[CYOA] Hans Fassbaender Zeppelin

[chee]

You wake up.

The agony of existence immediately overwhelms you.

You are Hans Fassbaender Zeppelin, uncle of Asuka Langley Soryu.

You crawl out of your bed and exit your expressionist black-and-white bedroom. After showering, you put on your spiked collar, large black sunglasses, black t-shirt and tight black pants. You turn on the radio, tuning it to Technik-Großeauswahlbibliothekmusik-Station 96.7. Einstürzende Neubauten serenades you as you stare intensely at a bust of Martin Heidegger over a bowl of Count Chocula. You suppose that he would say that this music brings out of concealment the Gestell that lies at the essence of modern instrumental techne.

The doorbell rings. You answer the door. It's your good friend, Werner Herzog. You greet him: "Guten tag." "Danke, Hans, Guten tag to you too. Do you suppose that the beauty of this day only stands as an addictive opiate with which we sedate ourselves in memory of worse days?" "Ja, Werner," you reply. "Hans, I wish to accompany you to Nerv for mein new documentary," he says. "I wish to record the agony of the Evangelion in all its existential majesty."

How do you reply?

A) "Nein, your continued presence is like a dull agonizing pain in the appendix of my being, and I shall similarly discard you as such."

B) "Ja, Asuka would be most delighted to receive a taste of real German culture, much as a bitch must inevitably return to the teat of the larger bitch."

C) "I am unaware you took interest in such things, you are like a wonder-filled naked youth in a field of half-women-half-aquatic-mammals."

[s]D) "NOW IS THE TIME ON SPROCKETS WHEN WE DANCE"[/s]

[child of Lilith]

A please. I'm expecting great things from this thread.

[esselfortium]

C. Maybe if we keep this conversation going we can get Werner to film himself eating his shoe.

[Seele00TextOnly]

...

[MugwumpHasNoLiver]

B.

My personal philosophy dictates that I must always select the option where Asuka is compared to a teat.

[BeamKatana]

The more Asuka being forced to explain her terrifying uncle's presence to Nerv, the better. B.

[Sailor Star Dust]

B is the only option, of course.

[chee]

You turn to Werner and adjust your glasses. "Yes. It would be good for Asuka to learn of the ecstatic poetic truth that drills its way from the embryonic sac that is your camera like a fist to a virgin anus," you say to him. "I agree Hans, but we have talked about those anal fisting analogies." "Ja, I apologize, Werner. I was much too overcome with trembling anticipation." "Ja, Hans." "Ja, Werner." You both finish your bowls of supermarket-brand imitation Crunch Berries. "It seems that it is time for us to embark on our journey to Tokyo-3." "Ja, it is."

How do you get there?

A) Take to the wide asphalt expanse of the autobahn in your smart car

B) Take the bus to Berlin International Airport

C) Clap your hands if you believe

[Justacrazyguy]

C

I believe in claping.

[BPES]

Also C

Just because I want to see where this leads.

[Reichu]

Hell with it, I'll go with C.

[Justacrazyguy]

Hell with it, I'll go with C.

Tell me Reichu, will we have to wait until 2015 for an update?

[Reichu]

Tell me Reichu, will we have to wait until 2015 for an update?

Only chee knows.

[chee]

You stare at Werner. You can never know who is or who is not a traitor. But you dismiss this thought. "I believe it is time we embarked on our journey." "Ja, Hans." "Ja, Werner." "Shall we enter the smart-automobile and embark to the autobahn?" "No, Werner. If there is anything your delightfully tragic work has taught me, it is the power of imagination. We will transport ourselves with the sheer force of whimsical belief, much like the bloodied, emergent newborn willing himself through the dirty fornication-hole of a woman, slathered in afterbirth, just as he will be stained with the guilt of human being for the duration of his existence." "Very well put, Hans." The two of you stand next to each other. "Clap your hands if you believe, Hans." "This is what I will be doing, Werner." You both robotically clap your hands several times, and close your eyes. An enchanted rainbow space-time portal takes you halfway across the globe to the Geofront. "Now we must find the young frau." "Ja, Hans." Herzog walks towards the elevator. You forgo walking, and eurodance your way towards it instead. Walking is for those entrapped by slave morality.

What floor do you pick?


A) 47

B) 89

C) 109

[Justacrazyguy]

B.

[Burger of Power]

This thread fills me with the joy and glee of ten thousand raging camels, lost in the ectastic frenzy of dubiously consented interspecies fornification.

I'm thus shall decant myself in favour of option number 3 in hopes of experimenting exposure to references to Vajrayana Buddhism.

[SirRotgut]

C. !09

[Nuclear Lunchbox]

Option C is the way to go here.

[Lance of LoL]

Having read the apathetic eurotrash insanity of this thread through, I must open with an exuberant What the Fuck?!

But, other than that, C it is. I hope this is going somewhere good, It's no fun watching people hate humanity unless something actually happens to humanity.

[Agentomega]

Something draws me to A even though C will almost certainly win.

You forgo walking, and eurodance your way towards it instead. Walking is for those entrapped by slave morality.