SPOILER: Show
May 23, 2020:
I think this was a nice place to start, even though it’s obviously not the first thing that happened chronologically. The year shows they’ve been taking things slowly, and even still they’ve got a ways to go. I like the idea of a fic where the characters have to really work at overcoming their issues. Good stuff! I think my only complaints about this part – and they’re very minor ones – are a couple of typos (“smiile” instead of “smile”, “illuminatiing” instead of “illuminating”). Also, you used both “omelette” and “omelet” (both spellings are correct, but it just looks better to pick one and stick with it… if it helps you to decide, “omelet” is the one used more often in American writing, and “omelette” is more common outside of America). Like I said, very minor complaints.
September 10, 2018/October 10, 2018:
Ugh, a doctor doing such things to his patients… poor Asuka. Misato did indeed drop the ball in terms of looking after the pilots, but even still, she was one of the few people who at least tried. So I really liked seeing the conversation between Asuka and Misato, and seeing Misato vow to do better.
January 28, 2016:
Ouch. Those poor kids. I like your portrayal of Asuka. You don’t put her on a pedestal and ignore her faults, but you don’t reduce her to nothing more than a hateful bitch stereotype either. I’ve seen a lot of people go too far in one direction or the other (usually the hateful bitch one).
February 3, 2016:
Hmm. Well, I don’t agree with everything Asuka said about Kaworu, but considering that she’s just going based on what she knows, it’s understandable that she said those things. At any rate, she is correct that what happened isn’t entirely Shinji’s fault, so it’s nice to see her acknowledge that.
September 9, 2018:
Oh my, I was not breathing easily during this part. Sure, I knew in the back of my head that she was going to be okay eventually, given the date on this segment, but still… yikes. Poor Asuka.
By the way, just one little typo (“listended” instead of “listened”).
October 7, 2018:
Really nice to see more interaction between Asuka and Misato, and seeing some discussion about Asuka’s future was good as well. It helps to explain why she’s staying in Japan.
There was also a tiny little typo: just one place where Kotetsu’s name was not capitalized… sorry for pointing out typos; I’m doing that in case it’s helpful, not because I’m trying to be nitpicky… but if you find it irritating instead of helpful, please let me know and I’ll try to remember not to do that.
March 12, 2016:
Ow, my heart! It’s good to see a story where Asuka realizes the negative consequences of things she says, but in way that shows she’s a human being making a mistake and she regrets it, unlike bashfics that just go out of their way to make Asuka look bad. I really liked what you did with this one!
September 16, 2018:
Very interesting conversation between Asuka and Toji. Eva pilots can understand each other on a level that others can’t, so it’s nice to see them bond over it. Toji’s stint as a pilot may have been brief, but it was, shall we say, eventful enough that such an experience could never be easily forgotten. The social commentary about gender stereotypes was good, too. That type of thing works well with Evangelion, in my opinion.
March 14, 2016:
Awwww. I loved this one. Asuka doing something nice for Shinji, while still being in character. Not enough fan fics pull this off very well. Awwww.
June 1, 2020:
I winced at this part… not because of anything terribly wrong with the writing, though! The stuff about Asuka and Shinji’s painful first attempt at sex made me feel really bad for them, that’s all. But I like that it wasn’t the mystical healing sex that happens in so many other fics... that story device is not very realistic, plus it gets old after a while. I don’t know enough about psychologists to feel truly qualified to judge this part of the story properly, but I will say it’s a step up from the ridiculously bad portrayals I’ve come across in a few other Eva fics.
October 13, 2019:
Ah, the confession! Well, that certainly wasn’t all sunshine and roses, but that makes perfect sense, considering the people we’re talking about and everything that’s happened to them. I liked that Toji and Hikari were there to help out. It wouldn’t be realistic for Asuka and Shinji to only rely on each other all the time; they need to have friends to help them get through this. I hope to see more characters show up in future installments! Also, I was glad to see Shinji stand up to Asuka in this part. A lot of people seem to forget that Shinji actually is capable of doing that.
September 14, 2018:
Yay, more Misato and Asuka interaction! Asuka saying that Misato has done more for her in a week than her father and stepmother did in her entire life was equal parts “Yeah! Go, Misato!” and “Waaah, poor Asuka!” It was something heartwarming and yet stabbing me in the heart at the same time. Thanks a lot!
…Seriously though, good job with that.
August 26, 2016:
Ah, now here’s a scene that really needed to happen! It’s such a shame that Toji just kind of disappeared from the anime after losing his leg. Rather anticlimactic. Thank goodness for fan fiction, eh? Also, it was good to see more Shinji stuff. If this fic is supposed to be about Asuka and Shinji, then it would be nice to get more Shinji-focused scenes.
September 12, 2018:
Nice to see Hikari is looking out for Asuka. Also, I love the idea of Shinji playing the cello as a way to comfort Asuka when she doesn’t want people getting too close physically.
Just a few more typos in this one (“happpened” instead of “happened”, “Shnji” instead of “Shinji”, “responed” instead of “responded”, and “clappiing” instead of “clapping”).
I think this was a nice place to start, even though it’s obviously not the first thing that happened chronologically. The year shows they’ve been taking things slowly, and even still they’ve got a ways to go. I like the idea of a fic where the characters have to really work at overcoming their issues. Good stuff! I think my only complaints about this part – and they’re very minor ones – are a couple of typos (“smiile” instead of “smile”, “illuminatiing” instead of “illuminating”). Also, you used both “omelette” and “omelet” (both spellings are correct, but it just looks better to pick one and stick with it… if it helps you to decide, “omelet” is the one used more often in American writing, and “omelette” is more common outside of America). Like I said, very minor complaints.
September 10, 2018/October 10, 2018:
Ugh, a doctor doing such things to his patients… poor Asuka. Misato did indeed drop the ball in terms of looking after the pilots, but even still, she was one of the few people who at least tried. So I really liked seeing the conversation between Asuka and Misato, and seeing Misato vow to do better.
January 28, 2016:
Ouch. Those poor kids. I like your portrayal of Asuka. You don’t put her on a pedestal and ignore her faults, but you don’t reduce her to nothing more than a hateful bitch stereotype either. I’ve seen a lot of people go too far in one direction or the other (usually the hateful bitch one).
February 3, 2016:
Hmm. Well, I don’t agree with everything Asuka said about Kaworu, but considering that she’s just going based on what she knows, it’s understandable that she said those things. At any rate, she is correct that what happened isn’t entirely Shinji’s fault, so it’s nice to see her acknowledge that.
September 9, 2018:
Oh my, I was not breathing easily during this part. Sure, I knew in the back of my head that she was going to be okay eventually, given the date on this segment, but still… yikes. Poor Asuka.
By the way, just one little typo (“listended” instead of “listened”).
October 7, 2018:
Really nice to see more interaction between Asuka and Misato, and seeing some discussion about Asuka’s future was good as well. It helps to explain why she’s staying in Japan.
There was also a tiny little typo: just one place where Kotetsu’s name was not capitalized… sorry for pointing out typos; I’m doing that in case it’s helpful, not because I’m trying to be nitpicky… but if you find it irritating instead of helpful, please let me know and I’ll try to remember not to do that.
March 12, 2016:
Ow, my heart! It’s good to see a story where Asuka realizes the negative consequences of things she says, but in way that shows she’s a human being making a mistake and she regrets it, unlike bashfics that just go out of their way to make Asuka look bad. I really liked what you did with this one!
September 16, 2018:
Very interesting conversation between Asuka and Toji. Eva pilots can understand each other on a level that others can’t, so it’s nice to see them bond over it. Toji’s stint as a pilot may have been brief, but it was, shall we say, eventful enough that such an experience could never be easily forgotten. The social commentary about gender stereotypes was good, too. That type of thing works well with Evangelion, in my opinion.
March 14, 2016:
Awwww. I loved this one. Asuka doing something nice for Shinji, while still being in character. Not enough fan fics pull this off very well. Awwww.
June 1, 2020:
I winced at this part… not because of anything terribly wrong with the writing, though! The stuff about Asuka and Shinji’s painful first attempt at sex made me feel really bad for them, that’s all. But I like that it wasn’t the mystical healing sex that happens in so many other fics... that story device is not very realistic, plus it gets old after a while. I don’t know enough about psychologists to feel truly qualified to judge this part of the story properly, but I will say it’s a step up from the ridiculously bad portrayals I’ve come across in a few other Eva fics.
October 13, 2019:
Ah, the confession! Well, that certainly wasn’t all sunshine and roses, but that makes perfect sense, considering the people we’re talking about and everything that’s happened to them. I liked that Toji and Hikari were there to help out. It wouldn’t be realistic for Asuka and Shinji to only rely on each other all the time; they need to have friends to help them get through this. I hope to see more characters show up in future installments! Also, I was glad to see Shinji stand up to Asuka in this part. A lot of people seem to forget that Shinji actually is capable of doing that.
September 14, 2018:
Yay, more Misato and Asuka interaction! Asuka saying that Misato has done more for her in a week than her father and stepmother did in her entire life was equal parts “Yeah! Go, Misato!” and “Waaah, poor Asuka!” It was something heartwarming and yet stabbing me in the heart at the same time. Thanks a lot!
…Seriously though, good job with that. August 26, 2016:
Ah, now here’s a scene that really needed to happen! It’s such a shame that Toji just kind of disappeared from the anime after losing his leg. Rather anticlimactic. Thank goodness for fan fiction, eh? Also, it was good to see more Shinji stuff. If this fic is supposed to be about Asuka and Shinji, then it would be nice to get more Shinji-focused scenes.
September 12, 2018:
Nice to see Hikari is looking out for Asuka. Also, I love the idea of Shinji playing the cello as a way to comfort Asuka when she doesn’t want people getting too close physically.
Just a few more typos in this one (“happpened” instead of “happened”, “Shnji” instead of “Shinji”, “responed” instead of “responded”, and “clappiing” instead of “clapping”).
Overall: Really nice to see a post-3I fic about Shinji and Asuka working on their issues and getting together in a more realistic way. Unlike a number of other stories, you didn’t simply ignore their problems for the sake of making the fic easier to do, or have everything fixed by a magical sex scene (sometimes also a magical pregnancy… ugh), or throw characterization out the window by turning Asuka into an unrecognizable perfect saint and/or Shinji into a macho hero stereotype to “improve” things. It’s also wonderful to have other characters helping out, rather than making it seem as if Asuka and Shinji exist in a vacuum or something. I hope to see other characters show up in the future, and I also hope to see more Shinji scenes to balance out the Asuka ones. Keep up the good work, and sorry again about the length of this… I don’t usually do long posts, but something about the premise of this fic, and the way the scenes are not in chronological order, has captivated me. Since you don’t want your thread to get cluttered, feel free to PM me if you want to respond, or ask questions, or simply tell me to shut up.
It does occur to me that focusing on the second scene might be a better choice at the moment, as it addresses a lot of unanswered questions about Eva, shows us what's going on outside of the kids and their relationship, and sets up some future chapters -- all things this fic very much needs at the moment IMO. Either way, I'll get something out this weekend, so please be patient. 
