The Shinji Ikari Rebuild Project

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Re: The Shinji Ikari Rebuild Project

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Postby Glor » Thu Jun 30, 2016 12:11 am

Man, great stuff Ray.

Incidentally, I was listening to the Bioshock Infinite soundtrack while reading. This track in particular came on:https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=H-jniPoucZ4

Seems fitting. Keep it up!
Rite of Reclamation - an Evangelion/Halo fusion, check it out, is pretty neat.

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Re: The Shinji Ikari Rebuild Project

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Postby Ray » Sun Jul 10, 2016 12:15 am

Eva and Bioshock do have a bit of overlap in many regards. Killer soundtracks and Judeo-Christian Imagery being two. Anyways, here's another Sample. I'm going to try and finish this up and get to the meat of the story I actually want to write soon.
Hideki  SPOILER: Show
Hideki waited impatiently at his console, Midori next to him. He occassionally shot a filthy glance at her, which she shrunk away from every time. He rubbed his bruised adams apple, still sore from Ibuki's elbow. He grumbled as he swallowed involuntarily trying to ease the bruised flesh of his throat. She could have been a little easier on him, he would have listened if she had told him about her plan to kill the wretched thing earlier. Midori was kind enough to apologize about it earlier, he kept silent. Upset at her for spilling her guts. But couldn't bring himself to hate the Intern. . Ibuki could make anyone cave, she knew how to work someone over.
He adjusted his collar to hide the bruise, before clenching his wrist in anger. He wasn't going to deny his bitterness, he just wished he could be there to see him . . . it get what it deserved. He gave a slight smirk. It felt weird taking pleasure in killing. But he shook his head, it doesn't count here. It's not human, Hideki thought. It's no better than those things that attacked Tokyo. It's the reason Toki's gone. It's no better than a sick dog that needs to be shot before it can bite more people.
He saw the time on the console tick. . . counting down to the time he had to wait . . .
"Now's close enough." He muttered. He pulled the drive out of the standard vest he wore over his coveralls and pushed the thumb drive in. Immediately a bare bones graphic that said 'loading' popped up, and after a minute of loading several options popped up in a GUI at the bottom corner of the screen.
/Open Magi Access/
/Open Core Access/
/Open To Reboot/
/Abort/


"Hideki. What are you doing?" Midori said as she glanced over at him, noticing something was up with his screen. She looked over her shoulder to make sure noone supervising them was looking.
He tapped Magi Access on the touch screen and several other options popped up.

"I'm following Ibuki's orders. Don't worry, it's something everyone'll appreciate. You included."
Another, GUI opened up and displayed only two options.

/Redirect Brig To Bridge/ Y/N?

He typed in a singular Y and pressed enter. He hoped whoever his superior had commissioned to make the the drive, was the programmer she assumed her to be. He didn't want anyone to be able to trace this back to him.
He shouldn't have hoped.


The GUI disappeared. Instantly, Midori's Console screen flickered and pixelatted again. Midori palmed her face in frustration, mumbling profanity as she gave Hideki her own dose of stink eye. Fortunately the problem fixed itself after several seconds.

Then traveled over to Kohji's console.

"What?" The veteran said as the pixels travelled from his screen to the status screen of the woman sitting next to him, who looked over at Kohji. They both knew this was peculiar.

Dammit! Hideki thought, worry entering his chest. A single bead of nervous sweat dripped down his forehead. A software error, no doubt trigggered by the drive. He quickly pulled out the drive and clenched it around his fist, in a panic to dispose of it before they got suspicious. His heart pounded. Where to put it? Coveralls? Not that's the first place they'd look. Stick it in your boot? Not a good option either. He eyed a hole filled with frayed wires below Midori's work station. He could throw it down there, and retrieve it later? No that could lead to lose ends.

"Dammit, not again." Kohji shouted as he saw Sumieres screen having the same issue. "We need a programmer and an engineer over here!"

Another engineer was heading over to the main central computer behind the Captains station. It would only be a matter of time before he was called over. Someone in a cap was already marching over, time was running out. There was only one place he could think of, where noone but him would find it. He popped the small rubber coated drive in his mouth, and swallowed.

"ENGINEER!"

Hideki nearly threw the drive up, but held it in and choked it down even as his bile tried to choke it back up. He stood
"Yes(gulp)sir."
"Get up to the Magi, we've got an issue here!'
"Sir!"
He began to march up the steps, when the pixelattion on the screens disappeared, and a message popped up on all of them at once, accompanied by a Blaring Alarm and flashing red lights.
A voice came over the Com.
"Lockdown! Lockdown! Shots fired in the Brig! We are on Lockdown! Stay where you are!"
"Brig?" His mouth opened and eyes widened with a hint of suprise. He kept his smile hidden from the other officer, but couldn't help but let a grin leak through.
I’ll escape now from this world, from the world of Jean Valjean, Jean Valjean is nothing now! Another story must begin!

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Phew, I’m not tense anymore… now I’m just miserable.
People say "be yourself" but that's bad advice, if we were all to "be ourselves" many of us would stop wearing clothes. -Chuckman

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Re: The Shinji Ikari Rebuild Project

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Postby Ray » Sat Jul 16, 2016 5:41 am

The Bridge  SPOILER: Show
The crew on the bridge had only begun to process what had happened. Impact boy had been shot. In reality it had all happened within the span of a few minutes, but it had felt like hours. A few had sighed at the idea of such a young life being wasted, even one as destructive as him. Not Hideki though, it too every amount of willpower he had to keep himself from laughing like an idiot.


"Captain on the bridge!"

He wiped his smile away and rose with the rest of the crew to give their captain a salute. Midori accidentally put the wrong hand to her head before quickly swapping it. Hoping nobody would notice.

Misato walked onto the bridge . . . her expression hidden behind her cap and glasses.

For a moment there was no noise on the bridge except for the whirring of the Wunders mechanisms and digital displays. You could have heard a pin drop. The crew just stood there like goons, waiting for their captain to say, 'at ease.' But it didn't come at first.

"Captain? Do you need something?" Maya came over next to her, she reached over to touch Misato on her shoulder, attempting to provide some sort of comfort to her.

Misato slapped her hand away roughly, the expression on her face never changing. She looked down at her gloved hands and sleeves for a moment.
They were still stained with blood. His blood. . .

"Miss Ibuki, return to your station." The Commander said. Maya rose and returned to her seat, as the captain shed the stained gloves and placed them in her overcoat pocket. She walked up to her captains chair, and slumped down into it half covering her face with one of her ungloved hands to hide it from her crew for a moment. As if she was putting a mask back on. "All of you. Return to your stations."

She looked up and observed and processed the expressions of confusion on the face of her crew, who were still unsure about what to say. Her eyes darted towards Engineer Tama, who didn't glance over in her direction, but did feel someones gaze burning a hole in the back of his head as he hunched over his monitor. She swallowed her disgust and pretended nothing was wrong.

"If anyone here says so much as a word about what happened . . ." Her voice reasserted its commanding emotionless tone. ". . . I'll have you thrown overboard. Understood?"

The crew remained deathly silent. Misato adjusted her cap and turned to look down from her chair at her crew.

"Awaiting your orders Captain." Midori responded, a hint of mild terror in her voice.

"Take us home." Misato said coldly. "I won't have any more-"

She was interrupted by a mass tremor that made the entire ship quake abruptly, nearly knocking her out of her chair.

"What the hell was that!?" The Captain said aloud, to her crew, grabbing her armrests. "Ibuki, Aoba! Someone get me a status report!"

""Massive convulsions and fluctuations are coming from the power supply maam! We may have a. . ." The words stuck in Aoba's throat when the data showed up on his screen. ". . .Oh my god."

"Give me details Soldier!"

"Its Unit 01 ma'am . . !" Maya said looking up from the display on her pad. "I think it's. . ."

The worry at the back of Misatos mind came to the front for a moment, as she prepared herself mentally for what was Maya was about to say.
". . . Unit 01 has gone beserk!"

Misato's took another breath to get her heartrate under control. She needed to stay focused on the issue at hand. Shinji would have to wait, she mentally told herself. Now is not the time for emotions. Now was the time to lead. The bridge reverberated several times, each vibration more intense than the last.

"Can you give me any kind of confirmation? Visual, auditory, anything?" The captain yelled. "Put something onscreen right now!"

Nagara obliged her as the surveillance from Unit 01's rampage came up on Misato's own holographic display.

"Utero camera Two and Four! The Womb is onscreen now!"

The holo display around the captain lit up with images of "The Womb" from several different angles. When she saw it appear on the display, her eyes widened behind her shades.

The screen showed the beast beginning to stir. It moved its head left and right as it attempted to open its mouth, bolted shut earlier with a metallic plate when it had been implanted into the Wunder. The beast became more aware of its imprisonment as it struggled, and attempted to open its mouth with sheer strength. It was like watching a madman struggle against a straight jacket and muzzle on a massive scale.

Misato's observation was interrupted by her environment proceeding to fight against her. The ship convulsed and swerved abruptly in flight like a bat. Speeding up and slowing down on a whim, its flight path matching the direction the beast was struggling against its restraints. Everything in the room swayed to the left, Misato leaped out of her chair and grabbed a hold of the railing in front to keep her from falling, most of the seated crew managed to maintain their balance. Some of the crewmembers standing up weren't so lucky, they were thrown around by the abrupt movements and convulsions of the Wunder like socks in a dryer.

"Get this heap under control right NOW!" Misato said as the ship tumbled left and right. Accelerometers indicating the speed was well into Mach 1 and increasing fast.

"We can't!" Koji yelled as he twisted his controls and attempted to bring up navigation. Only to be met with a Nerv Logo that flashed on his display. "Unit 01 has locked us out of the flight controls!"

"What do you mean "Unit 01"?" Hideki said desperately, his smugness and bravado all having since left him. "Can it even do that?"

"Apparently so!" Koji responded back.

Hideki felt the knots in his guts tightening again.The Ship shuddered as they picked up speed.
Midori opened her eyes to look at her screen, the screen lit up with details as the information about the damage piled up. "Captain we're entering Mach II!" The ship convulsed as it picked up speed. "Turbulence just tore off one of our communication Dishes!"
"Where's The AT field to compensate?"
"It's Gone ma'am! It's been shut off!" Midori paled as she strapped her seat belt on. "Captain! Whatever I did to deserve this, I take it all back!" She all but screamed aloud, desperately clutching her console and seat attempting to stay seated. She swallowed as the ship did another nosedive, making the contents of her stomach churn for a moment.

"Notgonnathrowup!I'mNotgonnathrowup!I'mNotgonnathrowup!" Midori chanted to herself, as the ship stabilized for a moment before raising in altitude and diving again. She covered her mouth and face turned green for a moment as a nasty taste filled her mouth.

"If you even think about it new kid, I'm kicking your ass!" Nagara said nastily as the ship stabilized for a moment. She looked up from her screen and looked upwards towards Misato. Her knuckles turning white with the strength at which she clutched at the railing. She continued to watched the screen in awe, her stomach tensing up the more she did."Captain! What are your orders? This isn't a Nemesis series or Mass Eva we can just fight!"

This happening so soon after Shinji was injured? It can't be a coincidence. Misato thought to herself. Keeping calm despite the ships drunken and angry flight path making her stomach do flips. It couldn't be a coincidence. But she had to make sure. . . The whole room quaked as she spoke, her voice remaining stern and commandeering in the chaos.

"Where's Asuka?" Misato said as she looked at the screen again l. " Where the Hell is the Ayanami-Type?"

"Pilot Shikinami is accompanying BM-03 to trauma!" Hyuga said pulling up a surveillance Image of the young girl facedown in her bed. He pulled up another camera feed to confirm the answer to the other question. "Ayanami Type-Q is still in quarantine, the pilots have nothing to do with this! The Eva is acting of its own accord ma'am!"

Of it's own free will? Misato thought to herself as a notion arose in her head. . . So soon after Shinji was shot? But how? Misato looked down for a moment as she thought about it.

Misato turned back to look at the Holo-screen, Unit One was still struggling against its metallic restraints, the ship still travelling in the directions it moved against its restraints. Eventually all the Eva's struggling paid off. The torque of its jaw broke open the nickel colored Jaw plate sealing its mouth shut. The lower part of the broken slab of ragged metal dangled off of it's blood colored maw like a muzzle on a mad dog, LCL and Core material dripped out of its mouth in a disgusting display of a dark thick red bile. The beast shook its head and struggled against its restraints in an angry rage, splattering one of the cameras with LCL and obscuring the view of the Womb. Misato clenched her ungloved fists against the railing so hard her knuckles turned white.

Misato yelled angrily and indiscriminately at her crew. "Keep your eyes on your posts!"

Thats when a loud guttural roar interrupted her, it reverberated throughout the Wunder, emanating from the ships core. Everyone onboard heard it, from the stem to the stern to the bridge. From the engineers in the core and engine room to the Ayanami type in quarantine. It was massive, baritone and animalistic in nature, but had elements of the feminine and childlike melded together with it.
Then. . .with this voice. It spoke.

"IIIKAAAAAAARRRRRRRIIIIII! "


Misatos eyes opened wider in shock, Hideki's stomach tensed up, Koji's ordinarily jovial face took on a stern look, Nagara and Maya's stern face became even sterner, Midori's heart nearly froze in her chest from the terror adrenaline, the crew was struck silent momentarily.
Hideki looked up from his station at the captain, and for the first time since this whole thing began he saw it. No mistaking that look on her face, he could see it clear. In the span of a moment Katsuragi's cold demeanor was completely gone, and for the first time since this whole thing began, she was truly afraid.

What did I do? Hideki thought in terror, his mind not even processing the consequences of his action. What the hell did I do? No I didn't do anything! It's all her fault! Oh God, what did I do?
Last edited by Ray on Sat Jul 16, 2016 3:00 pm, edited 1 time in total.
I’ll escape now from this world, from the world of Jean Valjean, Jean Valjean is nothing now! Another story must begin!

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Phew, I’m not tense anymore… now I’m just miserable.
People say "be yourself" but that's bad advice, if we were all to "be ourselves" many of us would stop wearing clothes. -Chuckman

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Re: The Shinji Ikari Rebuild Project

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Postby Lennik » Sat Jul 16, 2016 2:37 pm

Excellent work on this one. Just one thing.

He wiped his smile away and rose with the rest of the crew to give their captain a salute. Midori accidentally put the wrong hand to her head before quickly swapping it. Hoping nob


The last sentence cuts off.

Other than that, I'm loving these new developments. I can't wait to see where this goes.

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Re: The Shinji Ikari Rebuild Project

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Postby Ray » Sat Jul 16, 2016 5:23 pm

Thanks for catching that.

Anyways.
Shinji  SPOILER: Show
The hallway shook with vibrations and tremors, as all the voices he heard blurred together in a haze of emotion as an oxygen mask was placed over his mouth and the anesthetics began to work their way into his body. He entered an even more dreamlike state, falling inside his mind and embracing a strange comfort as he passively observed the movement of the ceiling passing by. An impudent younger male medic muttered in protest as Sakura and Ritsuko attended to him.

"Hard to believe one little brat caused us so much trouble. . . "

"You are going to do everything in your power to save his life!" The blonde in the coat, the only adult in the room said to him. Do you hear me!?"
Broken thoughts flickered over his failing mind as he was wheeled through the shaking hall at an urgent speed.

A sick sense of relief began to creep inside his subconscious as he began to fall inside the warmth of the blackness to escape the pain. Visions of those he cared about flickered over his mind as he thought about what had happened.

There was no point in anything anymore, nothing really mattered. The patched girl hated him, the adults hated him, Mother and Father abandoned him. . .

But none of that mattered now, he was dying. The sense of relief began to sink into sadness, it consumed him along with the darkness slowly overtaking his consciousness. He closed his eyes, this nightmare was ending. When he opened them again he'd be awake.

He breathed in, and out . . . and didn't breathe in again.

"Vitals are dropping like a stone!"

As the sensations and noise in world around him began to fade, he began to actually feel . . . happy. For the first time since he could remember.

CLEAR!

The PHMBT! of the Defibrilator shocked him out of his happiness and back to awareness. He inhaled involuntarily, and began to breathe and cough again just out of reflex. The fire in his stomach flared up before the painkillers took the pain away from him again, reminding him that he was still in the nightmare.

Someone grabbed at his bare chest, and began berating him. What a pain.

"NO! Breathe goddamn you! BREATHE!"

I'm sorry. I can't bear anymore. A harsh slap he barely felt struck his face.

"Don't you dare leave me again you moron! How selfish can you be!?" "

Moron? Heh. He had a friend who used to call him things like that all the time . . .

I'm sorry.

"Come on Puppy, we're not asking for a miracle. Just breathe!" A voice with less resentment, and a touch slightly more concern said.
He couldn't anymore, and more importantly he didn't want to. He didn't want to live in a world where no amount of punishment could ever make the pain or guilt go away. "How can you grow up to be a big dog if you don't breathe?"

I'm sorry.

"Mr. Ikari, please stay with me!" A voice filled sympathetic voice spoke up."Things might be bad now, but things'll never get better if you don't try! Please! You must live! For all our sakes! Please! Just breathe!"

It was her again, the one hiding how she really felt about him. . .

I'm sorry.

He embraced the comforting dark.

"His vitals are dropping again! Hang on!"

But as he began to sink into the blackness, something reached down and grabbed him by the hand to pull him back up. Something from the light wrapped around him, comforting him.
. . . My boy. . .My boy. . . my beautiful boy. . .

A new voice. . . he couldn't place it but it sounded so familiar. He didn't hear it, but he knew it was there.

I'm sorry?
. . . Forgive me for what I've done to you . . .

He opened his eyes again, who was that? It sounded like someone he knew. Somehow, he found the will to inhale again. He exhaled a single word.
"Rei?"

No. Rei was no more. So who. . .?

. . . and for what I'm about to do . . .



UNIT 01  SPOILER: Show
The Wunders "Womb" as the crew had informally named it, the place where the beast had been imprisoned and implanted upon its retrieval from orbit, had turned into place of commotion and horror. It was essentially a giant bubble of LCL encased in an egg of plexiglass and too many other numerous metals with names as long as an opera.

A dozen terrified engineers and science personel watched the beast begin to stir from behind the glass of an observation deck. The more intelligent civilian members assigned to the wombs observation and research detail began to turn and run for the freight elevator once the beast begain to stir, opening the blast doors to escape. The rest of the science personel were standing in silent awe as they watched the behemoth fully awake and begin to pull against its restraints.

Her eyes glowed red with the rage of a mother protecting her child. She felt the pain of the one whom she had protected for so long. The one for whom she yearned for, the one whom she had sworn to defend no matter what.

Hurt. . .wounded. By the very worms who dared to say they cared for him.

They had made her progeny feel pain, emotional and physical, her beloved was in danger and dying. . . she would save him, if she could not save him she would avenge him. She would not be stopped. In her basic instinct, she knew. I must protect my child.

She attempted to lunge forward but struggled against her newly found restraints. She shrugged her massive shoulders, and wriggled her giant limbs against the metallic couplings and cables hooking and entrapping her in a fetal position. They began to give, one by one, audibly, with high pitched metallic snapping. Her one remaining arm broke free of the restraints, the steel and metal breaking away with the snaps of cables and the creaking of tearing metal supports. She clawed forward, The bindings hanging off her arm like bandages on a patient, as she smashed the side of the womb with her palm, before beginning to tear parts of it off. Cracking the sides like an egg, the high pressure yolk of LCL encasing her spilled out of the cracks into some of the more sensitive areas of the Wunder's mechanics.

She clawed and bit and squirmed a with an animalistic rage, causing the entire body of her prison to quake, the space age alloy that composed the womb was like glass and foil to her. She tore the small hole she had made larger using her now free teeth. Like an unborn shark attempting in vain to bite and claw its way out of its mothers belly. The spilling of the fluid out of the womb through the hole, went from a trickle to a torrent, draining the chamber to her chest. The restraints binding her knees to her chest began to give. One leg broke free and pushed against the bottom, straining the umbilical cable connected to her spine that extended from the side of the womb.

She lunged forward, tugging against the massive cord. It resisted her, just as it was designed to. It didn't come out at all. Unit 01 tugged again. . . and the cable began to come out of the wall. But as she pulled against the cable, it pulled against her. The second time she pulled, the cable came out a little further.

. . .and part of her collosal armored spinal column was ripped out of her back as she did so.

She screamed out in agony howling with both a high shriek and a low moan like she had been gored. Pain shot up into her core as part of her interior became her exterior, the orange and red fluid surrounding her making the wound sting as the exposed cord begain to spark again. She had been defiled, her innards violated by the worms to fuel their ambitions. She would make them pay for what they had done to her.
Why had her beloved done nothing to prevent this? The beasts spine came out further when she tugged further, as she roared his name again.
"IIIKKAAAAARRRRRRRIII!"

Then the automated emergency measures kicked in to restrain her. More extreme shocks ran along her synapses. They hurt her, but not so much as to incapacitate her. Her body jerked, twitched and writhed involuntarily as crackles of energy ran up her exposed spinal column and into her body. She screamed aloud, the deep feminine animalistic, too human bellowing was heard throughout the ship once more.
The thick goopy substance encasing her in the womb, began to stiffen and coagulate. Vents opened up in the rounded sides of the womb and a substance like blood sprayed out of them. The red substance mixed with the clear yellow fluid around her body like ink in a bathtub, immersed her body and began to harden, even as the fluid spilled out of the hole she had made. She once again tried to break through the walls of her prison. It was like a massive covering of coagulated blood, hardening like concrete. A giant disgusting scab that enveloped her in a perverse baptism.

She continued to scream, the beasts instincts overwhelming the maternal instincts. She lashed out against the streams what coagulating blood surrounding her from all sides obscuring her vision and making the beast in her even more enraged. Her movements were slowed, but they were not stopped.

"IIIIIIIKKKKAAAAAARRRRIIIIII!" It screamed as its last leg broke free from the few remaining restraints even as the womb hardened like a boiled egg around her.
"IIIIIIIIKAAAAAAARRRIIIIIIIIII!"


EDIT: Also, why don't I get as many comments on this page as other writers? Is it because of my outspoken views?
Last edited by Ray on Sat Jul 16, 2016 10:09 pm, edited 2 times in total.
I’ll escape now from this world, from the world of Jean Valjean, Jean Valjean is nothing now! Another story must begin!

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Phew, I’m not tense anymore… now I’m just miserable.
People say "be yourself" but that's bad advice, if we were all to "be ourselves" many of us would stop wearing clothes. -Chuckman

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Re: The Shinji Ikari Rebuild Project

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Postby Glor » Sat Jul 16, 2016 8:45 pm

View Original PostRay wrote:EDIT: Also, why don't I get as many comments on this page as other writers? Is it because of my outspoken views?


I hope not. There are a lot of writers who I disagree with on a great many things, but I still read their work. There could be many reasons why. I don't think this forum is quite as populated as other places that delve into fanfic, and even then, commenting takes effort. Not really, but people get lazy, you know? It could also just be a matter of interest, or lack thereof. You could always try posting it on FF.net.

I'll swing by eventually to read the new stuff.
Rite of Reclamation - an Evangelion/Halo fusion, check it out, is pretty neat.

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Re: The Shinji Ikari Rebuild Project

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Postby Lennik » Sat Jul 16, 2016 9:45 pm

View Original PostRay wrote:Also, why don't I get as many comments on this page as other writers? Is it because of my outspoken views?


Maybe it's the thread title not grabbing people, but that might be wrong. I certainly hope it doesn't have anything to do with your views, because I've disagreed with you quite a bit, but I'm still loving this story, so keep it up.

I really enjoyed that last Shinji chapter especially. I get the feeling this near death experience is really going to change him. For better or for worse. That awakening gasp at the end kinda reminded me of Jon Snow, haha.

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Re: The Shinji Ikari Rebuild Project

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Postby Ray » Sat Jul 16, 2016 9:52 pm

View Original PostLennik wrote:I really enjoyed that last Shinji chapter especially. I get the feeling this near death experience is really going to change him. For better or for worse. That awakening gasp at the end kinda reminded me of Jon Snow, haha.


That was not my intent. . .

What do you think of Unit 01 wrecking shop?
I’ll escape now from this world, from the world of Jean Valjean, Jean Valjean is nothing now! Another story must begin!

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Re: The Shinji Ikari Rebuild Project

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Postby Lennik » Sat Jul 16, 2016 10:05 pm

View Original PostRay wrote:What do you think of Unit 01 wrecking shop?

I kinda knew that was coming eventually. It's a great development, because if it does lead to disaster, it puts the mutinous crew on a much more even-footing with Shinji. They can't exactly claim he has a monopoly on huge globally dangerous screw-ups now that they've just made Unit 01 go berserk because they got too emotional about something and shot him.

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Re: The Shinji Ikari Rebuild Project

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Postby Reichu » Sun Jul 17, 2016 1:19 am

I don't think the thread title does a particularly good job of conveying what's actually in the thread. At a glance it looks like it has something to do with the Raising Project...
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Re: The Shinji Ikari Rebuild Project

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Postby Stillborn » Sun Jul 17, 2016 3:57 am

I would comment regularily, but somehow everyone here seems to believe that my approval lowers the quality of anything. Also Ray is ashamed of it, so I don't want to make him uncomfortable.

My personal opinion for lack of comments is that this fic bleakness is very well based. And many people here don't want to admit that events in your fic are very realistic possibility.
Another jaded man.
Wciąż stoję nieruchomo, w nieżywym już szeregu. Umieram na stojąco, niech inni giną w biegu.

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Re: The Shinji Ikari Rebuild Project

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Postby MisterHalt » Sun Jul 17, 2016 7:59 am

There certainly doesn't seem to be much activity on this forum sometimes. Which is part of the reason I shifted my story to Sufficient Velocity.

You should definitely consider putting the story on FF.net. It's certainly good enough to deserve a spot there. I have to agree on the name though... sort of. It kinda fits the story, but at the same time it doesn't.
Strength is being able to crush a tomato. Dexterity is being able to dodge a tomato. Constitution is being able to eat a bad tomato. Intelligence is knowing a tomato is a fruit. Wisdom is knowing not to put a tomato in a fruit salad. Charisma is being able to sell a tomato based fruit salad.

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Re: The Shinji Ikari Rebuild Project

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Postby pwhodges » Sun Jul 17, 2016 8:15 am

A really catchy name is probably key. I put my story ("Afterwards...") on FFN and OA3, and it got less comments on those than here. Maybe I should have called it "Impact Nightmares" or something.
"Being human, having your health; that's what's important." (from: Magical Shopping Arcade Abenobashi )
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Re: The Shinji Ikari Rebuild Project

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Postby BlueBasilisk » Sun Jul 17, 2016 4:19 pm

It also helps that FFN and AO3 give you room for a short blurb to describe what the story is about.
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Re: The Shinji Ikari Rebuild Project

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Postby Apalos » Sun Jul 17, 2016 8:08 pm

Glor had the right of it, reviewing is soooo hard. Also, life. I have a whole queue of stories that I need to review/read. I'll get to it eventual, it just might take some time.

As for the story itself, I do like it, so far.

Asuka, stahp. Stahp Asuka, he just got shot, don't smack him...

I do like the Unit-01 part. I also like that you did not make it invincible just because it went berserk. The chunk of spine being ripped out is shiver inducing.
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Summary: Shinji Ikari, the last and first human on earth, screams. (Post 3I)

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Re: The Shinji Ikari Rebuild Project

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Postby Lennik » Thu Jul 21, 2016 4:11 pm

I look forward to seeing Shinji's reaction when he wakes up and realizes he's not dead.

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Re: The Shinji Ikari Rebuild Project

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Postby xfs » Wed Sep 28, 2016 9:13 pm

I just finished the chapters so far and I like it. I am touched by the bleak depiction of suffering.

View Original PostLennik wrote:I get the feeling this near death experience is really going to change him.

I think the near depth experience is more set up to give a second chance or implicit guilt for the rest of the people to reconsider their treatment of Shinji and only secondarily give Shinji a natural transition out of the catatonia. The catatonia can't go on forever otherwise nothing can really happen.

Though it is a redeeming moment when those close to him finally revealed they'd still care and maybe thought he didn't deserve to die yet. The treatment so far is quite emotionally inhuman in that no one has tried to communicate and understand Shinji's side of story, though partly due to the catatonia plot, resulting in this dire outcome. If Q has taught any lesson, it's the importance of communication. So probably the next needs to start the communication.

I don't know if this near depth experience can be considered as the ultimate price to pay but I imagine developing more suffering plot would be really difficult creatively (not that I'm opposed to the idea of more suffering).

View Original PostRay wrote:What do you think of Unit 01 wrecking shop?

Unit 01 wrecking ship is the only canonically logical outcome if Shinji gets harmed so plotwise this is quite natural. I had this issue with Reticence where Shinji could "control" Unit 01 via telepathy and the crew immediately turned to suck him up and he didn't really get better because of his own volition and sacrifice (though later he did). I don't think the plot needs Unit 01 to help Shinji finish everything thus depriving him of the chance of solving his own problems. It is enough for Unit 01 to keep the crew in check and allow the plot to develop without Shinji actually dying.

It would be really interesting to see how people around Shinji will react or change their mind and reveal their feeling in the next chapters.

Though it's been a while since the last chapter. Maybe you have been thwarted by the lack of response?! I will check for updates.

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Re: The Shinji Ikari Rebuild Project

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Postby Lennik » Wed Sep 28, 2016 11:14 pm

View Original Postxfs wrote:I think the near depth experience is more set up to give a second chance or implicit guilt for the rest of the people to reconsider their treatment of Shinji and only secondarily give Shinji a natural transition out of the catatonia. The catatonia can't go on forever otherwise nothing can really happen.

Though it is a redeeming moment when those close to him finally revealed they'd still care and maybe thought he didn't deserve to die yet. The treatment so far is quite emotionally inhuman in that no one has tried to communicate and understand Shinji's side of story, though partly due to the catatonia plot, resulting in this dire outcome. If Q has taught any lesson, it's the importance of communication. So probably the next needs to start the communication.

I don't know if this near depth experience can be considered as the ultimate price to pay but I imagine developing more suffering plot would be really difficult creatively (not that I'm opposed to the idea of more suffering).


I agree, if you're saying what I think you're saying. I think Shinji almost dying is a useful way to force everyone to come to terms with the fact that there's no real way to punish him after that without seeming like hypocrites. He was shot and willing to die, which is really the ultimate "What more could you ask of him?" moment for them. In a way it's probably cathartic for him. They can't very well condemn him anymore past this point, because he was already willing to pay the ultimate price and would have if they hadn't interfered by saving him. It almost absolves him a bit. Not that he would do this, but after this point he has the moral grounds to say, "Well, I was going to die for my sins, and I was fine with it, but you didn't let me. So what more do you want?"

View Original Postxfs wrote:Unit 01 wrecking ship is the only canonically logical outcome if Shinji gets harmed so plotwise this is quite natural. I had this issue with Reticence where Shinji could "control" Unit 01 via telepathy and the crew immediately turned to suck him up and he didn't really get better because of his own volition and sacrifice (though later he did).


I actually had the opposite problem with Reticence. I thought pretty much everyone with a few exceptions was uncharacteristically and unrealistically mean to Shinji for too long, and we didn't really see their opinions change, with the exception of Misato and Asuka. For most of the crew, we're just told that he's been forgiven, but we haven't actually seen it happen, because most of them are featureless. He's not all that apologetic about his role in N3I or N4I, either. He makes excuses. He's pretty argumentative, which is consistent with Rebuild!Shinji's character up until the N4I incident, but by the end of Q, that has changed, and a fic that takes place right afterward should reflect that change. He should be sullen and ashamed when Misato confronts him again on the Wunder, like he was at the end of Q. And Misato is downright monstrous to him in that fic.

I think it goes without saying (but I'll say it anyway) that I very much prefer Ray's interpretation of these characters, if we're talking about what's actually feasibly in-character for them.

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Re: The Shinji Ikari Rebuild Project

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Postby Ray » Thu Sep 29, 2016 3:19 am

So hey guys. . . I bet you're all wondering why I haven't written much more lately. . . well that's my fault for the most part. Between school, my parents, applying for University, and other projects I need to commit to that might actually make me money down the line, I haven't really had as much time as I'd like to write Fanfic.

I haven't forgotten, I'm just busy.

Another problem is how I write. . . I read about how Brad Bird writes, and how he tends to start at the middle of the story to try and get a sense of who these characters are before he starts the script for real. I write similarly depending on my mood. That's basically what I did for the parts I've written so far, (ex. I wrote Sakura's scene with Shinji in the room before I wrote his scene with Asuka in the Red Desert.) I must have rewritten the scene where he gets shot six times before I was happy with it.
=
I thought pretty much everyone with a few exceptions was uncharacteristically and unrealistically mean to Shinji for too long, and we didn't really see their opinions change, with the exception of Misato and Asuka.


Yeah. . . about that. . . I wouldn't say I'm going to have them stay 'meanspirited'. But almost ending the world twice isn't just something you can let go after living in the shit for 14 years.

Don't get ahead of yourself, I'm not done writing the thing yet.
I’ll escape now from this world, from the world of Jean Valjean, Jean Valjean is nothing now! Another story must begin!

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Re: The Shinji Ikari Rebuild Project

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Postby xfs » Thu Sep 29, 2016 12:00 pm

View Original PostRay wrote:I must have rewritten the scene where he gets shot six times

It is a great scene. Your effort pays off.

It's good to hear you're still on it. Take as much time as you will need.


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