The Shinji Ikari Rebuild Project

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Overly Smug Mari
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Re: The Shinji Ikari Rebuild Project

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Postby Overly Smug Mari » Mon Oct 03, 2016 1:45 pm

Cant wait for more of this.

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Re: The Shinji Ikari Rebuild Project

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Postby Ray » Mon Oct 03, 2016 3:30 pm

Something is coming. . . Don't worry.
I’ll escape now from this world, from the world of Jean Valjean, Jean Valjean is nothing now! Another story must begin!
Avatar: "There's a Starman, waiting in the sky. He'd like to come and meet me, but he thinks he'd blow my mind."
Phew, I’m not tense anymore… now I’m just miserable.
People say "be yourself" but that's bad advice, if we were all to "be ourselves" many of us would stop wearing clothes. -Chuckman

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Re: The Shinji Ikari Rebuild Project

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Postby Ray » Thu Oct 27, 2016 5:10 pm

Full disclosure. I posted this before on another thread. I'm working on an original chapter that I haven't written before, this just content to bridge the gap between updates.

Much Later, At An Undisclosed Location:

SPOILER: Show
The droning of a buzzer, awoke the boy from a restless sleep to the same ceiling. He sighed as he sat up off the padded floor, he peeled off the thin blanket.

The cell itself was relatively small, white and padded on all four walls and the floor. Well lit by a single incredibly bright ceiling lamp, sterile, and bleach white. It wasn't anything like the previous hospital rooms he had woken up in.
It wasn't a hospital, it was a madhouse and he realized it.

Time was still a blur to him, but he was beginning to perceive differences in the world around him. He could've been here a few weeks, or several years and it wouldn't have made a difference. He was still detached, but since he had first awoken in this new cell, he had slipped into a routine.

He woke up, they slipped breakfast through a slot next to the door. That was morning. A while later a woman in white came in with a wheelchair to take him to his medical examination where a man in a white coat would try to talk to him, that was noon. They fed him his dinner there, let him use the toilet, gave him a bath, and then returned him to his cell where he went back to sleep. That was night.

But at least it was an improvement over his previous accomodations, still a prison, but a much gentler prison. He wasn't in chains, or an embarassing hospital gown, although his new blue patient uniform wasn't much of an improvement. At least here he didn't have a detonator around his neck. . . .

He panicked again the second the thought crossed his mind. Quickly reaching for his neck expecting it to be there. He exhaled in relief after realizing it was gone again, and then sighed again in sadness.

"Kaworu . . . "

At least the people here weren't cruel . . . at least they fed him. What passed for food in this place, at least it was better than the goop they fed him before. As if to make a point, out of a vent next to the door slid a covered plastic tray.
He stood up and slowly walked over to the plastic tray, barely noticing it. Carefully taking the top off. It was garlic rice with carrots, a small piece of cake, a cup of orange juice, and a rubber spoon. No forks or knives, a precaution to keep patients from hurting themselves. In addition to the food there was also a tiny cup, with two bright blue pills next to the food. With a message on his napkin in Japanese.

"Take one before, and one after you eat."

Someone had drawn a smile on the memo. He would have cried at the gesture if he hadn't cried out all his tears long ago. Instead he sighed and carried the tray back to the center of his cell. He took one of the pills, and ate the simple meal in silence. Unaware he was being watched through a camera in the upper corner of the room.
- - -
Two figures stood in a room and watched him on a televisions screen.

"Are you a relative?"

"Not by blood, and I haven't seen him in over a decade. But under the circumstances... I'm the closest thing to one he has. I trust the proper authorities graced you with the truth about our... shall we say delicate situation?"

The doctor perused the patient's file for a moment, and majority of the information in it was blotted out, even the patient's name.

"Just the broad strokes, not the fine details. Which isn't helping us make any progress in treating him . . . but cases like him aren't uncommon at our facility."

"What exactly would you say is wrong with him?"

"My best diagnosis. With the information I've been allowed at least, is Catatonic Schizophrenia brought on by extreme and chronic physical and emotional abuse. He's mentally regressed to a borderline infant mentality as a defense mechanism to cope with his trauma."

"May I please see him now?"

"I don't think that would be such a good idea sir. Patients with problems this deep-"

"I traveled all the way from Berlin for him. I'm not leaving until I can see him. Please"
The doctor sighed in defeat.

"I recommend waiting for the anti-psychotic Meds to work. We'll arrange to have him brought outside to the garden. I figured we'd try a different tactic today. . . the simulated open air environment does wonders for our other patients. But a word of advice, sir. Don't try to push him too much too quickly. Otherwise it could set back what little progress we've made with him indefinitely."

- - -

Shinji finished eating and then took the other pill without complaint. When he finished, the buzzer on the door rang and it opened, in came a nurse with a wheelchair. She said 'something special' was going to happen to him today. He didn't pay attention to it. She lifted him up to his feet from his spot on the floor, and slowly led him out of the room step by step, before sitting him down in the wheelchair. She wheeled him down the hall, past several other rooms. He heard other patients crying and moaning loudly in pain. The nurse hummed a song in her own language under her breath as she wheeled him down the tiled passageway. He saw a glimmer of a pond next to a meadow of flowers outside of a window as he passed, but didn't care that much for it.

The nurse pushed him out of the dim passageway and into the brightly lit outside. She wheeled him into the meadow in the courtyard, under the shade of a tree and stopped. She said something in a language he didn't understand, attempting to be calm and soothing, and then left him there for a minute. He inhaled deeply through his nose and sighed, the sweet smell of the flowers was a welcome change from the sterility of the hospital rooms. But it was a small victory, a small victory in a string of failures too great to overcome.

Flowers? He thought to himself after a minute. Where did these come from?

He didn't know how long he had sat there before he heard someone else speak.

"It's been a long time. Eh, Shin-chan?" The boy didn't react at first, and ignored the voice of the man in the same shade as him. After a minute, which could have been an hour to him, he sighed again and looked up at the man, whom he didn't recognize at first.

"There's a lot of things in this life that don't change, but I never thought you'd be one of them. You haven't aged a day."
The voice was familiar, but he didn't recognize it. It was too kind to be anyone he could have known, he knew in his heart they all hated him now.

"But me?" The older man touched his own face as he walked through the shade closer to the boy. Shinji's eyes slowly widened in suprise and fear as the man walked out of the shade of the tree for a moment. "I've got a lot of miles."

The man had a few wrinkles, but he wasn't an old man just yet, he could've been in his early forties. His once thin beard was now full, and had specks of grey in it. He wore a plain black suit with a tie, and a pair of dark sunglasses. But there was no mistaking who it was, and Shinji didn't want anything to do with him. Shinji turned his head away and tightly clenched his eyes shut, tightened his mouth into a thin line, and pressed his hands over his ears, preparing for the insults, the accusing looks, the coldness and hatred like before.
The man walked over to the boy in the wheelchair, squatting down next to him. Trying to meet him eye to eye, despite his sunglasses coming between the two.

"Shinji." He said, a soft understanding in his voice. "I'm not going to hurt you, alright?"

Liar, the boy thought to himself. He began to fidget and quiver in anxiety, he turned away from the man, in his wheelchair. "Go away."

He said, barely putting any effort into a rasp of a voice. "Please, just stay away. . . "

Kaji turned away for a moment and removed his glasses. ". . .I can't do that Shin."

"No more. Please. . . no more. I can't bear anymore." He pulled his own head down, trying his best to avoid eye contact with the man. He couldn't stand being rejected by someone else. But the man carefully, slowly reached over to the boy and lifted his head up to face his with both his hands.

". . . Kaji?" The boy said in a desperate whimper as he reluctantly made eye contact with him. His eyes were familiar, lacking coldness, but now they were tired, carrying their own sadness inside them, outlined by the slightest hint of crows-feet.
"It's me kid . . . I'm here."

The boy finally broke down. He grabbed Kaji with both hands and quickly hugged him, catching the older man off guard. Clutching the man's shoulders tightly as if afraid he'd fall apart, he began to cry and sputter like an infant.

"I'm sorry. I'm sorry. . .I couldn't save Rei. . ." He moaned as the tears began to roll down his face. ". . . I couldn't save anyone. . ."
Kaji slowly reached up and gently hugged in return, though he didn't squeeze half as tightly as Shinji did. "I'm sorry too kid. . ."
". . .sorry wont bring them back. . .Thousands dead. . .all . . .me." He gripped Kaji tighter. Tears still trickling down the side of his face. He sobbed again before he let go of Kaji and slumped in the chair, sadness overwhelming him again.
"All me."
I’ll escape now from this world, from the world of Jean Valjean, Jean Valjean is nothing now! Another story must begin!
Avatar: "There's a Starman, waiting in the sky. He'd like to come and meet me, but he thinks he'd blow my mind."
Phew, I’m not tense anymore… now I’m just miserable.
People say "be yourself" but that's bad advice, if we were all to "be ourselves" many of us would stop wearing clothes. -Chuckman

xfs
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Re: The Shinji Ikari Rebuild Project

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Postby xfs » Fri Oct 28, 2016 3:40 am

I've read this as a sample before but the new thing this time is the decision to put it immediately after the previous section. This puts things in quite a different perspective.

The change of pace is refreshing and fitting to the story. It was quite intense in the last section and now it's slowed down a lot. Shinji wakes up to an unfamiliar ceiling. It is like ep. 2 again when the fight against the third Angel wasn't shown immediately but only recollected through flashbacks. Here the previous struggle finished but a lot of issues remain unsolved and ambiguous, which is an advantageous position to start for more development in case you have planned some flashbacks. Or it can also serve other purposes to not explain the time skip at all, because what could have happened is not hard to extrapolate. The hard to guess and uncertain part is the attitude of other characters. That would put us in a similar emotional setting like 3.0 again. In both cases it calls for more stories.

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Re: The Shinji Ikari Rebuild Project

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Postby Ray » Sun Dec 25, 2016 12:21 am

Sorry guys, Looks ;ike I'm not gonna be able to make my Christmas deadline. I'll try to have it out b4 new years.

Merry Christmas, and God help us all.

Edit: Looks like It's not gonna come out till later. Sorry.
I’ll escape now from this world, from the world of Jean Valjean, Jean Valjean is nothing now! Another story must begin!
Avatar: "There's a Starman, waiting in the sky. He'd like to come and meet me, but he thinks he'd blow my mind."
Phew, I’m not tense anymore… now I’m just miserable.
People say "be yourself" but that's bad advice, if we were all to "be ourselves" many of us would stop wearing clothes. -Chuckman

Ray
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Re: The Shinji Ikari Rebuild Project

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Postby Ray » Mon Oct 16, 2017 1:25 am

I'm wondering if I should scrap this and start over. I'm not nearly as angry as I was when I first started it.

Though I can see my writing is decent enough, it definitely could use some improvements, and I need to figure out where exactly I was planning on taking the story once I got Shinji off the Wunder. . .
I’ll escape now from this world, from the world of Jean Valjean, Jean Valjean is nothing now! Another story must begin!
Avatar: "There's a Starman, waiting in the sky. He'd like to come and meet me, but he thinks he'd blow my mind."
Phew, I’m not tense anymore… now I’m just miserable.
People say "be yourself" but that's bad advice, if we were all to "be ourselves" many of us would stop wearing clothes. -Chuckman

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Re: The Shinji Ikari Rebuild Project

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Postby C.T.1290 » Tue Oct 17, 2017 1:51 am

You should continue this, I'd like to see where this is all going.

Now for my review, I've been reading the whole thing in about a single night. I didn't really think Maya would be intent on killing Shinji, and even helping with the same goal to accomplish that. I'm surprised with her. And Misato and Asuka actually caring about Shinji after his near death experience? After everything he had done them? Even when Misato was thinking about "putting him out of his misery"? And what reason did Asuka have in defending Shinji from the first man willing to shoot him when he was. Brought back?

I'm looking forward to how rest will played out.
ONE RING TO RULE THEM ALL. ONE RING YOU TO FIND IT. ONE RING TO BRING THEM ALL AND IN THE DARKNESS BIND THEM.

"KONO DIO DA!"-Dio

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Re: The Shinji Ikari Rebuild Project

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Postby Ray » Tue Oct 17, 2017 11:37 pm

View Original PostC.T.1290 wrote:Now for my review, I've been reading the whole thing in about a single night. I didn't really think Maya would be intent on killing Shinji, and even helping with the same goal to accomplish that. I'm surprised with her.


SPOILER: Show
Yeah. . . I actually had some plans for that. Rits played a part in it. There's a reason you-know-who was even able to get a hold of her gun in the first place. and who besides Misato is closer to Ritz than anyone else?


And Misato and Asuka actually caring about Shinji after his near death experience? After everything he had done them? Even when Misato was thinking about "putting him out of his misery"? And what reason did Asuka have in defending Shinji from the first man willing to shoot him when he was. Brought back?

I'm looking forward to how rest will played out.


The way I see it. It's like when you hate someone for wronging you in a very intimate way. You say "I wish they were dead" or "I hope something awful happens to you for what you did to me" and in the moment you mean it. But then something bad actualy DOES happen to the person you wish Ill will on, and you wish you hadn't thought that thought when something ACTUALLY awful does happen to them.

There's this guy I met on an ASOIF forum where we talked about Theon Greyjoy. I basically said "Did Theon deserve SOME comeuppance for what he did to the Starks? Yes. Did he deserve what Ramsey did to him? NO! a thousand times NO!"

He made the comparison to a 'shitty-ex girlfriend' whom you hate and wish something awful would happen to, and then they get raped, or blinded, or lose a hand by someone who thinks the way you do and you feel guilt for even thinking it after seeing the person you hated for hurting you actually dying. Or in a pain you can't EVER hope to empathize with.
I’ll escape now from this world, from the world of Jean Valjean, Jean Valjean is nothing now! Another story must begin!
Avatar: "There's a Starman, waiting in the sky. He'd like to come and meet me, but he thinks he'd blow my mind."
Phew, I’m not tense anymore… now I’m just miserable.
People say "be yourself" but that's bad advice, if we were all to "be ourselves" many of us would stop wearing clothes. -Chuckman


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