New FanFic! Rebuild of Evangelion: Legacy

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New FanFic! Rebuild of Evangelion: Legacy

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Postby DarkBluePhoenix » Thu Sep 01, 2016 8:08 pm

Ok, don't get me wrong, I like the rebuild movies a lot, but I was thinking, and a good friend of mine, silvermoonlight, asked what I would do if I could rewrite the rebuild. So, I answered the question and realized this would make one hell of a fic. See below. before I write it, I have a while to go with my current epic, but I'd like to get some opinions on the plot layout. Please read below

General changes I'd make are to get rid of the Shinji-centric nature of Rebuild, and give other characters more screen time for development. Also, no more Rei is the love interest, cause, the brother/sister angle is not my thing, and IMHO a little weird.

Rebuild of Evangelion: Legacy - 1.01  SPOILER: Show
Misato no longer knows about Lilith. That really ruins her credibility with me because she shouldn't know that, what else does she know. Does she know about instrumentality? I bet she does in Rebuild, and she hates Shinji because she hates herself for being a part of it. So her speech to get Shinji to attack Ramiel is more along the lines of protecting everyone he cares for, and protecting those that care for him, and then she lists off names, and Shinji agrees, however begrudgingly. Also added scenes of Asuka getting ready to head for Japan, and her own battle against Gaghiel, and Kaji meeting up with his ward, Mari. Also a bit more screen time for Hikari and the stooges.

Rebuild of Evangelion: Legacy - 2.02  SPOILER: Show
Opening where Mari kills Angel stays the same, as is her meeting with Shinji (cause how is that not funny as hell).Image Asuka's arrival stays the same, but the air force pilot at 14 is beyond implausible to me, like the world is not that desperate for pilots, adults still exist, and fighter planes are not for children, EVAs are however, so no more captain. So Asuka Langley Soryu (back to the way things should be) meets up Shinji and Rei, and they begin to become friends. Rei likes Shinji, but not in a romantic fashion, and Asuka takes the opportunity to get to know Shinji better by living with him. Also, adding back in Israfel and the ballet kill, because that should never have been left out. Ok, also no more "Three EVAs active in a country rule" cause it's bullshit. Toji is back in Unit-03 and is injured severely (but not killed) as is Rei during the fight, Shinji is fired for wrecking the pyramid (he actually is able to destroy a good portion of it before he is knocked out), leaving only Asuka to fight Zeruel. Asuka is saddened by Shinji's departure,and is almost killed in the fight with Zeruel until Mari intervenes in Unit-00, which she beasts out in. Asuka gets out of her disabled EVA, only to be grabbed by Zeruel and ingested, which Shinji sees as Mari is being defeated, and Unit-00 is utterly destroyed. He rushes to his EVA and everything else goes as planned, with him shouting "Give me back my Asuka!" and getting her back in the same fashion he rescued Rei. Also a bit more screentime for Hikari and the stooges, and Hikari and Asuka become friends, and more Shinji x Asuka time.

Rebuild of Evangelion: Legacy - 3.03-2.02  SPOILER: Show
Sets up the time in between the two stories and explains the things that happened. Mari and Rei get together (Because she looks like Yui, read the manga folks) Mari's past is explained, WILLEs formation is explained. And Kaji is in charge of WILLE, and Misato is his subordinate, and they are back together after Shinji nearly wrecks the world. It shows Mari in Unit-08, and the restoration of Unit-02 (and its S2 Engine) and its storage until they can recover Asuka and Unit-01. The story also shows a recovered S2 Engine for the Wunder being installed, and the reason to recover Shinji and Asuka is to have more pilots on their side. Also, Toji is seen alive and well, living with Hikari, and working with Kaji as his bodyguard and Hikari as his assistant. He misses Shinji and is able to convince Kaji to recover his friend from orbit to fight. The final scene shows us Unit-01 in its space crucifix and goes inside the Entry Plug to see Shinji and Asuka in a warm embrace, being kept alive and well by the S2 Engine and Yui's love for her son and his OTL. Also I have to mention, everyone ages normally, so when Shinji and Asuka wake up, they will be in adult bodies without knowing why.

Rebuild of Evangelion: Legacy - 3.03  SPOILER: Show
Ok, opens with Mari and Rei entering orbit to recover Unit-01, with Rei leading (in Unit-07 which physically looks like Unit-08 in Unit-00 second color scheme), and Mari acting as backup. Everything that follows happened in the film, excluding the mission over life philosophy (Kaji's love has kept her from becoming a raging bitch) Shinji and Asuka are recovered from the entry plug in an adult state (much to everyone's surprise) and are greeted in the medical bay by Sakura, Rei, and Mari. Shinji and Asuka freak out over their aging, and the fact that Mari and Rei are together, that and who the hell is Mari? The past 8 years is explained to them, and Rei's origins as Shinji's kinda sister, Shinji agrees to fight if Asuka does and Asuka agrees to fight on one condition, that her and Shinji share a room together. after a few days, NERV attacks with Unit-06 and Unit-09 and kidnaps Shinji while Mari tries to stop them. Rei consoles Asuka with a kiss, and Mari doesn't mind as she knows Rei had a crush on Asuka all those years ago. Shinji is brought before his father and fitted with a bomb collar to make him follow orders (unlike before). Kaworu looks after Shinji, and makes him feel comfortable by loving him, which Shinji is glad for as he feels very uncomfortable being back at NERV. Shinji is placed in Unit-13 with Kaworu, and Kaworu takes the bomb collar off and puts it on, saying that Shinji should follow his conscious, and not his orders. With a Kaworu dummy plug set into Unit-06 and Rei Q (who looks 16-ish) in Unit-09. The descent into terminal dogma goes like in the movie, with Unit-02, Unit-07, and Unit-08 intervening to save Shinji. Unit-07 fights Unit-09, and Rei kills Rei Q because "there can only be one Rei Ayanami, and that's me, father." Unit-08 fights against the accidentally awakened angel (Rei's fight knocked the spears out of place), and Unit-02 engages Unit-13 to try and save Shinji. When Shinji refuses to pilot, as the unit begins to awaken, Kaworu is killed, and Shinji is devastated losing someone that genuinely loved him, while Asuka pulls his plug out, and gets him inside her own EVA. Unit-07 is damaged and recovered by Wunder, while Unit-08 and Unit-02 fight and defeat the angel before it damages the Wunder, and are forced to walk in the wasteland to be recovered as the Wunder flies away.

Rebuild of Evangelion: Legacy - 4.04  SPOILER: Show
Rei is recovering in the medical bay after the fight and asks where Mari is. Recovery teams are sent out into the wasteland to try and find them, while Yui wakes up to go and retrieve her son. The trio in the wasteland are confronted by over 50 nemesis series, and with Unit-08 being low on power, Asuka is forced to fight on her own, until Unit-01 charges in. Shinji transfers to Unit-01 to help defeat the enemy units just as the teams from the Wunder arrive. With everyone recovered, the Wunder heads to WILLEs HQ on Midway Island. There they meet with Kaji, Toji and Hikari (Toji and Hikari are overjoyed that their friends are alive), and they discuss a final assault on NERV. Kaji shows them a picture of a creepy white Evangelion and says that 22 of them have been made, and are ready for deployment. He wants them intercepted by the Wunder and the four EVAs they have at the remains of Tokyo-3 before they can be deployed to destroy humanity. Kaji orders all four EVAs be refit, and Rei and Mari's units be installed with new S2 Engines he had recovered from a NERV outpost. Now, without the need for external power, the four pilots ready themselves for the final battle. As they arrive, Shinji realizes he must confront his father, and Asuka agrees, when the enemy is nearly defeated he should break of and find him. Armed with a shit load of weapony, and with the Wunder flying as air support, the remains of the nemesis series and the MP EVAs attack the four. The battle looks like Asuka's EoE moment on steroids, and with only 5 MP EVA's left after a knockdown drag out fight, the Wunder has taken a lot of damage and has to set down in the ocean east of Tokyo-3, and Asuka tells Shinji to find his father, and teach him a lesson. the girls finish off the rest of the MP EVAs, while Shinji confronts his father, and before he can rush Gendo, Yui takes over for a moment and devours him whole. Everyone then meets back up to destroy the fusion generators powering NERV HQ, they set their A.T. Fields at maximum and survive the blast, which can be seen from the Wunder. after the Wunder is repaired, it returns to Tokyo-3's crater and sees the EVAs have been shut down, and are patiently waiting to be recovered. With the EVAs recovered, they head back to Midway and are congratulated at a job well done. As the credits begin to roll as the pilots ready themselves for their new, Kaji tells them that as the remnants of NERV pop back up, they will be called back into action, but for now it's time to relax. Also as to why Midway isn't submerged. When 4th Impact happened, the White Moon, which was still in Antarctica, was destroyed, and it filled in with water, lowering the water levels of the planet to pre 2I levels.

Rebuild of Evangelion: Legacy - Final  SPOILER: Show
4 years after 4.04 ends, everyone has become happy and adjusted to not having to fight, Shinji and Asuka have twins (a son and a daughter), and Mari and Rei have a son (from Shinji's donated sperm, he is related to Rei after all, and Mari carried it). The Earth is returning to its state before 2I, and people are thriving once again. However, the NERV bases in Germany, Russia, China, the US and the UK have just completed their nemesis series drones, which are launched toward WILLE HQ with 5 new EVAs of incredible strength, powered by a Kaworu/Rei dummy plug. The attack comes on the fourth anniversary of NERV's defeat, and everyone is scrambled to stop them before the protectors of the world are wiped out. A battle ensues where everything is nearly destroyed, until the four pilots we know and love awaken their EVAs godlike powers to utterly destroy the enemy. However one of the modified EVAs gets aboard the Wunder and takes it over, forcing Misato and the crew to abandon ship, and the pilots to attack it in God Mode. The Wunder is destroyed, leaving WILLE without its flagship, and realizing the threat of NERV is still there, the four pilots (in an awesome montage) go and destroy everything NERV has left behind before self destructing their EVAs and moving on from that dark chapter in their life.

So, there you have it DarkBluePhoenix's Evangelion Rebuild. Please leave comments on your thoughts about this story. I do intend to write it, as this is simply a very rough draft, I'll take any constructive criticism or praise you have.
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Re: New FanFic! Rebuild of Evangelion: Legacy

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Postby Fyrstorm » Fri Sep 02, 2016 5:07 pm

Well, that's certainly an interesting take on fixing up the mess that is Rebuild, and it would address the gaping plot holes left in it...

Just one question.
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How does Unit-02 have an S2 Engine? And how do you repair something that was eaten by an Angel? Are they just taking whatever they could find of the thing, mixing it in with Zeruel's corpse/Engine, and inducing the Eva's genetic pattern onto the mess? Then again, Zeruel doesn't seem to chew its food...
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Re: New FanFic! Rebuild of Evangelion: Legacy

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Postby DarkBluePhoenix » Fri Sep 02, 2016 6:17 pm

Unit-02 was disabled by Zeruel, not eaten. Asuka got out and was swallowed up in the angel's rage. Unit-02, like Unit-00 and Unit-01 had dormant S2 Engines from their production, and were not discovered until much later. This would also explain why Unit-01 awakened in rebuild, as it already had an S2 Engine installed, whether unknown, or thought to be not functioning. That's about the best explanation as I can think of. I hope that answers your question.


Speaking of Rebuild Zeruel, this is now what I think of when I see that battle, so I made the gifs to immortalize it.

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This makes the whole movie better now.
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Re: New FanFic! Rebuild of Evangelion: Legacy

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Postby silvermoonlight » Sat Sep 03, 2016 4:45 am

View Original PostDarkBluePhoenix wrote:Unit-02 was disabled by Zeruel, not eaten. Asuka got out and was swallowed up in the angel's rage. Unit-02, like Unit-00 and Unit-01 had dormant S2 Engines from their production, and were not discovered until much later. This would also explain why Unit-01 awakened in rebuild, as it already had an S2 Engine installed, whether unknown, or thought to be not functioning. That's about the best explanation as I can think of. I hope that answers your question.


Just throwing an idea out with regard to the S2 engine, the S2 engine looks like a huge fleshy liver and we know that when an Eva consumes one it gains its power (Ie no need for cables) What if all your Eva are pre fitted internally with a similar liver but once the S2 is consumed and digested its cells penetrate the normal liver turning it in to an S2 engine? It would get around that issue also Nerv could find and S2 angel engine and recreate it and replace all of Eva's livers with it (Again no need for cables or batteries)

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Re: New FanFic! Rebuild of Evangelion: Legacy

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Postby DarkBluePhoenix » Thu Oct 13, 2016 8:12 pm

silvermoonlight wrote:
Just throwing an idea out with regard to the S2 engine, the S2 engine looks like a huge fleshy liver and we know that when an Eva consumes one it gains its power (Ie no need for cables) What if all your Eva are pre fitted internally with a similar liver but once the S2 is consumed and digested its cells penetrate the normal liver turning it in to an S2 engine? It would get around that issue also Nerv could find and S2 angel engine and recreate it and replace all of Eva's livers with it (Again no need for cables or batteries)

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Or they could have taken samples from Adam's liver/S2 engine and cloned it or grew them for the EVAs, and as the human liver cane be regenerated somewhat after being damaged, who's to say the angel's S2 engine is like a starfish that can grow completely back. The S2 is unique, it is an unlimited power source, and it heals things, so it's not out of the realm to think it can heal itself is you hack a piece off.

How they end up dormant, I'm not sure, but I have plenty of time to think about it.

Which brings me to the reason I'm replying to this post. I'm posting this today to say that until my current fic is done Neon Genesis Evangelion: Legacy, the Rebuild of Evangelion: Legacy (its a working title, subject to change) will not be started until after the final chapter is posted. I'd like to just focus on one story at a time so I don't mess anything up and put all my energy towards one to make it the best it can be.
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Don't worry guys, all of rebuild will get its DarkBluePhoenix fanfiction face lift, so don't look so down. The rewrite (just like Final apparently) will take some more time.
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Re: New FanFic! Rebuild of Evangelion: Legacy

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Postby xfs » Fri Oct 14, 2016 1:49 am

Ha, I just found out you also have this thread.

Here are some comments about difficulties I've had with the draft and some comments about the ships based on what I've read here so far. These are just feedbacks not questions that need answers.

Rebuild of Evangelion: Legacy - 1.01  SPOILER: Show
Misato no longer knows about Lilith
I don't think it's a major issue whether Misato knows about Lilith or not. In 1.0 Misato knew it is Lilith in Terminal Dogma because protecting Lilith was her tactical objective and she was aware what is there but she wouldn't know why it is there or what it does, which would be information above her pay grade.

Rebuild of Evangelion: Legacy - 2.02  SPOILER: Show
the air force pilot at 14 is beyond implausible to me
I think the caption rank is something of an honorary title to match the commandeering of an "ultimate weapon", and also it would not be a surprise if an Evangelion is under command of an air force just as the US strategic nuclear force is under its air force's command.

no more "Three EVAs active in a country rule" cause it's bullshit
I think this is fine. Rebuild was adding some geopolitical undertones to set up the becoming of Wille. But it's not like the UN can do anything even if the Vatican Treaty is broken once. Alas, these are really minor points.

Asuka [...] to be grabbed by Zeruel and ingested
Zeruel ingested Unit-00 to get pass the defensive perimeter of Terminal Dogma. What does it ingest Asuka for? (Zeruel would ingest Unit-02 and Asuka is already out of it.)

"Give me back my Asuka!"
You would need much more character interaction than "Asuka takes the opportunity to get to know Shinji better by living with him" to justify this plot, which is as strong as it could get for the bond between Shinji and Asuka. This is fine for me just it can be hard to pull off.

getting her back in the same fashion he rescued Rei
So a giant Asuka is extracted from Zeruel and then merges with Unit-01, then N3I, then Kaworu's LoC? Can this be explained by impact mechanics in this story?

Rebuild of Evangelion: Legacy - 3.03-2.02  SPOILER: Show
explains the things that happened
Does the 3I proper happen? (It has to happen to justify the formation of Wille.) Giant Rei Head (Giant Asuka Head?) in Command Center? Failure of Infinity? Impact mechanics? Why is Unit-01 sent to space by neo-NERV? Seele's motivation? Gendo's plan?

These are the real hard questions left out between 2.0 and 3.0, and I don't think everyone here even has a coherent theory. It would be amazing if you can put all these together into a story.

everyone ages normally
It would be quite awkward to have teenager's mind in adult bodies. Shinji and Asuka's friends would long have adult mind and see their personal issues fixed, while these two go all immature. it could get interesting, or difficult.

Rebuild of Evangelion: Legacy - 3.03  SPOILER: Show
Kaji's love has kept her from becoming a raging bitch
I don't think this is fair characterization of 3.0. Misato is not raging in 3.0. She is cold and worn out by battle fatigue in 3.0, for a purpose. It reflects the grim state of the world and how bad they are in a war. Kaji is implied in 3.0 to have some kind of managerial role in Wille (as the bridge new recruits seem to know him before Misato.) So if in your case it is Kaji who oversees all the combat then he would be the one to be extremely worn out, or the world is not as bad as it is in 3.0. But again AAA Wunder is implied to be the last hope of human, the Ark, so the world can't be in too good a state.

on one condition, that her and Shinji share a room together
Right, this is getting interesting. ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°) Though don't forget to take into account of the fact that they are mentally 14 year old.

Rei had a crush on Asuka all those years ago
How? I can't imagine a scenario like this. Again I'm not opposed to it. I just think it is hard to come up with all the necessary prerequisites for this to happen. For Rei to have a crush, she must first be empathetic. And at the end of 2.0 she has only developed minor capability of empathy towards Shinji based on the fact that they are blood relatives. Anything further from that requires major development of character. New things need to happen, not just talking and thinking.

And why? In this plot, Shinji and Asuka are a couple already, Shinji and Rei are brother and sister, then for Rei to have had a crush on Asuka? Wouldn't it get really confusing?

Kaworu is killed, and Shinji is devastated losing someone that genuinely loved him
In this scenario, Shinji is not in despair to be mentally manipulated like he was in 3.0. He does not feel as guilty (as he knows how 3I happens) or abandoned (He has Asuka now). So whatever relationship Kaworu develops with him, it would not be as devastating as in 3.0. It would still be a great loss but it would not break him. Whatever love Kaworu has for him or whatever role Kaworu was intended in 3.0 would be greatly diminished by the fact that Shinji is in good relationship with Asuka and the rest of Wille. Diminish is a better way to put it. I would say by giving Shinji WAFF this early, the plot with Kaworu is basically rendered meaningless.

defeat the angel before it damages the Wunder, [...] as the Wunder flies away
Wunder is not damaged then why does it fly away?

Rebuild of Evangelion: Legacy - 4.04  SPOILER: Show
while Yui wakes up to go and retrieve her son
Where does this Yui come from, you meant Unit-01?

until Unit-01 charges in
Unit-01 gets unplugged from Wunder? How is Wunder powered then?

When 4th Impact happened
I think your plot of 3.03 implies 4I does not happen or is quickly aborted to have any real effects. So maybe the White Moon goes pop the instant N4I starts?

Rebuild of Evangelion: Legacy - Final  SPOILER: Show
Mari and Rei have a son (from Shinji's donated sperm, he is related to Rei after all, and Mari carried it)
I didn't expect this. I didn't expect this far. I guess this is plausible since you already have had Rei to have a crush on Asuka and Mari is expectedly a lesbian. And Mari gets to complete her crush on Yui.

NERV bases in Germany, Russia, China, the US and the UK
Is the UN so weak they can't even attack one single NERV branch in all of the countries? Or all the branches are completely automated, self-sustained with manufacturing capability and defended with nemesis series? Eva used to take tremendous wealth to build.

Summary  SPOILER: Show
Besides the technical details mentioned, most plot would work. The main issue I have is that you're making Shinji and Asuka happy too early for a Good End to be rewarding. This also kills the chance of development for Rei's character and Kaworu's character. Based on the scope and ambition of the work I think you would be aiming for something higher than a Good End, True End of some sort.


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