EGF's House of Lonely Hearts

Yeah. You read right. This is for everything that doesn't have anything to do with Eva.

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Postby CJD » Sat Oct 19, 2013 2:25 am

View Original PostReichu wrote:Hey! Stop describing me!


You? I was describing me.

("Go out with friends"? HAHAHAHA, WHAT FRIENDS? WHERE DOES ONE FIND SUCH CREATURES?)


According to legend they are often found grazing around "The Watercooler." In all my research, though, I've yet to find any maps to this mythical oasis.
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Postby Mr. Tines » Sat Oct 19, 2013 12:55 pm

View Original PostReichu wrote:Taking a shot in the dark with whatever randy guy is indiscriminate enough to bed a soliciting 31-year-old behemoth?
"behemoth"? Have you let yourself go since the last photos I saw of you? You certainly didn't merit the description ambulocetus back then -- but whatever, you should not discount the effect of beer goggles (it won't be until the morning that regrets might be had).

Anyhow, as a soliciting 31-year-old is under the "half age plus 7" limit, you'd be scandalously young for me :tongue:

Catamari & Ænimal: I've seen the pernicious meme "if you're a girl, getting laid should be easy"
If anything, I think it's probably easier for a guy to get a pity fuck, the way the social dynamics work. That worked for me, back in the day.

View Original PostShinoyami65 wrote:Maybe it's a bit too early to be worrying about complciated things like love and relationships, but it honestly seems like I'm going to be alone forever.
At your age, I had still filed that sort of thing as "what grown-ups do" and it didn't trouble me until well after I'd gone up to university. It wasn't until after I'd graduated that the opportunity even arose; and then it was an unexpected burst of hind-brains signalling "Hey, your major histocompatibility complex smells amazingly complementary to mine -- let's pair bond!" which let me bypass the worst of the normal relationship junk.
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Postby Ænimal » Sat Oct 19, 2013 1:02 pm

View Original PostMr. Tines wrote:If anything, I think it's probably easier for a guy to get a pity fuck, the way the social dynamics work. That worked for me, back in the day.


:jawdrop: teach me your ways, master!!!!

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Postby Catamari » Sat Oct 19, 2013 1:05 pm

View Original PostÆnimal wrote::jawdrop: teach me your ways, master!!!!


Be pathetic. Girls dig the "forlorn puppy" look.
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Postby Ænimal » Sat Oct 19, 2013 1:06 pm

View Original PostCatamari wrote:Be pathetic. Girls dig the "forlorn puppy" look.


Doesn't work with the fat ugly hairy bastard archetype, unfortunately. Plus i have tiny eyeballs (AMONG OTHER THINGS HUEHUEHUEHUE i hate my life :gunmouth: ).

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Postby Mr. Tines » Sat Oct 19, 2013 2:18 pm

View Original PostCatamari wrote:Be pathetic. Girls dig the "forlorn puppy" look.
It has to be the right sort of pathetic -- trying, as a grad student, to chat up some freshettes and failing was what worked for me.
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Postby pwhodges » Sat Oct 19, 2013 2:50 pm

I never succeeded at any of that stuff; my first marriage was (thought I didn't perceive this until after it ended 22 years later) an arranged marriage. Puppy-dog eyes might have helped with my second wife, though.
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Postby Reichu » Sat Oct 19, 2013 5:09 pm

View Original PostCJD wrote:You? I was describing me.

OH SHI--

According to legend they are often found grazing around "The Watercooler." In all my research, though, I've yet to find any maps to this mythical oasis.

I need to update my sig...

View Original PostMr. Tines wrote:"behemoth"? Have you let yourself go since the last photos I saw of you?

I was actually overweight in those pictures to begin with (my build is just a bit more forgiving of superfluous flesh than some), and it's gotten even worse since then. When I spent a month down in Houston at my sister's place helping my BIL with the nephews, I put on 20 lbs. or something. "THIS HOUSE IS SO STUFFY AND THESE BOYS ARE DRIVING ME CRAZY HEY LOOK CEREAL BARS AND CHOCOLATE OMNOMNOMNOMNOMNOM" Then I spent the next several months tweaking my psychiatric prescriptions and feeling like shit. I think.

Doesn't matter, in any case. I need to just grit my teeth and start working the adipose off before I turn into a human flapjack. :cringe: (And I'd be happy if I looked as good as an Ambulocetus! :tongue: )

Anyhow, as a soliciting 31-year-old is under the "half age plus 7" limit, you'd be scandalously young for me :tongue:

...but would that really be enough for you to say "no"? :devil:

For today's FML: So, since the hornies haven't gone away yet, I'm back in the dank, decrepit dungeons of OkCupid! This looks like it might have potential if I stick with it long enough and don't get discouraged by the vagueries of online communication, but, boy, do I need to vent about a couple of things.

1) There are WAY TOO MANY assholes who clearly are not paying any attention to the contents of my profile or the many compatibility-determining questions. It's all too easy to see that they're human spambots, sending generic (and usually grammatically inept) greetings to anything with a vagina in their geographic vicinity, all in the hopes that some woman will respond and say, "Why, yes, I'd love to see your cock". If these dirtbags are looking for casual encounters or something, they can specify it in their profile and questions and automatically get appropriate matches! Why are they wasting people's time with this inane shit instead?

I'm half-tempted to write a standardized response for these fuckwads telling them exactly what I think, in the unlikely chance it starts a cascade reaction in their brains that ends up making them better people.

2) I wrote to one guy who seemed pretty compatico with me. A nice message that actually references his profile and what he's purportedly looking for; no bullshit. What's the response I get? One word: "What?" The hell? That doesn't even make any kind of sense! This is made even more boggling by virtue of the fellow's lamentations that he'll be forever alone. Um, yeah... If that's how you usually treat the ladies, you deserve to be. ...ass.

3) So, fellows go through the trouble of creating profiles, answering questions, saying they're looking for this that and the other and that you should contact them if you meet X specifications. Alright, I'm seeing some potential here; let's try this shit! But once I try to get into conversations with some of these guys, absolutely no attempt is made to sustain any kind of dialogue. I'll follow my de-Asperger-tizing training from years back and try to strike something up: talk about myself a little, and ask questions about them. The response is basically a dead end! No threads to grab onto! To me, this either means, "I'm not interested and won't tell you why; get lost", or "I'm a lazy fuck who doesn't want to put any kind of mutual effort into this". Perhaps there's a third option I'm not considering.

Best prospect so far is an overweight, emotionally damaged Jew. To be fair, he actually seems like a decent and honest guy; I'm mostly worried about the lack of obvious and easy-to-finger common interests. I guess I should arrange a meetup anyway and see how it goes.
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Postby NemZ » Sat Oct 19, 2013 5:36 pm

I feel like playing devil's advocate today, so here goes on behalf of desperate dudes everywhere:

View Original PostReichu wrote:they're human spambots


It's entirely possible they actually DO want a relationship and just have no earthly idea how to deal with people. And the generic messages thing probably has to do with them being at this for a while with no success, having long since burnt out that sliver of hope that would motivate them to craft personal replies but still going through the motions because to stop would be to finally admit defeat.

One word: "What?"


Is it possible he just failed spectacularly and didn't know what you were talking about? Sent to the wrong dude somehow? Do these messages get sent as texts, so it's possible he didn't know the context and you just accidentally creeped him the fuck out?

The response is basically a dead end! This either means, "I'm not interested and won't tell you why; get lost", or "I'm a lazy fuck who doesn't want to put any effort into this". Perhaps there's a third option I'm not considering.


Socially retarded dude with no idea how to keep up the conversation? Ultra-desperate weirdo so overcome with thought of just texting with a girl that he has to stop and jack it? it's actually an AI that some jerkass nerd is using the dating service to run Turing tests and you broke it? Spontanious human combustion?

But yeah, it's certainly more likely they're all just pervy asshats.
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Postby Reichu » Sat Oct 19, 2013 6:02 pm

And my counterattack! Hatchaa!!

NemZ wrote:It's entirely possible they actually DO want a relationship and just have no earthly idea how to deal with people. (snip)


Well, here's the thing... The whole premise of OKC is that you answer a series of questions, and specify how important particular answers are in a match, in order to determine a compatibility rating. Almost without fail, these "spambot" messages are coming from guys who have a compatibility rating of 60% or below. Usually it's less than 50%. When finding somebody over 75% compatible with you is (AFAIK) quite easy, this sort of non-discrimination stands out in a bad way.

One of my favorites so far (besides a very badly misspelled -- can't hope to emulate it -- "do you masturbate a lot?") has to be the guy telling me, "I like your hands! I have never been more turned on to your strong and beautiful hands before!" HAHAHAHAha, yeah...

Is it possible he just failed spectacularly and didn't know what you were talking about? Sent to the wrong dude somehow? Do these messages get sent as texts, so it's possible he didn't know the context and you just accidentally creeped him the fuck out?


I started out by very specifically referring to "your profile" and what was in it, down to a direct quote. The rest of my message follows civilized ice-breaker procedure pretty closely. I double-checked to make sure it had been the correct fellow, as well. I have no idea what the problem could possibly be.

Socially retarded dude with no idea how to keep up the conversation? Ultra-desperate weirdo so overcome with thought of just texting with a girl that he has to stop and jack it?


It's not live texting. (Random: The thought of any male creature masturbating with me in mind remains very peculiar... even though I know for a fact that it has happened.) I wish I could say these guys were socially retarded, but apparently they've gotten laid before and have friends and stuff. I have neither of those things! It never ceases to amaze me when I, the reclusive virgin Aspie chick, am left to pull the kind of weight that is expected by default of the normatives. :um:
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Postby Omegagouki » Sat Oct 19, 2013 6:10 pm

Y'see, there's this thing, called "Nice Guy Syndrome". And this hat, so-called a "Fedora" but actually called a "Trillby". And these two other things called "male privilege" and "rape culture". Most of the guys who contact you like that are more than likely containing and/or subscribing some if not all of those things on and/or within them. :irked:

Kinda sucks you're not finding anyone worthwhile, Reichu (except maybe, maybe this aforementioned Jewish guy). :(
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Postby InstrumentalityOne » Sat Oct 19, 2013 6:25 pm

View Original PostOmegagouki wrote:Y'see, there's this thing, called "Nice Guy Syndrome". And this hat, so-called a "Fedora" but actually called a "Trillby". And these two other things called "male privilege" and "rape culture". Most of the guys who contact you like that are more than likely containing and/or subscribing some if not all of those things on and/or within them. :irked:

Kinda sucks you're not finding anyone worthwhile, Reichu (except maybe, maybe this aforementioned Jewish guy). :(

http://vimeo.com/28466163

sorta like this?

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Postby pwhodges » Sat Oct 19, 2013 6:40 pm

My daughter found her husband through an online dating site; they are well suited and very happy.

My wife's best friend has found a new partner the same way. She is very happy, and they plan to marry; but my wife and I have big reservations about him, and suspect there may be an unhappy ending to come...

These experiences do not weaken my suspicion of such sites in general, I'm afraid - but I wish you good luck, Reichu.
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Postby Bagheera » Sat Oct 19, 2013 6:45 pm

View Original PostInstrumentalityOne wrote:http://vimeo.com/28466163

sorta like this?


I'm deeply ambivalent about such groups. On the one hand, they clearly exist. But on the other, I think there are a lot of people who have issues with dating and such who don't fall into such convenient categories.

But perhaps I'm projecting there, I dunno. All I know is that I blame no one for my issues apart from myself, and that I don't seem to match up to these "nice guys" at all. My issues are with me, not with other people, so how do I fit in to the standard narrative?
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Postby Reichu » Sat Oct 19, 2013 7:31 pm

Omegagouki: Oh man, tell me about it. I'm reclusive enough, and selective enough about the company I keep, that I haven't yet encountered such people in person, and I don't particularly care to, but I am all too aware of what you mention. Any such fellow who tries to go after me in any persistent way is in for a world of pain.

View Original PostBagheera wrote:I'm deeply ambivalent about such groups.

Well, if it's the "Loveshy" we're specifically talking about, I see no particular reason to be ambivalent, since they're a bunch of delusional, entitled assholes and we'd lose nothing from having them eliminate themselves from the reproductive pool. (Not going to go easy on them, since I'm one of the "bitches" they indiscriminately hate, plus they have the gall to use Asperger's Syndrome as an excuse for their behavior. Probably self-diagnosed, too.)

View Original Postpwhodges wrote:These experiences do not weaken my suspicion of such sites in general, I'm afraid - but I wish you good luck, Reichu.

Well, yes, you're right to be suspicious. :hahaha: But as far as I know any kind of mate selection process contains some element of danger to it (see: date rape), so being alert and careful is everything. And thanks for the wishes. I'm not going to be too hopeful, but at least I won't be able to say I didn't try.

I really wish more of the EGF crowd was closer to me. If distance was not an issue, I'd actually have a lot of dating options, with guys I already know I have some degree of chemistry with. Geography sucks!
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Postby NemZ » Sat Oct 19, 2013 7:49 pm

View Original PostReichu wrote:Almost without fail, these "spambot" messages are coming from guys who have a compatibility rating of 60% or below. Usually it's less than 50%. When finding somebody over 75% compatible with you is (AFAIK) quite easy, this sort of non-discrimination stands out in a bad way.


What if they're so weird that you actually are on the top of end of their relative scale?

...yeah, that's not a good thing either. nevermind.

"I like your hands! I have never been more turned on to your strong and beautiful hands before!"


There's a fetish for everything, you know? Could be that guy was completely sincere and you crushed his dreams of "firm handshake", so to speak.

It never ceases to amaze me when I, the reclusive virgin Aspie chick, am left to pull the kind of weight that is expected by default of the normatives. :um:


I have no idea short of RPing a hypothetical situation out, though that would likely be super awkward so... yeah, I got nothing. :|
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Postby Bagheera » Sat Oct 19, 2013 8:09 pm

View Original PostReichu wrote:Well, if it's the "Loveshy" we're specifically talking about, I see no particular reason to be ambivalent, since they're a bunch of delusional, entitled assholes and we'd lose nothing from having them eliminate themselves from the reproductive pool. (Not going to go easy on them, since I'm one of the "bitches" they indiscriminately hate, plus they have the gall to use Asperger's Syndrome as an excuse for their behavior. Probably self-diagnosed, too.)


Yes, certainly. But see the rest of my post. My point is that these asshats are not the sum total of people who have dating issues; there's more to it than just being an undesirable wanker with entitlement issues.
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Postby Catamari » Sat Oct 19, 2013 8:32 pm

I've tried OkC, before. It didn't go over well. I got two dates out of it and both were flops. Don't let that deter you, though, Reichu. I've heard good things about the site.

The first was really jumpy and very easily startled. She was very afraid of me, for some reason. I'm not particularly menacing-looking. I may be tall, but I'm a pasty-white nerd. I wonder if she forgot to take her meds, that day. Every time I would get her attention, she would jerk really hard in my direction. I'm not sure what made her do that, but she seems quite frightened by the idea of going to eat some Italian food.

The second was too political. She was this cute, short little Muslim girl. I'm not sure what her deal was, but she never stopped talking about how awesome Palestine was and how shitty Israel was. No matter how much I tried to change the subject, it kept coming back to that. I don't mind people of that ilk (feminist, hardcore creationist, staunch liberals, staunch conservatives, etc), but religion, politics, gender-dynamics, and race relations make terrible date conversation.

View Original PostReichu wrote:But as far as I know any kind of mate selection process contains some element of danger to it (see: date rape), so being alert and careful is everything.
Don't let fear of that ruin your good time. In high school, I went on dates with girls who were so afraid of being drugged and raped that they won't even sit in the front seat of my car. It's not hard to avoid date-rape or other Bad Situations™. Stay on your toes, don't be too trusting until you know someone well. The basics.

View Original PostReichu wrote:It never ceases to amaze me when I, the reclusive virgin Aspie chick, am left to pull the kind of weight that is expected by default of the normatives.
I'm rather perplexed by this statement, I'm not sure what you're trying to say. Why wouldn't someone expect you to pull the normal amount of weight? I realize your condition, but if you're functional enough to be able to go on a date, why would special accommodations need to be made outside of the basic ones that would discount certain locations (allergies/wheelchair)?

Reichu wrote:I really wish more of the EGF crowd was closer to me. If distance was not an issue, I'd actually have a lot of dating options, with guys I already know I have some degree of chemistry with. Geography sucks!
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Postby CJD » Sat Oct 19, 2013 9:25 pm

View Original PostSquigsquasher wrote:On another note, my mum is just back from having a major operation, and I have conjunctivitis, and I can't touch her for fear of giving it to her.


Well, on the bright side at least she's ok and you can see each other. I'm sure once it heals up ya'll have a nice family hug.

View Original PostReichu wrote:Well, if it's the "Loveshy" we're specifically talking about, I see no particular reason to be ambivalent, since they're a bunch of delusional, entitled assholes and we'd lose nothing from having them eliminate themselves from the reproductive pool. (Not going to go easy on them, since I'm one of the "bitches" they indiscriminately hate, plus they have the gall to use Asperger's Syndrome as an excuse for their behavior. Probably self-diagnosed, too.)


Just speaking from the video IO posted that Mike guy seemed ok. He never said anything retarded or sexist, at least not that I noticed, he just seemed to have some confidence issues. The other two were lolsy though.

View Original Postbackseatjesus wrote:Facebook's 48 hour period after you unblock someone is annoying. Thankfully, the last act of kindness she could offer me was to reblock me when I requested it.


Well you know what they say, it's better to have loved and lost than to have never loved at all.

Fucking liars aren't "they"?
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Sailor Star Dust
Kept you waiting, huh?
Kept you waiting, huh?
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Age: 31
Posts: 22560
Joined: Aug 13, 2006
Location: Living in Houston, TX
Gender: Female
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Postby Sailor Star Dust » Sat Oct 19, 2013 9:41 pm

:lurk:

Wanted to give Reichu some encouragement and personal experience about all this.

I remember in my high school senior year, I met another girl through a local dating site. While our grand total of 2 meetups were a flop, I'm glad I had the experience of attempting online dating. After that, I made a point of befriending and meeting people IRL instead of online. Though a lot of them ended with friend zoning (either by me or the guy/girl) in most of these cases, our friendship is still there today.

Dating and romance weren't my first priorities (was more concerned about finishing college), so I'd just let things happen on their own. Regarding safety, I'd always make a point of meeting up with people in a safe, neutral, place (coffee shop, etc) during the day.

About online dating, here's a blast from the past (2009):

View Original PostZeak wrote:
THE Hal E. Burton 9000 wrote:btw, nice catch there Zeak


Why thank you. Met her on that site Reichu, SSD and a few others signed up to a while ago for a joke to answer questions and crap. Think it was OkCupid. Well would have thought.


If I'm remembering right, Zeak and his lady have married and had a baby since then. ^_^

Online relationships can and do work if you're willing to deal with the possibility of long distance. Long distance relationships can be difficult, but IMO, they're worth it.

After 7 years of friendship with Zap--found here on EGF!--I've been in my first real relationship for the past 3 years. 2 of those years were long distance, but I think it helped us appreciate each other more. I think our friendship helped strengthen our relationship too, and IMO, friendship is the best basis for any relationship.

Don't just settle, and don't get discouraged if finding the right person for you takes some time.
~Take care of yourself, I need you~


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