in keeping Shinji away from Rei?
4: Tell them to sod off?
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Postby NemZ » Sun Nov 13, 2016 10:47 pm

1. Gotta check on Rei, obviously. Perhaps these scrawny future casualties know her? If so, drill them for information about Rei on the drive.
Shinji too, maybe, if there's time. There probably won't be time.

Besides, if the Rei clones somehow swarm their way up to the surface and start killing everyone you'll have three human shields at your disposal.
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Postby Justacrazyguy » Mon Nov 14, 2016 9:04 am

I'll go with 1.
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Postby MAGI_01 » Mon Nov 14, 2016 11:41 pm

1 is the choice for me.
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Postby Squigsquasher » Tue Nov 15, 2016 4:13 pm

"OK, fine." you say at last. "Get in the car, I'll take you home. But before I do, I need to sort something out, so bear with me."

Touji beams. "Thanks! C'mon you two, we're outta here!"

"But what about the mortal remains of the Wunder?" whines Kensuke. "We can't just leave the poor thing by the side of the road!"

You sigh. "Oh, fine, we'll strap the bits of your spacecraft to the roof." you concede. It's not like the PimpMobile can possibly look any worse than it already does after all. Besides, it might come in handy.

A few minutes work getting the body of the suspiciously familiar-sounding rocket tied to the roof rack, and you finally set off towards Rei's apartment, with the three suckers in tow.

"So, you three are Shinji's classmates." you inquire. "What do you think of my embarra- sorry, lovely son anyway?"

"He's nice enough." says Hikari. "I don't know him too well, but he's always seemed like a good person to me. I mean, there was that one time he made Asuka cry but that wasn't really his fault."

You suppress the urge to chuckle. Somehow you're not surprised to hear Shinji is struggling to deal with women. He doesn't have the Rokubungi family knack for dealing with the opposite sex. Perhaps he inherited too much of Yui's softness. And kindness. And overall lovingness, and affection, and understanding, and seriously mean recipe for crab and sweetcorn soup...oh Yui, why did you have to-

"Erm, Mr. Ikari?" the pigtailed girl snaps you out of your reminiscing. "Are you alright? You seemed to be crying."

"What? Oh, yes, sorry. I, umm, need to clean those onions out of the air conditioning. I don't know how they got there." you stammer, trying your best to conceal any signs of weakness. "But, umm, yes. Where were we?"

"Well, Shinji's kinda quiet mosta the time." says Touji. "Me 'n Kensuke are his only real friends at school, though he's always bickerin' with Asuka, an' he seems to get on OK with Rei, wouldn't ya say, Kensuke?"

The bespectacled boy nods. "Yep. He's always nervous around Rei, for some reason, though she seems to get on with him. I think he's got a crush on her, myself. Wouldn't you say, class rep?"

"Yeah, I'd be inclined to agree..." she says, pensively. "Not that I think that's a bad thing, they'd be cute together, and it's nice to see Rei get along with somebody..."

Hmm. This is worse than you thought. If it were a one-sided flight of fancy on Rei's part, that would be bad enough. But for the two of them to be crushing on each other? This was a disaster. Rei is part of the scenario, and if she gets involved with Shinji it could ruin everything. Plus, even if she is a pawn in a much larger game, you are rather fond of her, and you don't want to see her getting hurt by that dysfunctional mess. Something needs to be done.

"Look, you three. I have something I need you to do." you declare. "You see, I really don't think Shinji and Rei would be a good match for each other. I need you to make sure they're kept apart."

"Huh? What makes ya say that?" asks Touji, puzzled.

"It's...complicated. But I really need you to stop Rei from crushing on him."

The trio start whispering to each other. Finally, Hikari speaks out.

"Saaaayyy...What are you up to?" she says, skeptically. "Are you...interested in Rei? I hope you're not, she's far too young for you."

You clench your fists under the seat, seething with rage at the implication. "Of course not! Where the hell would you get that idea from?" you splutter, trying to hide your anger. "No, Rei has...a heart condition, and too much excitement can set it off. I'm worried that if she gets involved with Shinji...well, you know."

Hikari's expression softens. "Oh, I see. Well, we'll see what we can do."

"Excellent. Oh look, we're here. I'll be right back, don't go anywhere."

The trio nod. "Not a problem. Can we have the radio on?" says Kensuke.

"Sure."

Satisfied that the silly children aren't going to run off with your car, you exit the automobile and stroll over to the entrance to the apartment complex.

You find Rei's apartment, and give three short, sharp knocks upon the door. "I'm coming in, Rei." you announce, before opening the door.

Wandering in, you find Rei sitting in her bed in her pyjamas, reading a biology textbook. With any other child this would be considered highly abnormal behaviour, but for Rei it is refreshingly normal.

She turns her head to face you, not putting down her book.

"Hello, Commander Ikari." she says, softly. "What brings you here? You do not usually visit my habitat, especially at this time in the morning."

You are about to immediately lay down the law with her about Shinji, but something stops you. There is something...different in her blood-red eyes today, something that makes you not want to upset her. You pray that this isn't a trick and that she hasn't evolved the ability to do puppy-eyes.

"Well, er..."

How do you start off this undoubtedly awkward conversation?

1: "Rei, this Shinji nonsense has to stop. It's for your own good." -tough love?
2: "Rei, I'm sorry, we need to have a little talk..." -try and make it painless?
3: "How has school been? -try and slowly work your way onto the Shinji topic?
4: Give her a hug?
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Postby NemZ » Tue Nov 15, 2016 4:24 pm

Hmm. It's been a rough morning, go with 4 first. Claim you're just testing her reactions to unusual stimuli before telling her she needs to remain professionally aloof with Shinji.
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Postby Justacrazyguy » Tue Nov 15, 2016 5:28 pm

4
Her reaction should be fun.
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Postby MAGI_01 » Mon Nov 21, 2016 2:17 am

All aboard the 4 train!
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Postby Squigsquasher » Tue Nov 22, 2016 5:33 am

You walk up to Rei's bed and sit down on the corner.

"Well, the thing is..." you begin to say, but once again, those crimson puppy eyes undo your resolve.

"What is it, Commander?" asks Rei, quizzically. "Is everything alright?"

What you want to tell her is that nothing is alright- that everything is going horrendously wrong and you're exceedingly grumpy. But you know that would probably make Rei sad, and whilst you may be a heartless old bastard, you're not quite that evil.

Only one thing for it. You need to cheer yourself up to make the talk a bit less painful.

"Oh, sod it." you mutter under your breath. "C'mere, you..."

Before Rei can respond, you shuffle over and give her a big, warm hug. She is tiny in your arms, and feels strangely delicate and weak, but she is soft and warm.

Rei looks absolutely bewildered for a few seconds. Then, to your surprise, she reciprocates the embrace.

"C-Commander..." she says, awkwardly. "I...this is pleasant, but...what has brought on this sudden display of affection?"

You recoil, attempting to compose yourself. "What? Oh, I was just, erm, testing your responses to unusual stimuli. You passed!"

"Hooray." responds Rei, as flatly as ever.

You then remember what you came here for in the first place, and for some reason, you feel compelled to look at Rei's biology textbook, and so pick up the volume. To your surprise and horror, you see it is filled with pictures of Shinji- photos, sketches and doodles.

Oh dear. It seems her obsession with Shinji is worse than you thought.

You sigh. "Rei, it's about Shinji..." you say, heavy-heartedly. "This...infatuation with him, I'm afraid it can't carry on. It's not good for you."

Rei's shoulders sink and her head slumps. "...I don't understand. Shinji is kind to me, and makes me feel warm inside." she says, mournfully. "Is that not good for me?"

"Well...The thing is...it's hard to explain. You're too important to be getting attached to him. Besides, the Second tells me that he wears her undergarments for sexual relief. I don't think a relationship would be healthy."

"The Second is not an entirely reliable source of information. She seems to be under the impression that my designation is Wondergirl, and also says unpleasant things about you." she replies, unhelpfully. "Besides, I think I would like to see Shinji in my under-"

"OK, that's...probably too much information." You wonder what goes through the poor girl's head sometimes. Clearly the long periods of isolation have taken their toll on her mental wellbeing. "The point is, you are to remain...professionally aloof with Shinji. It's in everyone's best interest. Is that understood?"

Rei sighs, and nods weakly. "Yes, I understand, Commander."

"OK, good. Now, if you'll excuse me I-"

Suddenly, the sound of banjo music erupts from your jacket. Cursing to yourself, you withdraw a conch from your pocket and hold it to your ear.

"Hello? Who is this?"

"Commander! Where the hell are you?" wails Fuyutsuki down the line. "The Rei clones are everywhere! I think they're multiplying!"

"Oh. That's...not good." you say, trying to maintain your composure. "Where are they contained to at the moment?"

"Everywhere! They're crawling in the ventilation, they're chewing through the cables, and don't even get me started on what they've done to the cafeteria!"

Your hands begin to tremble with rage. NERV may be a miserable little shell of an organization, but the cafeteria makes some of the best damn burritos there are. If that's been compromised by the clones...

That's it. Something has to be done. Enough beating around the bush.

"OK, thank you, Sub-Commander foot." you respond at last. "I'll be as quick as I can."

"Good...wait, foot?"

Before he can press the issue you hang up and replace the conch in your jacket. Time for business.

"What's the matter, Commander?" Rei pipes up. "Has something happened at the headquarters?"

"Yes. Something awful. Now if you'll excuse me I need to be on my way."

"Can I come?"

You run the idea over in your head. Perhaps reinforcements would be useful...

Who do you take with you?

1: Nobody. This is something you must do alone!
2: Rei. Maybe she can help control the clones?
3: Touji, Kensuke and Hikari. Meat shields are always useful.
4: Rei and the three chumps you picked up. The more the merrier after all.
Here lies Squigsquasher.
2013-2017.

Justacrazyguy
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Re: [CYOA] Gendo's Miserable Quest to Ruin Everything

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Postby Justacrazyguy » Tue Nov 22, 2016 3:58 pm

4
Confusion is good.
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Re: [CYOA] Gendo's Miserable Quest to Ruin Everything

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Postby NemZ » Tue Nov 22, 2016 10:12 pm

1. Can't put Rei in danger like that (or risk getting her mixed up with one of the others in the heat of... whatever this is), nor let these little shits learn of the deeper secrets of the universe... one of them could be a Seele spy!
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