[CYOA] Shinji's Silly Misadventures!

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Postby EVAfacepalm » Fri May 10, 2013 7:41 pm

2!

We must defeat Anno! For the minds that lost their virginity to the ruthless mind****ing that was the ending!
According to Seele, Tang is the ultimate form of life. I guess that means the astronauts are committing genocide all the time then.

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Postby sephiros » Fri May 10, 2013 8:00 pm

View Original PostNuclear Lunchbox wrote:Two. Party on.

Party On.
Godzilla never had an AT Field!!
You dumbass, what the hell else do you think I'm talking about? We're gonna combine!!
If the demon is truly big, then we are no match for it. It's irrational. It's impossible. It's against my religion.
Your victory was a Deus Ex Machina, ergo that cake is a lie!

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Postby Squigsquasher » Sun May 12, 2013 7:29 am

Is it just me, or are there far fewer followers than there once were?

Maybe I'm losing my touch...
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Postby Atropos » Sun May 12, 2013 8:39 am

For all intents and purposes, the story ended a few pages ago.

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Postby Squigsquasher » Sun May 12, 2013 9:01 am

View Original PostAtropos wrote:For all intents and purposes, the story ended a few pages ago.


:shinji_boohoo: Ouch...

But yeah, you're right. The quality has gone down dramatically, and I apologize for that. I think it's suffering from Naruto syndrome; it's gone on for longer than it needed to and the writing is suffering as a result. I will try and wrap it up soon.
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Postby Justacrazyguy » Sun May 12, 2013 9:11 am

View Original PostSquigsquasher wrote::shinji_boohoo: Ouch...


:huggles:

It´s okay, don´t worry. Just finish the story with a bang.
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Postby EVAfacepalm » Sun May 12, 2013 9:35 am

Or an impact.

Don't worry Squig, just finish this one well, get a few months of rest with your personal life, and you'll have a great new story ready again soon enough.
According to Seele, Tang is the ultimate form of life. I guess that means the astronauts are committing genocide all the time then.

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Postby Agentomega » Sun May 12, 2013 11:57 am

2! Walk it off! (Also, I've been away from the forum for a few days because it's the end of my final semester - gots to spend time with my local pals while I can, because I have my forum pals forever.)

Forever.

Forever.

FOREEEEEEEEEVER.
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Postby notalive » Sun May 12, 2013 1:46 pm

View Original PostAgentomega wrote:I have my forum pals forever.

Forever.

Forever.

FOREEEEEEEEEVER.

I'm calling it now! Next CYOA is Rei's Yandere Adventure!

And now for the more serious part...
Don't lose hope Squig! The quality didn't go shit, cause if it did, you'd be super popular (I'm lloking at you, Naruto) .While the story may have lost a bit focus (ok, who am I kidding, you can't really have focus in a CYOA), it is still really great. And right now, I think everyone is waiting for the big finale!

BTW, 2.
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CYOA: Shinji's Silly (And Overstretched) Misadventures!

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Postby Squigsquasher » Sun May 12, 2013 3:22 pm

OK, I promise, the end is in sight. Soon this once-proud trainwreck will be put out of its misery!

You writhe in pain, clutching your stinging testes. You feel yourself just about ready to vomit.

"Shinji-kun...Are you OK to carry on?" asks Rei.

You want to say no. You want to just go home and forget this whole, shoddy, painful affair.

"Uuuuhhhhnnnnn...I...I..." you groan.

That's it. You've had enough. You want to go home. You-

"Silly you...You can't just give up now. We have the readers to consider. Most of them have already gotten bored and left" comes a voice from within Unit 01 "Don't fail our last remaining followers now!"

"M...Mother?" you whimper, stunned by the sudden exposition.

"Yes, that's right" the voice responds "It's your mother, Yui. Now Shinji, just because you've been hit in the testicles by a steel cricket ball and the author is almost completely out of writing steam doesn't mean you can just give up now"

You feel yourself beginning to become sulky. "But mum...I don't want to play anymo-"

"Oh, stop whining!" snaps your mother "There are some times when you just have to get back up, even if you've had a military-grade projectile launched at your reproductive organs! Besides, in case you had forgotten, you're getting married today! Now grow up and get back in the playing field!"

Your ears prick up. "Oh, snap! Of course, the wedding! OK, OK, I'll do it!"

"That's the spirit! Now get back up and kick that beardy twat's arse!" says your mother, clapping an invisible hand on your shoulder.

You feel renewed with energy and the will to go on, even if the author does not. You slowly stand back up, and exhale deeply.

"Right...The show must go on" you declare.

Rei grins, claps her Eva's hands together and bounces up and down excitedly. "Excellent. We shall return to the game immediately"

You return to your position and look Anno in the eye.

"Right...Game on, sucker!"

You spend the next half an hour or so playing cricket (which I will gloss over simply due to the fact that I'm sure you don't want 3 more pages of poorly-written cricket), and eventually, you are at your last batting turn. You are literally neck-and-neck with Anno in points.

"Come on, Shinji! You can do it!" cheers Misato.

"Show him what we can do!" shouts Asuka.

"We believe in you!" calls out Kaworu.

"I am 85.64% confident you can win us this match" states Rei "Now kick some arse!"

You tense up, shifting your stance, ready to receive the ball.

"Prepare yourself..." utters Anno, grimly "For your defeat is at hand"

You simply grin, and raise your bat.

"Try me" you retort.

Anno takes the ball, whirls his arm around like a runaway mill wheel, charges forward, and lobs the ball.

You precisely calculate the trajectory, parabola and speed of the incoming projectile, and give it a tremendous whack.

The ball hurtles out of the crater, soaring into the sky. Suddenly it is vapourized by a radiant white beam of intense heat.

"Sorry" comes a deafening, high-pitched voice "I sneezed..."

Kaworu shakes his head and sighs. "Oh, Ramiel, I've told you a million times to control your particle emissions! Now look what you've done!"

The floating, crystalline Angel (who, like most of the characters in this story, is miraculously back from the dead) starts sulking and drifts off.

"Oh dear" mutters Anno "I don't think we have a spare ball"

"Which means...we're stuck on a tie" states Misato.

You facepalm at the incredibly lazy cop-out by the author. "Well, I guess we're even then" you say to your creator.

Anno nods. "Yeah...Hey, haven't you guys got to be at a wedding?"

"Oh, panties! I almost forgot!" curses Asuka.

"We are going to have to move incredibly quickly if we do not wish to be late for our own wedding" says a worried Rei to you "I suggest we use our Evangelion units to get there"

How exactly do you get to your wedding venue?

1: Use your Evangelions to parkour across the city,
2: Deploy the new R-Type Equipment (that is to say, Eva-scaled rollerblades),
3: Merrily skip back in your Evas, frolicking and bouncing your way through Tokyo-3,
Or 4: Use the secret weapons stowed in your Eva's pylons; gigantic inflatable Spacehoppers?
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Postby Nuclear Lunchbox » Sun May 12, 2013 3:28 pm

Meh, 3. It sounds like fun.

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Postby TomasJC » Sun May 12, 2013 3:28 pm

1- parkour is best.
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Postby Justacrazyguy » Sun May 12, 2013 3:38 pm

4444
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Postby EVAfacepalm » Sun May 12, 2013 3:39 pm

Based on your official options, 3.

However, I would like to once again add an idea.

Ride giant Eva-scale bikes through the city while using the bike-horns to play this.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SUamHEvVQy0

Switch my vote to that idea if others start supporting it.
According to Seele, Tang is the ultimate form of life. I guess that means the astronauts are committing genocide all the time then.

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Postby MAGI_01 » Sun May 12, 2013 3:46 pm

3.
"If it's stupid but works, it isn't stupid." - Me
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Postby notalive » Sun May 12, 2013 4:28 pm

3 for the romance!
"Your fanwank is so bad, it gave me Third Impact" - anon
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Postby Agentomega » Sun May 12, 2013 8:14 pm

1! Evangelion's Creed: You Can (Not) Parkour
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Postby sephiros » Mon May 13, 2013 12:44 am

View Original PostAgentomega wrote:1! Evangelion's Creed: You Can (Not) Parkour

I'm no longer split between 1 & 3.
Godzilla never had an AT Field!!
You dumbass, what the hell else do you think I'm talking about? We're gonna combine!!
If the demon is truly big, then we are no match for it. It's irrational. It's impossible. It's against my religion.
Your victory was a Deus Ex Machina, ergo that cake is a lie!

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Postby Squigsquasher » Tue May 14, 2013 1:50 pm

At last, the end is almost upon us. This is gonna be a long one, so grab a snack and a drink.

"OK, that sounds like a good idea" you respond "Let's go!

And so you and your colleagues opt to take your Evangelions (and Jet Alone) to get to the wedding. You say your goodbyes to the Reitrons and your creator, then clamber out of the volcanic crater. You steel yourself, for you will need to run like the wind in order to get there in time.

The 5 of you slide down the side of the volcano in a cloud of dust, grass, pine needles, branches and forest animals, the enormous steel-clad feet of the contraptions tearing through the soil and destroying countless acres of ancient forest, sending many an innocent squirrel and badger to untimely, squelchy ends.

"Wheeeeeeeeee!" squeals Asuka, taking particular relish in the high-speed destruction "This is fun!"

"Gah, I keep on getting bird's nests on my windscreen! Out of my way, puny featherlings!" growls Misato, barely keeping balance in her bulky robot.

You sometimes wonder how on Earth you haven't gone completely insane yet. Oh wait, you already have*.

*The CYOA is set after the original series has ended, with the averted Instrumentality restoring all the characters, Evangelions and Angels to life (except for characters who were dead before the series began, like Yui, Kyoko and Naoko) and completely repairing Tokyo-3. All the events of the series are canonical to the story, they are just happily disregarded because simply put, nobody except maybe Shinji actually cares about the official canon. End of Evangelion is not only non-canonical, it is anti-canonical-it exists as a film that NERV and SEELE made to try and increase funds...without success. Rebuild of Evangelion exists only as a script that Touji and Kensuke are writing as a fan project to send to Anno, although Rebuild characters and devices such as Mari (AKA The Oppailot) and Unit 05 and 06 do exist for the sole purpose of more stuff to make Studio Khara weep. Any other side-features and additional fiction (such as *shudder* Girlfriend of Steel) exists only as a source of material to butcher.

You slip and slide down the mountainside and come to a brief halt just outside Tokyo-3, before proceeding to leap into the city.

The 5 of you are bounding through the urban sprawl when a sudden urge fills your mind, and the Blue Danube starts playing.

You suddenly begin to happily skip and frolic through the buildings, as if you were amongst an enormous concrete meadow.

Asuka and Misato give you a funny look. "What ARE you DOING?" they exclaim, incredulously.

You turn to them and smile. "Come on, it's fun! You try it!" you reply, with a dainty flourish.

"Actually" says Kaworu "He's right, it is great fun"

He begins to happily prance through the city, his navy-blue and orange Evangelion displaying impossible grace.

Rei begins to join in as well, her blue-armoured unit carefully hopping over a car park.

Misato and Asuka look at each other and shrug.

"Can't do any harm I suppose..."

Then they get in on the act.

Despite its bulky frame and ridiculous proportions, the Jet Alone carefully weaves and dances its way through the city, avoiding cars with deftness and speed.

Even Asuka seems to be getting the hang of it, the magnificent red armour of Unit 02 glinting in the sun as it bounds and skips through the buildings.

"Hey, you're right, puppy boy! It really is fun! Haha! Asuka giggles, smiling and laughing.

The 5 of you canter through the fortress-city, the readers wincing at the painfully fluffy writing.

Then, suddenly, there is a crunch, a splat, and the overpowering smell of grease, urine, sweat, and stray cats.

Asuka comes to a stop and inspects her Eva's foot.

"Oops...Er...I think I've stepped in a McDonalds...Heh heh..." she sheepishly snickers.

She's not wrong. There is now a ruined mass of bricks, broken glass and squashed chips (fries to all you Americans out there) beside the road, whilst Asuka attempts to pick the remains of a quarter tonne of rubbery burgers, cardboard buns, cheap plastic blobs in the rough shape of Unit 01, and crushed bin bags, all now in a paste, from the tread of Unit 02.

"Oh dear" sighs Kaworu "That was most unfortunate"

Rei shakes her head, Unit 00's head shaking with her. "It may be a wise precaution to extract ourselves from the vicinity, lest the owners of the establishment find we have destroyed their property and sue us" she states, as monotone as ever.

"I don't think we have to worry about that" laments Misato "That's them on Unit 02's heel"

Sure enough, the squished forms of 5 men in business suits and a man in a McDonald's manager uniform are firmly plastered on Unit 02's armoured boot.

You shrug. "I'm sure they'll get better. It worked for Kaji"

You decide not to worry and carry on your merry way.

Eventually the 5 of you reach the NERV Headquarters and are soon parked in the hanger. You exit your conveyances and head to the changing rooms, ready to change into your wedding clothes.

You enter the changing room and discover a neatly ironed tuxedo on the bench. There is a little note tied to it, simply reading From Kaji.

You are touched by this gesture, both at Kaji for buying the lovely suit and the author for remembering he exists.

Soon you are dressed in your suit and leave the changing room, to find that Asuka and Rei are absent.

"Hey, where have the girls gone?" you ask, puzzled.

Kaworu chuckles. "Well, Asuka is going to be Rei's bridesmaid, and I believe Lilin superstition tells that it is bad luck for the groom to see his betrothed in her wedding dress before the wedding"

"Anyway" cuts in Misato "Time to get to Terminal Dogma, everyone's waiting for us!"

=======================================================

This post is getting so long that it will be divided into 2 halves. There's no decision to be made as I couldn't think of any that made the slightest jot of sense (even for this CYOA). Stay tuned!
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Postby notalive » Tue May 14, 2013 2:47 pm

Oh my god, it's finally happening! :lol:
"Your fanwank is so bad, it gave me Third Impact" - anon
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