Ghosts of Evangelion

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NemZ
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Postby NemZ » Sun Sep 07, 2014 6:09 pm

Well, there's also the problem of why she's so impressed by the size of whale sharks when she's seen Ghaghiel.
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Postby xanderkh » Sun Sep 07, 2014 10:30 pm

View Original PostNemZ wrote:Well, there's also the problem of why she's so impressed by the size of whale sharks when she's seen Ghaghiel.


There's a big difference between seeing something up-close and personal while simultaneously trying not get EATEN vs. admiring something in safety an pacifically. Plus, they mostly saw it through the EVA screens instead of just through a plate of glass.

Plus, PLUS, Whale Sharks are a LOT more majestic than Ghaghiel and they AREN'T Angels.

See? :tongue:

SPOILER: Show
Image
"You're na�ve, Cecil. Even knowing betrayal and despair, you would depend on the whims of others?" - Golbez
---------------------------------------
Sephiroth: "Do you miss the Light?"
Golbez: "Hmph...I merely have duties to fulfill."
Sephiroth: "Too close to the brightness, and you may get scorched."
Golbz:.............
Golbez: Your loss can strengthen you.

"NGE Shinji is broken, Manga Shinji is an asshole, Rebuild Shinji is an idiot. Which is best? Uh, can I get some other options? All of these really suck." -Bagheera

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Postby Literary Eagle » Sun Sep 07, 2014 11:10 pm

Yeah, my interpretation was that Asuka is used to seeing massive Angels, but not massive Lilith-based creatures (unless we count GNR's crumbling head!). The Angel conflict ended several years ago, so Asuka wasn't expecting to see an enormous beast during a vacation trip to the aquarium. Sure, a whale shark isn't as big as Gaghiel, but it's still pretty impressive if you never knew that Lilith could also make huge fish. These kids fought and struggled so much to protect the world... now it's time for them to actually explore that world and enjoy it.
The Happy Red Planet (my Evangelion fan fic)

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Postby Sicarius VI » Mon Sep 08, 2014 4:32 pm

Hey Bagheera I just had a quick question, when you are finished Ghosts are you going to put it on fanfiction.net? Also, when you do finish are you going to re-organize everything in date order or keep it in release order?
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Postby Bagheera » Mon Sep 08, 2014 4:57 pm

I'm still debating on fanfiction.net. Part of me wants the increased exposure, but looking at the bulk of the reviews there I'm not sure I'd get anything useful out of it (I post it here because I value the feedback of forum members, but once it's done it will no longer be a work in progress, so feedback will be less useful). When I first proposed this idea, many moons ago, a few people expressed interest in it, and they have all posted in the thread at some point indicating they're reading it. They, and the recent additions (hi Paul, LE!), are the ones I care about. Everyone else can take it or leave it as they please.

I have no plans to re-organize everything by date; I suspect that would lead to some style whiplash, as I like to think my technique has improved as I progressed, but OTOH I'll be doing edits before I can call the work truly done so that might not be an issue (Paul has printed out the whole thing at least once and said it seemed fine when organized chronologically, so maybe there's something to that). I'll have to look at it all once it's done and see how it reads best; I'm sure the pieces can be organized in many ways, depending on one's aims. Different patterns of organization might prompt me to write out new scenes to flesh out particular themes, who knows?

And oh dear, I need to post some content. I will try to fix that tonight.
For my post-3I fic, go here.
The law doesn't protect people. People protect the law. -- Akane Tsunemori, Psycho-Pass
People's deaths are to be mourned. The ability to save people should be celebrated. Life itself should be exalted. -- Volken Macmani, Tatakau Shisho: The Book of Bantorra
I hate myself. But maybe I can learn to love myself. Maybe it's okay for me to be here! That's right! I'm me, nothing more, nothing less! I'm me. I want to be me! I want to be here! And it's okay for me to be here! -- Shinji Ikari, Neon Genesis Evangelion
Yes, I know. You thought it would be something about Asuka. You're such idiots.

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Postby pwhodges » Mon Sep 08, 2014 5:08 pm

View Original PostBagheera wrote:And oh dear, I need to post some content. I will try to fix that tonight.

Push yourself if you must, but don't rush! I know you're not letting the grass grow :wink:

Incidentally, I've been putting mine on FFN, because why not; but it's had little response. Four favourites, I think; and a few reviews - one of which (early on) said it wouldn't get readers because it wasn't LAS, and two said the chapters were too short too hold their interest. So no great benefit there, for me at least.
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Postby SEELE » Mon Sep 08, 2014 5:14 pm

View Original PostBagheera wrote:I'm still debating on fanfiction.net. [...] They, and the recent additions (hi Paul, LE!), are the ones I care about. Everyone else can take it or leave it as they please. [...]


Thanks, Bags. You know i appreciate your work and lots of others do. The case about posting this on fanfiction.net - mhhhh - if you would ask me? They don't deserve it - because of reasons like favourize Shinji and Asuka (and this whole other crap). There are lots of people who don't appreciate something like this. It isn't all WAFF/ship-wars.

But may i ask something? What was the purpose of writing fanfiction in general (and Prosa/novels)?
If you wouldn't publish it would it still be a fanfiction (to share it with fans)?

And btw. Bags - try to keep watch on some "new" releases on fanfiction.net. Some thieves might copy it and post it in ff.net and try to steal ideas and so on. They might do this with you ...

Keep it up, Bags!
"Shinji repeatedly rises to the occasion, overcomes his own doubts and fears and puts others ahead of himself to the point of self harm. The situation overwhelms him. Victory does not define a hero. Intent does. He breaks at the end, but after inhuman, overwhelming, borderline comedic suffering." - Chuckman talking about Shinji as a hero
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Plus I kinda want to be done with this franchise for a while and concentrate on other things in life. - Guy Nacks

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Postby Bagheera » Mon Sep 08, 2014 5:22 pm

View Original PostSEELE wrote:But may i ask something? What was the purpose of writing fanfiction in general (and Prosa/novels)?

If you wouldn't publish it would it still a fanfiction?


It's written by a fan, so yes. :D As to why write it . . . because it's an idea, and giving it physical form is useful. It helps me identify and exorcise it, and once that's done it can be shared with others and I can move on. Shinji and Asuka deserve this, IMO, and if I can give it to them then I deserve that as well. That's why.

And btw. Bags - try to keep watch on some "new" releases on fanfiction.net. Some thieves might copy it and post it in ff.net and try to steal ideas and so on. They might do this with you ...


That seems unlikely, given my esoteric style, but I'll keep an eye out.

Paul: You know that, because you've seen rough drafts! Everyone else thinks I'm ripping off Ha and just futzing about. :lol: But seriously, edits in process. Bear with me . . .
For my post-3I fic, go here.
The law doesn't protect people. People protect the law. -- Akane Tsunemori, Psycho-Pass
People's deaths are to be mourned. The ability to save people should be celebrated. Life itself should be exalted. -- Volken Macmani, Tatakau Shisho: The Book of Bantorra
I hate myself. But maybe I can learn to love myself. Maybe it's okay for me to be here! That's right! I'm me, nothing more, nothing less! I'm me. I want to be me! I want to be here! And it's okay for me to be here! -- Shinji Ikari, Neon Genesis Evangelion
Yes, I know. You thought it would be something about Asuka. You're such idiots.

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Postby Sicarius VI » Mon Sep 08, 2014 6:20 pm

View Original Postpwhodges wrote:Push yourself if you must, but don't rush! I know you're not letting the grass grow :wink:

Incidentally, I've been putting mine on FFN, because why not; but it's had little response. Four favourites, I think; and a few reviews - one of which (early on) said it wouldn't get readers because it wasn't LAS, and two said the chapters were too short too hold their interest. So no great benefit there, for me at least.


Well don't mind me if I got follow and fav right this second, that goes for Ghosts too if it ever decides to go on Fanfiction.net.
"I'm not going there to die, I'm going to find out if I'm really alive." - Spike Spiegel

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Postby NemZ » Mon Sep 08, 2014 6:56 pm

View Original PostBagheera wrote:Everyone else thinks I'm ripping off Ha and just futzing about. :lol:


That's a bit much... there's a brand new take on the content, but the source is distractingly evident.
Rest In Peace ~ 1978 - 2017
"I'd consider myself a realist, alright? but in philosophical terms I'm what's called a pessimist. It means I'm bad at parties." - Rust Cohle
"Think of how stupid the average person is, and realize that half of 'em are stupider than that." - George Carlin
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Postby pwhodges » Mon Sep 08, 2014 7:09 pm

I think he teases!

SPOILER: Show
Speak roughly to your little boy
and beat him when he sneezes.
He only does it to annoy,
because he knows it teases!
"Being human, having your health; that's what's important." (from: Magical Shopping Arcade Abenobashi )
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Can't wait for 3.0+1.0? - try Afterwards... my post-Q Evangelion fanfic (discussion)

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Postby Bagheera » Tue Sep 09, 2014 8:12 pm

Okay, new chapter! Sorry it's late, edits are a bitch. I'm sure it's not done, but I wanna get it out there and get feedback. Please be gentle. -o-;

SPOILER: Show
August 21, 2021
Asuka exited the bathroom, heading toward the bed to flop down next to Shinji. "I'm tired," she mumbled.
Shinji nodded. "Yeah," he agreed. "Me too."
"I guess the festival was good and all," she went on, "but it took a lot out of me."
"Yeah," he said again.
Shinji had almost fallen asleep when she spoke again. "Shinji?" she asked.
"Hmmm?" he asked sleepily.
Asuka bit her lip. "Wanna go to the onsen?"
He turned his head, looking at her in confusion. "Huh?" he asked.
"The onsen," she mumbled. "Do you want to go?"
He paused a moment. "Really?" he asked.
She nodded.
"Um," he hedged. "That is, I, um . . . "
She narrowed her eyes. "If you don't want to--"
"It's not that!" he said, interrupting her. "I'm just surprised, that's all." He gave her an earnest smile. "I . . . I'd like to go," he said. "Really."
"Hmph." She sat up, her brows knit. She stared at him for a moment, then relented. "Fine, then. Let's go." She got up, and began gathering bathing supplies. He followed her lead, before they exited the room and headed down to the hotel lobby.

Asuka frowned as she looked at the entrance to the onsen. "What the hell's the point of having mixed bathing if the washrooms are still separate? This sucks!"
"They do have family and private rooms," Shinji noted.
"That's just like taking a bath at home," Asuka muttered.
Shinji shook his head. "I don't think so," he said. "I read about them in the guidebook a few days ago. It said they're pretty big, and that they're outdoors, just like the main pools."
"Oh, please. They're probably kiddie pools or something," Asuka groused, unconvinced.
Shinji frowned, then smiled reassuringly. "Let's at least take a look," he said. "It can't hurt, right?"
Asuka shrugged, then reluctantly let him lead the way.

Asuka looked at the pool, a satisfied smile on her face. "Not bad, Third Child." She said. She nodded. "Yeah, this should work out fine."
Shinji sighed in relief. "Thank goodness," he said. "I wasn't sure you'd like it."
"Heh." She turned, heading back in to the washroom. "Let's get started then, eh?"
Shinji nodded, following her.
As she got undressed, Asuka said, "Just so we're clear, I'm really trusting you here. You better not do anything perverted!"
Shinji gave her a pained look. "Aren't I supposed to do perverted things to you? To want to, at least? I mean . . . "
She scowled at him. "Not right now! And not here!"
Shinji sighed. "Well, it's a moot point," he said primly, turning on the water. "Making you mad is the last thing in the world I want, so I'd never do something like that if you didn't want me to."
Asuka relaxed a bit, mollified. "Alright then," she breathed. "Then you can, y'know, wash my back and stuff." She sat on the bench, then handed him her body wash. "Here."
Shinji took the bottle and sat behind her, then grabbed the shower head and ran warm water down her back. He ran his hand over her back, taking note of the many tiny scars marring her otherwise beautiful skin. "I think you make too much of these," he murmured. "I don't think they look bad at all. I know you don't believe that, but it's true. That's what I think, anyway."
She huffed. "Yeah, well, you're an idiot, so your opinion doesn't count."
Shinji sighed, giving her a pained look. She didn't notice, of course, facing the other way as she was. He put the shower head down, then opened the body wash and squirted some into his hand. He rubbed his hands together, inhaling the sweet strawberry scent, then began to gently scrub her back.
Asuka mewled in contentment. "That feels nice," she murmured.
"Heh. We do live together, you know," he said, his voice low. "I can do this for you any time you like."
Asuka scowled. "Don't start with that, Shinji."
"Sorry," he said. "Just something to think about, that's all."
"You think I don't think about it?" she snapped. "You think I don't think about it every single day?" She stiffened under his hands, her irritation obvious.
He stopped for a moment, then squeezed her shoulders gently. "I know," he said. "I didn't mean anything by it. Please, don't be mad."
She took a deep breath, then let it out slowly. "Sorry," she said. "I didn't mean to snap at you. Rinse me off," she said. He did, and then she said, "okay, that's fine. Turn around. I'll do you next."

After Asuka finished with Shinji they finished cleaning themselves individually, then washed their hair. After that they wrapped towels around themselves and made for the pool. While not as large as the main pools, it was still rather substantial -- easily large enough to accommodate eight or so people comfortably. Asuka approached the edge, somewhat nervous, and then, with a deep breath, she dropped her towel and slipped into the warm water. A moment later Shinji followed suit.
"This is nice," Asuka said, swimming about in the shallow water.
"Yeah," Shinji agreed. "It feels good to relax after all the confusion of the festival."
Asuka fell silent for a few minutes, making her way back and forth across the pool. She looked at Shinji, sitting by the edge, his eyes closed and his head back. She chewed her lip thoughtfully. "Shinji?" she called to him.
He opened his eyes, turning to look at her. "Eh?" he asked.
"Come here," she said.
He waded over to her, a curious expression on his face. "What is it?" he asked.
"I--" She frowned. "It's just that . . . " She scowled, then leaned forward and kissed him. He froze in shock for a moment, then gently wrapped his arms around her, returning the kiss. She rested her hands on his chest, kneading it absently as her tongue wrestled with his. The kiss continued for a minute or so, until she clenched one hand into a fist, gently pushing him away. "Damn it," she whispered.
Shinji shook his head. "It's fine," he said. "Don't worry--"
"It's not fine!" she snapped. "It's fucking awful."
"I don't mind," he persisted.
Asuka splashed him with water. "For Christ's sake, Shinji, will you stop being such a fucking doormat all the time? I don't know what I expect you to do about it, but you could at least pretend it bothers you."
"But it doesn't," he said. He frowned. "Well, not really."
She tossed her head in irritation. "What are you talking about?" she snapped.
He shook his head. "I don't like seeing you upset, so that part bothers me. But I don't mind the rest of it. I just want to be with you," he said. "As long as we're together, that's enough for me."
Asuka snorted, crossing her arms. "Well, I'm glad you're content to be with a defective partner, but that doesn't do me any good. I'm still . . . useless." She was on the verge of tears, now.
Shinji shook his head again. "You don't understand," he said.
She glared at him. "I understand Japanese just fine, you moron."
He held up his hands. "No," he said, "that's not what I meant. What I meant was . . . " he sighed. "I don't think you're defective, Asuka."
She gave him a bewildered look. "Are you stupid?" she asked.
"No," he said firmly. "Not this time." He stood, pulling her up with him. "When I said I just wanted to be with you, I meant it. I didn't mean I'd tolerate being with you even though we can't do this one thing." He stared at her, meeting her gaze directly. "I meant I want to share my life with you. As long as we're together, as long as we're close, that's what matters. I don't care about the details. A physical relationship, making love . . . that sounds great, but . . . " He scratched his head, considering. "Well, I'm not exactly healthy in that department either. So, maybe that's not for us. Maybe that's not the sort of relationship that will make us happy, and we're just fixated on it because it's what everyone else does. And if that's true, then maybe we don't need it." He looked into her eyes, his gaze firm. "We already sleep together, and bathe together, and hold one another when we're hurting. We're together. That's what's important. That's what I value."
She just stared at him, wide-eyed. "Shinji," she breathed.
He took her hands in his own. "If it feels right, we'll do it," he said gently. "And if it doesn't, we won't. I don't think we'll ever be like other people, but that's alright. This, what we have right here? This is fine. It's good." He gently squeezed her hands. "I know happiness isn't really our thing, but this is enough to make me content. And I want you to be content with it too. Can't you be satisfied with that?" He looked at her, his eyes pleading. "Please?" he begged.
She looked to one side, her brows knit as he mind worked. A few moments later she looked back at him. "Is it really okay?" she asked. "Would you really be satisfied if we never . . . you know. Would that really be fine with you?"
He brought a hand to her cheek, cupping her face gently. "I'd like to see it happen someday," he whispered. "But if it doesn't, that's fine." He gave her a tender kiss, then pulled back. "I love you, Asuka. That's enough."
She sniffled, then twined her arms around his neck, pressing close, embracing him. "Okay," she whispered, her voice barely audible. He held her close, stroking her back gently. They stood silently for several moments, the heat of the pool surrounding them. "Shinji?" Asuka asked.
"Yeah?" he replied.
"I like it when you're not an idiot," she said, her voice a breathy whisper. "You should do that more often."
He smiled at her, rubbing her back. "Okay," he said. "I'll try harder, then."

"Why do you feel so strongly about all of this, anyway?" Asuka asked. They were walking along the beach now, having gotten dressed and left the bath a short time earlier. Nagara and Takao followed them, a discreet distance separating the two pairs.
Shinji gave her a strange look. "What do you mean?" he asked.
"Us. Our relationship. It's like you're totally committed to it, no questions asked." She frowned, considering. "You've been like that ever since Third Impact, but you never were before. And I don't get it. I'm not exactly a nice person; I'm kind of a bitch sometimes, especially to you. And I know I've hurt you a lot. But even so, you seem absolutely determined to stay with me, no matter what. And I don't understand why."
Shinji looked out at the ocean, gathering his thoughts as he watched the moonlight dancing across the waves. He took a deep breath and released it slowly. "I . . . " He frowned. "Well, I've always been a little. . . obstinate, I guess?" Asuka made a face, and he shushed her. "Back when we were piloting," he went on, "Misato was always frustrated, because she couldn't just order me to do something. If I didn't want to do it, I wouldn't do it, ever. I always had to come up with my own reasons for piloting, and that was true for everything I did."
Asuka nodded. "Okay . . . "
"When I learned about your feelings during Instrumentality . . . " He broke off, frowning. "No, not during Instrumentality. The time before, I guess." He shrugged. "Anyway, when I learned about what had happened to you, about how you felt . . . well, I couldn't ignore that. Part of it was sympathy, since I knew you'd suffered so much. But part of it . . . " he shook his head. "There's something fierce about you, Asuka. Something strong and proud. And that inspires me. I love seeing that in you. It makes me want to be around you, even if you are kind of a bitch sometimes."
"Hey!" she said, smacking his arm.
He laughed at her. "You just admitted it!" he protested.
"Even so, you shouldn't say that about your girlfriend," she complained.
"Sorry, sorry. But I mean it. I want to see you succeed, to see you thrive, because just being around you when you're doing well makes me want to do better myself." His expression darkened. "And I hate it when you're hurting. That roaring fire in you fades to dull embers, and it's painful to see. I can't stand that, so when I see you like that I have to do something about it."
"Tch," she said. "Is that why you provoke me all the time? You distract me by making me angry so I won't have time to dwell on things that will make me miserable?"
"Uh, well . . . " He laughed, scratching his head. "I don't exactly put that much thought into it, but maybe? I guess?"
She smirked at him. After a moment's thought, she scratched her nose with her finger and said, "Let's go back to the room, Shinji. I have a surprise for you."
"Eh?" he asked, curious. "What do you mean?"
She just hmmmed and said nothing more.

When they got back to the room Asuka headed for her suitcase, rooting around until she found what she wanted.
"So what's this surprise, Asuka?" Shinji asked.
"Well," she said, a coy smile on her face. "Since you've been saying such nice things about me tonight, I decided to repay you with a little gift." She held out her prize in front of her. "I've decided I'll model this disgusting little suit Misato bought, letting you stare your pervy little heart out. What do you think of that, hmmm?"
Shinji looked at the suit and gulped. "Oh wow," he said, his eyes going wide.
Asuka gave him a satisfied smirk, pleased with his reaction. She planted her hand on his chest and gave him a firm push. He lost his balance, falling back on the bed. "You just wait there," she said, heading for the bathroom. "I'll be right back." She closed the door.
Shinji just stared at the door, unable to process what was happening to him. He heard the sounds of her undressing, and tried very hard not to let his imagination run wild. It didn't work. Presently, he heard a whine from the other side of the door. "Kyaaaaaa!" Asuka wailed. "This thing is disgusting! How can anyone even wear something like this?" The door opened a crack, and she stuck out her head. "You better appreciate your good fortune, you stupid brat! You have no idea how embarrassing this is!"
"I appreciate it!" he swore, nodding eagerly. "I'm very happy right now!"
"You better be," she muttered. She zipped up the front of the suit, then looked at herself in the mirror. As with her other suit, this one had a mock turtleneck collar. But unlike that suit, this one barely covered her breasts. The highleg bikini bottom was similarly scandalous, and she didn't even want to think about the thong back. But even so, she had to admit it looked good on her. The dark color suited her. She nodded, satisfied, and turned to exit the room. "Alright, I'm coming out."
She entered the room, and smirked when she got the expected reaction from Shinji. His mouth hung open, and he could only stare at her, utterly fascinated. When she turned around to give him a view of her backside he shifted uncomfortably, one hand covering his mouth as he drank in the sight of her. She watched him carefully, looking for signs of pity or disgust. But all she saw was admiration and lust. She ran a hand over her belly, running her fingers over her scars. "You really don't care about these at all, do you?"
He could only shake his head mutely. His eyes roamed everywhere, as though he couldn't decide what part of her he liked best. Now her breasts, now her legs, now her belly, even her throat, framed as it was by the short collar of her suit. She smiled as he leered at her, planting her hands on her hips and letting him stare as he liked. "I used to hate being stared at," she murmured. "But since you seem to like it so much . . . " She smiled absently. "Maybe I could get used to this," she mused.
Shinji's eyes widened at the thought. "Oh wow," he said.
She quirked an eyebrow. "Oh?" she asked. "Like that idea, do you?"
Shinji nodded eagerly, utterly lost in the moment. "You're so beautiful, Asuka," he breathed. "I've never seen anyone so beautiful in my life."
She rolled her eyes. "You're either lying or you're an idiot," she laughed.
He shook his head. "I don't think I'm either," he said.
She tossed her head. "Well, whatever. Either way, I guess I gave you some material for your next 'alone time,' eh?" she asked, a lecherous grin on her face.
Shinji blinked. "Huh?"
"You know," she said. "When you . . . " she pointed toward his crotch.
Shinji's face fell, and he looked to the side. "I don't do that anymore," he muttered.
Asuka stared at him in surprise. "Really? Not even a little?"
"No. Never. Not since that day." His voice was dark and bitter.
Asuka grimaced. "Shinji . . . " she began.
"Just the thought of it disgusts me," he spat. He turned toward her, his gaze no longer admiring. "Why would you think I would do that? How could I?"
"But . . . well, what do you do when you get all excited and stuff?" she asked, her voice rising a bit.
"Nothing. I just deal with it," he muttered. "Maybe take a cold shower or something. It doesn't happen that often anyway."
"Shinji . . . " she began. She joined him on the bed. "Do you think that makes me happy? Do you think I want you to suffer like that? Particularly after today?"
He shook his head. "No."
"What you did back then was pretty rotten," she said, her voice like honey, "but you've apologized for it, and I've accepted it. I don't want you to punish yourself like this."
"Thanks," he mumbled, shrugging, "but it doesn't matter. It's not like I'm just denying myself or something, I just can't do it. The very thought of it disgusts me. I said in the pool that I was broken, just like you are. This is one of the ways that's true."
She stared at him, frowning. She chewed her lip for a moment, then nodded in decision. "I see," she said. "Then if that's so, I guess I'll have to help you out."


And the lemon (i.e., don't read if you're squicked by acts between consenting adults):

SPOILER: Show
Shinji jerked his head around to face her, his eyes as wide as saucers. "Asuka . . . you . . . "
"'If it feels right, we'll do it,'" she said, quoting his words from earlier. "That's what you said, right?" she asked, smiling at his confusion. "Well, it feels right. So I'm gonna help you out." She grabbed his shorts. "If you don't want me to, now's the time to say so."
"I . . . I . . . I . . ." he stammered.
She smirked. "That's what I thought," she said, tugging off his shorts. She took him in her hand, stroking him gently. "I don't think I can manage sex tonight," she mumbled, "But I can still take care of you." She pushed him toward the wall. "Back up against the wall," she said gently. "I want you to be able to see me."
He scurried up toward the head of the bed, propping the pillows behind him so he was comfortable. When he was settled she glided between his legs, taking him in hand again. "I can't promise this will be world class," she muttered, "since I've never done this before. But I'm not an idiot! After our last time . . . well, let's just say I did some research and leave it at that." She shot him a stern glare. "Be sure to tell me if I do anything you don't like!" she ordered. "I don't want to hurt you, you know."
He nodded. "Okay," he said.
She stroked him a few times, then bent down and took him in her mouth. She experimented, using her fist and mouth in different combinations, listening carefully to see what he liked and what he didn't. As for Shinji, he was in heaven; every time he looked down he saw the mass of her hair covering his lap, and her gorgeous backside hunched over her knees as she worked. It was a glorious sight, and watching it made him reach his peak quickly.
As his orgasm approached he pushed at Asuka's shoulders. "Asuka," he moaned, "I'm gonna--"
But rather than pull away from him she instead pushed forward, taking him all the way down her throat as he came. He tangled his fingers in her hair and held her head, howling in ecstasy as she drank him dry. When it was over he went limp, breathing heavily, a beatific smile on his face.
Asuka released him, wiping her mouth with the back of her hand as she sat back and surveyed the results of her handiwork. "That wasn't as bad as I thought it would be," she murmured. "Hikari made it sound like it would be awful. Maybe you just taste good or something."
Shinji shook his head in wonder. "I thought girls hated doing that," he said.
She shrugged. "Don't be stupid," she spat. "I'm Asuka Langley Soryu. If I'm gonna do something, I'm gonna be the best at it." She flushed. "Even if it is just a stupid blowjob."
Shinji chuckled at that. Then he leaned forward and grabbed her shoulders, pulling her close for a kiss.
"Hey--" she protested, but it was too late -- his mouth had covered hers, and he was kissing her more passionately than at any point in recent memory. She pushed him away. "Shinji, what's--"
"Please, Asuka," he begged. "You have to let me make you feel like that. You just have to."
She crossed her arms, kneeling on the bed. "Now look," she said huffily, "I think I've been very nice to you tonight. You shouldn't--"
"You have," he said, nodding eagerly. "You've been very nice. I'm so grateful! And that's why I want to return the favor. I want you to feel the way I feel now. Please."
"Well . . . " She looked at him, at the earnestness in his face, and found she couldn't deny him. She coughed. "Well, it's not like I'm not a little excited anyway. But I don't want your mouth down there!" she warned, holding up a finger. "That's disgusting. And be careful with your tongue! You know I'm touchy about that!"
Shinji nodded. "I'll be careful, I promise."
She shrugged, moving beside him. "Yeah, well, we'll see." She paused, then brought her hand to the zipper of her suit's top. "I suppose you want this off?" she asked.
He nodded. "It would help," he said mildly.
"Tch." She unzipped the top, tossing it to the side. "Jesus, Third, you're so greedy. I give you an inch and you take a mile. That's so typical."
"I can't help it," he said, reaching over her to cup a breast. "You're so beautiful like this, and when you're nice on top of it I just gotta do anything I can to make you happy."
She flushed. "That's so corny," she mumbled
"I like corny," he whispered, nuzzling her neck. He nibbled on her ear next, then kissed her deeply, flicking her nipple with his thumb as he did so. She moaned into his mouth, sucking on his tongue as pleasure washed over her. They continued in that vein for awhile, until he moved down to face her breasts directly. "Can I . . . ?" he asked.
She colored again. "Oh, do whatever you want!" she said, exasperated.
With a satisfied grin he did as she bade, taking a nipple in his mouth and sucking gently. He tugged it with his teeth and flicked it lightly with his tongue, just enough to excite her without stirring unpleasant memories. He gave her other nipple the same treatment, then went back to the first, alternating back and forth for several minutes. After some time he began kissing his way down her belly, stopping when he got to the bottom of her suit. He looked up at her. She was flushed, breathless, and heartachingly beautiful. "Asuka?" he asked.
She looked down at him. She didn't even bother to reply, just lifted her hips and shucked the bikini herself. "Remember," she admonished, "watch the tongue."
He nodded. He stroked her legs gently, moving slowly toward her center. She was breathing heavily, relaxed, and excited. She seemed happy, or at least a lot better than the last time they tried something like this. He tentatively put a hand on her; she gasped, but didn't stop him. She was very slick. He began to rub her, exploring, and she cried out when he pinched the nub at the top of her slit. He returned to her breasts as he played with her, and then finally to her mouth, rubbing her more and more roughly as he kissed her deeply. She wrapped one hand around his neck and held him to her, using her other to grab the hand that was fingering her. When he slipped a finger into her she went wild, her nails digging into his neck as her body convulsed. She pushed his hand away from her, wrapping both arms around his neck in a silent demand to be held while she rode the wave of her orgasm. He complied, her body twitching for close to a minute after she peaked.
"Oh God," she said, pushing him gently off of her. "I've never felt anything like that before. I didn't even know it was possible to feel like that. No wonder everyone's so keen on this sex stuff."
"You've never . . . wait, really?" Shinji asked, astounded.
"Nope," she said, shaking her head.
"Never?" he insisted.
She scowled at him. "What did I just say?"
"But you . . . " He stammered. "You were in such a hurry to grow up . . . and Kaji! You wanted to be with him . . . and then the past few years . . . I know you've been frustrated at times, I've seen it! And . . . "
She smiled at his confusion. "I was in a hurry to be treated as an adult, but the thought of actually being an adult disgusted me. To me, sex was something shitty people did to hurt others, because that's how my father and stepmother used it. And then Kaji rejected me, I felt like Misato betrayed me with him, and then there was the trauma of piloting, and you . . . " She shrugged. "Is it any wonder I'm a neurotic mess who just didn't want to deal with it?"
"But you just told me . . . !" he protested.
She shrugged again. "You were already doing it, so I didn't want you to deny yourself. I just never started. It's not the same thing."
Shinji gave her an odd look, unimpressed with her logic.
She scowled at him. "Look, do you wanna argue about this, or do you wanna deal with your little friend there?"
"Huh?" Shinji looked down, noticing with a blush that he was aroused again. "Oh," he said, laughing nervously. He looked at her mouth, licking his lips as he did so. "So, then . . . "
She scoffed. "No, I'm not giving you another blowjob. I'm not that nice."
Shinji blinked in confusion. "Then how . . . ?" he asked.
She spread her legs slightly and held out her arms. "C'mere," she said.
Shinji's jaw dropped. "Asuka . . . " he breathed. "Are you . . . are you sure?"
Her brows knit. "Hurry up, Third Child," she growled, "before I lose my nerve!"
Shinji hesitated a moment more, then moved over her. She put her hands on his shoulders while he positioned himself between her legs. "I don't want to hurt you," he said.
"You won't," she muttered. "I'm feeling pretty relaxed now, not uptight like last time. I'll tell you if it hurts." She took hold of him, guiding him to her entrance. Shinji held back, wary of hurting her, but she was impatient. She thrust her hips up to meet his, forcing him inside of her. She hissed in pain, holding him still, but gradually relaxed as the pain gave way to pleasure.
Shinji gasped as she moved. She was very tight, but also very wet, so he sank into her easily. "Oh my God," he breathed. "I thought your mouth was heaven, but this . . . oh my God." He looked down at her. "Are you alright?" he whispered.
She nodded. "Yeah," she said. She wrapped her arms and legs around him, holding him tightly. "I'm okay," she said. "Hurry up and fuck me."
Shinji blushed at her language, but complied. He withdrew from her slowly, then thrust back into her, very carefully. She growled in annoyance. "Faster," she ordered. Shinji did as she asked, picking up the pace. A moment of inspiration prompted him to work a hand between them, rubbing at the little nub of flesh between her legs that had so excited her before. "Oh my God!" she screamed, tightening her grip on him like a vice. "Oh fuck, keep doing that, keep doing that! Don't stop!"
It wasn't long until she reached her peak. She screamed and bit his neck as she came, her orgasm much stronger than her previous one. Shinji thrust into her at a frenzied pace, her bite and her cries driving him insane. He came soon after she did, and with a shout he emptied himself into her.
Afterwards, she refused to let him go. When he tried to get off of her she tightened her grip and said, "Don't move."
He frowned. "But I'll crush you," he said.
"I don't care," she replied. "Don't move."
With a sigh he relented, holding her tightly until she dozed off. When she did he shifted to one side, keeping an arm around her as he followed her in slumber.
Last edited by Bagheera on Tue Dec 30, 2014 3:49 am, edited 11 times in total.
For my post-3I fic, go here.
The law doesn't protect people. People protect the law. -- Akane Tsunemori, Psycho-Pass
People's deaths are to be mourned. The ability to save people should be celebrated. Life itself should be exalted. -- Volken Macmani, Tatakau Shisho: The Book of Bantorra
I hate myself. But maybe I can learn to love myself. Maybe it's okay for me to be here! That's right! I'm me, nothing more, nothing less! I'm me. I want to be me! I want to be here! And it's okay for me to be here! -- Shinji Ikari, Neon Genesis Evangelion
Yes, I know. You thought it would be something about Asuka. You're such idiots.

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Postby Bagheera » Tue Sep 09, 2014 8:15 pm

And the aftermath, separated because it's in the wee hours of the following morning:

SPOILER: Show
August 22, 2021
When Shinji woke the bed was empty. "Asuka?" he asked.
There was no answer. He looked around, but didn't find her in the room. He looked toward the balcony and saw her there, knees to her chest, head on her knees, sitting in a chair. The balcony door was open, the balmy heat of Okinawa permeating the room.
He fought down a moment of panic and then got up, heading toward the balcony. He stopped when he reached the threshold, watching her carefully.
After a time he released a breath, scratching his head, then turned back toward the bed.
As he turned, though, her call interrupted him. "It's fine," she said, lifting her head. "You can come out."
He hesitated, then crossed the threshold, sitting down across from her. "Sorry," he said. "I didn't mean to bother you. I just wanted to make sure you were alright. But you didn't seem upset, so . . . "
Asuka rested her head on her knees again.
"I'm not upset," she said. "Just . . . overwhelmed." She raised her head again, meeting his gaze. "I'm glad we worked some stuff out last night," she said, "and I like that we're closer now. But even so, I haven't felt anything that strong for a long, long time. Not since . . . " she trailed off.
Shinji's eyes widened in understanding. "Instrumentality," he said.
She nodded. "Yeah." She turned her head toward him. "It's not the same," she hastened to add. "Instrumentality was terrible, but this was really, really good," she said. "I'm so happy now." She frowned. "But even so, it was intense. And scary. I don't know how to deal with it."
Shinji frowned. "Well . . . " he asked. "Is there anything I can do? To help, I mean?"
She shook her head. "You don't have to do anything. Just give me some space. I'll deal with it on my own."
"I'll go back inside, then," he said, making to get up.
"You don't have to," she said.
He stopped, settling back into the chair.
She looked out at the ocean, wiggling her toes. "I like it here," she said. "It's so peaceful."
He nodded. "Yeah, this was a great idea. We'll have to thank Misato when we get back."
She smirked. "You know she'll ask us all sorts of nosy questions," she said. "She'll want many details."
Shinji's eyes widened a fraction. He gulped. "Uh oh."
She laughed. "Don't worry," she reassured him. "We got each other off twice, I think that's pretty good for our first time."
He laughed with her, nodding. "Yeah."
Her smile faded. She leaned her head back and closed her eyes. "I was so terrible to you back then," she said softly.
"Back then?" he asked.
She nodded. "Instrumentality," she said.
He shifted uncomfortably. "That's . . . that wasn't your fault. The circumstances . . . "
She leaned forward, a crafty smile on her lips. "Oh?" she asked. "'The circumstances', you say."
He froze, caught. Then he laughed lightly. "I see," he said. "So you really did forgive me, then."
She nodded.
"I thought you were just trying to be nice," he said.
She shrugged. "For a long time, I was," she admitted. "I thought I'd never be able to let that go, but after awhile . . . " She sighed. "Well, it just doesn't seem all that important anymore."
"I don't know about that," he said. "But I'm glad you don't hate me."
She smiled, but didn't say anything.
He stood. "Well, I'll give you some space," he said. "But don't be gone too long. The bed's lonely without you."
"I'll be back soon," she reassured him.
He nodded, heading inside and back to bed.
Last edited by Bagheera on Tue Dec 30, 2014 3:50 am, edited 7 times in total.
For my post-3I fic, go here.
The law doesn't protect people. People protect the law. -- Akane Tsunemori, Psycho-Pass
People's deaths are to be mourned. The ability to save people should be celebrated. Life itself should be exalted. -- Volken Macmani, Tatakau Shisho: The Book of Bantorra
I hate myself. But maybe I can learn to love myself. Maybe it's okay for me to be here! That's right! I'm me, nothing more, nothing less! I'm me. I want to be me! I want to be here! And it's okay for me to be here! -- Shinji Ikari, Neon Genesis Evangelion
Yes, I know. You thought it would be something about Asuka. You're such idiots.

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Postby Literary Eagle » Tue Sep 09, 2014 11:57 pm

Ooh, a big update! Yay! All right, so I'll go in order, starting with August 22, 2021 before the lemon part...

Shinji swam over to Asuka? So does this mean he learned how to swim? That's good. Not just for safety reasons, but also because Asuka likes scuba diving, so maybe this is a hobby they will try to enjoy together sometime. In fact, are we ever going to get a scene showing how Shinji learned to swim? (Did Asuka teach him? That could be interesting to see.)

I liked what Shinji said to Asuka in the pool. It was something that she really needed to hear, and it was sweet without being too over-the-top. I was especially pleased when Shinji firmly said "Not this time" in response to Asuka asking if he's stupid. A very nice touch! Go, Shinji!

Just a few little typos in this segment:

Shinji frowned, then smilled reassuringly.

"I didn't mean anything by it. "Please, don't be mad."

a discreet distance separatiing the two pairs.

And she was giving him permision to look at her!

Next, the lemon part. I'll put this in a spoiler box for those who want to avoid potentially NSFW stuff being mentioned, although I don't go into much detail here:

SPOILER: Show
Well, I'd say Shinji's talk with Asuka in the pool certainly helped to alleviate the pressure she was feeling! Even still, I'm not sure it would be this good, but it wouldn't be the first time I've had to suspend some disbelief while reading lemon scenes (for one thing, hardly anyone ever brings up contraception...), so it didn't kill my enjoyment of the story. One thing I really did like was the communication... "Be sure to tell me if I do anything you don't like!", "I'll tell you if it hurts.", and so on.

Just a couple of little typos in this part:

howling in ecstacy as she drank him dry

She looked at him, at the ernestness in his face



And finally, the aftermath... the beginning scared me a little, but thank goodness Asuka was willing to talk to Shinji. Hopefully they'll be all right. I'm rooting for them!

Just one typo this time:

"You didn't do anythinig wrong."

Thanks for the big update, Bagheera! Keep up the good work!
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Postby Bagheera » Wed Sep 10, 2014 2:29 am

Re: Swimming: I'd be surprised if Asuka didn't teach him to swim at some point earlier in the week, but here I'm talking about the sort of swimming one does in 3-4 feet of water: You're hunched over, submerged up to your chin, so you're not really wading necessarily, but you're not properly swimming, either. I went ahead and changed it to "wading", but I'm not sure that's right either. But anyway, yes, this is something to address in a future scene.

Re: Contraception: Well, two points here: first, given their ages and the fact they're living in a post-Impact world, I'm not sure they'd object so much to the notion of having kids. But that aside, Asuka's on contraception anyway to control her painful periods (an inference on my part, but the one time they were addressed in the show they seemed more intense than they are for most women). I realize this should be addressed at some point, but it hasn't come up just yet. But regardless, both of them know about it, so I saw no need to address it (which doesn't help the reader, but even so).
For my post-3I fic, go here.
The law doesn't protect people. People protect the law. -- Akane Tsunemori, Psycho-Pass
People's deaths are to be mourned. The ability to save people should be celebrated. Life itself should be exalted. -- Volken Macmani, Tatakau Shisho: The Book of Bantorra
I hate myself. But maybe I can learn to love myself. Maybe it's okay for me to be here! That's right! I'm me, nothing more, nothing less! I'm me. I want to be me! I want to be here! And it's okay for me to be here! -- Shinji Ikari, Neon Genesis Evangelion
Yes, I know. You thought it would be something about Asuka. You're such idiots.

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Postby pwhodges » Wed Sep 10, 2014 2:58 am

Swimming: as I've already said to you, I didn't think that "swimming" in a pool "large enough for eight people" felt right anyway!

Contraception: the plain fact is that even in the best-regulated families (as it were), there can be times when the feelings just overwhelm anything else. It's unfashionable to admit this, but those of us who have been there will understand perfectly (indeed, my own first penetrative sex was unprotected at an inappropriate time, though as it happened we went ahead and got married not long after).

The whole scene (all three parts) flows very well indeed, and although I have no experience of writing (and barely of reading) explicit sexual scenes I found the details convincing and appropriate throughout (including the epilogue).

I have one reservation about a change that's happened since the draft I saw earlier, and again that relates more to personal experience than to writing. In fact, I think the change - the progression to penetrative sex after Asuka's first orgasm, which wasn't in the earlier draft - has advantages from a story-telling point of view. Not least, it avoids the possible need for another lemon scene to lead into their difficulties in unreservedly accepting their sexuality (if that's a fair description of the direction I imagine you will take this)*. My reservation is no more than the feeling, from my own experience, that two completely uninhibited orgasms of that intensity in such quick succession is actually unrealistic (in spite of how often it is depicted). But sometimes the storytelling can be above such details, and I think that is so in this case.

Well done!

* I'm picturing an awkward conversation over breakfast, either next morning or on their return home.
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Postby Mr. Tines » Wed Sep 10, 2014 3:32 am

View Original Postpwhodges wrote:Contraception: the plain fact is that even in the best-regulated families (as it were), there can be times when the feelings just overwhelm anything else.

It's like ever since AIDS, people have forgotten that there's the Pill, which gets taken at calmer times of the day.
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Postby pwhodges » Wed Sep 10, 2014 4:36 am

Indeed - though in my personal anecdote, the pill didn't figure! However, there was no embarrassment, and our first child was born ten months after we married :shifty:

Incidentally, I should perhaps say here (as I've already said privately) that the very fact that this scene made me think about certain specific scenes of my own past life is confirmation in my mind that it is realistic, well written, and appropriate.
"Being human, having your health; that's what's important." (from: Magical Shopping Arcade Abenobashi )
"As long as we're all living, and as long as we're all having fun, that should do it, right?" (from: The Eccentric Family )
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Postby ThanatosII » Wed Sep 10, 2014 10:57 am

My word! I can't begin to express how I'm impressed by your fanfic of a post 3I world! After reading all the feedback from each page of this thread, I know I'm going to repeat what was already said when I say you have a near-perfect realistic iteration of the character chemistry. As an Asushin kind of person, even I get annoyed by the countless fanfics that protray an Asuka/Shinji relationship with a lot of fluff and glorified sexual fantasies.
You have no idea how much I appreciate your conservative approach to keep characters in character to the best of your ability!

With that said, I will give some feedback in respect to things I find a little unusual:
1.) I can't remember to which chapter it was, but it's the one with Hikari seeing Asuka outside near a tree. I believe you had Hikari say something along the lines of, "I was going to ask if wanted dinner at my place but you're probably not hungry." Personally, I think Hikari, after seeing Asuka acting really woozy, would suspect Asuka of being hungry and without hesitation say, "I'm about to make dinner, and I always tend to cook enough food to feed this whole town, so I would love it if you came over, my treat!" <- pretty wordy but I think you know where I'm going with this. It's a nice nod to when Hikari was trying to convince Touji to let him have her cook for him. Plus for the fact Hikari I think wants to help at any cost and never turn down an opportunity to be helpful.

2) In the August 15, 2021 chapter, I was a bit confused why Shinji didn't know why Misato worked for NERV and why Kaji had to explain something we already knew, especially Shinji, based off the series. However, he remembers Misato from the very first episode saying he and Misato have something in common about not having good relationships with their fathers. So it seemed a bit off to remember one thing and not the other. I do realize you're trying to work in a Kaji/Shinji conversation, but this is where you have the fun of exploring an area where Kaji could go further and explain how well or how bad Misato still deals with her father situation.

3) This isn't really an issue but more so a suggestion if you haven't already considered it: I've noticed Shinji talk a lot about Rei and Kaworu, but not so much about Gendo. Given how Gendo said "forgive me Shinji" in EoE, I'm rather curious how post 3I Shinji thinks of his father. Does he forgive? Still hate him? A mix of both?

Overall, those were the only glaring issues I read. You sir have given me hope that Eva fanfiction CAN be good! You've earned a new reader :D
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Postby Bagheera » Wed Sep 10, 2014 3:47 pm

I'm glad the recent updates have been so well-received! As you can probably imagine, I was a bit nervous about posting them. -o-; I will be putting up minor edits tonight; I'll edit this post when I do, so check back to see if anything's changed.

NemZ is unusually silent this time around; perhaps the waff disgusts him! :lol: But don't worry, the aftermath scene is a harbinger of things to come; there won't be angst (they've largely exorcised that by this point), but they won't be fucking like rabbits, either. Lemon aside, the scene at the pool will set the tone for the future.

What comes next: I have two more scenes planned for Okinawa (the Bon festival and another scene on the beach), but I'm going to hold off on them until I get the first bits of Fuyutsuki's return hammered out. I'll be grappling with that this weekend come hell or high water, and there will be a few other odds and ends thrown in as well. And then . . . Kyoko.

Oh dear, I had you thinking things were looking up, didn't I? Sorry, my mistake. (Paul: Sorry, don't mean to tease, but a bit of fridge logic told me that scene I sent you to preview had to end very differently. It's not like eps 22 and 24 are ambiguous or anything.)

Paul: Thank you very much for the kind words! As I noted via PM I am immensely gratified to learn that my fic is open enough that people can see it as a reflection of their own experiences. I may not be Anno tier, but even so that's something! :guts pose:

Mr. Tines: You confound me, sir! You hate LAS, so why would you want anything to do with this fic? Is your position similar to that of NemZ's? I never thought you were as tolerant of my viewpoints as he was, but perhaps I've misjudged you (I'm good at misjudging people, so this is likely).

ThanatosII: With the first, Asuka had just vomited so I can't imagine she'd be hungry. With the second, I don't think Shinji's ever talked with Misato about why she joined Nerv (beyond the obvious "fighting Angels"). He knew she had issues with her father, but not how it motivated her. With the last, the Fuyutsuki scenes will delve into this in detail.
For my post-3I fic, go here.
The law doesn't protect people. People protect the law. -- Akane Tsunemori, Psycho-Pass
People's deaths are to be mourned. The ability to save people should be celebrated. Life itself should be exalted. -- Volken Macmani, Tatakau Shisho: The Book of Bantorra
I hate myself. But maybe I can learn to love myself. Maybe it's okay for me to be here! That's right! I'm me, nothing more, nothing less! I'm me. I want to be me! I want to be here! And it's okay for me to be here! -- Shinji Ikari, Neon Genesis Evangelion
Yes, I know. You thought it would be something about Asuka. You're such idiots.


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