EGF's House of Lonely Hearts

Yeah. You read right. This is for everything that doesn't have anything to do with Eva.

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Re: EGF's House of Lonely Hearts

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Postby Stan » Sat Feb 25, 2017 12:04 pm

View Original PostSachi wrote:That's not something she ever brought up before? It seems to me that going out on Valentines Day would have been an appropriate time for her to make it clear she already has a boyfriend. Then again, maybe she was oblivious that you were interested and already had it in her mind that you two would be just friends.


She knew I liked her cause I said that pretty early on. I also asked about her past relationships and she neglected to say that one was still ongoing. That is what baffles my mind. I dated plenty of women in my life, I'm pretty direct, never had a girl be secretive that she's dating someone else.
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Postby Guy Nacks » Sat Feb 25, 2017 12:16 pm

There is no excuse for that if she knew what your intentions were. And if she's secretive to you about something like that, who knows what else she might be secretive about if you were to be in a relationship together?

There are assholes and there are cunts. This is the latter.
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Postby Chuckman » Sat Feb 25, 2017 12:43 pm

Fuck head games, there's theee billion other women.

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Postby Mr. Tines » Sat Feb 25, 2017 2:37 pm

View Original PostStan wrote:6 months
I'm going to be horribly cynical here, and I know my experience is atypical at the rate that things went from zero to bedroom, never having had any occasion that I would label "a date" in the way in-between; but I would have thought that after 2-3 weeks (allowing for menstrual cycles, as one must), if things hadn't gotten at least somewhat physical, it would be clear that you were, as the modern idiom has it, in the category of "beta bucks". Not that there's anything wrong with paying for arm candy or female companionship, but you just have to know that that is what you are doing.

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Postby Chuckman » Sat Feb 25, 2017 7:19 pm

Alpha/beta is a horrible and dumb categorization of human behavior based on a flawed study of wolves in a freaking zoo. Humans aren't dogs and actual canines don't behave that way anyway.

This lady didn't see you as a potential sexual partner, Stan. Either you didn't make it clear that's what you were going for, or she was aware and deflected. Either way, move on.

On a more basic level, Tines is right. If you aren't going to go in a couple of weeks it ain't happening and you'd best adjust accordingly.

The so-called "friend zone" is never a bad place to be, though. Girls are friends with other girls and that's a good way to meet more. Also they can be interesting people in and of themselves.

Still... if she never mentioned she had a BF that's pretty weird. Other fish in the sea.

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Postby Stan » Sat Feb 25, 2017 11:20 pm

View Original PostGuy Nacks wrote:There is no excuse for that if she knew what your intentions were. And if she's secretive to you about something like that, who knows what else she might be secretive about if you were to be in a relationship together?

There are assholes and there are cunts. This is the latter.


Truer words... have not been spoken.

View Original PostChuckman wrote:This lady didn't see you as a potential sexual partner, Stan. Either you didn't make it clear that's what you were going for, or she was aware and deflected. Either way, move on.

On a more basic level, Tines is right. If you aren't going to go in a couple of weeks it ain't happening and you'd best adjust accordingly.

The so-called "friend zone" is never a bad place to be, though. Girls are friends with other girls and that's a good way to meet more. Also they can be interesting people in and of themselves.

Still... if she never mentioned she had a BF that's pretty weird. Other fish in the sea.


I was initially shocked, although managed to keep my cool and save face, then I was depressed for a little - but now, a few days later, I am okay. In retrospect, taking into account her personality, I think she wasn't sure what she wanted. My deduction is that she doesn't like the other dude much, but I guess she didn't like me enough to dump him. I think she was trying to keep us both and figure things out. I tip my hat to her for keeping me in the dark for this long because I don't tolerate this nonsense. She just successfully wasted my time.

Nah man, I don't play the friendzone game. I'm direct and straight to the point. There are girls who are my friends, and there are girls who I wanna date, I make the distinction clear to them. In this case, she was just an indecisive idiot - who knows how many others there might have been aside from me and the other dude.

Three days of intense cramming for my exams and Bruno Mars on constant replay helped me take this heartbreak quite well, actually. Thanks for talking with me, I feel much at ease after sharing :)
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Postby Mr. Tines » Sun Feb 26, 2017 3:21 am

View Original PostChuckman wrote:Alpha/beta is a horrible and dumb categorization of human behavior based on a flawed study of wolves in a freaking zoo. Humans aren't dogs and actual canines don't behave that way anyway.
There's enough evidence that women find different sorts of male faces more attractive at different times in their cycle or when pregnant that while "Alpha fucks/beta bucks" may be a drastic oversimplification, it is at least a first approximation to the truth.

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Postby NemZ » Sun Feb 26, 2017 9:36 am

View Original PostMr. Tines wrote:There's enough evidence that women find different sorts of male faces more attractive at different times in their cycle or when pregnant


Or on the pill, for that matter.
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Postby Bagheera » Wed Mar 01, 2017 8:04 pm

View Original PostMr. Tines wrote:There's enough evidence that women find different sorts of male faces more attractive at different times in their cycle or when pregnant that while "Alpha fucks/beta bucks" may be a drastic oversimplification, it is at least a first approximation to the truth.


:rolleyes: So, what, because some women in some study somewhere find some faces attractive and some not the whole alpha/beta bullshit has legs? I think that theory has a few holes in it, particularly given how many different moving parts there are to human behavior. IOW "Alpha fucks/beta bucks" is a first approximation to the truth in the same way the alpha/beta/omega dominance hierarchy is a first approximation to wolf behavior -- that is, not at all, really, apart from contrived and artificial circumstances that don't approximate the natural state of things at all.
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Postby Sachi » Sun Jul 09, 2017 12:04 am

This isn't really about relationships, as it is about socializing in general.

What is it about being around people that causes me to close up? I've been at a party at a pub the last couple hours. Only reason I'm here is because of family. Normally I don't go out like this, because I already know what's going to happen. I'm going to retreat into a shell and be mute most of the night, quietly passing the time by with my phone. I don't like being around a lot of people in informal settings like this. It's not that I don't want to socialize; I just feel incapable of doing so. I want to have fun and mingle, but I fail constantly. I have nothing interesting to talk to these people about. I'm basically a wallflower. Yet the alternative would be to be at home alone, like every other night. I don't even really feel human at this point.

These people are talking about relationships and drama between the sexes, almost as if it's a common occurence for them. All it does is validate to me the futility of engaging in those games to begin with, and how such luxuries are for those more worthy than I.
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Postby BobBQ » Sun Jul 09, 2017 2:09 pm

It kind of sounds to me like you're trying to socialize with the wrong crowd, with people you don't have anything in common with.

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Postby MuscleRobo » Mon Jul 10, 2017 10:17 am

The worst part about trying to socialize is it seems like a weird "You need money to make money" scenario. I moved to a new area for work and I try going to board game groups, or anime nights at the local nerd bar but people always seem to go with people. I try to talk to people in ways that don't seem intrusive like "Oh hey, what games are you playing tonight? I haven't played that one can I join you guys?" or at the anime night at the bar I'd try asking things like "Oh have you seen this before? do you like this show?" And people always seem like I weirded them out or try to get back to their clique. It seems hard to approach people by yourself. I'm sick of people saying I have to go out instead of complaining only to have such miserable experiences I have to hold back tears when I finally get home and cuddle up with my dogs.

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Postby TheFriskyIan » Thu Jul 20, 2017 11:13 pm

Sooooooo, I went and saw Spiderman Homecoming with a cute girl from work. I awkwardly asked if I could accompany her on Wednesday and she said going to the movies is better with others. After we saw the movie we walked around the surrounding area just talking for about an hour and a half before she had to leave to get ready for work the next day. It was never explicitly said it was a date and I hesitate to call it one in case she might not want to call it such, despite the fact that I really really want it to be. I was very awkward in asking and I compliment her fairly often. She's definitely a smart cookie, but still I'm left curious thinking she didn't think anything of it.
Please just call me Ian, "TheFrisky" is more of a title.

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Postby ran1 » Thu Aug 03, 2017 1:16 pm

View Original PostTheFriskyIan wrote: It was never explicitly said it was a date and I hesitate to call it one in case she might not want to call it such, despite the fact that I really really want it to be. I was very awkward in asking and I compliment her fairly often. She's definitely a smart cookie, but still I'm left curious thinking she didn't think anything of it.


Speaking generally, the faster you qualify your intent of "let's go on a date" the more she'll appreciate your forwardness. Add or subtract a bit of coyness depending on the girl. With the rise of the fuccboi category, it's far worse to dance around the subject for too long.
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Postby the_seventh_child » Wed Aug 16, 2017 6:13 pm

View Original PostMuscleRobo wrote:The worst part about trying to socialize is it seems like a weird "You need money to make money" scenario. I moved to a new area for work and I try going to board game groups, or anime nights at the local nerd bar but people always seem to go with people. I try to talk to people in ways that don't seem intrusive like "Oh hey, what games are you playing tonight? I haven't played that one can I join you guys?" or at the anime night at the bar I'd try asking things like "Oh have you seen this before? do you like this show?" And people always seem like I weirded them out or try to get back to their clique. It seems hard to approach people by yourself. I'm sick of people saying I have to go out instead of complaining only to have such miserable experiences I have to hold back tears when I finally get home and cuddle up with my dogs.

I suppose it is hard to approach people by yourself, but the particular group of people you mentioned sound sorta snobbish; I mean, who goes in an anime night and doesn't want to share their passion with others, even strangers? It sounds off to me.


And it's sort of funny I actually posted here two years ago, about my experience with "the bus guy" because we ended up meeting through a series of campus events and we kept on seeing each other cause of some notes I had and he needed for a Nietzsche class.
At that point I felt like it was fate, but after we met a few times and started chit-chatting about this and that, I feel a bit disinterested romantically, which is weird- I mean, I'm attracted to the guy and we share lots of interests but..have you ever been alone for so long, that you've actually gotten used to like it?
Of course, it doesn't help that the bus guy is very similar to my ex-boyfriend of many years ago, and I inevitably compare a few of the traits they share in my mind sometimes but I don't think that's the reason I feel that being alone is better than being together these days. Is it the power of habit at this point? Maybe it is.
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Postby imprimatur13 » Wed Aug 16, 2017 8:21 pm

View Original Postthe_seventh_child wrote:I suppose it is hard to approach people by yourself, but the particular group of people you mentioned sound sorta snobbish; I mean, who goes in an anime night and doesn't want to share their passion with others, even strangers? It sounds off to me.

That is weird. Anime's such a niche interest in the first place, you'd think they'd be glad to find someone who shares it. And seeing as you sound perfectly polite, and friendly, I can't see any good reason why they'd act like this. 7th child is right, I think.
I definitely have had somewhat similar experiences, and I'd say it's trial and error to a certain extent. Of course, if you're lucky enough to spot someone who is (like yourself) alone, you might have a much easier time. When people are already in a group, they can feel settled in. They don't necessarily want to change anything.

One thing: Perhaps the staff at the bar could help? They may know if someone else, or some group, would be interested in you. Nobody would know the bar and its denizens like they would, so they might be the ones to ask. Who knows? Perhaps someone just like yourself has been coming in on a different night, and you just missed each other.

View Original Postthe_seventh_child wrote:I feel that being alone is better than being together these days. Is it the power of habit at this point? Maybe it is.

Well, maybe :). Nothing wrong with it, of course. Sometimes we need time to ourselves, and who has any obligation not to be single? More power to ya. Long as you are fulfilled in yourself and what you do, most important thing.

P.S. Is "radio gaga" a Queen reference? If so, kudos to you, 7th Child, for promoting the best band on earth.
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Postby TheFriskyIan » Thu Aug 17, 2017 12:11 am

View Original Postran1 wrote:Speaking generally, the faster you qualify your intent of "let's go on a date" the more she'll appreciate your forwardness. Add or subtract a bit of coyness depending on the girl. With the rise of the fuccboi category, it's far worse to dance around the subject for too long.


Didn't see this post until just now, so I feel I should give an update since then. We went to the Disney parks and spent the whole day together. I was pretty awkward in asking her to go. My face was half buried behind cardboard, I was shaking noticeably bad, and wasn't really making eye contact. Yet she still said yes. Unfortunately I was still unable to be blunt with my intentions. However the whole day was super fun and we kept the conversation going the entire time. Since then she's been having me borrow Marvel movies I haven't seen yet and whenever we clock out from work, we spend about half an hour to forty minutes just in the parking lot talking about random stuff, or on off days texting for three to four hours straight about random stuff also.

I'm getting her and some other friends from work together for my birthday next week. But after next week I was going to ask her to dinner at a somewhat higher-end establishment restaurant. Other places I went to for advice have pretty much stated that most people aren't oblivious to intentions and that they'll be able to "read the fine print" of my asking so the need to actually use the word "date" would be unnecessary.
Please just call me Ian, "TheFrisky" is more of a title.

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Postby the_seventh_child » Fri Aug 18, 2017 9:48 am

View Original Postimprimatur13 wrote:Well, maybe :). Nothing wrong with it, of course. Sometimes we need time to ourselves, and who has any obligation not to be single? More power to ya. Long as you are fulfilled in yourself and what you do, most important thing.

P.S. Is "radio gaga" a Queen reference? If so, kudos to you, 7th Child, for promoting the best band on earth.


Well yeah, first and foremost our own self is and should be the best company but it's just a tad weird, because I know many people that are suffering from loneliness, seeking to find that "special someone" but when an opportunity arises to maybe get that...it's like "nahh, let me listen to I am A Rock by S&G" :pp
Really, at this point I don't even think it's fear, but rather the routine of doing things on your own and not wanting to jeopardize that, by risking a broken heart. (..and I just realized that this might be fear afterall, heh, can't mask it I guess)

p.s yes, it is a reference to Queen, radio gaga is one of my fav songs, specially the Wembley live version- I hardly think they need promothing though, hahaha.
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Postby TheFriskyIan » Wed Aug 30, 2017 10:24 am

Guys! Guys! Holy shit you guys! I know my posts might come of as annoying in this thread but I just HAVE to tell you guys everything that's been going on!

So I've been talking more with the cute girl from work and while I've been struggling to try and take anything beyond, I kind of made progress. I asked a couple of friends on my discord server what I should do, and other than a few jokes they regurgitated to me how easy it would be asking her out. "She already knows you like her" "She's waiting for you to say something" "Get the Molasses out of your ass Ian". I screencapped the entire conversation with my phone because I archive everything that I think would be useful to me and it was quicker to get multiple pictures with my phone camera then print screen from my computer that has three monitors. Basically they told me to get something done by Sunday or I'll not only never hear the end of it, but also they'd kick me out of our weekly game nights. So come Sunday after work, me and her usually just stay at the parking lot after we clock out, just talking for about a half-hour to an hour and I told her I was having trouble with something (asking her out), and after she forced me to spit out the problem, I panicked and gave her my phone with the pictures of the Discord conversation.

It. Totally. Worked. Somehow. Other than the occasional laugh from their jokes, she read the whole thing silently. And while she said I kind of cheated in telling her how I feel through using pictures and not actually saying it, she was still proud of me for doing it. And after a chat about the whole thing, I LEGITIMATELY asked her out on a LEGITIMATE actual date next Tuesday face to face and she said yes!

So now I've been all giddy and happy since Sunday and I don't think it's going to go away until the date (and then I believe I'm just gonna be more excited and stupidly happy).
Please just call me Ian, "TheFrisky" is more of a title.

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Postby Cybermat47 » Wed Aug 30, 2017 6:09 pm

Oh fuck yeah, Ian, awesome work mate :D
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