The movie idea thread: Movies that don't exist but should.

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The movie idea thread: Movies that don't exist but should.

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Postby Shamsiel-kun » Sun Sep 02, 2018 2:03 am

I don't think we have one of these yet, but figured it would be fun to have one.

Format:
Title
Tag line
Short plot summary

Let's get started:

The Kittenator
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A group of idealistic high-school friends goes on holiday to a small, remote village in the most desolate, dangerous spot of the United States of America, far away from such rational things as a police station or a hospital. They go there not only to do volunteer work on traumatized immigrant children, but also to investigate social media rumors of a real-life cabin-killer, a creature so vile it sadistically exterminates any foreign human being daring to set their foot in the refugee asylum it resides in. No later than they arrive at the asylum, the first horribly mutilated victim is found smothered to death in a trap. As the party dwindles due to entirely natural reasons, Becky, the final girl, discovers a small and innocent kitten, peeking upon her with slightly wet eyes and a beaten puppy look. Enthralled by its red-brown-patched fluffy fur, she embarks on a final journey to confront the killer.
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Re: The movie idea thread: Movies that don't exist but should.

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Postby Mr. Tines » Sun Sep 02, 2018 4:36 am

View Original PostShamsiel-kun wrote:The Kittenator
Got the parody comic right here.
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Re: The movie idea thread: Movies that don't exist but should.

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Postby Gendo'sPapa » Sun Sep 02, 2018 9:00 am

Man Date.

Two businessmen - one uptight, the other a real party animal - have to go on a business trip to sign a big contract in order to save their company from going bankrupt. At the start they hate each other but over the course of the film through a series of hijinks they learn to get along and ultimately become friends. It's like a hundred other movies of the type and mainly exists because I love the punny title.

A Netflix Original Film.

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Re: The movie idea thread: Movies that don't exist but should.

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Postby Akko » Sun Sep 02, 2018 1:15 pm

Madoka Magica movie 4

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Re: The movie idea thread: Movies that don't exist but should.

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Postby FreakyFilmFan4ever » Sun Sep 02, 2018 4:22 pm

Sharknado 10
The Sharks Have Met Their Match.

A tornado of sharks strikes Hollywood, where another tornado strikes a cloning facility using the DNA of Nicolas Cage. The result is a tornado of every kind of shark fighting a tornado of every kind of Nic Cage character in history. (It will feature a cameo by John Trovolta reprising his roll from Face Off.)

Starring Nicolas Cage.

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Re: The movie idea thread: Movies that don't exist but should.

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Postby Chuckman » Sun Sep 02, 2018 4:36 pm

When you say John Travolta reprising his role from Face:Off you mean Nicholas Cage, don't you?
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Re: The movie idea thread: Movies that don't exist but should.

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Postby FreakyFilmFan4ever » Sun Sep 02, 2018 5:38 pm

I mean both.

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Re: The movie idea thread: Movies that don't exist but should.

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Postby pwhodges » Mon Sep 03, 2018 12:00 pm

Is it a Sharknado when a shark falls from the sky?

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Re: The movie idea thread: Movies that don't exist but should.

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Postby FreakyFilmFan4ever » Mon Sep 03, 2018 2:24 pm

That is certainly a symptom of a nearby Sharknado. Only a Nic Cagdo can help you now.

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Re: The movie idea thread: Movies that don't exist but should.

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Postby FrDougal9000 » Wed Sep 05, 2018 2:49 pm

Ooh, this thread is perfect. Not for me (though I do have a couple of dreadful ideas I might write about at some point), but for promoting something that's oddly apt.

One of my favourite things in the world is Podtoid, the official podcast for the gaming website Destructoid. Particular, the run of episodes 149-276, which were helmed by Jim Sterling (of the Jimquisition web series), Jonathan Holmes, and primarily Conrad Zimmerman as a third man. While the podcast was ostensibly about video games, it's much more well known for the various segments in which Jim comes up with beautifully demented scenarios. While some of these involve terrible things for Jonathan Holmes to do, quite a few of them are film pitches starring acclaimed star of stage and screen, Willem Dafoe.

These pitches are utterly insane; full of ill-conceived plots, terrible dialogue, bizarre advertising and political asides (don't worry, these were recorded years ago), and the world's best worst impressions of actors ranging from Brendan Fraser and Danny DeVito to Brendan Fraser and Danny DeVito. There are so many that I wish I could post, but I'll narrow it down to my favourite five, and leave it up to you to check out the rest.

(NSFW - Contains copious amounts of swearing and mentions of gratuitous sexual acts and organs, mainly the anus. It's also very loud. Best wear headphones with the volume down.)

101 Dalmatians - In this latest live-action remake of the Disney classic, Willem Dafoe plays Cruellem Dafoe, a rich old woman who seeks to buy 101 baby dalmatians for their fine hide (in more ways than one). When the shocking truth is revealed, can Brendan Fraser and his wife Weird Al Yankovic stop her?

I'll Photograph Your Ass - Brendan Fraser is an acclaimed actor for his work in The Mummy, and some other films. But he's being hounded by a photographer hellbent on taking a picture of his ass, which will ruin his career. Will Fraser outrun this candid criminal?!

A Horse Named Keanu - Willem Dafoe plays Farmer Animals, a successful farmer who has won America's Best Animal Show for the last few years. And on Christmas Eve, a horse played by Keanu Reeves is born, and has a very special gift.

I Sing A Song of Spiders - Willem Dafoe is a teenage heartthrob and the leader of a successful high school band, but develops the ability to vomit out thousands and thousands of spiders whenever he sings. This presents quite a problem, as a Battle of the Bands contest is coming up, and a rival band threatens their chance of success. Can Willem Dafoe overcome his crippling curse?

Go To Hell, Monkey Adam! - Willem Dafoe is a successful estate agent in New York, but recently, his attempts to sell houses to acclaimed actors have been thwarted by Monkey Adam: a mysterious, but very naughty creature who seems to follow him at every single opportunity!
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