EGF's House of Lonely Hearts

Yeah. You read right. This is for everything that doesn't have anything to do with Eva.

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Re: EGF's House of Lonely Hearts

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Postby DarkBluePhoenix » Wed Aug 30, 2017 8:27 pm

TheFriskyIan wrote:So now I've been all giddy and happy since Sunday and I don't think it's going to go away until the date (and then I believe I'm just gonna be more excited and stupidly happy).

Congrats man, I hope everything goes well on Tuesday :thumbsup:
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Postby Cybermat47 » Tue Sep 05, 2017 7:19 am

So... finding the right person is probably the biggest priority in my life right now. Which, from what I've heard, is a major turn-off for most people, so yay me.

The thing is, I have no idea how to go about meeting that person, and absolutely no idea how to introduce myself to them, probably due to my Asperger's Syndrome.

There are dating sites, yes, but do they actually have any success?

I'm genuinely frightened that I'm going to be alone for the rest of my life.

Watching Evangelion doesn't help...
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Re: EGF's House of Lonely Hearts

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Postby silvermoonlight » Tue Sep 05, 2017 8:34 am

View Original PostCybermat47 wrote:So... finding the right person is probably the biggest priority in my life right now. Which, from what I've heard, is a major turn-off for most people, so yay me.

The thing is, I have no idea how to go about meeting that person, and absolutely no idea how to introduce myself to them, probably due to my Asperger's Syndrome.

There are dating sites, yes, but do they actually have any success?

I'm genuinely frightened that I'm going to be alone for the rest of my life.

Watching Evangelion doesn't help...


The best piece of advice I can give you or anyone else in this position is forget dating websites and go to places you enjoy going to and meet people with common interests. I know a lots of people who have met the love of there lives at conventions, seminars and workshops where they were going because it was something they were really interested in. ^_^
Last edited by silvermoonlight on Tue Sep 05, 2017 10:26 am, edited 1 time in total.
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Postby TheFriskyIan » Tue Sep 05, 2017 8:54 am

View Original PostCybermat47 wrote:There are dating sites, yes, but do they actually have any success?

Dating sites are legitimately the worst possible things ever. Unless you're in your mid-thirties looking for someone to settle down with they're highly discouraged. The mindset of most of your matches will not be to find a serious partner, and this is coming from someone who has tried them all including the expensive ones like Eharmony for the better part of three years, only to meet a cute girl at work. My first ever date was off OKCupid and it was the worst hour of my life, I sincerely want it back. They're really nothing but a huge headache.
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Re: EGF's House of Lonely Hearts

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Postby pwhodges » Tue Sep 05, 2017 9:12 am

Just as a counterpoint to the hating on online dating sites, I would remark that my daughter (in her late 30s) made a wonderful marriage that way, and my wife's oldest and bestest friend (60s) has also found a really good match from the same site (match.com, in the UK). Both of course had enough relevant experience of previous relationships to enable them to assess people without too much naivety; but my point is simply that these sites can lead to good outcomes when sufficient care is taken.
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Re: EGF's House of Lonely Hearts

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Postby ErgoProxy » Tue Sep 05, 2017 9:54 am

Cybermat47 wrote:I'm genuinely frightened that I'm going to be alone for the rest of my life.


Hm...

Not that I want to scare you or discuorage; a good relationship is certainly better than loneliness. But a bad relationship is nightmare you want to wake up from, but sometimes you just can't, for various reasons. I went through both infatuation and relationship (with two different women) only to find myself repeating various mistakes of my parents, over and over. And it wasn't a pleasant experience by any measure.

So I decided to stay lonely for a while – or maybe forever, who knows? – as far as now I'm kinda happy with my solitude.

silvermoonlight wrote:The best piece of advice I can give you or anyone else in this position is forget dating websites and go to places you enjoy going to and meet people with common interests. I know a lots of people who have met the love of there lives at a convention, seminars or workshops where they were going because it was something they were really interested in.


Precisely this! Cause sooner or later infatuation passes and all what remains in the long run is the everyday bittersweet. So when you're unable to befriend your partner/lover for some reason, it's a bad prognosis for the relationship. And common interests of course help much in making friends.
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Postby Cybermat47 » Tue Sep 05, 2017 11:49 pm

Thanks for the advice guys, I'll put it into practice ^_^

I am still confused as to how I introduce myself to a complete stranger in a meaningful way, though.

I do have plenty of friends, but I don't really know how they got there...
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Postby silvermoonlight » Wed Sep 06, 2017 3:43 am

View Original PostCybermat47 wrote:Thanks for the advice guys, I'll put it into practice ^_^

I am still confused as to how I introduce myself to a complete stranger in a meaningful way, though.

I do have plenty of friends, but I don't really know how they got there...


Just be yourself don't try and be anything other than that and I always try to do a conversation like I like your t-shirt its really cool where did you get it, your costume looks great how long did it take to make? That sort of thing ^_^
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Re: EGF's House of Lonely Hearts

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Postby imprimatur13 » Wed Sep 06, 2017 6:10 am

View Original Postsilvermoonlight wrote:Just be yourself don't try and be anything other than that and I always try to do a conversation like I like your t-shirt its really cool where did you get it, your costume looks great how long did it take to make? That sort of thing ^_^

I agree. It may be difficult/awkward at first, but you'll get used to it, and you'll find it'll become easy with practice/time.
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Postby TheFriskyIan » Thu Oct 19, 2017 4:49 am

So it's been sometime now, and I'm not sure what to do or where I really stand.

We had one date so far and it went really well. However planning even a second one has been something of an impossibility. She lives on her own in a apartment here in FL which is not cheap when you only get part-time hours so she ends up having to pick up extra shifts which makes it difficult for me to ask when we could do something again. I'm always met with "I'll have to get back to you on that." which I totally understand, but it also kind of hurts because I feel like I'm being brushed off. I don't like texting and she knows that so I only really talk to her at work, but I have been seeing her less and less because our work schedules just don't align. Furthermore, she's been acting colder than she used to. When we do clock out together, we still spend a lot of time in the parking lot just talking but I usually end up having to ask for even a simple hug and while we're working I feel like she shuts down any attempt at conversation.

She insists that she's just being professional while at work and that if she didn't think it could work out between us she'd be blunt but I have my doubts and it's starting to cause a lot of anxiety and stress, I've been having sleep issues for the past two weeks cause of it. I really don't want this to go south and end up spending a night with a tub of ice cream, but it's hard to be optimistic in this situation and I really don't know what to do in this ambiguous case.
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Postby DarkBluePhoenix » Thu Oct 19, 2017 9:18 am

Well, relationships are about compromise, so maybe try texting her more. She might appreciate the effort you're putting in on that front. PLus, if you're seeing her less and less at work, if you want to keep talking to her, texting or phone calls may be your only option to keep things going.
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Postby Zeruss » Sun Oct 22, 2017 5:53 am

Last night was a fun night.

Which also means my brain is going at full speed, which also means I can't sleep.
So, apologies for the following weird rant and the rambling.

Almost half a year ago, while in a huge get together of acquaitances and relatives and whatnot, I got reacquainted myself with some really old family friends who I hadn't seen in many years; they had been there for us in really harsh times, so it was a pleasant reunion. They were lovely and an absolute delight, but one of them was really insistent that "someone as handsome as me" -which prompted the most cynical and ugliest snort-laugh I've ever uttered- shouldn't be single at my age, so she offered to arrange a date with one of her nieces... who was standing right there -And her aunt was very insistent- I accepted mainly bacause she agreed and due to formality's sake, but felt incredibly weird nonetheless (at the time I genuinely thought I could just avoid it altogether if enough time went by; I was wrong).

Many months of mutual schedule conflicts later, the planets aligned and we got something planned out for Saturday--I wasn't looking forward to it, to be quite honest, but I'd try to make her have the best time I could offer and end the entire thing as quickly as possible. Strangely enough I wasn't nervous or anxious at all... perhaps since it all seemed "fake" due to the arranged nature of the entire thing, the stakes didn't affect me until much later? Like, right now? (the very least my anxiety could do is be consistent and immediate, goddamit; these delayed anxiety episodes are awful).

Anyways, we meet up at a nice pasta place, and after chatting for some time while waiting for a table (in the meantime I'm quite surprised her humor is just my type, and humor is one of my weaknesses) she kinda blurts: "look, I know what this is all about, to be honest this is very weird, and arranged dates via family connections are only comparable to drowning in mud, so let's just wing it"--And then it seemed like it'd be a really fun night.

We basically bonded over how neither of us wanted to be in said situation; how everyone we know is in a stable relationship and are succesful Grown Ups (unlike us, almost-nearing-30-year-olds); her rad tattoos (and the ones she might get done in the future); how we just want to find someone we genuinely love, and how both our relatives are pushing for each of us to get married and have kids asap--It was basically a sarcasm-o-marathon of epic proportions and a lot of talk about 90s tv shows (specially Buffy and Sabrina). After the meal we walked around for a bit, chatted for a long while, a kiss, a hug, and a goodnight.

We agreed to stay in touch while formally saying things didn't work out so as to set each other free of this nonsense (she did warn me her aunt would probably call me and offer to arrange a date with another niece, which I think I'll respectfully decline)--And though we did have a fantastic time together based on our shared humor and 90s 'a e s t h e t i c s' appreciation, it seemed evident our personalities and general tastes didn't quite match up, plus we had vastly different plans and projects for the future, both in the short and long term. That said, all in all, it turned out to be a surprisingly fun night and that's enough for me... Y-yay?

So, on one hand I was expecting this to be somewhat of a disaster, but I enjoyed myself throughout; on the other, it got me thinking about how meeting new people is actually a delightful experience, but also about how I don't do it more often and that it might probably be less common for me as time goes on... and that if things continue as they are, finding "that special someone" might not happen at all.

PS: Thanks, brain; you always know how to cheer things up.
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Postby Princess Asuka » Mon Feb 05, 2018 10:23 pm

I've learned a very good in the past few years. Never sign up for this anime dating site called MaiOtaku. It is a drama filled cesspool which I refuse to go back too. So, two years ago I met this really cute guy from New Mexico but he ended up lying to me and cheating on me with this nasty c**t in Alaska. Then I got into a relationship with a guy in Florida. He abandoned me twice, first time was when he got deployed, the second time was when I was grounded for 3 months. I haven't heard from him again as he blocked me on facebook.The guy from New Mexico and I are friends cause he did apologize for what he did and I forgave him. I kinda still love him, but I know it'll never work out cause he's clueless whenever I try to flirt with him. :facepalm: Anyhow, I'm currently in another online relationship with a guy who lives in Canada that I met on a Sailor Moon forum, it'll be 8 months on the 15th and This is the longest relationship I've had cause I've never made it past 6 months with a guy before. None of my real friends or family know about as I just refer to him as friend. My parents would ground me for life from technology if they knew I had a boyfriend. Also, I went to an adult anime club at the local library and I met this guy who seemed really sweet and I wanna become friends with him first. I wish I had a real life boyfriend that I could cuddle and watch anime with. And I haven't had sex since I lost my virginity to an asshole 3 years ago. I hope something irl happens soon cause I wanna get married before I'm 30.
"Winds in the east, Mist coming in, Like something is brewing, About to begin. Can't put me finger on, What lies in store, But, I feel what's to happen, All happened before..." From Mary Poppins
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Postby kuribo-04 » Tue Feb 06, 2018 9:52 am

I'm lonely as shit and haven't made new friends in years. I have also stopped caring about it though. I think there's always a lot of pressure from the outside to befriend people, get a partner, etc. Sorry, I don't want to spend time with people I have no interest in.
I'm fairly OK being alone and being with people often stresses me out, so I stopped caring about what is seen as "normal".
I enjoy being with my longtime friends (who live in another country), but there are few people I get to know who I really care for.
Also gave up on having a relationship any time soon. Never had an interest in it, then fell really hard for a girl, and then ruined the relationship I guess by telling her that I liked her. Which for a while left me really sad because she talked to me every day before that. Anyways, it's a long story, but the point is I wasn't mature enough to understand any of it, and I'm probably still not. So instead of hurting myself or being an annoyance to someone else I'll do some growing up. And learning. I'm pretty busy sometimes, and the time I have I wanna use at the max.
If this sounds like I hate people or something, not at all. I'm always as nice as I can and I find people interesting, but I don't feel comfortable usually, so I need to really enjoy my time with them to care enough.

Anyways, don't feel bad for not having friends, or having few friends or whatever. Just do at any tine what makes you feel good. Right now nothing makes me happier than listening to music, playing a videogame, spending time with my brother, little things like that. And I laugh at anybody who criticizes that (which has happened).

Edit: Oh, but make sure you're occupied with school, work or anything else social to some extent. It's healthy. I've noticed the difference.
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Postby Princess Asuka » Tue Feb 06, 2018 8:24 pm

Is it normal to regret losing your virginity? Cause I regret it. The guy I lost it too was always horny all the time and he didn't really love me at all. He had condoms, but we didn't use them. It was just a quick penetration and that was it. This guy was an asshole. He told me that if I had gotten pregnant that he wanted me to get an abortion cause he didn't wanna have a kid with our disabilities. He also said that if we did do long distance that he wanted me to be ok with him sleeping with other girls while still being with me. He dumped me on our two month anniversary. After which I became very depressed and felt suicidal and I was hospitalized for a few days. And somehow I ended up gaining a lot of weight and got diagnosed with polycystic ovarian syndrome. I lost my virginity cause I thought I'd never get another chance to do it, but the truth is sex isn't all that great and it didn't help that I was tense and nervous and that he told me you failed before we did it. And he tried to convince me that all my real life friends were bad people. The lesson I learned is just because he's cute, doesn't mean he's Prince Charming.
"Winds in the east, Mist coming in, Like something is brewing, About to begin. Can't put me finger on, What lies in store, But, I feel what's to happen, All happened before..." From Mary Poppins
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"We fall in love, our hearts may break, we lose sleep longing for someone, but that's how we know we're alive." Usagi Tsukino from the Sailor Moon S movie.
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Postby kuribo-04 » Wed Feb 07, 2018 1:13 am

I wouldn't worry about it.
Like you say, you learned a lesson from it.
And from what I hear (I'm a virgin) most people's first time is less than ideal. I wouldn't compare myself to a high standard, that's unnecessary pressure. Just look ahead.
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Postby silvermoonlight » Wed Feb 07, 2018 5:28 am

View Original PostPrincess Asuka wrote:Is it normal to regret losing your virginity? Cause I regret it. The guy I lost it too was always horny all the time and he didn't really love me at all. He had condoms, but we didn't use them. It was just a quick penetration and that was it. This guy was an asshole. He told me that if I had gotten pregnant that he wanted me to get an abortion cause he didn't wanna have a kid with our disabilities. He also said that if we did do long distance that he wanted me to be ok with him sleeping with other girls while still being with me. He dumped me on our two month anniversary. After which I became very depressed and felt suicidal and I was hospitalized for a few days. And somehow I ended up gaining a lot of weight and got diagnosed with polycystic ovarian syndrome. I lost my virginity cause I thought I'd never get another chance to do it, but the truth is sex isn't all that great and it didn't help that I was tense and nervous and that he told me you failed before we did it. And he tried to convince me that all my real life friends were bad people. The lesson I learned is just because he's cute, doesn't mean he's Prince Charming.


I'm sorry you went though that because that sounds really awful and the guy sounds like a huge manipulator because that's what people like that do they try to separate you from your family and friends and tell you that everything you do is wrong and its all your fault when its not and there the nasty party and the whole deal with him sleeping with other people due to long distance is another element of that as it about creating in uneven playing field so the victim is not in control. I feel the same way regarding my virginity as in my early teens I had a this creepy guy none stop badger me until I slept with him and he didn't bother with condoms ether and he caused me intense pain became he was ramming so hard I had to say no and stop the whole thing half way through because I was in agony. I get that your first time is not great for ether gender but no one should ever pressure you this way and if they do walk away and never ever give in to them regardless of there gender.
Last edited by silvermoonlight on Thu Feb 08, 2018 10:24 am, edited 2 times in total.
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Postby TheFriskyIan » Wed Feb 07, 2018 11:01 am

So the girl I've been trying to move things along with has completely destroyed everything. She no longer stays after work to talk, our text conversations are only work related (ie. "can you take a two-seater up to the store?" "we need an extra person, can you come in?"), any attempt at bringing up the subject of our date (or hanging out for the matter) is ended immediately. It's clear she has no interest in ending things on a positive note (or providing closure at all for that matter). My other coworkers tell me I should either talk to her or give her the same cold treatment. The former is impossible since she shuts down the subject immediately, and I absolutely don't want to do the latter, I don't want to be mean for the sake of being spiteful. I'll probably never know what has caused this massive shift in her, why she is clearly treating me differently from others, or what I might have possibly done to cause it. This pain has been going on for three months, I can't eat, I can't sleep, it's constantly on my mind. I practically begged her three different times that if things wouldn't work out as far as dating goes if she would be blunt and she said she would, this is the exact opposite of being blunt and this was exactly what I was afraid of happening. I'm perfectly okay with her not wanting anything more, I just want my friend back; but that's probably never going to happen.

I've joked about it from time to time but I'm actually a teetotaler, however I don't care about my ideals anymore and I just want the pain to go away. Will a liquor store still sell to me even though my ID says "Under 21 until X date" despite the fact that I've been over 21 for a few years now? I never drank before but I was thinking vodka cause I was told it doesn't have a taste and I can just mix it in with Gatorade or something.
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Re: EGF's House of Lonely Hearts

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Postby Princess Asuka » Wed Feb 07, 2018 7:00 pm

View Original Postsilvermoonlight wrote:I'm sorry you went though that because that sounds really awful and the guy sounds like a huge manipulator because that's what people like that do they try to separate you from your family and friends and tell you that everything you do is wrong and its all your fault when its not and there the nasty party and the whole deal with him sleeping with other people due to long distance is another element of that as it about creating in uneven playing field so the victim is not in control. I feel the same way regarding my virginity as in my early teens I had a this creepy guy none stop badger me until I slept with him and he didn't bother with condoms ether and he caused me intense pain became he was ramming so hard I had to say no and stop the whole thing half way through because I was in agony. I get that your first time is not not great for ether gender but no one should ever pressure you this way and if they do walk away and never ever give in to them regardless of there gender.

Thank you, I'm just happy that he's gone and I'll never see him again. Before this guy dated me he dated a friend of mine. He slept with her, but even though he used condoms with her she later told me that he used to have sex with her while she was sleeping. And this guy even gave her a promise ring that looks exactly like Usagi's ring from Sailor Stars just to make me jealous. But, she said after she left him she gave back all his gifts and took back everything that she had given him. Their relationship ended cause she cheated on him with his best friend. When he was flirting with me he was all like she's a bad person, she's crazy, you shouldn't be friends with her, she can't cook from scratch, etc. He even told me to block her from facebook for awhile. Just because he bought me gifts doesn't make him a good person. Even though I did get my Sailor Moon lanyard he gave me autographed, I kept the necklace, Sailor Moon part 2 on bluray, and he gave me a bluray. Surprisingly I have no memories attached the gifts he gave me. The two months I was with him were Hell. He moved to Texas and he cut all contact with me after I was hospitalized. Cause whenever we fought he'd always block my phone number. But, I bet he's probably already found some other girl to manipulate.
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Re: EGF's House of Lonely Hearts

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Postby silvermoonlight » Thu Feb 08, 2018 5:02 am

View Original PostPrincess Asuka wrote:Thank you, I'm just happy that he's gone and I'll never see him again. Before this guy dated me he dated a friend of mine. He slept with her, but even though he used condoms with her she later told me that he used to have sex with her while she was sleeping. And this guy even gave her a promise ring that looks exactly like Usagi's ring from Sailor Stars just to make me jealous. But, she said after she left him she gave back all his gifts and took back everything that she had given him. Their relationship ended cause she cheated on him with his best friend. When he was flirting with me he was all like she's a bad person, she's crazy, you shouldn't be friends with her, she can't cook from scratch, etc. He even told me to block her from facebook for awhile. Just because he bought me gifts doesn't make him a good person. Even though I did get my Sailor Moon lanyard he gave me autographed, I kept the necklace, Sailor Moon part 2 on bluray, and he gave me a bluray. Surprisingly I have no memories attached the gifts he gave me. The two months I was with him were Hell. He moved to Texas and he cut all contact with me after I was hospitalized. Cause whenever we fought he'd always block my phone number. But, I bet he's probably already found some other girl to manipulate.


Not to blunt but what he did to your friend was rape as if your not awake or passed out for any reason then sex is not consenting and this applies to both genders. Also abusers use gifts as a way to calm the victim down after arguments so this maybe why you have no attachment to these gifts because they were given to you after arguments and abusers always paint past victims as crazy and in the wrong and he proberbly told you to block her on facebook because she'd tell you the truth and its another way of separating you from friends and family so your alone and have no one to turn to for support as well as blocking your number as punishment to make you feel even more alone.
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