EGF's House of Lonely Hearts

Yeah. You read right. This is for everything that doesn't have anything to do with Eva.

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Re: EGF's House of Lonely Hearts

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Postby DarkBluePhoenix » Wed Aug 30, 2017 8:27 pm

TheFriskyIan wrote:So now I've been all giddy and happy since Sunday and I don't think it's going to go away until the date (and then I believe I'm just gonna be more excited and stupidly happy).

Congrats man, I hope everything goes well on Tuesday :thumbsup:
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Re: EGF's House of Lonely Hearts

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Postby Cybermat47 » Tue Sep 05, 2017 7:19 am

So... finding the right person is probably the biggest priority in my life right now. Which, from what I've heard, is a major turn-off for most people, so yay me.

The thing is, I have no idea how to go about meeting that person, and absolutely no idea how to introduce myself to them, probably due to my Asperger's Syndrome.

There are dating sites, yes, but do they actually have any success?

I'm genuinely frightened that I'm going to be alone for the rest of my life.

Watching Evangelion doesn't help...
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Re: EGF's House of Lonely Hearts

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Postby silvermoonlight » Tue Sep 05, 2017 8:34 am

View Original PostCybermat47 wrote:So... finding the right person is probably the biggest priority in my life right now. Which, from what I've heard, is a major turn-off for most people, so yay me.

The thing is, I have no idea how to go about meeting that person, and absolutely no idea how to introduce myself to them, probably due to my Asperger's Syndrome.

There are dating sites, yes, but do they actually have any success?

I'm genuinely frightened that I'm going to be alone for the rest of my life.

Watching Evangelion doesn't help...


The best piece of advice I can give you or anyone else in this position is forget dating websites and go to places you enjoy going to and meet people with common interests. I know a lots of people who have met the love of there lives at conventions, seminars and workshops where they were going because it was something they were really interested in. ^_^
Last edited by silvermoonlight on Tue Sep 05, 2017 10:26 am, edited 1 time in total.
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Re: EGF's House of Lonely Hearts

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Postby TheFriskyIan » Tue Sep 05, 2017 8:54 am

View Original PostCybermat47 wrote:There are dating sites, yes, but do they actually have any success?

Dating sites are legitimately the worst possible things ever. Unless you're in your mid-thirties looking for someone to settle down with they're highly discouraged. The mindset of most of your matches will not be to find a serious partner, and this is coming from someone who has tried them all including the expensive ones like Eharmony for the better part of three years, only to meet a cute girl at work. My first ever date was off OKCupid and it was the worst hour of my life, I sincerely want it back. They're really nothing but a huge headache.
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Re: EGF's House of Lonely Hearts

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Postby pwhodges » Tue Sep 05, 2017 9:12 am

Just as a counterpoint to the hating on online dating sites, I would remark that my daughter (in her late 30s) made a wonderful marriage that way, and my wife's oldest and bestest friend (60s) has also found a really good match from the same site (match.com, in the UK). Both of course had enough relevant experience of previous relationships to enable them to assess people without too much naivety; but my point is simply that these sites can lead to good outcomes when sufficient care is taken.
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Re: EGF's House of Lonely Hearts

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Postby ErgoProxy » Tue Sep 05, 2017 9:54 am

Cybermat47 wrote:I'm genuinely frightened that I'm going to be alone for the rest of my life.


Hm...

Not that I want to scare you or discuorage; a good relationship is certainly better than loneliness. But a bad relationship is nightmare you want to wake up from, but sometimes you just can't, for various reasons. I went through both infatuation and relationship (with two different women) only to find myself repeating various mistakes of my parents, over and over. And it wasn't a pleasant experience by any measure.

So I decided to stay lonely for a while – or maybe forever, who knows? – as far as now I'm kinda happy with my solitude.

silvermoonlight wrote:The best piece of advice I can give you or anyone else in this position is forget dating websites and go to places you enjoy going to and meet people with common interests. I know a lots of people who have met the love of there lives at a convention, seminars or workshops where they were going because it was something they were really interested in.


Precisely this! Cause sooner or later infatuation passes and all what remains in the long run is the everyday bittersweet. So when you're unable to befriend your partner/lover for some reason, it's a bad prognosis for the relationship. And common interests of course help much in making friends.
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Re: EGF's House of Lonely Hearts

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Postby Cybermat47 » Tue Sep 05, 2017 11:49 pm

Thanks for the advice guys, I'll put it into practice ^_^

I am still confused as to how I introduce myself to a complete stranger in a meaningful way, though.

I do have plenty of friends, but I don't really know how they got there...
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Godzilla VS Evangelion: Who Will Know?

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Re: EGF's House of Lonely Hearts

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Postby silvermoonlight » Wed Sep 06, 2017 3:43 am

View Original PostCybermat47 wrote:Thanks for the advice guys, I'll put it into practice ^_^

I am still confused as to how I introduce myself to a complete stranger in a meaningful way, though.

I do have plenty of friends, but I don't really know how they got there...


Just be yourself don't try and be anything other than that and I always try to do a conversation like I like your t-shirt its really cool where did you get it, your costume looks great how long did it take to make? That sort of thing ^_^
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Re: EGF's House of Lonely Hearts

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Postby imprimatur13 » Wed Sep 06, 2017 6:10 am

View Original Postsilvermoonlight wrote:Just be yourself don't try and be anything other than that and I always try to do a conversation like I like your t-shirt its really cool where did you get it, your costume looks great how long did it take to make? That sort of thing ^_^

I agree. It may be difficult/awkward at first, but you'll get used to it, and you'll find it'll become easy with practice/time.
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Re: EGF's House of Lonely Hearts

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Postby TheFriskyIan » Thu Oct 19, 2017 4:49 am

So it's been sometime now, and I'm not sure what to do or where I really stand.

We had one date so far and it went really well. However planning even a second one has been something of an impossibility. She lives on her own in a apartment here in FL which is not cheap when you only get part-time hours so she ends up having to pick up extra shifts which makes it difficult for me to ask when we could do something again. I'm always met with "I'll have to get back to you on that." which I totally understand, but it also kind of hurts because I feel like I'm being brushed off. I don't like texting and she knows that so I only really talk to her at work, but I have been seeing her less and less because our work schedules just don't align. Furthermore, she's been acting colder than she used to. When we do clock out together, we still spend a lot of time in the parking lot just talking but I usually end up having to ask for even a simple hug and while we're working I feel like she shuts down any attempt at conversation.

She insists that she's just being professional while at work and that if she didn't think it could work out between us she'd be blunt but I have my doubts and it's starting to cause a lot of anxiety and stress, I've been having sleep issues for the past two weeks cause of it. I really don't want this to go south and end up spending a night with a tub of ice cream, but it's hard to be optimistic in this situation and I really don't know what to do in this ambiguous case.
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Re: EGF's House of Lonely Hearts

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Postby DarkBluePhoenix » Thu Oct 19, 2017 9:18 am

Well, relationships are about compromise, so maybe try texting her more. She might appreciate the effort you're putting in on that front. PLus, if you're seeing her less and less at work, if you want to keep talking to her, texting or phone calls may be your only option to keep things going.
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Re: EGF's House of Lonely Hearts

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Postby Zeruss » Sun Oct 22, 2017 5:53 am

Last night was a fun night.

Which also means my brain is going at full speed, which also means I can't sleep.
So, apologies for the following weird rant and the rambling.

Almost half a year ago, while in a huge get together of acquaitances and relatives and whatnot, I got reacquainted myself with some really old family friends who I hadn't seen in many years; they had been there for us in really harsh times, so it was a pleasant reunion. They were lovely and an absolute delight, but one of them was really insistent that "someone as handsome as me" -which prompted the most cynical and ugliest snort-laugh I've ever uttered- shouldn't be single at my age, so she offered to arrange a date with one of her nieces... who was standing right there -And her aunt was very insistent- I accepted mainly bacause she agreed and due to formality's sake, but felt incredibly weird nonetheless (at the time I genuinely thought I could just avoid it altogether if enough time went by; I was wrong).

Many months of mutual schedule conflicts later, the planets aligned and we got something planned out for Saturday--I wasn't looking forward to it, to be quite honest, but I'd try to make her have the best time I could offer and end the entire thing as quickly as possible. Strangely enough I wasn't nervous or anxious at all... perhaps since it all seemed "fake" due to the arranged nature of the entire thing, the stakes didn't affect me until much later? Like, right now? (the very least my anxiety could do is be consistent and immediate, goddamit; these delayed anxiety episodes are awful).

Anyways, we meet up at a nice pasta place, and after chatting for some time while waiting for a table (in the meantime I'm quite surprised her humor is just my type, and humor is one of my weaknesses) she kinda blurts: "look, I know what this is all about, to be honest this is very weird, and arranged dates via family connections are only comparable to drowning in mud, so let's just wing it"--And then it seemed like it'd be a really fun night.

We basically bonded over how neither of us wanted to be in said situation; how everyone we know is in a stable relationship and are succesful Grown Ups (unlike us, almost-nearing-30-year-olds); her rad tattoos (and the ones she might get done in the future); how we just want to find someone we genuinely love, and how both our relatives are pushing for each of us to get married and have kids asap--It was basically a sarcasm-o-marathon of epic proportions and a lot of talk about 90s tv shows (specially Buffy and Sabrina). After the meal we walked around for a bit, chatted for a long while, a kiss, a hug, and a goodnight.

We agreed to stay in touch while formally saying things didn't work out so as to set each other free of this nonsense (she did warn me her aunt would probably call me and offer to arrange a date with another niece, which I think I'll respectfully decline)--And though we did have a fantastic time together based on our shared humor and 90s 'a e s t h e t i c s' appreciation, it seemed evident our personalities and general tastes didn't quite match up, plus we had vastly different plans and projects for the future, both in the short and long term. That said, all in all, it turned out to be a surprisingly fun night and that's enough for me... Y-yay?

So, on one hand I was expecting this to be somewhat of a disaster, but I enjoyed myself throughout; on the other, it got me thinking about how meeting new people is actually a delightful experience, but also about how I don't do it more often and that it might probably be less common for me as time goes on... and that if things continue as they are, finding "that special someone" might not happen at all.

PS: Thanks, brain; you always know how to cheer things up.
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