The Shinji Ikari Rebuild Project

Everything Evangelion Fanfiction related.

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Postby xanderkh » Fri Sep 18, 2015 8:55 pm

Stillborn, we appreciate the idea that Ray submitting his fic to other sites would possibly be a good idea.

HOWEVER, the fact that you continued to go on about your negative views about Shinji's fate in FINAL, which Ray has expressed that he's trying to avoid "The Dark Side", doesn't help in the slightest. If you want to help Ray, help Ray see a more positive outcome for Shinji, which he desires.
"You're na�ve, Cecil. Even knowing betrayal and despair, you would depend on the whims of others?" - Golbez
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Sephiroth: "Too close to the brightness, and you may get scorched."
Golbz:.............
Golbez: Your loss can strengthen you.

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Postby Gob Hobblin » Sat Sep 19, 2015 11:22 am

Ray: Not so much offended as just confused. It sounds like you want to jump straight to the meat without the stew first. I can see what you're trying to go for, but you want to get there in a hurry. I had that problem in my earlier stories, and you can't do that. You have to build up to the events you want to get to, so you have to create a roadmap. We need to see a natural progression of the characters as they get from point A to point B.

So....

SPOILER: Show


If you do want a mutiny on the Wunder, we need to see events get to that point. You're already at the simmering edge of a mutiny, but it's jarring because we don't know how it got to that point. This is part of the flipside of show, don't tell: we actually have to be shown not just the event, but why the event is happening. Otherwise, you're telling half the story and assuming the readership is on the same page when they might not be.

You do raise a good point: we don't see very much of the Wunder crew. What we do see, however, puts them at odds with what you present. So, I would suggest that, rather than go straight to barely contained mutineers, present them as neutrally as you possibly can. That's usually the safest bet when moving into something unknown. Thus, as you start to draw out mutinous intentions, it becomes a more natural progression, at which point one can say, "Okay, I can see how we got to this point." The story becomes believable.

The one flaw I would point out in this is that mutinies tend to happen in vacuums, if that makes sense: they happen because command and control cannot prevent them from happening, and that tends to be the case when there is a lack of authority. People nine times out of ten will follow someone who makes very bad decisions if that person gives the appearance of competence, confidence, and assertive presence, all of these things Misato has demonstrated countless times. And considering that she has a breadth of command presence behind her, she also has the experience and historical foundation to build on that, which does count: she's kind of legendary, at this point, and legendary soldiers are REALLY hard to mutiny against.

So, while the presence of Shinji might be a wild card, and the Wunder crew would certainly be hostile to him based upon their understanding of what happened, it would be a stretch (to me) to assume the majority of the crew is willing to butt heads with Misato over the issue when given an order.



As for the issue of amorality (or more appropriately, immorality, as war is very much an immoral act), continued stress and combat does have a degenerative effect on people. It is true you see combat troops start to love what they do a little too much, but that tends to be a minority among a majority. This is especially true on a warship: understand that the crew of the Wille, except for a small group in the bridge staff or marine complement, are not going to have seen combat (as we understand it). Their stress is going to be entirely different from a line trooper. None of them will kill someone, none of them will be exposed to enemy fire, and none of them will spend days crawling through mud and exposed to the elements.

That being said, they ALL will face the prospect of uncertain death, erratic work hours, monotonous and repetitive work (lots of boredom ups depression rates), and cabin fever combined with being pressed against lots of other people all the time (general lack of privacy). The majority of the Wunder complement will be typical of a warship crew: deckhands, technicians, engineers, mechanics, etc. They are a vast support crew, all there for two purposes: keeping the Wunder flying and fighting, and supporting the Evangelions. Once you look at it that way, the actual percentage of the Wunder crew that does the actual 'fighting' (as in, seeing the enemy, pulling the trigger, making the tactical decisions) becomes something more like twenty percent of the crew, if that much.

So consider that when writing their stress, and consider that when understanding how they would view their actions: it is a lot easier to justify one's own actions when there is a detachment from what one does and what happens, and you see a LOT less PTSD among ship crews and air crews than you do line troops. There's a reason for that.
Though, Gob still might look good in a cocktail dress.
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Postby Ray » Sun Sep 20, 2015 5:08 pm

I've got another section all ready to post. But your criticisms of the last few sections have made me hesitant in posting it. I'm wondering if I should wait until I have time for editing the other chapters before posting the next one.
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Postby BlueBasilisk » Sun Sep 20, 2015 5:28 pm

Go ahead and post it! It's better to wait until you're done with the draft, so to speak, before you go back and start editing it. By seeing the full journey and the destination you're shooting for, it's easier to bring all the pieces into alignment and work out the parts that don't line up.
Someday I hope that we'll be reunited if that is what's destined to be. Perhaps we'll discover that elusive bible. And then we will finally be free!

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Postby Ray » Sun Sep 20, 2015 5:42 pm

Alrighty then. . . you asked for it.

Misato  SPOILER: Show


Quarantine Observation

"He hasn't spoken since Asuka brought him in."
Ritsuko told Misato as they watched Sakura finish her medical duties and prepare to leave. They had observed the whole 'exchange' between them from behind another pane of one way glass, a deck that was meant to observe the same cell.
Misato just stared at him, as a storm of thoughts flurryed in her head.

"So. . .what now?" The Vice-Captain asked Misato, whose expression she couldn't read behind the dark lenses of her newly repaired glasses. Dissatisfied with the lack of a response. Ritsuko turned her head back to stare down at the prisoner in the 'overkill' restraints.

"He's clearly in no condition to be interrogated about the Impact." She said to the captain, keeping her usual scientific demeanor as she spoke. "If you're still listening and want my two cents. . . I still say we should-"

"Say it and I'll have you demoted to field medic."

Ritsuko put her face in her palm, muttering in frustration at her friend.

"Misato! You're letting your emotions cloud your judgement again! Be realistic! How long will he last out there in the real world before he's killed by an angry mob? Assuming one of our own doesn't kill him behind our back just to spite you for letting him live? Or he doesn't kill himself out of guilt once he's finally alone? Even if he lives to see a trial, do you think a jury will empathize with him after what he's done? You can't protect him forever."

"It's not your call to make, Ritsuko." Misato said coldly

The blonde woman slammed her hand on the glass in frustration. "Like hell it isn't! It's what the world needs!" She all but yelled at the Captain as her voice got louder and filled with a tone of accusation.

"If you had just killed him before he woke up it would have saved everyone the grief! But no! You just HAD to be his mother!"

She pointed at her accusingly, rational thought and emotion mixing together into a pointed statement.

"It's what he would have wanted if you had just told him the truth in the first place. He's a danger to himself and everyone else. He'd be better off if he was dead, and deep down you know it!"

The punch came out of nowhere, Ritsuko's eye didn't register it until it had hit her. It knocked her back off her heels onto her rear, the tablet and clipboard she had been holding clattered as they hit the ground alongside her. She clutched the side of her face that stung from the punch.

"How DARE you." Misato said, as she narrowed her eyes down to the woman on the floor in both anger and pain. "You have no idea how hard this has been on me. You can pretend to understand all you want. You have NO Idea how hard it was for me to do what I did."

She breathed heavily as she spoke, as if she was trying to keep some primal emotion back. Her fist
still clenched into a fist.

"Shinji was-" she stopped herself for a moment. She turned her head away. Whatever it was she had inside, she couldn't say it aloud. "Do you honestly know what it was like to order a bomb put around his neck? Do you? " Pain filtered into her voice while still having a commanding and authoritarian tone.

"No, I don't, and I'm not going to pretend I do, Captain." Ritsuko said as she got up from the ground, clutching her jaw in pain as she recomposed herself. She felt around in her mouth with a finger for a moment before spitting out a few droplets of blood and continuing. She had cut the inside her mouth on her teeth. Damn, that woman can throw a punch. She thought silently to herself.

"But I am going to tell you, that you can still make it right. You can still do the right thing, the smart thing, the merciful thing. If its too hard for you to do yourself, just say so. . ." She wiped her mouth again and spat another droplet of blood. ". . . and I'll do it. I will make it as painless as I possibly can. . . for both of you."

"Out of the question." Misato said. Turning away from her to continue to stare intently at Shinji through the glass.

"You don't even have to use the choker!" She said with another layer of frustration in her mind. She knitted her eyebrows together into an expression of pure frustration. Ritsuko pulled out a vial of the substance from her pocket, sealed with a rubber stopper.

"We have everything we need in the medical bay to do it, and do it quickly. A syringe of Pancuronium, and he'll be dead within a minute. It'd be like euthanizing a sick dog."
Misato didn't respond, not willing to dignify this apparent audacity.

"He won't feel any pain. I promise, Misato." Ritsuko said, with a tone of faux sympathy in her voice.

"All you have to do is say the word, and this nightmare will be over. . . His nightmare will be over."

The commander ground her teeth together and contemplated hitting her again. She instead took a breath and calmed down, looking away from both Ritsuko and the boy behind the glass. Instead looking down pensively at the clenched fist that had hit her Second In Command.

She saw the droplet of crimson on the white glove, she looked at it in both horror and confusion, blinking as she did. Did I really just hit her? She thought to herself. She brought her head back up to face at Ritsuko, seeing a sympathetic, but somewhat irked expression upon her face. . .and a rising bruise on her left cheek.

Misato had never lost control of herself, she had prided herself on her self control. Not once before since she had assumed command of WILLE, why was she acting so emotional now? He was just another enemy, wasn't he? He wasn't the first traitor she had executed, so why was it so hard for him? The Commander looked back up to stare through the glass again. . .
Was this really her Shinji? Was this shell of a human being, really her Shinji?

The boy in restraints at the center of the cell was still staring off into space. . . he hadn't moved at all since Sakura left. His skin was pallid, his eyes were still slightly open, but there was no life in them, they were devoid of emotion, no spark of kindness or hope like she remembered from long ago. Or even terror, confusion and anger like the last time she had seen him. They were hollow, empty, with dark circles from bruising and lack of sleep. Sakura had cleaned his face and rewrapped his bloody feet with fresh gauze and medical tape. But it barely helped.

He was more akin to a corpse than the boy she had known and once loved. It was only the rising and lowering of his chest that indicated he was still alive. After all he had been through maybe it would be for the best if he wasn't.

Am I to blame for this? She asked herself. If she had told him the truth earlier, perhaps this entire horrifying thing could have been avoided. But she couldn't have afforded to look weak in front of her crew.

Is Ritsuko right? What life can he honestly expect to live after this? Like it or not, he was undoubtedly guilty for aiding the enemy, even if there were attenuating circumstances. He would need to be held accountable for that. But was this really the way? Living the rest of his life alone in a cell, no human contact aside from cruelty? Maybe killing him would be for the best. . . she thought to herself. She attempted to discard the thought as quickly as it came, but it kept rising in her mind again.

"I've known you long enough to know what a sore subject Shinji is for you Misato. But this would be the best for all of us." Ritsuko said, putting her hand on her captains, her friends shoulder.
"Even if it IS Shinji, his life ended fourteen years ago the day he set off Near Third Impact." Ritsuko continued with an attempt at understanding. "Don't think of it as killing a scared little boy. Think of it as putting a terminally ill patient out of his misery. What sort of life would he have left to look forward to?"

". . . Shinji-Kun. . ." Misato said under her breath. She looked intensely at him through the glass, pain in her chest, but her expression never changing. She fingered the trigger in her pocket as she contemplated what to do next. She wanted to blame him, she wanted to break through the glass and strangle him for what he did to her, for making her relive her worst nightmare every single day for the last decade. Famine, death, suffering, all because of his actions. She thought to herself. The rage and bitterness and hate festered and writhed inside of her everytime she thought about it. It would be the right thing to do, noone would fault her if she did. In all liklihood she'd be praised for it.
So why couldn't she bring herself to do it earlier?

She took the trigger out to look at it, and opened the trigger guard. The holographic display marked ARMED came up as she did.

"It would be so easy. . . " She said half-heartedly, her thumb an inch from pushing the button that would terminate him. But she still hesitated. "So why can't I do it?"

She raised her head again to look through the glass again, and she didn't see the boy who betrayed her. The boy who ended the world for a woman who wasn't even real. She didn't see Impact Boy, she didn't see an enemy, she didn't even see her Shinji Ikari.

She saw her own reflection.

- - - -
13 years before Near Third Impact, 27 years before Near Fourth Impact

"Who is she, again?"

"We picked her up from the facility in Gibraltar a while back, she's the only survivor of the South Pole investigation commission. Her name is Katsuragi, Misato."

"Katsuragi? Is she the daughter of Doctor Katsuragi?"

"That's correct. She's hasn't spoken since she was transferred here, and that was over a year ago."

"How horrible!"

"That's not the worst of it. She was literally at the eye of the storm of Second Impact, she's incredibly lucky to be alive. . She witnessed that hell firsthand. Her physical injuries healed, but her mind never did. The doctors say It's doubtful she will ever be rehabilitalited."

"Can we get any information about the Impact from her?"

"I've already said it Dr. Fuyutski. The poor girl can't speak, and even if she could I doubt she would be able to tell us much. She was unconscious when we retrieved her from the Gibraltar facility. In all honesty sir, she could barely tell us her own name, It's doubtful she'll be able to tell us anything more."

"To witness so much suffering at such a young age. . . "


- -

". . .It's tragic just to think about." Misato said aloud, her lip quivering.
"Captain? Captain? Misato?" Ritsuko said, tapping her friend on the shoulder. "Captain, are you alright?"

"He's just like me Ritsuko. . . "

"Come again?"

Misato bit the inside of her mouth to keep herself from showing emotion, but a bit leaked through.
"He's still my Shinji, Ritsuko. . .he's still my responsibility." Her voice cracked as she attempted to keep it inside. "Some Captain I am, I couldn't make the big decision when it mattered, and now he and everyone else has to pay for it forever."

She clicked the trigger guard on the detonator shut as she finished speaking. She took a deep breath to get her emotions under control, before sighing in resignation.

"You may be right. Killing him would likely be a mercy at this point. But killing him is a decision I can't make myself. . ." She looked at Shinji one more time before pocketing the detonator.

"Then I suppose its a good thing its not entirely your responsibility then." Ritsuko said. Misato turned her head to face her friend with a questioning expression on it. Ritsuko handed a pamphlet over to her marked 'your eyes only'.

"The UN council sent a message to us over one of the surviving satellites, they're demanding answers and more importantly, someone to hold legally accountable for last weeks Incident."

"That's what they're calling it huh?" Misato said a tone of sadness in her voice. "Incident. Like it's fucking nothing. Like a routine thing."

"Well, 'Near Fourth Impact' would likely cause civil unrest in their ranks." Ritsuko said indifferently.
Misato glared at Ritsuko for a moment before furrowing her brow, and gently rubbing her head with her fingertips. "What have you told them?"

"Nothing they didn't already know. . ." Ritsuko said puting on a shrewd smile."But they're demanding you make a decision regarding the fate of our 'Impact Boy'. They want you to turn him over to the Marduk Institute for interrogation and 'safekeeping'. Of course by safekeeping they probably mean, 'Indefinite imprisonment without so much as a hearing."

Akagi reached into her pocket as if looking for something, as she spoke. She pulled out a lighter. "You can ignore the protests of your crew Captain, but the UN is an entirely different animal. You'd need one hell of a big excuse, to validate not turning him over, and I doubt 'trusting and having faith' would cut it this time."

She kept searching her coat as she spoke.

"They've already made arrangements to send over several of their agents to take him to their facility in in America. They say to expect them to arrive at the rendevous within the next Thirty-six hours."

". . .So those are my options? Kill him, or send him to suffer?"

"I'm fairly confident a third option will present itself before then, Captain. Until that point, we should make preparations accordingly."

She groaned in frustration, like an addict going through a withdrawal. She ruffled her jacket for a moment, turning her pockets inside out looking for the missing pack.

"Have you seen my cigarettes?"
= = =




After rereading it, I think I need some help when it comes to my prose.
Last edited by Ray on Mon Sep 21, 2015 4:25 pm, edited 1 time in total.
I’ll escape now from this world, from the world of Jean Valjean, Jean Valjean is nothing now! Another story must begin!
Avatar: "There's a Starman, waiting in the sky. He'd like to come and meet me, but he thinks he'd blow my mind."
Phew, I’m not tense anymore… now I’m just miserable.
People say "be yourself" but that's bad advice, if we were all to "be ourselves" many of us would stop wearing clothes. -Chuckman

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Postby Gob Hobblin » Sun Sep 20, 2015 5:42 pm

Honestly, as much abuse as you might feel you're taking right now....

...post it.

It's worth the experience to post something up, take the criticism, learn from it and move with it. You'll develop the direction of the story as you go, and become a stronger writer for it.
Though, Gob still might look good in a cocktail dress.
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Rei wanted to know what waffles tasted like.
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We have to remember what's important in life: friends, waffles, and work. Or waffles, friends, and work. But work has to come in third.
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Come read EVA Sessions! This place has it, too! There'll be pizza! Not really! There are other things, too! Not EVA Sessions! Did I mention the pizza!?

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Postby pwhodges » Sun Sep 20, 2015 6:15 pm

As I said by PM, I like the way you've linked Misato's experience with Shinji's present state. Not only have you shown that she does have her humanity still, but you've given an additional reason for it as well. (I made more comments, but I don't think they need be repeated here.)

View Original PostRay wrote:After rereading it, I think I need some help when it comes to my prose.

Your prose is actually not bad (as I said before). If I was editing it, there's some punctuation I'd work on, and a few phrases to suggest changes to, but nothing that got in the way of my reading it.
"Being human, having your health; that's what's important." (from: Magical Shopping Arcade Abenobashi )
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Avatar: Kaworu starts to prepare Shinji for dual-piloting (details); Past avatars.
Afterwards... my post-Q Evangelion fanfic (discussion)

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Postby Bagheera » Sun Sep 20, 2015 6:30 pm

Yeah, the prose needs some work but this isn't bad. I like what you're doing with Misato here.
For my post-3I fic, go here.
The law doesn't protect people. People protect the law. -- Akane Tsunemori, Psycho-Pass
People's deaths are to be mourned. The ability to save people should be celebrated. Life itself should be exalted. -- Volken Macmani, Tatakau Shisho: The Book of Bantorra
I hate myself. But maybe I can learn to love myself. Maybe it's okay for me to be here! That's right! I'm me, nothing more, nothing less! I'm me. I want to be me! I want to be here! And it's okay for me to be here! -- Shinji Ikari, Neon Genesis Evangelion
Yes, I know. You thought it would be something about Asuka. You're such idiots.

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Postby Lennik » Sun Sep 20, 2015 8:25 pm

I really liked that. You've really captured Misato's conflicted thoughts and humanized her in a way that I really missed in Reticence. And connecting her past to Shinji was a very effective move.

Nice work, indeed.

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Postby Ray » Mon Sep 21, 2015 4:27 pm

I cropped out the last part with Hideki. I wasn't happy with it, I'm planning on rewriting his part in the story later.
I’ll escape now from this world, from the world of Jean Valjean, Jean Valjean is nothing now! Another story must begin!
Avatar: "There's a Starman, waiting in the sky. He'd like to come and meet me, but he thinks he'd blow my mind."
Phew, I’m not tense anymore… now I’m just miserable.
People say "be yourself" but that's bad advice, if we were all to "be ourselves" many of us would stop wearing clothes. -Chuckman

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Postby Bagheera » Mon Sep 21, 2015 4:55 pm

That's a good call, as that was the weakest part of the chapter. The Misato scene works better when it stands on its own.
For my post-3I fic, go here.
The law doesn't protect people. People protect the law. -- Akane Tsunemori, Psycho-Pass
People's deaths are to be mourned. The ability to save people should be celebrated. Life itself should be exalted. -- Volken Macmani, Tatakau Shisho: The Book of Bantorra
I hate myself. But maybe I can learn to love myself. Maybe it's okay for me to be here! That's right! I'm me, nothing more, nothing less! I'm me. I want to be me! I want to be here! And it's okay for me to be here! -- Shinji Ikari, Neon Genesis Evangelion
Yes, I know. You thought it would be something about Asuka. You're such idiots.

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Postby Glor » Thu Sep 24, 2015 10:57 pm

You've put alot of work into this Ray, and goddamn does it show. Don't get discouraged, it's just too easy to fall into that funk - super hard to get out of too. Take strength from the criticism. People wouldn't offer it so honestly if they didn't think your work had any merit.

It's a little rough, but this can be something really amazing with a little fine-tuning. It's already a well-crafted piece of writing. Keep it up man. I really hope you post more of this soon.

Also, my offer to Beta still stands.
Rite of Reclamation - an Evangelion/Halo fusion, check it out, is pretty neat.

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Postby NemZ » Fri Sep 25, 2015 1:03 am

Not bad, Ray. A bit rough around the edges but the core is strong... you've got some pieces set up, time to start knocking them over.
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Re: The Shinji Ikari Rebuild Project

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Postby Ray » Fri Jan 01, 2016 12:40 am

What you thought that's all I was gonna post this year?

I don't have it done yet, but I think I'll give you a little sample just to let you know that the fic is still alive.
Hideki  SPOILER: Show
Engineering's Shared Latrine

Hideki Tama threw the last stub into the latrine and crumpled up the pack to follow it. Flushing both down with the loud BOOM of a military grade toilet, he coughed out the last of the tobacco from his throat as he left the stall to head down to the bunks that engineering shared. The 'real stuff' was a lot stronger than the synthetic tobacco he was used to. It burned the back of his throat and made his eyes water, fortunately the stink of stale urine masked the smell of the tobacco. That and the engineer that had occupied the stall before Hideki had eaten something that disagreed with him.

Less said of that the better.

He pulled out the revolver and looked at it longingly, rage and despair barely reined. The silver of the revolver glinted in the dim light of the latrine. He lifted it and placed it to his temple putting his thumb gently on the trigger, placing the barrel of the gun against his forehead harshly. He inhaled deeply, and exhaled just as much. The tension in his chest, the forever tightening knot in his stomach, this messed up disgusting world that brat had put him in. No. Not brat. THING. This messed up world that disgusting THING put you into, Hideki.

All it would take was one little pull, and it'd be all over.

"Dammit I can't do it." He quickly pulled the barrel away from his head, shaking and muttering in insomnia and disgust with himself. He pocketed the revolver again.

He stepped out of the latrine, washed his face in the sink to try and keep himself awake and rushed past several other engineers.
I’ll escape now from this world, from the world of Jean Valjean, Jean Valjean is nothing now! Another story must begin!
Avatar: "There's a Starman, waiting in the sky. He'd like to come and meet me, but he thinks he'd blow my mind."
Phew, I’m not tense anymore… now I’m just miserable.
People say "be yourself" but that's bad advice, if we were all to "be ourselves" many of us would stop wearing clothes. -Chuckman

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Re: The Shinji Ikari Rebuild Project

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Postby MisterHalt » Thu Jan 07, 2016 12:04 am

I wish I had something more to say than just 'this is a really good story and you have me hooked', but I'm afraid I simply can't think of anything more... descriptive I guess.
Strength is being able to crush a tomato. Dexterity is being able to dodge a tomato. Constitution is being able to eat a bad tomato. Intelligence is knowing a tomato is a fruit. Wisdom is knowing not to put a tomato in a fruit salad. Charisma is being able to sell a tomato based fruit salad.

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Re: The Shinji Ikari Rebuild Project

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Postby BlueBasilisk » Sat Jan 09, 2016 3:44 am

Glad to see you back! ^_^

Hideki is learning a really important lesson here. It's easy to think about killing someone when they're just an abstract concept and you're trying to dehumanize them, but it's a lot harder to actually do it. Even when that person is yourself!
Someday I hope that we'll be reunited if that is what's destined to be. Perhaps we'll discover that elusive bible. And then we will finally be free!

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Re: The Shinji Ikari Rebuild Project

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Postby Ray » Tue Jan 26, 2016 2:20 am

I just pounded this out to try and resolve the Hideki Subplot before things get really crazy. I'll be getting to the real characters eventually, don't worry.

- - - - -
Hideki  SPOILER: Show
Engineering's Shared Latrine
Hideki Tama threw the last stub into the latrine and crumpled up the pack to follow it. Flushing both down with the loud BOOM of a military grade toilet, he coughed out the last of the tobacco from his throat as he left the stall to head down to the bunks that engineering shared. The 'real stuff' was a lot stronger than the synthetic tobacco he was used to. It burned the back of his throat and made his eyes water, fortunately the stink of stale urine masked the smell of the tobacco, that and the engineer that had occupied the stall before Hideki had eaten something that disagreed with him.
Less said of that the better.

He pulled out the revolver, and placed it to his temple. He inhaled deeply, and exhaled just as much. The tension in his chest, the forever tightening knot in
his stomach, all it would take was one little pull, and it'd be all over.
"Dammit I can't do it." He quickly pulled the barrel away from his head, muttering in disgust with himself. He pocketed the revolver again.

He stepped out of the latrine, washed his face in the sink to try and keep himself awake. He walked down the hall to the bunks the engineers shared with each other, knowing his time was limited. He should have thought it through. What was he planning to do? Storm the brig and kill impact boy with his bare hands?

It doesn't matter. He told himself. He knew he had done something stupid. It only would be a matter of hours, maybe a matter of days if he was lucky, before the Vice-Captain realized that she had been robbed. He'd have to find a way to get to the source of his Mania before then. The one responsible for his insomnia and the knot in his stomach becoming tighter with every passing minute.

He had at first contemplated just going for broke and going in guns blazing through the front of the brig. He had quickly scrapped that idea, even if he had somehow managed to get the snubnose past the weapons check at the entrance, the Captain ("Goddamn her soft heart!" Hideki muttered.) had definitely posted several guards in body armor for round the clock surveillence. Not to mention there were seven inches of bulletproof glass between him and his target. He was desperate to end his own suffering, but he wasn't stupid. Storming the brig with nothing but a self-defense revolver?
So he made a deal with himself, if an opportunity to kill the brat arose. He'd take it, all he had to do was stay close to the captain, and eventually.
He mentally bemoaned his bad luck as he walked down the hall to the bunks the engineers shared. Hoping he could maybe catch a few hours of sleep before he was required to be back on his on deck shift.

The 'bunk' he shared with his fellow engineers was little more than a narrow room with a dozen beds sunk into the walls. It would be considered cozy, if it weren't for the fact that everything except the mattresses and the thin blankets was industrial metal. The various bunks the engineers slept in were decorated with the typical things. Photos of loved ones, the occasional pornographic pinup, all taped to the metal wall of the little sunken hole in the wall they had all to themselves with ducttape. He stepped as quietly into the bunk as he could and lay down on his bunk to avoid disturbing the other engineers present in the room who were fast asleep. Like everything else on this ship, the engineers slept in shifts in order to keep things running on a twenty-four hour cycle.

Hideki sat down on his bunk, like the other ones in the room, sunk into a little sunken hole in the wall. He lay down on his bunk, not bothering to take off his clothes or his vest, as he fingered the revolver in his pocket. Muttering to himself. He closed his eyes, but sleep still eluded him. The knot in his stomach getting tighter with every minute.

"The way things are going. Either I die here. Or I die when that. . . thing in quarantine gets out again."

"Engineer Tama Please Report to the bridge for your shift." Blared over the intercom.

"Damn." He rolled out of bed and walked out of the room, down the industrial metal hall and towards the elevator.

Or at least he was, before he was grabbed by his vest collar and promptly pulled into the hallway broom closet. The door slamming shut as he was slammed into a wall by a relatively petit woman with brown hair and a chip on her shoulder.

"Hey! What the fu-"

He was shut up when an elbow was shoved into face with a crack of bone on bone, a broom leaning against the wall clashed to the ground from the impact of his head on the metal, the next thing he knew a fist was held to his neck. A click of a button brought a blade out of the fist and to his adams apple which made him freeze out of pure survival instinct.

"Scream and this goes right in your jugular you son of a bitch."

Tama's opinion on the value of his life did a brief, heart pounding, adrenaline driven reversal upon noticing the penknife being held to jugular. He didn't move as Maya padded his vest and his coveralls, before putting her hand into his pocket forcefully and slowly pulling out the revolver. She put the barrel to his temple.

"I'm going to take the knife off of your neck, don't be more stupid than you already are Tama. Or I will shoot you. You're the one who stole this, I can always claim self defense."

Hideki nodded as slowly as he could in affirmation, then Maya slowly took the knife off his throat, clicked the blade shut and pocketed it in her vest, before pulling the gun barrel off of his forehead, but keeping it trained on him.

"What? Are you honestly going to shoot me?" He said with a hint of terror in his indifference.

"Shut up, I've already got you on several counts of insubordination at least." Maya spat at him with a vindictive voice. "I thought it was an engineer who stole from the Vice Captain's office. You shouldn't have spilt your guts to the newbie, Tama. I can be very persuasive when I want to be."

"You can put two and two together. How bout that."

"Remember what I said about being stupid?" She coldly stated.

"Stupid is when a member of the chain of command investigates a case personally, much less attempt an arrest without a single MP backing her up."
Maya raised an eyebrow at the disturbance of the natural order. He had challenged her command, that wasn't unusual for him. Hideki was more annoyed than terrifed once he had come to accept the gun he had poached was pointed at him.

"You would be wondering why I don't have you thrown in the brig for the court martial."

Tama nodded in affirmation again to avoid annoying her further, listening like his life depended on it but not really caring either way at this point. Dying would probably be a mercy compared to what was coming to get them all sooner or later.

"Because I want what you want."

There was a pause. "What?" Hideki said aloud. He hadn't expected that from the woman brandishing a gun at him. Hideki didn't ordinarily show any emotion other than annoyance or bitterness, suprise and confusion were new expressions on his face. Someone was agreeing with him?

"I want your help taking BM-03 out of the equation. I know, I'm suprised too." She said trying to keep herself from biling up at her own disgust.
It was unusually elegant speech for her. Mana wasn't exactly a master of charisma even before she played an unwitting part in turning Japan into a mass of coagulated alien blood. But she needed to persuade him, even if it meant risking her profession as an officer of Wille. Mana inched over to the door of the broom closet and peeked out the crack in the door to make sure that noone was listening to them. Still keeping the gun trained on Tama.

"Okay, coast is clear for the moment." She narrowed her eyes at him, with an look that said 'I will FUCK you up if you try anything'. "I'm going to lower the gun. Try anything funny, and I scream."

Hideki sighed through his nostrils in both relief and annoyance. She wasn't going to shoot him. At least not now.

"Yes Ma'am. Understood Ma'am."

She did as she said, and he lowered his arms from his defensive stance.

"Here's how this is going to work Engineer Tama. If we're going to work together, I'm going to have to set a few terms."

"You're blackmailing me."

"I'd survive a court martial. You wouldn't."

This was true, and Hideki knew it. Though he'd never admit it to her face.

"Alright.What are the terms Ma'am?" He put on his facade for the sake of looking professional. Mana didn't buy it for a minute, but she tolerated it anyways.
"You do something for me, Impact Boy gets it. You don't do something for me. I tell everyone about what you were planning to do."

That affects me how? Tama didn't speak that thought, not wanting to anger the woman who held his future, not to mention a loaded gun, in her hands. I
just wanted to keep another Impact from happening. He continued to vent internally. We have a biological death weapon in our brig right now, think woman!

"Here." She reached into the pocket she put the knife in and pulled out something small and plastic.

"A flash drive? How am I supposed to-"

"It has a special program on it." She interrupted him before he could say the word. "A program someone- someone whipped up in their spare time."
The pause in her voice sounded suspicious, but he didn't question it at the moment. Wanting to question something else more pressing on his mind. He took the drive and peered at it. It was shocking pink.

"Why me? Why not get Midori or one of the other people on this boat who want him dead to do it?"

"Because one, you have everything to lose. Two, it's so simple even you can do it, and we-" she stopped herself. "I know you won't have second thoughts about doing it like the new kid or the veteran would."

"Also. If you don't." " Remember. I can always report your little act of defiance to the Vice-Captain herself. Breaking and entering an officers cabin, stealing a weapon with intent to kill a prisoner? You'd go away for a loooong time Tama."

He frowned at her. Narrowing his eyes and gritting his teeth in mild but restrained contempt for her. But not enough for her to notice and make her angrier.

"Insert it into drive 12 at your workstation between 0830 and 0900. When it pops up on your screen, click Magi access and select 'redirect Brig to Bridge'. It'll trigger a blackout for several quarters of the ship and put a forty second delay in the emergency power kicking in. That part of the ship will be blind, cameras, lights, even the emergency ones.

"Aren't those battery powered?"

"They rushed this thing into production remember?"

Hideki began to put the pieces together in his head, but he held off on smiling for a moment to ask a question.

". . . and what about me?" He asked with a thin layer of bitterness, though he was glad that he wasn't getting sent to a military prison he didn't exactly like
this arrangement of affairs.

"Do this, and I guarantee nobody will be able to trace this." She gestured to the little revolver in her hand, keeping her voice professional and grim. "Keep quiet, and this won't come back to bite you. Speak up, and you know it will."

Angry at her, but not showing it visibly. He still wasn't completely sold. This all seemed too convenient part of him said. Before he spoke, he had to know if she really was telling the truth about what she intended.

". . . and during those forty seconds, what'll happen to Impact Brat?"

Maya was silent for a moment before speaking. Making a mental note to choose her words carefully as she spoke.
"Do your part, and everyone here will be better off for it."

Hideki took a look at the drive in his hand, then back up at his commanding officer, and nodded. The knot in his stomach finally loosened.
"I do this and he gets what's coming to him?" Not him. IT. It! Stupid! Remember that. and It's too dangerous to be left alive! That's worth risking everything for right? The other part of his conscience silently screamed at himself.

"You could definitely say that." Maya said, deliberately keeping her words vague.

Maya clicked the revolver open, removed and pocketed the bullets, before doing the same to the revolver. She peeked out of the crack in the closet door again before opening it and turning to leave.

"Don't leave the closet until ten minutes after I leave. I don't want anyone nearby to get any funny Ideas about you and me. Got it, pig?"

"Yes ma'am."

"Remember the time. Do what I told you to do. Or else."

"Yes ma'am."

She shut the door behind her leaving Hideki alone in the dark closet. Hideki looked at the drive in his hand. Thimbling it between his forefinger and thumb, pink with a cat engraved on it with a cheap marker.

He didn't exactly have any reason to feel happy or exalted right now. He was being blackmailed by his own commanding officer.

But on the positive side of things, the pain in his stomach was gone. So there was that at least. He smirked for the first time in days. He knew he was being used, but he didn't care. Impact Boy was going to face his day of reckoning.

"Alright then. Finally. someone in charge with two braincells to rub together."
- - -


Maya  SPOILER: Show
Maya clicked the communicator in her collar as she turned to walk down the hall from the engineers shared bunks to the elevator.
"I've taken care of the liability for the moment, don't know how long it'll last though. Is everything ready on your end?"

"Ready as it's ever going to get." A Female voice familiar to her spoke over the communicator. "Meet me at our usual spot before we head to the brig."


- - -
BM-03  SPOILER: Show
Quarantine

Shinji felt numb, his existence a compiled feeling of pain and shame. He felt nothing, physically or spiritually. His sensation of time had become a blur, as had his vision. He still saw what was happening, he wasn't blind, but he couldn't connect the who and the what he saw in his mind. It was like he was watching someone else outside his body. He thought he saw Sakura and Misato for a moment, but it couldn't possibly be them. Why would they bother with him after what he had done? They hated him now, right?

The metallic doors to his cell opened up and several people in black body armor walked in. One of them entered a code into the keypad next to him, and the metallic clamps and shackles that imprisoned his legs and upper torso came off. He collapsed to his knees, and one of the guards pulled him up to his feet. He still had the straight jacket on keeping him from moving his arms, so they likely saw no point in the handcuffs.
He heard what they said, but didn't process their words as they ordered him to begin walking. When he didn't, one of them raised his rifle with intent on repeating what he had done earlier. An young sounding female voice yelled out and ordered him to stop. A young woman in red with orange hair ran over and yelled a few coarse things about the soldiers attitude, raising her fist to his face aggressively. She threatened the older bearded man with life ending violence, before the other much older woman in dark sunglasses, a cap, and proper purple hair relieved him of his duty with a cold voice. The guard turned and left indignantly. Shinji didn't see it as mercy. . . there would be hundreds of them willing to treat him with just as much cruelty as he had.

He was walked out into the hall, being guided by the guards on either side of him with their assault rifles, along with the older woman with the sunglasses with the dark violet hair wearing the cap, and the woman in the skintight red outfit with orange hair. They were both following up behind him. He saw another older woman in a brown jacket with blonde hair and a freshly lit cigarette dangling from her lips, and three other younger girls waiting by the elevator. One of them wore a pink hoodie with cat ears on it over another elastic looking skintight outfit, this one pink. The other had choclate hair and wore a white uniform and a cap. The last one wore a cap also in addition to coveralls and a white vest. He recalled them in his mind vaguely, but he couldn't connect the faces he saw with the names he once knew. He stumbled for a moment as he turned his bruised face to look at them. The guards told him to keep moving, and he complied.

He thought he saw Rei standing at attention in another cell for a moment.

But then he saw the choker she wore and remembered.

"Rei was no more." Isn't that what the woman in sunglasses had said? Maybe if he had listened. . . He turned his head away from the girl in the cell out of shame and kept walking forward.


If you think it sucks. Rail against me. I definitely need to rewrite parts of this fic. . . but I just haven't really had the time. I wrote the Shinji in quarantine one months before anything else.
I’ll escape now from this world, from the world of Jean Valjean, Jean Valjean is nothing now! Another story must begin!
Avatar: "There's a Starman, waiting in the sky. He'd like to come and meet me, but he thinks he'd blow my mind."
Phew, I’m not tense anymore… now I’m just miserable.
People say "be yourself" but that's bad advice, if we were all to "be ourselves" many of us would stop wearing clothes. -Chuckman

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Re: The Shinji Ikari Rebuild Project

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Postby Glor » Thu Jan 28, 2016 2:31 pm

Needs work, like you said, but it's still good stuff. I like seemingly evil Maya. I'm holding onto the hope that maybe she's playing double agent to root out dissenters in the ranks. But I wouldn't be disappointed if she really did have it out for Shinji.

As far as any revising goes for the scene between her and Tama, what stood out the most was how Maya had to remind Tama she was blackmailing him every other line she spoke. I can see her calling attention to it before they go their separate ways, but not nearly as frequently as she did. Overall I liked the scene quite a bit. You did a good job of illustrating Tama's state of mind.

Shinji's very dissociative view on his surroundings was well done too.
Rite of Reclamation - an Evangelion/Halo fusion, check it out, is pretty neat.

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Re: The Shinji Ikari Rebuild Project

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Postby Ray » Wed Jun 29, 2016 8:02 pm

Shinji  SPOILER: Show
The lift whirred and clicked/clacked as it went further up the interior of the metal beast they called 'a Wonder'. He would have dared to laugh at the absurdity of the idea if he had been the least bit aware of his own thoughts. The doors to the lift opened as he was sem-gently guided him into it, they were mostly silent in the Elevator as they taking him to another portion of the ship. The elevator made its indicator noise and opened

Someone tried speaking to him as they walked down the hall. He didn't know who, and didn't care. He literally couldn't.

". . . inji. . . are y. . .kay?"

He didn't respond. He knew he'd just be insulted again.

". . . get it Saku. . . I tried. . . ne's home. " Said the carrot head.

" . . . oor puppy." The pink one said.

". . .ore like . . . bid dog." One of the men in black armor muttered.

A roar erupted from the domineering girl. "Y. . . UT UP!"

He involuntarily froze and fell to the floor again at the loud noise, curling up into a ball, tightening his wrists inside the thick restraining cloth. No! Cried the part of his distant mind that could still form words. He was a good boy! He was doing nothing! Just like they wanted! Don't yell! Don't hit! Please!

". . .SUKA! Look what you. . . !" The heard the woman in the dark glasses say

"Don't bla. . . !"

". . .op yelling!" The youngest one with the chocolate hair said. "You're making it worse!"

His heart quivered in his chest he crushed his eyes shut and, his entire body trembled for a moment, before locking up. The voices merged together in a slurry of words and orders.
"Forge. . . get a stre. . .r "
". . . just give him a few minutes . . .'ll be fine."
". . .ow can you be s. . !"
". . . suka if you can't . . . ould leave"

Leave? No! Not leave! He blinked his eyes open and tried to reach out in vain towards the ankles clad in red. He squirmed on the floor again.
The patched woman looked down at him again. Not a hint of pity in her one gleaming eye. He stopped squirming . . . no point. . . she'd just call him brat and scream again. He changed what little mind he had left. No more . . . he retreated further into himself and didn't move at all not even blinking, he couldn't be hurt if he was numb.

She turned and looked at the woman with the thick red coat.". . .etter if you . . .ed the button."
". . .ybe. . .ight. . ."

They were right . . . He knew they were. But he dare not say it. . . or else the mean adults would yell at him again. Or the other adult would smash his face in again. He was a child, they were the adults. Children should always do what they're told. . . or else.

". . . ut . . .othing else we can do."

Then the lights shut out. Nothing but the blinking indicator light from his collar and a few communicators from the responsible adults in the room, indicating to him that he was still alive. As the hateful ones around him began muttering in confusion, he dared to loosen just a little. They couldn't hit him or yell at him as well as they liked in the dark.

The noises began coming through again, gruff and harsh. The men in armor were no doubt talking.

". . at the hel. . ."

"Why h. . . mergency lig. . ."

". . .uckin' engin. . . "

A concerned voice cut through. It was one of the older women's.

". . . y close to him! We can't . . . im hurt himse. . .!"

Concern? No, not for him. . . he didn't deserve it not after all he'd done. A hand gripped him hard through the straightjacket pulled him straight to his feet again, he didn't fall to the ground though he had to lean against the one pulling him up. He didn't know who because of the darkness, and he didn't care. A few of the lights in the dark flashed with muffled clicking noises. But apparently something was wrong with them too.

"This is weird . . . unicators dead. . . "

Then there was a flash in the dark, loud and brutal, he couldn't tell where it came from. Cutting through the haze that surrounded him, then something remained that continued to cut through the haze. An abrupt sharp pain in his belly. His eyes widened, he breathed deep, and felt a chill wash over him. He fell to the ground again on his knees as something else hard and metal clattered against the floor.

The lights came on. Bright light, he looked at the floor in front of him and saw the floor red. . . red. . . . red. Red like the boy who said he loved him, the only one to say he loved him.

". . . Kaworu. . ." He said without any strength in his words. In the distance, he thought he heard a woman scream. He whispered something about his mother as he fell forward into the small but growing puddle of the red collecting under him.

In the distance the carrot haired girl began to yell again . . .

= = =
I’ll escape now from this world, from the world of Jean Valjean, Jean Valjean is nothing now! Another story must begin!
Avatar: "There's a Starman, waiting in the sky. He'd like to come and meet me, but he thinks he'd blow my mind."
Phew, I’m not tense anymore… now I’m just miserable.
People say "be yourself" but that's bad advice, if we were all to "be ourselves" many of us would stop wearing clothes. -Chuckman

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Re: The Shinji Ikari Rebuild Project

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Postby MisterHalt » Wed Jun 29, 2016 10:46 pm

Damn. Didn't expect the murder attempt to come this quickly. Whoever it was did a terrible job of aiming though.

It's interesting to see this entire scene from Shinji's perspective. Really shows how... disconnected he is from reality. He can barely even understand what people are saying a few feet away from him. This is the kind of thing I avoided in my own fic, as I felt I simply wouldn't be able to do it properly.

You're doing a great job with this story, Ray.
Strength is being able to crush a tomato. Dexterity is being able to dodge a tomato. Constitution is being able to eat a bad tomato. Intelligence is knowing a tomato is a fruit. Wisdom is knowing not to put a tomato in a fruit salad. Charisma is being able to sell a tomato based fruit salad.


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