Strategic Cyborg Evangelion [AU]

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Strategic Cyborg Evangelion [AU]

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Postby amitakartok » Tue Dec 25, 2012 5:17 pm

Okay, let's try this again.


SCE is an AU I've been writing for the last two years. It is technically a crossover but prior knowledge of Half-Life is not required to understand the plot: everything needed is provided in the early chapters. Right now, the story is undergoing an extensive rewrite to fix the army of mistakes that plagued the early chapters. It used to be my first story but the initial version was just too bad to be left alone like this.

The central part of the plot is that Second Impact came prematurely, in 1998 instead of 2000 and in North America instead of Antarctica; as a result, most (but not all) of SEELE's scenario went up in smoke. Fast-forward 43 years to the beginning of the story when Kaworu arrives to Tokyo-3 after he's expelled from his previous school for fighting.

One complaint I received from my reviewers is that Kaworu sounds more than a bit like a Marty Stu; that's because when I started the story in 2010, I wanted to take Kaworu in a completely different direction than now. I admit that he basically wasn't the same character everyone knows, but somebody else wearing his face and name. I'm intending to fix that in the coming months.

As you all know, canon!Kaworu was raised by SEELE for the express purpose of starting 3I and didn't have much understanding of humanity as a result. This Kaworu however grew up on the streets of Vienna, giving him much-needed experience with people and streetwise thinking. On the other hand, him taking the position of protagonist instead of Shinji means that all the suffering Shinji would've endured would be dumped onto Kaworu instead - and suffer he will. More than the rest of the cast combined. And it will leave a permanent mark.

Rei as deuteragonist follows the relatively recent trend of being transformed from reclusive schoolgirl into various shades of badass - in this case, a longcoat-and-shades-wearing one with an affinity for weapons. Of course, this is still Eva we're talking about; she's nowhere near as stable and tough as she looks, that much I can guarantee.

Yui is still around and has usurped Gendo's place in the cast. Let's just say that Rei inherited more than her looks from mommy. Gendo and Shinji will appear later on, too. Asuka is the tritagonist, naturally.

Mood-wise, it's kinda hard to classify. Once I explained the world, the intended plotline and the ending to Gregg Landsman, he explicitly compared it to Aeon Natum Engel; I never read that but based on what little I know of it, I can state with absolute certainty that SCE is nowhere near that dark. Darker than canon, true; but not grimdark.


Available here, here, here and here.
Last edited by amitakartok on Tue Jul 12, 2016 7:36 pm, edited 15 times in total.

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Postby EvaBrothers » Tue Dec 25, 2012 5:42 pm

Hey amitakartok! :) I just finished reading Chap. 1 of Ascension, Part 1.

My comment? WOW. In a positive way, you know. It's like watching a movie; deep characterization, complete with slang and manners, good descriptions that never feel like a service to reader rather than to the story (the ol' "show, don't tell" motto in creative writing).

I love it. :peace:

And I will keep reading, for sure.

Mind if I print out the next chapters to read on the couch tomorrow?
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Postby amitakartok » Tue Dec 25, 2012 6:10 pm

You're free to. It's actually a good thing you asked: I did a minor revision to chapter 2 just yesterday as I felt Kaworu sounded too white in regards to morality.

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Postby EvaBrothers » Wed Jan 02, 2013 8:24 am

I finished reading Chapter Two before you posted the revision, so I'm going to re-read that first. I had only started Chapter Three before the holidays got me busy with other things, so I will send some feedback on Sunday or Monday. :)

Love the characterization and descriptions so far. I can visualize the scenes as if I were watching an anime. :nod: I especially love the dialogues. No matter it being an AU, Rei is Rei, Kaworu is still Kaworu (even with a different background) and the other characters just look like them. And I'm saying this because the setting is so well built that even a different characterization wouldn't have sounded bad to my ears.

:w00:
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"On the floor of the midbrain is the ventral segmental system, that neurobiologists call region A10. Cells soaked in dopamine, certain emotions are processed here: such as the thoughts of two lovers - or a parent and a child. And it is the synchronization of the threads and bundles of A10 that splice pilot and Eva together; to become one entity, to fight. In other words, the power of love drives this weapon of mass destruction." -Yoshiyuki Sadamoto

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Postby amitakartok » Wed Jan 02, 2013 3:53 pm

View Original PostEvaBrothers wrote:Rei is Rei


I wouldn't be so sure. One of my reviewers explicitly compared her to Trinity from The Matrix fame. I can see why he would: the impression I aimed for is that of a gun-toting female samurai.

In fact, you just gave me an idea for an omake where Rei sensually licks the barrel of her rifle after sniping a thug with it, freaking Asuka out. Just for fun.

Kaworu is still Kaworu (even with a different background)


Uh... what? I haven't planned on him being even remotely similar to his canon self until Part 3. Even then he wouldn't be an exact ripoff, more like canon!Kaworu corrupted by an unhealthy dose of cynicism.

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Postby EvaBrothers » Wed Jan 02, 2013 5:35 pm

View Original Postamitakartok wrote:Uh... what? I haven't planned on him being even remotely similar to his canon self until Part 3. Even then he wouldn't be an exact ripoff, more like canon!Kaworu corrupted by an unhealthy dose of cynicism.


What I read in chapter 2 and beginning of 3 looks like Kaworu, to me. But that might be because I tend to read characters a bit differently than most fans. :) No big issue, I guess.

Anyway, what I meant is that even though the characterization is different, some of the personality pattern still looks like Kaworu to me.

As for Rei, what I read so far still looks like her (her lack of attachment to life, for example), but I will read on to see what happens. :D
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Avatar courtesy of sinkerhooks. It's Misato because I'm 29 just like her this year.
"On the floor of the midbrain is the ventral segmental system, that neurobiologists call region A10. Cells soaked in dopamine, certain emotions are processed here: such as the thoughts of two lovers - or a parent and a child. And it is the synchronization of the threads and bundles of A10 that splice pilot and Eva together; to become one entity, to fight. In other words, the power of love drives this weapon of mass destruction." -Yoshiyuki Sadamoto

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Postby amitakartok » Wed Jan 02, 2013 6:55 pm

View Original PostEvaBrothers wrote:her lack of attachment to life, for example


You mean this part?

"I do not value my own life to that extent."
"What's that supposed to mean, you want to die?"
"Death is not concerned with my personal wishes."


It's not that she doesn't have any attachments, she simply sees no point in having attachments in the first place if you're going to lose them and thus suffer the pain of loss anyway.

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Postby EvaBrothers » Fri Aug 30, 2013 12:59 pm

How long has it been? :bigeyes: Wow... I need to catch up on this!! (and so many other things)
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"On the floor of the midbrain is the ventral segmental system, that neurobiologists call region A10. Cells soaked in dopamine, certain emotions are processed here: such as the thoughts of two lovers - or a parent and a child. And it is the synchronization of the threads and bundles of A10 that splice pilot and Eva together; to become one entity, to fight. In other words, the power of love drives this weapon of mass destruction." -Yoshiyuki Sadamoto

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Postby amitakartok » Fri Aug 30, 2013 1:27 pm

I'm still working on the rewrite; currently trying to think up a suitably over-the-top alternative to the Shamshel fight.

Pre-rewrite version: Shamshel takes a headshot from her own eyebeam reflected off of Unit-01's AT-field.

New version: the Spear of Longinus as an Eva-sized version of a Nanoha-type sentient boomstick, blowing shit up with homing beamspam. Those FAR guys had some nifty tech, I might say.
Strategic Cyborg Evangelion : an average author's aspiring attempt at awesomeness. Chapter 32 now up.

Mana, Mayumi and Sakura: the TRUE goddesses of Eva

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Postby amitakartok » Mon Sep 22, 2014 5:31 am

For those who still follow, chapter 15 rewrite is now up. After a year of hiatus, SCE is (hopefully) back on track.

In this chapter, we have: a shitton of exposition, a glimpse into the future, Shamshel doing her best Haman Karn impression, Leliel being not as much of a goofball as she initially appears and some not-so-subtle foreshadowing into the Angels' motivation.
Strategic Cyborg Evangelion : an average author's aspiring attempt at awesomeness. Chapter 32 now up.

Mana, Mayumi and Sakura: the TRUE goddesses of Eva

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Postby amitakartok » Fri Oct 17, 2014 1:58 pm

Chapter 16 now up.

In which the last battle is revealed to have taken a serious toll on Kaworu's body, Zeruel scares the crap out of Sahaquiel and yet more exposition, including foreshadowing about Kaworu.
Strategic Cyborg Evangelion : an average author's aspiring attempt at awesomeness. Chapter 32 now up.

Mana, Mayumi and Sakura: the TRUE goddesses of Eva

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Postby amitakartok » Thu Dec 25, 2014 10:00 pm

Chapter 17 is up.

Mostly a Rei-centric chapter, with a side order of ominousness from Tabris and Asuka being Asuka.
Strategic Cyborg Evangelion : an average author's aspiring attempt at awesomeness. Chapter 32 now up.

Mana, Mayumi and Sakura: the TRUE goddesses of Eva

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Postby amitakartok » Sat Jan 17, 2015 8:35 pm

Chapter 18 now up.

This chapter marks the first mention of Gendo in the story, with Yui revealing to have gotten him fired when they divorced. Hell hath no fury, much?
Strategic Cyborg Evangelion : an average author's aspiring attempt at awesomeness. Chapter 32 now up.

Mana, Mayumi and Sakura: the TRUE goddesses of Eva

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Postby amitakartok » Sun Mar 08, 2015 7:33 pm

Chapter 19 is almost done and will go up in 24 hours tops (too sleepy to do the finishing touches right now), plus I ended up completely scrapping and replacing chapters 1 and 2 as well. Why, you ask? Because I finally got my head set straight and felt that Kaworu was too out of character. I mean, I want to write about Kaworu, not a completely different character with his name and appearance.

So then, the new chapter 1 has the same general structure and plot. Chapter 2, on the other hand, is a 100% overhaul that introduces a nuance in Kaworu's personality. He may be a nice guy, but there are things that piss him off - and despite his friendliness, he's anything but defenseless when it comes to violence.

I don't know how many chapters am I going to overhaul but it's not going to be a complete rewrite this time; if I were to do that again, I will never finish this.

In chapter 19, Kaworu's injury turns out to have no lasting consequences. Yui is up to something regarding him and even Rei takes a sudden and surprising interest in him.
Strategic Cyborg Evangelion : an average author's aspiring attempt at awesomeness. Chapter 32 now up.

Mana, Mayumi and Sakura: the TRUE goddesses of Eva

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Postby amitakartok » Wed Sep 02, 2015 6:59 pm

So... it looks like I'm finally getting somewhere with my fic.

What started as a quick-fix of the early chapters turned into a much more comprehensive spring cleaning. I finally caught up: as of a few moments ago, chapter 20 is now up.

Also, I started to cross-post the story to Spacebattles and Sufficient Velocity. Audience reactions there have been surprisingly positive, finally giving me the motivation I've been lacking so far to continue writing.

If any of you are still keeping track of this crap, let me know about any questions you have.
Strategic Cyborg Evangelion : an average author's aspiring attempt at awesomeness. Chapter 32 now up.

Mana, Mayumi and Sakura: the TRUE goddesses of Eva

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Postby Iuvenal » Wed Sep 02, 2015 7:24 pm

I'm just starting this fic now. Are the updates on FFN? The story shows a last update date from 2011 even though you've been making updates through 2015, and I'm wondering if that's just a quirk of their software.
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Postby amitakartok » Thu Sep 03, 2015 3:50 am

FF.net doesn't count overwriting an existing chapter as an update. Hence the date.

Once I finish the rewrite all the way up to chapter 27, I will post new chapters properly.
Strategic Cyborg Evangelion : an average author's aspiring attempt at awesomeness. Chapter 32 now up.

Mana, Mayumi and Sakura: the TRUE goddesses of Eva

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Postby amitakartok » Mon Sep 21, 2015 3:15 pm

Forgot to update. Chapter 21 went up two days ago.

Decided to have Kodama make an appearance, just for the hell of it. I also have long-term plans for Nozomi now.
Strategic Cyborg Evangelion : an average author's aspiring attempt at awesomeness. Chapter 32 now up.

Mana, Mayumi and Sakura: the TRUE goddesses of Eva

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Re: Strategic Cyborg Evangelion [AU]

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Postby amitakartok » Mon Feb 08, 2016 3:32 pm

Chapter 24 with the Ramiel battle is up now.

Anyone here read that fic where Shinji uses the heatshield to literally surf Ramiel's beam?
Well, then... how does Rei doing an Inazuma Kick from low orbit sound? :wink:
Strategic Cyborg Evangelion : an average author's aspiring attempt at awesomeness. Chapter 32 now up.

Mana, Mayumi and Sakura: the TRUE goddesses of Eva

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Re: Strategic Cyborg Evangelion [AU]

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Postby amitakartok » Fri Feb 26, 2016 8:29 pm

Chapter 25 is up now. Mostly exposition and the Angels deliberating about what they know now.
Strategic Cyborg Evangelion : an average author's aspiring attempt at awesomeness. Chapter 32 now up.

Mana, Mayumi and Sakura: the TRUE goddesses of Eva


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