Ghosts of Evangelion

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xanderkh
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Postby xanderkh » Wed Jun 10, 2015 6:06 pm

View Original PostLennik wrote:Ouch, it looks like Yui wasn't the only parent Gendo cloned. I'm suddenly afraid that if anything were to happen to Asuka, and for some reason Kaji and Misato were unavailable, Shinji would leave Ryuko at the train station.


That was a huge distinction I was worried about too, and I'm glad NemZ convinced Bags to put in this last entry.

While I understand that Shinji and Asuka depend on each other to get through their trauma, that doesn't mean they need to cling to each other like some symbiotic parasites.

I would think that if Shinji is smart enough to jibe and keep up with Asuka now after 18 years, he'd be smart enough and empathetic to realize that he would NEVER want to pass on what his father did to him to Shinji's own. Perhaps that is why he's afraid of Ryuko, cause he's afraid of doing what his father did innately to Ryuko, so he doesn't want to be as active. But again, that's the same trap his father did to him, so Shinji needs to realize that and be a better father by being with his daughter.

Plus, Lennik brought up a good point in this fic that Shinji and Asuka may need to address: What would happen if one of them died or left somehow? Would they be able to cope, or are they so dependent on one another that they'd collapse entirely? A lot of the themes in Anno's stories are to have the desire to live on even after a great tragedy, to live your life to the fullest even when you've lost someone you loved, which he played on with "The Wind Rises". (Okay, I know he voice-acted and didn't direct it, but it's a message I think he would agree with.)

The question is, does Asuka and Shinji have it in them to not be so clingy or are they TOO dependent on each other now? And if this is the case, are they really fit to be good parents for Ryuko if they still can't take care of themselves? :sniffle:
"You're na�ve, Cecil. Even knowing betrayal and despair, you would depend on the whims of others?" - Golbez
---------------------------------------
Sephiroth: "Do you miss the Light?"
Golbez: "Hmph...I merely have duties to fulfill."
Sephiroth: "Too close to the brightness, and you may get scorched."
Golbz:.............
Golbez: Your loss can strengthen you.

"NGE Shinji is broken, Manga Shinji is an asshole, Rebuild Shinji is an idiot. Which is best? Uh, can I get some other options? All of these really suck." -Bagheera

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Postby Bagheera » Fri Jun 12, 2015 6:42 pm

So, Ryuko:

SPOILER: Show
April 7, 2040
"Mama!" she said. "Mama, look at me!"
"What is it?" Asuka asked, glancing at her. "I'm making dinner, I'm busy."
"I wanna skateboard!" Ryuko said.
Asuka looked up, glaring at Misato. The latter shrugged, leaning back in her chair. "What can I say?" she asked. "She saw the skateboard in my room and fell in love."
"You're a bad influence," Asuka said. She sighed, then turned to her daughter. "Don't be an idiot," she said. "What if you fall and break your neck or something?"
Ryuko flashed her a gap-toothed smile. "Don't care," she said. "Wanna skateboard!"
Asuka laughed despite herself. "You're cute, but the answer's still no," she said.
"She's a kid, Asuka," Misato said.
"Yeah, so?" Asuka asked. "Skateboards are dangerous."
Misato rolled her eyes. "Oh, come on, Asuka! It's not like we'd be letting her ride one unsupervised."
Asuka frowned, thinking it over, then shook her head. "No," she said. She turned to her daughter. "Maybe when you're older," she said. "But not now."
Ryuko frowned. "You suck," she said.
Misato laughed at the girl, nodding in agreement as she did so. "She's right," she said. "You just hate fun." She pointed an accusing finger at Asuka. "You are anti-fun!"
Asuka turned on her. "That's enough!" she snapped. "I have a hard enough time doing my damn job as a parent as it is. You think I can handle her risking her neck every time she goes out to play on top of that?" She wrinkled her nose as the smell of burning meat hit her. "Shit!" she said. Ryuko laughed at her as she turned back to the stove, stirring the noodles and tending to the meat.
Misato sighed. The mirth was gone from her face, replaced by melancholy. "We never let you be a child, Asuka. Not you, not Shinji, either." She spared the latter a glance, then continued. "That's my biggest regret with the both of you: we made you fight, and we didn't let you be kids. But Ryuko's different. She doesn't have to fight our silly battles, so why not let her have her fun?"
Asuka scowled at the dinner before her. "You don't have to ride a damn skateboard to have fun," she mumbled.
"But it's what she wants!" Misato said.
Ryuko nodded. "Wanna skateboard! Wanna skateboard!"
"I don't care!" Asuka said. She looked at Shinji, sitting at the table next to Misato. "Say something, you moron!"
Shinji scratched his head, then said, "Actually, I think Misato's right."
Asuka closed her eyes and took a deep breath, counting to ten.
"Look," Shinji began, his voice soothing. "This isn't just some random thing. Misato did this all the time as a kid, and she knows how to do it safely. She won't let Ryuko do anything dangerous."
"That's not enough!" Asuka insisted. "She'll still fall, she'll still--"
"Of course she will," Misato said, interrupting. Asuka's eyes widened, and Misato pressed on. "But she's strong, Asuka. Yes, she'll fall. She'll get hurt. But she'll get back up. She'll keep trying. That's the kind of person she is. That's the kind of person you made her to be! Have faith in her, and in me."
Ryuko nodded. "Yeah!" she said. "Don't care about falling, I just wanna go!" She looked up at Asuka, hands clasped before her. "Please, mama?"
"I'm just trying to protect you, you dummy," Asuka said.
"You can't do that by keeping her in a cage, Asuka," Misato said. "She has to choose her own path."
Asuka sullenly poked at the ingredients for her meal. "Who's gonna teach her, anyway?" she mumbled. "I'll bet you haven't ridden one of those things in decades."
Misato winced. "Harsh, kiddo. But that's not what I had in mind. I was thinking more along the lines of--"
"Unca Heishiro!" Ryuko interrupted.
Misato laughed. "Yeah, Heishiro."
Asuka grimaced. "You've got to be kidding me," she said. "That brat, of all people?"
Ryuko pouted. "Heishiro's fun!" she said.
Misato laughed at the girl. "Say what you will about his social skills, but the guy knows his skateboards. I can't think of a better teacher."
"You better be right," Asuka said, frowning. She glared at Misato. "After all, I'm entrusting her to your care! You better be right!"
"So I can skateboard?" Ryuko asked.
Asuka smiled at the girl despite herself. "Fine," she said. "If you want it that badly . . . " She turned and glared at Misato. "As long as someone makes sure you do it safely."
"Yay!" Ryuko said, throwing her arms up as she cheered. Shinji and Misato both laughed at the girl's exuberance.
Asuka sighed, then turned back to the stove. "Dinner's ready," she said.


Next chapter: Ryuko proper. Gods help you, you poor sods. You won't even know what hit you.
Last edited by Bagheera on Fri Jun 12, 2015 11:22 pm, edited 1 time in total.
For my post-3I fic, go here.
The law doesn't protect people. People protect the law. -- Akane Tsunemori, Psycho-Pass
People's deaths are to be mourned. The ability to save people should be celebrated. Life itself should be exalted. -- Volken Macmani, Tatakau Shisho: The Book of Bantorra
I hate myself. But maybe I can learn to love myself. Maybe it's okay for me to be here! That's right! I'm me, nothing more, nothing less! I'm me. I want to be me! I want to be here! And it's okay for me to be here! -- Shinji Ikari, Neon Genesis Evangelion
Yes, I know. You thought it would be something about Asuka. You're such idiots.

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Postby xanderkh » Fri Jun 12, 2015 8:32 pm

Ah, the first hurdles of being a parent is learning to let your child have some degree of freedom, even if you want to protect them.

It's a great lesson that Asuka and Shinji needed to face, and it's good to see that Asuka is learning to tone down her anger by counting. :lol:

Overall, a good chapter in the beginning of Ryuko's life. :)

By the way Bagheera, do you have a description of what Ryuko would look like, or is that not relevant to the story at the moment?

Also, a minor error:

"Misato frowned, thinking it over, then shook her head. "No," she said. She turned to her daughter."

Should be:
"Asuka frowned, thinking it over, then shook her head. "No," she said. She turned to her daughter."

Can't wait to see the next chapter. :D
"You're na�ve, Cecil. Even knowing betrayal and despair, you would depend on the whims of others?" - Golbez
---------------------------------------
Sephiroth: "Do you miss the Light?"
Golbez: "Hmph...I merely have duties to fulfill."
Sephiroth: "Too close to the brightness, and you may get scorched."
Golbz:.............
Golbez: Your loss can strengthen you.

"NGE Shinji is broken, Manga Shinji is an asshole, Rebuild Shinji is an idiot. Which is best? Uh, can I get some other options? All of these really suck." -Bagheera

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Postby Bagheera » Sat Jun 13, 2015 12:25 am

At her current age, she matches up with Aki, from Jimmy Wolk's Aki-chan's Life. Later on, when she's a teenager, she'll have a very different appearance, which will be described in the next chapter.
For my post-3I fic, go here.
The law doesn't protect people. People protect the law. -- Akane Tsunemori, Psycho-Pass
People's deaths are to be mourned. The ability to save people should be celebrated. Life itself should be exalted. -- Volken Macmani, Tatakau Shisho: The Book of Bantorra
I hate myself. But maybe I can learn to love myself. Maybe it's okay for me to be here! That's right! I'm me, nothing more, nothing less! I'm me. I want to be me! I want to be here! And it's okay for me to be here! -- Shinji Ikari, Neon Genesis Evangelion
Yes, I know. You thought it would be something about Asuka. You're such idiots.

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Postby pwhodges » Sat Jun 13, 2015 1:53 am

I was picturing Aki - it seemed natural!

As for skateboards, my children had them; but two out of the three broke their teeth falling off bicycles, not skateboards.
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Postby xanderkh » Sat Jun 13, 2015 1:57 am

View Original PostBagheera wrote:At her current age, she matches up with Aki, from Jimmy Wolk's Aki-chan's Life. Later on, when she's a teenager, she'll have a very different appearance, which will be described in the next chapter.


HAH! I knew you couldn't get that image out of your head! :lol:

I mean, just look at her:

SPOILER: Show
Image


She will steal all Eva fan's souls.....with CUTENESS!!!!
"You're na�ve, Cecil. Even knowing betrayal and despair, you would depend on the whims of others?" - Golbez
---------------------------------------
Sephiroth: "Do you miss the Light?"
Golbez: "Hmph...I merely have duties to fulfill."
Sephiroth: "Too close to the brightness, and you may get scorched."
Golbz:.............
Golbez: Your loss can strengthen you.

"NGE Shinji is broken, Manga Shinji is an asshole, Rebuild Shinji is an idiot. Which is best? Uh, can I get some other options? All of these really suck." -Bagheera

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Postby Bagheera » Sat Jun 13, 2015 2:12 am

Aki is amazing. Jimmy did a really good job with her -- I so wanted to name Ryuko Aki, it just seemed so natural. But she had to be her own person, so a name change was mandatory. And hopefully, with the next chapter, she will come into her own.
For my post-3I fic, go here.
The law doesn't protect people. People protect the law. -- Akane Tsunemori, Psycho-Pass
People's deaths are to be mourned. The ability to save people should be celebrated. Life itself should be exalted. -- Volken Macmani, Tatakau Shisho: The Book of Bantorra
I hate myself. But maybe I can learn to love myself. Maybe it's okay for me to be here! That's right! I'm me, nothing more, nothing less! I'm me. I want to be me! I want to be here! And it's okay for me to be here! -- Shinji Ikari, Neon Genesis Evangelion
Yes, I know. You thought it would be something about Asuka. You're such idiots.

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Postby NemZ » Sat Jun 13, 2015 2:44 am

She looks like a chibi Mana. Hmm.
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Postby Bagheera » Sun Jun 14, 2015 8:05 pm

Much happiness. Brace yourselves, folks! Ryuko's gonna take you on a ride . . .

SPOILER: Show
August 12, 2046
The girl awoke when she heard a shout from the room next door. Ryuko Ikari Soryu sighed, then dragged her pillow over her head. "Jeez, mom," she said. "Give it a rest." She looked at the clock sitting beside her futon: 6:18 a.m. She blew out a breath, then dragged herself out of bed and started getting dressed. When she finished she grabbed her drumsticks and headed out the door.
As she passed her parents' room, she spied her mother and father through the open door. He held her close, and she looked very small, clutching at him in the wake of her nightmare. Ryuko sighed again. She caught her father's eye, then pointed toward the front door. He nodded, and she made her way there. She grabbed her skateboard and left the building.
Once she hit the sidewalk she hopped on her skateboard, picking up speed as she headed for school. She thought about the drum solo she planned to practice today, hoping the other band members wouldn't be too boring to let her cut loose. But at least with a drum kit she could cut loose. With a violin or a cello it was out of the question. "Fucking heathens," she said. "My dad's the only one who gets it. I'm probably the only kid in Japan who can say that."
She crested a hill and really began to pour on the speed, passing pedestrians left and right as she did so. They cursed at her, but she paid them no mind -- she wanted to fly, and to hell with anyone who didn't get that! The hill bottomed out and she started to slow down, coming into a more populated area, but she was too late -- a man came out of a store right as she passed in front of it. Her eyes widened as she realized avoiding him was impossible, and she spread herself wide to limit the damage. But even so she plowed into him at full speed, sending both of them flying.
She landed hard. "Ow!" she said. "Owowowow!" She picked herself up from the ground, taking stock of the damage. Her head was alright, as were her elbows and knees -- she'd have to thank Misato once again for the protective gear -- but she had a nasty scrape along her forearm. Ah well; she'd had worse. But the other guy . . .
"Hey," she said. "Are you alright?" She took off her helmet, then scooted over to get a closer look at him. Her breath caught: Shoulder length frosted hair, light brown skin, strong cheekbones, soft brown eyes. She blinked, then shook herself. "Shit," she muttered. "Shitshitshit. Mom is gonna kill me . . . "
He groaned as he sat up. "Fuckin' A," he said. "What the hell is wrong with you, you lunatic? I feel like I just got hit by a truck."
She cringed. "Sorry!" she said. "I'm really sorry! I caught some speed and I got carried away and I didn't see you . . . " She broke off. "Should I call an ambulance?" she asked.
"I don't need a fuckin' ambulance," he said. He stood up, wobbling a bit as he did so. "You're lucky I can take a hit, man. What if I was an old lady or a kid or something? You could have killed me!"
She squeezed her eyes shut, nodding emphatically as he lectured her. "You're right," she said. "I'm really sorry, you're right, you're right."
Her ready acceptance of blame cooled his anger a bit. "Fuck, that hurt," he said.
"Are you sure you're alright?" she asked.
"Yeah, I'm fine," he said. "Just be more careful next time. I mean, damn . . . "
She breathed a sigh of relief. "Good," she said. "Then, um . . . I'll get going, I guess." She retrieved her skateboard, then checked her pockets. Her eyes went wide. "Oh, shit," she said. "Where are my sticks?"
"Huh?" he asked. "Sticks?"
"Yeah, my drumsticks. They were in my back pocket . . . " She looked around, spotting them halfway down the block. "There they are!" She hurried to retrieve them. She looked back one last time and then started walking in the direction of her school, opting to carry the board for the time being.
He looked after her, watching her for a moment. Then, with a muttered curse, he hurried to catch up to her. "Hey," he said.
She shot him a nervous look.
"Sorry," he said. "I didn't mean to be so harsh. It just took me by surprise, that's all. But I'm not hurt, so I don't need to be a jerk about it."
"Okay," she said. "Thanks."
"You really should be more careful, though."
She flushed. "Right," she said.
They walked in silence for a few moments. "So, you play the drums?" he asked
"Yeah," she said. "I'm on my way to school to practice with my band."
"Eh?" he asked. "But we're on summer break. Why are you going to school?"
"We have a key to the music room," she explained. "So we meet up there to practice. It's easier than trying to arrange locations every time, you know?"
He nodded. "I guess that makes sense," he said. He thought for a moment, then grinned. "Are you any good?"
She laughed nervously. "Well, I guess that depends on who you ask. When I was at nationals last year the crowd went apeshit over my playing, but one of the judges called my performance an offense to music itself." She scratched her head self-consciously. "That was with the violin, though; I don't compete with the drums."
"Oh wow," he said. "So you play two instruments? That's impressive."
She shrugged. "The drums are just for fun," she explained. "I do bass and keyboards too, but I only compete with violin, cello and piano." She frowned. "I also play the flute, but I have nothing to do with it. We don't use it in the band and I don't feel like competing with it, so it's kind of a useless skill."
He shook his head. "Jeez, man," he said. "You sound like some kind of musical prodigy or something."
She grinned. "Yup! And I skateboard and I kick ass at gaming and I write poetry, too. I'm kinda awesome!"
He laughed. "And so humble!" he said.
She crossed her arms, sticking out her chin. "False modesty is condescending to others," she said. "It's better to recognize others' virtues than to downplay your own. That way you can help them out and still get the credit you deserve!"
He glanced at her sidelong. "You must be a foreigner," he said, a touch of disdain in his voice. "No Japanese would ever think like that."
She laughed. "What can I say?" she said. "I'm not a conventional girl."
He looked her up and down. It was a fair assessment: half her head was shaved to stubble, while the other half had shoulder length dark hair dyed a deep lavender at the ends. She had a barbell in her upper ear, a stud in her nostril, and another barbell in her tongue. She wore a tight t-shirt full of holes, raggedy jeans, and a pair of Vans on her feet, all stretched over a wiry athletic frame. She was striking, to be sure, but by no means conventional. He sighed. "Yeah, I can see your point," he said. "But even so, you don't look Japanese."
"Ha!" she said. "Yeah, that's true. My mom is American, actually, so that's why." She frowned. "Though it's weird; she was born here, but then grew up in Germany, and her mother was German/Japanese, and I'm pretty sure she's never even been to America. But her dad was American, so . . . " She shrugged. "Eh, whatever. Anyway, she's crazy smart and went through some heavy shit as a kid, so she kind of has a 'fuck you!' attitude to most anything that gets in her way. I guess she passed that on to me, but I don't have her baggage so I'm a little more constructive about it."
"Heh." He nodded. "That does explain a few things."
"Yeah," she said. Her eyes widened. "Oh!" she said, fishing out her phone. "I almost forgot. Can I get your contact info?"
He blinked. "Huh?" he asked. "Why would you need that?"
"Duh," she said, grinning. "You're kinda hot. I might wanna ask you out or something."
He laughed at her. "Are you for real?" he asked. "You just ran into me."
She frowned. "Well, yes . . . "
"With a skateboard. You ran into me with a skateboard!"
"I said I was sorry . . . " she mumbled.
"And now you're asking me out?" he continued, incredulous.
"Is that a 'no', then?" she asked.
"Well . . . " he paused. He looked her up and down again, then shook his head and laughed. "You're something else," he said. He looked her in the eye. "What if I have a girlfriend or something?" he asked, a mischievous smile playing about his lips.
Her eyes widened, and she looked stricken. "Then I'd be sad," she said. She looked away, then met his gaze again. "Um, do you?"
He looked at her, then laughed. "Not at the moment," he admitted.
She grinned. "Great!" she said. She held her phone before her, looking at him expectantly.
He stared at her for a moment, then laughed despite himself. "Fine," he said. "Why not?"
They exchanged data. When they finished, Ryuko smiled happily. "Thanks!" she said.
"Sure." He looked at his phone's screen, then frowned. "Wait," he said.
"Soryu? As in Asuka Langley Soryu?"
She nodded proudly. "Yup! She's my mom."
"Ah," he said. He coughed nervously.
She cocked her head. "Problem?" she asked.
"Not exactly," he said. "It's just that . . . well, my grandfather was Katsuhiro Nakamura. He was the commander of the JSSDF's 4th Division."
She frowned. "Oh." She sighed. "Well, I can see how that might make you a bit nervous, but most of the people my mom has met from the 4th have been pretty chill. She let all that shit go a long time ago, so unless you have a grudge or something it shouldn't be a problem."
He shook his head. "No grudge here," he said. He grinned. "That's a relief," he said. "I was nervous for a minute there."
She quirked an eyebrow. "Oh?" she asked.
He laughed. "Well, you're also kinda hot," he said.
She laughed in delight, blushing at the jab. They reached the street corner, and he turned right. "I'm going this way," he said.
She nodded. "Okay," she said. "See ya, Kenji! I'll call you Friday!"
"Sure," he said.
She took off, letting out a whoop of joy as she did so. He could only shake his head and laugh as he continued on his way.

Ryuko crossed the threshold to her apartment. "I'm home!" she said.
"Welcome home," Asuka said. She caught sight of her daughter's forearm, and her eyes snapped to hers. "And what the hell happened to you?" she asked.
Ryuko laughed self-consciously. "Um, I ran into someone on the way to school." She fidgeted. "Like, literally."
Asuka closed her eyes. "Christ, Ryuko." She sighed, then asked, "Are you alright?"
Ryuko nodded. "Yes," she said. "And before you ask, so is he."
"Are you sure?" Asuka asked.
Ryuko nodded emphatically. "Yes!" she said. "You can ask him yourself come Friday."
"Do I even want to know?" Asuka asked.
Ryuko laughed. "I kinda asked him out."
"Of course you did," Asuka said, sighing.
"Wait," Shinji asked. "You hit him with a skateboard, and then . . . asked him out?"
" . . . Yes?" Ryuko said. She laughed self-consciously. "I think he was so surprised by my audacity that it didn't occur to him to say no."
"Well, you have no shortage of that," Asuka muttered. "Unbelievable." She glared at Shinji in accusation.
"What?" he said. "I think that's cool."
She made grasping motions with her hands. "You're Japanese," she said. "How can you possibly think that's cool? It doesn't make sense!"
"I live with you," he said. "How could I not think it's cool?"
She flushed, then sighed. "Even so," she said, "she has enough of an attitude problem as it is. You shouldn't encourage her."
Ryuko grinned. "My attitude is awesome," she said. She turned toward Shinji. "Thanks, Dad. High five!" Shinji chuckled and indulged her. "I'm gonna go play some vidya," she said. "Don't lose your shit while I'm gone." She wandered off to her room, leaving her parents irritated and bemused in her stead.
"I'm going to go do . . . something," Asuka said. "Something to make me less irritated." She glared at Shinji. "It's your turn to make dinner."
Shinji frowned. "But the schedule says--" he began.
"You don't understand," she said, interrupting. "It's. Your. Turn."
Shinji sighed. "Of course it is," he said. "Fine, fine. But you better make it up to me!"
"Hmph." Asuka tossed her head and stalked off toward their room.

After dinner, Ryuko found Asuka in her room. She was hunched in front of her laptop, typing away. "Um . . . " Ryuko began.
Asuka spared her daughter a glance, then returned to the screen in front of her. "What do you want?" she asked.
Ryuko bit her lip nervously. "Well," she began, "um . . . "
Asuka's brows knit in irritation.
Ryuko squeezed her eyes shut. "You were pretty fucked up this morning!" she blurted out.
"Yeah, so?" Asuka said.
"I'm the reason for that, aren't I?" Ryuko asked.
Asuka stared at her, perplexed. "Why would you think that?" she asked. "It's about piloting, it's nothing to do with you. Don't be so egotistical."
Ryuko's fists shot to her sides. "I'm not being egotistical!" she said. "I'm part of it, I know it!"
"Eh?" Asuka asked, taken aback.
"I talked to Misato about it," Ryuko said. "Heishiro, too. They both told me you were fine before I was born. That you went months without a nightmare or whatever. Now you have them all the time! And it's not just you!" she went on. "They said dad was doing okay before I was born, that he was almost normal, but once I came along it was like ten years of progress went out the window."
Asuka narrowed her eyes. "Is that what they said?" she asked.
Ryuko nodded. "And don't you dare get mad at them!" she said. "They just told me the truth."
"So what if they did?" Asuka asked. "What of it?"
"I want to know why," Ryuko said. "I want to know why I hurt you so much." She frowned. "You and dad."
Asuka sighed. "Look," she said, "it has nothing to do with you personally. That's the truth. It's just . . . " She frowned, then shook her head. "It's complicated, okay? And besides, it doesn't really matter now--"
"It matters to me!" Ryuko exclaimed. "I saw you this morning, mom. You were in so much pain . . . " She swallowed thickly, then continued. "I just want to understand why," she said. "That's all. I just want to understand."
Asuka stared at her daughter for a time, then sighed. "Fine," she said. She opened up her laptop, then navigated to a particular folder. "This has everything you could ever want to know about piloting," she said. "If you want to know what happened to us, look here."
Ryuko moved around the laptop, eager to see what Asuka had in store for her.
Asuka looked at her daughter warily. "But don't forget your place!" she said. "Your father and I have dealt with this for years, so remember that when you watch this."
Ryuko nodded, then started to watch the files.
Asuka frowned, then shook her head. "Obstinate little fool," she muttered. "You're just like your father." She sighed, then left the room.

Ryuko clutched her head with shaking hands, trying to purge her mind of the horrors she'd just witnessed.
"Oh, come on," Asuka said, entering the room. "It's not that bad."
Ryuko just stared at her, slack jawed. "How can you say that?" she asked, on the verge of hysteria. "Dad was boiled alive, they sent you into a goddamn volcano! And the fifteenth . . . oh, my God." She hugged herself, rocking back and forth. "You said it was defiling you, that it was . . . it was . . . " She shook her head. "I can't even imagine it. And they left you there, and they--"
"Hey!" Asuka snapped. Ryuko jerked, then met her gaze. "Get one thing straight, kid -- I hurt myself there. They had no control over the Evas, and I wasn't even supposed to sortie that day. I'm the one who jumped into battle, and I'm the one who refused to retreat. Misato ordered me to pull back, but I wouldn't listen." She shrugged uncomfortably. "I don't like admitting it, but what happened to me that day was my fault."
Ryuko shook her head. "That's insane!" she said. "You were a kid, mom! You shouldn't have even been out there! You should have been studying, and chasing boys, and . . . and . . . " She shuddered. "Aren't there rules against that? Against using kids in battle?"
Asuka sighed. "What do rules matter when the fate of humanity is at stake? Put things in perspective, Ryuko! Do you think Misato wanted to do that? Do you think she liked it?"
"No, but--"
"But what?" Asuka asked. "It was a shitty situation, and she handled it as best she could. When she figured out what was really going on she did what she could to stop it, but she didn't have many options at that point."
"How can you be so forgiving?" Ryuko mumbled.
Asuka cocked her head. "It was more than thirty years ago, for one thing," she said sardonically. "And, more importantly, she went to a lot of trouble to make amends."
Ryuko shook her head. "I can't believe she'd let them do that to you," she said. "It's unforgiveable! It's--"
Asuka rolled her eyes. "Quit being so melodramatic," she said. "Your father and I are the ones who were hurt by this, not you. Let us deal with it as we see fit and mind your own business."
Ryuko closed her eyes. "But--" she began.
"'But?'" Asuka asked, crossing her arms. "You're going to cause problems even though you weren't involved?"
"Well--" Ryuko began. She squirmed in her seat, suddenly uncomfortable. "I mean, no, it's not really my place, but even so--"
"Even so?" Asuka asked. Her voice was level, but the hint of menace in it was unmistakable.
Ryuko sucked in a breath, forcing herself to meet her mother's gaze. "You're not the only one who feels protective!" she said. "And I . . . I have to live with it too, you know! I don't suffer like you do, but . . . but . . . "
Asuka smiled at her, then relented. "I know," she said, hugging the girl. "You're just like your father that way. But don't worry; Misato's on our side. She's done everything for us since Third Impact." She grinned at her daughter. "And that includes helping us raise you!"
Ryuko made a face. "I still don't get how I fit into all of this," she said.
Asuka shrugged. "Who knows? Raising a child is stressful, and stress is what triggers it; that's why Misato and Kaji wouldn't let us do it until you were older." She frowned thoughtfully. "Hmmm. That's interesting, now that I think about it. I guess they wanted to make sure we wouldn't strangle you or something."
Ryuko's eyes went wide. "Eh?" she asked.
"Sorry," Asuka said. "Bad joke. Ask your father about it sometime. But anyway, for a while, your dad and I didn't have to worry about anything. But then you were born, and . . . " she shrugged.
Ryuko frowned. "So it is about me," she said.
Asuka shrugged. "Sort of. But don't worry about it. You're a good kid, so you're worth the trouble." She tugged a lock of Ryuko's hair. "Even if you are a delinquent."
Ryuko sighed, and her mother laughed and hugged her again.
Last edited by Bagheera on Sun Jun 21, 2015 1:06 pm, edited 8 times in total.
For my post-3I fic, go here.
The law doesn't protect people. People protect the law. -- Akane Tsunemori, Psycho-Pass
People's deaths are to be mourned. The ability to save people should be celebrated. Life itself should be exalted. -- Volken Macmani, Tatakau Shisho: The Book of Bantorra
I hate myself. But maybe I can learn to love myself. Maybe it's okay for me to be here! That's right! I'm me, nothing more, nothing less! I'm me. I want to be me! I want to be here! And it's okay for me to be here! -- Shinji Ikari, Neon Genesis Evangelion
Yes, I know. You thought it would be something about Asuka. You're such idiots.

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Postby pwhodges » Thu Jun 18, 2015 5:12 pm

It would make sense to make the opening more explicit, so expand: "he held her" to "he was holding her" or even spell it out: "he was holding her to calm her after another nightmare".

The skateboarding scene I loved. I can picture one of my children in parts of it, and it seems very plausible (even if exceptional) from end to end. Just her introduction to him is messed up; they have just exchanged numbers, and must surely have taken names at that point as part of the process - it would make more sense for him to react to her name right then. Just leave out from "sure" up to "he paled", and that would work better for me.

Back home, Shinji is again like a normal easy-going father. No remaining sign here of his earlier trauma - he, at least, comes over here as healed. Is this the intention, leaving only Asuka to continue suffering?

And then I wondered about Ryuko making it about her. Was that consistent with her character as shown previously? For me it's possible; borderline, but it'll do. Teens can be like that. I wasn't quite sure why Asuka compared her to Shinji at that point, though. And the last section is just fine.

At times I've wondered when they (or Asuka) will finally get over it all. But then I remember those many people who died without being able to throw off their experiences of the World Wars, sometimes even leaving families behind who wish they could have known more to exorcise their own ghosts about their parents' past. The balance you are striking with this over the longer time scale is again realistic in that regard, I'd say.

All in all, this chapter was particularly distinctive, and even a virtuoso performance.
"Being human, having your health; that's what's important." (from: Magical Shopping Arcade Abenobashi )
"As long as we're all living, and as long as we're all having fun, that should do it, right?" (from: The Eccentric Family )
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Can't wait for 3.0+1.0? - try Afterwards... my post-Q Evangelion fanfic (discussion)

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Postby Literary Eagle » Fri Jun 19, 2015 3:28 pm

Yeah, this was a great chapter. I love what you've done with Ryuko. She's really fun, but also has a good serious side to her. I also liked the revelation about her potential boyfriend's grandfather... it conveys a nice message of healing, and moving on.

Just a couple of little typos...

"Yeah," she said. I'm on my way to school to practice with my band." (Need opening quotation marks before I'm)

"You were my age, and those Angels, they--" Ryuko begain. (Should be "began")

Anyway, good stuff! Looking forward to whatever comes next!
The Happy Red Planet (my Evangelion fan fic)

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Postby Bagheera » Sat Jun 20, 2015 5:20 am

Revisions, yay! These are pretty substantial, so worth reading.

Next up: revisions to Adventures in Babysitting, to keep the tone consistent with what's portrayed here and elsewhere.
For my post-3I fic, go here.
The law doesn't protect people. People protect the law. -- Akane Tsunemori, Psycho-Pass
People's deaths are to be mourned. The ability to save people should be celebrated. Life itself should be exalted. -- Volken Macmani, Tatakau Shisho: The Book of Bantorra
I hate myself. But maybe I can learn to love myself. Maybe it's okay for me to be here! That's right! I'm me, nothing more, nothing less! I'm me. I want to be me! I want to be here! And it's okay for me to be here! -- Shinji Ikari, Neon Genesis Evangelion
Yes, I know. You thought it would be something about Asuka. You're such idiots.

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Postby pwhodges » Sat Jun 20, 2015 5:25 am

s/sad dad/said dad/
s/your personally/you personally/
s/Gkod/God/

Anyway - worthwhile changes. Well done!
"Being human, having your health; that's what's important." (from: Magical Shopping Arcade Abenobashi )
"As long as we're all living, and as long as we're all having fun, that should do it, right?" (from: The Eccentric Family )
Avatar: "It was yourself you ran away from" - episode 16. (details); Past avatars.
Can't wait for 3.0+1.0? - try Afterwards... my post-Q Evangelion fanfic (discussion)

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Postby Bagheera » Sat Jun 20, 2015 5:31 am

Wow, that was quick! Thanks! And . . . fixed!
For my post-3I fic, go here.
The law doesn't protect people. People protect the law. -- Akane Tsunemori, Psycho-Pass
People's deaths are to be mourned. The ability to save people should be celebrated. Life itself should be exalted. -- Volken Macmani, Tatakau Shisho: The Book of Bantorra
I hate myself. But maybe I can learn to love myself. Maybe it's okay for me to be here! That's right! I'm me, nothing more, nothing less! I'm me. I want to be me! I want to be here! And it's okay for me to be here! -- Shinji Ikari, Neon Genesis Evangelion
Yes, I know. You thought it would be something about Asuka. You're such idiots.

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Postby Literary Eagle » Sun Jun 21, 2015 8:22 am

Nice improvements! I'm a little curious as to why we no longer learn the boy's name and end up only getting the grandfather's name instead, but maybe you're saving the boy's name for a later chapter.

Just a couple of little typos...

So you play two intruments? (Should be "instruments")

"I'm not a conventional girl. (Missing closing quotation marks after this sentence)

Please keep up the good work!
The Happy Red Planet (my Evangelion fan fic)

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Postby pwhodges » Sun Jun 21, 2015 8:28 am

View Original PostLiterary Eagle wrote:I'm a little curious as to why we no longer learn the boy's name and end up only getting the grandfather's name instead,

Because it is now lost in the initial exchange of details, and doesn't fit naturally into how the conversation then goes. I suppose she could say: "OK, see you then, [name]" as they part.
"Being human, having your health; that's what's important." (from: Magical Shopping Arcade Abenobashi )
"As long as we're all living, and as long as we're all having fun, that should do it, right?" (from: The Eccentric Family )
Avatar: "It was yourself you ran away from" - episode 16. (details); Past avatars.
Can't wait for 3.0+1.0? - try Afterwards... my post-Q Evangelion fanfic (discussion)

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Postby Bagheera » Sun Jun 21, 2015 1:07 pm

View Original Postpwhodges wrote:Because it is now lost in the initial exchange of details, and doesn't fit naturally into how the conversation then goes. I suppose she could say: "OK, see you then, [name]" as they part.


A good fix, and one I implemented!
For my post-3I fic, go here.
The law doesn't protect people. People protect the law. -- Akane Tsunemori, Psycho-Pass
People's deaths are to be mourned. The ability to save people should be celebrated. Life itself should be exalted. -- Volken Macmani, Tatakau Shisho: The Book of Bantorra
I hate myself. But maybe I can learn to love myself. Maybe it's okay for me to be here! That's right! I'm me, nothing more, nothing less! I'm me. I want to be me! I want to be here! And it's okay for me to be here! -- Shinji Ikari, Neon Genesis Evangelion
Yes, I know. You thought it would be something about Asuka. You're such idiots.

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Postby Bagheera » Mon Jun 22, 2015 10:00 pm

Okay. I felt the Asuka portion of Adventures in Babysitting was, for lack of a better term, too much like the action arc for my tastes. The whole point of this fic is that we're recovering from the descent arc, even 16 years down the line, so I've rewritten that section to make it fit better with the rest of the story. There's far less Pen-Pen, sadly, but far more of Asuka being wounded and uncertain and Misato doing her best to help her out. You can find it here. See what you think!

I might revise Shinji's experiences a bit in light of this, but before that: vidya??? While I'm keen on exploring the Children's traumas, I'm also keen on showing how well they work together and support one another. And, surprisingly, Ryuko's a great vehicle for exploring that! Next time, learn about the state of gaming in 2046 Japan, and why that is both wonderful and terrible for the Children. It will be fun, trust me!
For my post-3I fic, go here.
The law doesn't protect people. People protect the law. -- Akane Tsunemori, Psycho-Pass
People's deaths are to be mourned. The ability to save people should be celebrated. Life itself should be exalted. -- Volken Macmani, Tatakau Shisho: The Book of Bantorra
I hate myself. But maybe I can learn to love myself. Maybe it's okay for me to be here! That's right! I'm me, nothing more, nothing less! I'm me. I want to be me! I want to be here! And it's okay for me to be here! -- Shinji Ikari, Neon Genesis Evangelion
Yes, I know. You thought it would be something about Asuka. You're such idiots.

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Postby Literary Eagle » Tue Jun 23, 2015 6:01 am

The older version of the chapter was enjoyable, but the revised version does fit better with the rest of the story. Misato and Kaji's advice was good, too.

Just one little typo: "You look like you bear heavy thoughts," Kasi said. (Should be "Kaji")

Looking forward to the vidya chapter! :D
The Happy Red Planet (my Evangelion fan fic)

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Postby Gemini011 » Fri Jun 26, 2015 6:30 pm

It's been a while since I last caught up on this thread... glad to see you're still going strong!

Ryuko's quite the character... she feels like an amalgam of all four parents, and yet still distinctive. Well done.

It's a bit late, but a typo from an earlier chapter (June 25, 2032 ):

raised his hand and knocked in the door -> raised his hand and knocked on the door
Interviewer: How much rewriting do you do?
Hemingway: It depends. I rewrote the ending of Farewell to Arms, the last page of it, 39 times before I was satisfied.
Interviewer: Was there some technical problem there? What was it that had stumped you?
Hemingway: Getting the words right.



It could be just me but I'd rather watch two damaged people help each other stand up than an over-idealized kisskisslovelove sugarbowl. The former has far more "d'awwww" potential.


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