EoE: Asuka's Instrumentality [WIP]

ThanatosII · Postby **ThanatosII** » Mon Sep 15, 2014 11:21 am

Ever since I understood Yui's words about being able to come back to life by having the will to live, I've always wondered what Asuka's Instrumentality was like and what her epiphany she arrived to. I am quite aware that we can infer a number of things, but my imagination still wants to frame an instrumentuality sequence around what Asuka saw. What people did she see? Did she or someone else bandage her wounds? What conclusion about life did she arrive to? Please bare in mind, I'm not specifically asking these questions because I don't know, but merely showing you the focus of my fanfic.
Some of things I hope to address in this fanfic is about Asuka wanting to be an adult, her emotions for Kaji, her relationship with Kyoko, how she views Shinji, how she views Misato, etc. A decision I made, despite being most likely unpopular, is that I will integrate the instrumentality sequences where Asuka is on the "hell train" with Shinji as well as the kitchen scene with some more fleshed out thoughts within Asuka's mind. Yes, I'm in the camp that thinks that Asuka was herself and Shinji was himself in those scenes rather than it being a projection of Shinji's mind only. Gives me more creative will power to work with.
This will NOT be a gushy "Ohhh Asuka is meant for Shinji!" fanfic.
So here's my first chapter. The challenge will be how to transition between this sequence to Asuka seeing Shinji looking at Misato having sex with Kaji where she makes that, "it's just two adults licking each others' wounds!" comment.

SPOILER: Show

[Concurrent dialogue]
Asuka: "I'll kill you... I'll kill you... I'll kill you..."
Asuka's thoughts: "This isn't fair! I won't fail you mother!"
Asuka: "I'll kill you... I'll kill you..."
Asuka's thoughts: "Please help me! Don't die on me again! I WON'T GIVE UP MAM-"
Asuka: "I'll kil--"

An echo of pain went throughout her entire right arm that infected her whole body and soul. A sensation comparable to as if lightning had pierced sharply into an ocean, leaving behind reverberating ripples of unforgiven sorrow. Even for an Evangelion pilot, the pain induced feedback was too much to take in and thus sent Asuka into another unconscious state of mind.
[Context: Shortly after, the remaining eight lances impale Evangelion Unit 02]
Maya [over radio to Shinji]: Shinji! Asuka is...
Shinji [to himself]: There's nothing I can do...
[The cage rumbles and causes the Bakelite to crumble as the autonomous Evangelion Unit 01 breaks free and lunges its hand at Shinji]
Shinji: Mother!

[TITLE CARD: Asuka'S TRIUMPH]
[Transition to black]
"Mama..."
Asuka was consumed by a warm embrace, as if cradled in someone's arms. This feeling felt odd yet familiar; a voice faintly spoke.
“...st..n aus ...rem Be..lein au…”
It was surely German, but the voice rose and fell; it was like trying to make out each syllable while being under water.
“daß ..e ohne So.. und Mühe..”
Gradually, the soothing voice grew in Asuka's ear more concisely. It was clearly swaying to a tune of a lullaby.
“...fröhlich sind im Tageslauf?”
Through her hair, a soft stroke of a gentle hand glided across.
“Oh, my dear Asuka-chan!”
The child's eyes opened as luminous light flooded in. She focused her vision, and outlines of shapes became less blurred and more defined until a face was visible. The luscious brown hair draped over her shoulder and hung above Asuka's face. Her blue eyes mirrored into the other as each of their gazes met with widened glee.
"Mama!!"
Excitement and relief filled the air, as Asuka lunged upward and embraced her mother in a tight hug. Bliss, no, something more intense than that, engulfed Asuka as her mother returned the warmly embrace back.
“My my! You’re so full of life and a bundle of joy for me!”
Kyoko loosened her hold on Asuka, and gave her another reassuring look into Asuka's face.
"You won't ever leave me, right mama?"
"Of course not, dear! I'll always be by your side. Now, Asuka-chan, I'll be back soon, but I have to head off to the lab for an important assignment," Kyoko rose up and was getting ready to make for the door.
"Lab? Assignment? What do you mean?" There was a slight quiver in the inflection of Asuka's voice. Kyoko crouched down to her daughter's level after noticing the worry in her questions. She gave a warm smile and said,
"It's okay, dear, I'm simply doing something to better our future, your future especially! If you must know, I'm participating in a Contact Experiment. The details are hard to dive into..."
Asuka's heart sank the moment Kyoko mentioned "Contact Experiment" and the rest of the words became background noise.
"...anyway dear, I have to go for now," Kyoko said as she rose up again and made for the door. Asuka opened her mouth, but nothing came out, like a deer caught in the headlights. Time slowed down as Asuka tried to reach out to her mother, but Kyoko became a whispy blur that was intangible. The door opened and Kyoko vanished, leaving behind a sharp slam that shook Asuka back into awareness of what happened. She rushed to the door but stopped herself from opening it.

Some notes:
I Googled German lullabies and chose one randomly that seemed relevant:
Weißt du, wieviel Kinder frühe
stehn aus ihrem Bettlein auf,
daß sie ohne Sorg und Mühe
fröhlich sind im Tageslauf?
Gott im Himmel hat an allen
seine Lust, sein Wohlgefallen;
kennt auch dich und hat dich lieb,
kennt auch dich und hat dich lieb.
[English:
Do you know how many children
Wake up early from their little beds,
Who are without worry and sorrow
And happy during the day?
God in Heaven has everybody’s
Pleasure and welfare in mind;
He knows you and loves you too,
He knows you and loves you too.]

Thoughts so far?

Literary Eagle · Postby **Literary Eagle** » Tue Sep 16, 2014 12:08 am

You've chosen an interesting topic to write about! Not much has happened yet, so I don't have a lot to say about the plot at the moment, but I look forward to finding out where you'll take this idea.

In terms of presentation... personally, I'm not a fan of seeing little bits of script format mixed in there. I know it's there to show us which parts of the movie are happening at the same time, but I still found it rather distracting. (To be fair, though, we did see Shinji reading a script in episode 26 of the TV series, heh.)

Also, I think the last couple of sentences used the word "door" too many times. Technically it wasn't wrong, but it just looked unnecessarily repetitive. And it looks like the word "back" was accidentally used twice ("back Asuka back"). So maybe something like this would work better:

The door opened and Kyoko vanished, leaving behind a sharp slam that shook Asuka back into awareness of what happened. She rushed to the door but stopped herself from opening it.

Just a suggestion, of course. Again, you've chosen an interesting subject, and I'd like to see where you'll go with it!

ThanatosII · Postby **ThanatosII** » Tue Sep 16, 2014 8:50 am

Thank you for the feedback! Gives me something to take note of as I go forward into the next chapter I started.

In terms of presentation... personally, I'm not a fan of seeing little bits of script format mixed in there. I know it's there to show us which parts of the movie are happening at the same time, but I still found it rather distracting.

For clarity, do you refer to the Title Card and/or the [Context] thing? If so, I see what you mean. Personally, I wrote that in because I liked to picture it as if I was watching it on screen. I may change this though, as indeed, it's a bit disjointed at the start.

looks like the word "back" was accidentally used twice ("back Asuka back")

Whoops, yeah that was an accident, I'll fix that with your edit, thanks!

I think the last couple of sentences used the word "door" too many times. Technically it wasn't wrong, but it just looked unnecessarily repetitive.

It never really hit me being the case, but looking at it now with your observation, seems slightly weird. Not sure what to use in place of it. I wanted to convey that Kyoko was getting up and leaving by making her way to the door. Might change it if I hatch an idea -o-;

Thank you again for the feedback! I've already written the transition between this chapter and the next chapter with Misato/Kaji/Shinji, but it may be wonky. Might get posted today.

Literary Eagle · Postby **Literary Eagle** » Tue Sep 16, 2014 10:52 pm

ThanatosII wrote:For clarity, do you refer to the Title Card and/or the [Context] thing? If so, I see what you mean. Personally, I wrote that in because I liked to picture it as if I was watching it on screen. I may change this though, as indeed, it's a bit disjointed at the start.

Yes, both the Title Card and the Context stuff... basically all the bits that were written like a screenplay instead of prose. I understand why it was there, but seeing screenplay format mixed with prose is rather distracting.

ThanatosII wrote:I've already written the transition between this chapter and the next chapter with Misato/Kaji/Shinji, but it may be wonky. Might get posted today.

Cool, I look forward to it!

ThanatosII · Postby **ThanatosII** » Wed Sep 17, 2014 1:52 am

My apologies @Literary Eagle; wasn't able to figure out an alternative yet in respect to the script stuff. May revisit that later.
As for the next chapter, I abandoned the idea of having it move into the Kaji/Misato sex scene. Simply felt awkward the way I lead into it. So instead, I chose a different route. Feedback is appreciated!

SPOILER: Show

Asuka stared intensely at the metal door in front of her. A door. A barrier. A sense of safety.
“Why don’t the Japanese have any sense of privacy?”
Asuka kicked the door with brute force, but it did not open.
“Inside the Eva, I feel safe.”
She kicked the door again, leaving a small dent.
“I am not a doll” *slap sound*
Void of emotion, it remained silent and showed no resistance after being punched with a single fist of anger.
"I hate everyone! I can live by myself!"
Finally, Asuka smashed both her fists onto the door, but then heard the rattle of coffee mugs. The material was no longer metal, but polished wood instead. She was no longer standing up, and now sat at a table in a kitchen that mirrored the one from Misato’s apartment. Still, she stared down onto the wood as if expecting a response.
[Silence]
“I cling to Kaji.”
“Later,” Kaji says.
“He leaves me!”
“Shinji?! Shinji?! Shinji?!” Misatos says with distraught and tears streaming down her face. “Shinji?! Are you alright, Shinji?!” Misato lunges forward onto Shinji and hugs him with genuine sympathy inside the entry plug.
“Shinji is put in danger. Misato hugs him. I’m put in danger. I’m…”
“Cancel the suspension of Unit 01 and sortie it to help Rei, immediately.” Gendo firmly says.
“...worthless compared to a doll! No one values my company! No one values my piloting! No one cares how I feel! No one gives me a response!”
Shortly after reflecting on the past, Asuka felt a tense pain in her right arm and immediately retracted it towards herself. Trying to hold back from showing pain, she remembered,
“Right. That idiot. When I needed it the most, where was he? What possible excuse trumps nine Eva Units that I had to take on all by myself?! And how could he…!”
Suddenly, footsteps approach from behind Asuka and stops to the right of her.
“Asuka, help me. You’re the only one that can help me!” The voice was frustratingly annoying to her, but she did not show it physically.
“Help? Help for him?! He doesn’t need sympathy from me!”
Devoid of showing any emotion, Asuka says,
“Liar.”
She noticed the surprised look in Shinji’s face as he retreats away from her. Slightly satisfied, she thought,
“Oh? Is he feeling pain? Does he truly think he is hurting more?”
Out of spite, she pins Shinji against the seat of a train while the dimly lit window of melancholy orange clashed with the uneasy atmosphere.
“Idiot! I know all about your little jerk off fantasies about me. Go ahead and do it like you always do. I’ll even stand here and watch you.”
Shinji’s eyes never lined up with her’s and instead stayed fixated on her chest while remaining silent.
“All I am to him is an object of lust! He just wants to use me!”
Asuka continued on with a low but sharp voice, “If I can’t have you all to myself, then I don’t want anything from you.”
Absently, Shinji replies, “Then, try being nice to me.”
No longer in the train, Asuka and Shinji are back in the kitchen while standing inches away from each other. Infuriated, Asuka narrows her face on Shinji.
“You don’t understand anything! You just stay away from me!”
“I do understand”
“You couldn’t possibly, you big JERK!” She instantly side-kicks Shinji’s leg. She didn’t stop there, as Shinji took retreated steps away from Asuka’s aggressive stride toward him around the table. With malice,
“Anyone will do. You don’t care who it is! You’re afraid of Misato and the First child! You’re afraid of your mother and father, too!”
Intimidated, Shinji tries to ease the situation by interrupting her,
“Asuka--”
It is unsuccessful, as Asuka defiantly continued on without any hint of letting off,
“So now you come running to me because that’s the easiest way to keep from getting hurt!”
After nearly tripping, Shinji finally stood in place, hoping to have a second chance to make Asuka listen to his plea,
“I need you to help me!”
Asuka made an assertive advance forward and was clearly unabated by his words,
“You never even loved yourself!”
Instantaneously, Asuka shoved Shinji while fresh steaming hot coffee joined the boy’s collapse onto the floor. Showing no sympathy,
“You’re all you have, and you never even learned to like yourself! Pathetic.”
The fury in Asuka’s face finally left. Her eyes, however, remained on Shinji with intense focus.
“Just as I thought. No response, Shinji? Are you really that plain as the floor you lay on top of, lifeless and unable to offer me help?”
Shinji feebly gathered himself off the floor and pleaded again in a lowkey voice,
“Help me. Somebody please help me. Help me.”
Never giving her direct eye contact, Shinji grew with fury in his tone by flipping the table over and smashed the chairs with extreme force around Asuka.
“Don’t leave me alone! Don’t abandon me! Please don’t kill me!”
Asuka was still unfazed in her expressions and remained motionless, as if to mock him. The destruction actually amused her.
“Now you know how suffering it is! That slow burn you feel? It’s nothing compared to the numerous times I was ignored, shoved to the side, despite my pain and cry for help! You were pampered, you were given your spot as a pilot, and only you were praised. What are you now, ungrateful brat? Nothing!”
Shinji ceased his chaotic episode and breathed heavily.
“Do you honestly want an answer for me even though no one answered me all those times? Fine.”
Unsympathetic towards Shinji, Asuka gave out a quiet, but yet firm response.
“No.”

Also, it's pretty late, so if there's any spelling/awkward syntax/etc, let me know, thanks!

Literary Eagle · Postby **Literary Eagle** » Wed Sep 17, 2014 11:50 pm

I really liked the transition from Asuka pounding on the door to suddenly pounding on the kitchen table instead. It suited the trippy/dreamlike nature of that part of the movie.

Poor Asuka... she didn't know that Shinji was unable to help her because his Eva was trapped in bakelite. I'm curious to see if she'll learn about this during Instrumentality.

I don't have much to say about the rest of this chapter's plot since it pretty much follows the movie except for a few Asuka thoughts added in here and there. Once actual Instrumentality starts up, there's potential to explore lots of interesting ideas, so I hope you have fun with that. One of the best things about fan fiction is the ability to show stuff that wasn't already seen in the anime, so don't be afraid to tackle new and different material! :kawaii:

Little typos/errors in this chapter:

Misatos says with distraught and tears streaming down her face. (I'm guessing this was supposed to say something like "Misato said with a distraught voice and tears streaming down her face.")

Shinji’s eyes never lined up with her’s and instead stayed fixated on her chest while remaining silent. (The word "hers" doesn't need an apostrophe)

Do you honestly want an answer for me even though no one answered me all those times? (I think you meant "from me" rather than "for me")

Unsympathetic towards Shinji, Asuka gave out a quiet, but yet firm response. (saying "but yet" is redundant; you just need to use one of those words and get rid of the other)

The other thing I noticed is that you switched between past tense and present tense a lot, sometimes even within the same sentence. It was bit confusing. It's usually better to pick one tense and stick with it.

I hope that helps. I look forward to the next part!

Mr. Jive · Postby **Mr. Jive** » Mon Oct 06, 2014 2:10 pm

You could use the tv eps the case for Asuka to help you. And in the VG NGE 2 which consider second tier cannon one of her minds crew moments has her being married to Kaji and not happy. In the end she relize she don't need him, Eva nor Shinji to be happy and move on whit her life. Asuka is a bit of a loner but that don't mean she wants to be on a island by herself either. She enjoy her freedom too by that was token away when mistao force her to stay whit her(mistao) and Shinji. She like to have fun and go on school trips yet due to being a Eva pilots she could not leave the city. The girl never like living there one bit only time she seem happy there is when kensuke throw a party for mistao. No wonder she started acting like a cage animal in ep 22. She not gonna be somewhere that's makes her unhappy nor will she be around people that make her unhappy. I'm not sure why she never like mistao unless she had something to do whit Asuka training. She probaly put in Asuka head she had to be the best pilot which is why the girl always act like she has to be the best pilot.

In spite of what fans want people to think Asuka is not some hopeless romantic girl from a romance anime. She a hot blooded traumatized solder whit PTSD. She wants someone to understand and repect her for what and who she is. Which is why things ended so badly between her and Shinji cause he never did understood nor repect her. She not the type of girl you can drop some stupid forever line to. She don't want to her that. Asuka wants someone to stand besides her and have her back in battle. Shinji prove he's neither of the above by not helping her in the battle against the jokertize pacmen. They are not friends and will never be friends. That just the way things are. Then again Asuka has no male friends to begin whit. It like she hate guys or don't trust them? My guess is she had some bad relationships whit boys in Germany that did not end well. in Japan her locker full of love letters that she step on whiteout reading them....no thanks to kensuke of course. In the manga and rebuild she goes around kicking guys face in. Asuka does not want to be save or held by a guy, she wants a guy to respect and understand her otherwise she will kick his face.

Sorrow · Postby **Sorrow** » Mon Oct 06, 2014 2:35 pm

Mr. Jive wrote:In spite of what fans want people to think Asuka is not some hopeless romantic girl from a romance anime. She a hot blooded traumatized solder whit PTSD. She wants someone to understand and repect her for what and who she is. Which is why things ended so badly between her and Shinji cause he never did understood nor repect her. She not the type of girl you can drop some stupid forever line to. She don't want to her that. Asuka wants someone to stand besides her and have her back in battle. Shinji prove he's neither of the above by not helping her in the battle against the jokertize pacmen. They are not friends and will never be friends. That just the way things are. Then again Asuka has no male friends to begin whit. It like she hate guys or don't trust them? My guess is she had some bad relationships whit boys in Germany that did not end well. in Japan her locker full of love letters that she step on whiteout reading them....no thanks to kensuke of course. In the manga and rebuild she goes around kicking guys face in. Asuka does not want to be save or held by a guy, she wants a guy to respect and understand her otherwise she will kick his face.

I don't think [all/most] fans of the show believe her to be a hopeless romantic girl from a romance anime. I'm sure there would be many guys to respect and, try to, understand her, though, what is there for her to respect of them? At the very least, Shinji has also been put in a prestigious position that she could respect (chosen pilot, a saviour of mankind) even if he's let her down - he's still done more commendable and heroic things than many other males. He certainly would be the one to understand her. Not to mention he tried to help her, but it was out of his power to do so. I could see them both never wanting to see each other again; but I could also see them clinging each other for familiarity and a shared experience. It's not as cut and dry as you made it seem.

Also, I happen to find commas highly arousing - does that make me a psycho, too?

Apologies to the original poster, for moving away from your topic.

ThanatosII · Postby **ThanatosII** » Mon Oct 06, 2014 5:08 pm

Quick comment: This project is still active, just having some writer's block since the easy stuff is done considering I just had to borrow from what EoE showed visually of Asuka. The fun and the challenge is to write new content of course! Creatively that is.

Also want to say I appreciate the feedback @LiterallyEagle, totally forgot to say that (better late than never, right?). I've decided I'll seriously revise the previous chapters after I've 'completed' this fanfic. However, I still love that feedback in respect to typos/tense shift/etc, I'll just use it for later as reference when the time is appropriate

@Asuka discussion: Part of my vision here is to avoid mimicking "THE CASE OF Asuka" format. That's not to say I'm not using those EoTV episodes to help me out though to assist in getting an idea of what other issues Asuka needs to confront. Not everything though, as similar to EoE!Shinji, he didn't dissect every little quirk that needed solvency; since I'm a Concurrency person, I find it redundant to copy too much of EoTV content.
About Asuka being a hopeless romantic, I definitely don't want to write an Asuka that will find solvency in romance, as I feel she needs something more than superficial "learn to love someone for a chance!" That would be awful indeed.
I'm working on this the best I can. Being a part of EGF discussions has weaved into the fanfic to some degree, so I'm still learning about Asuka in certain areas :p

Thanks for more feedback!

Sicarius VI · Postby **Sicarius VI** » Fri Oct 17, 2014 8:58 pm

Please continue, that is all I'm saying.

Postby **NemZ** » Fri Oct 17, 2014 10:51 pm

Not really an Asuka fan so this isn't my cup of tea, but I will point out that this:

“Idiot! I know all about your little jerk off fantasies about me. Go ahead and do it like you always do. I’ll even stand here and watch you.”

...isn't actually established yet as something she should know. You need some sort of scene that shows she's seeing his memories... or else clarify that she's just assuming this is true without proof. Or possibly she's referring to a different moment, say something overheard at Misato's place? In any case, that needs to be addressed.

EoE: Asuka's Instrumentality [WIP]

EoE: Asuka's Instrumentality [WIP]

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