Ghosts of Evangelion

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Bagheera
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Postby Bagheera » Tue Aug 05, 2014 9:46 am

To my surprise, the Pen Pen scene stands on its own quite nicely. This amounts to an omake, but I think it's important to note that (somehow) the little guy is still around.

SPOILER: Show

April 09, 2021
Asuka padded into the kitchen, trying to escape sleep's grasp as she made to prepare breakfast. She was searching through the refrigerator when she felt a sharp peck on her calf. "Ow!" she cried. She spun around. "What the fuck?"
Pen Pen looked up at her mildly. "Whark."
"Huh?" she blinked. Then, "Oh." She glanced in the refrigerator. "I don't think he thawed anything for you. Last night was pretty rough for him."
Pen Pen's eyes widened. "Whark!" he demanded.
"Alright, fine, I'll see what we have," she grumbled, opening the freezer. "Well, there's a herring here, but it's much too big--"
"Whark!"
"You've got to be kidding," she protested. It's gotta be 30 centimeters long!"
"Whark! Whark!" Pen Pen was literally hopping up and down with excitement.
"Okay, okay! But it's frozen! How do you plan to eat it?" She held it out for effect. It was stiff as a board.
Pen Pen balked at that. "Whark . . . "
"I guess I could defrost it in the microwave or something . . . " she mused.
"Whark!" he said.
"Fine, fine," she muttered. She stuffed the thing into the microwave. "How long?" she wondered. "Three minutes, maybe?"
Pen Pen shuffled uncertainly. "Whark?"
Asuka shrugged. "Close enough."
They waited a bit. After a minute or so, Pen Pen pointed a flipper toward Shinji's room. "Whark?"
Asuka cocked her head. "What, the idiot?" she asked. "What about him?"
"Whark!" he said.
"Well, of course!" she exclaimed. "A girl has to take care of her toys if she's going to get any use out of them."
"Whark?!" he asked, incredulous.
"Oh my God, are you kidding me? Of course I'm not serious! What the fuck is wrong with you?"
The penguin gave her a deadpan stare. "Whark."
"Get this straight, bird brain," she growled. "I am the cause of, and the solution to, most of Shinji's problems. Of course I'll take care of him!"
Pen Pen looked at her with one eye, then the other, clearly skeptical. "Whark," he said.
Asuka opened her mouth to respond, but was interrupted by the ding of the microwave. She glowered at the penguin before retrieving the fish. She looked at Pen Pen skeptically. "Are you sure about this?" she asked. "It's pretty big."
Pen Pen waddled from one foot to the other, beak open expectantly. "Whark!" he exclaimed. "Whark!"
"Okay," she said. "If you insist." She fed him the fish, her eyes widening in surprise as he managed to down the entire thing. "Well alright then," she said. "Happy now?"
Pen Pen's eyes closed as he sighed in absolute contentment. "Whaaark."
Asuka smirked and turned back toward the refrigerator. "Fine," she said. "Then go away and let me make breakfast."
Pen Pen pecked her again.
"Ow!" she exclaimed, turning around. "Now what do you want?"
"Whark!"
Asuka gave him a puzzled look, then looked around. "Oh, right," she said, spotting a tablet on the counter. She pulled up a newsfeed, then handed it to the penguin. "Now will you please go away? I really need to get things ready for Shinji."
"Whark." Pen Pen accepted the tablet, then waddled off toward his refrigerator. Asuka, for her part, returned to the refrigerator, assembling a breakfast of fruits and cheese while wondering how she would handle an upset Shinji.
For my post-3I fic, go here.
The law doesn't protect people. People protect the law. -- Akane Tsunemori, Psycho-Pass
People's deaths are to be mourned. The ability to save people should be celebrated. Life itself should be exalted. -- Volken Macmani, Tatakau Shisho: The Book of Bantorra
I hate myself. But maybe I can learn to love myself. Maybe it's okay for me to be here! That's right! I'm me, nothing more, nothing less! I'm me. I want to be me! I want to be here! And it's okay for me to be here! -- Shinji Ikari, Neon Genesis Evangelion
Yes, I know. You thought it would be something about Asuka. You're such idiots.

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Postby StarShaper7 » Tue Aug 05, 2014 1:26 pm

I don't read much fanfiction because I usually drop them after a chapter or two for some reason or another. But I think I'll be reading this regularly as it gets updated and will read it all over again once it's finished and put in its final chapter order. Love your (in my opinion, accurate) portrayal of the characters and the focus on Asuka in particular. Keep 'em coming!

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Postby Bagheera » Tue Aug 05, 2014 4:38 pm

Alrighty then, short and sweet:

SPOILER: Show
December 7, 2018
"Shinji?" Misato asked. "Are you ready for tomorrow's recital?" Her voice was weary, and she sounded distracted.
Shinji looked up at Misato's question. He and Asuka were watching TV in Misato's living room, dinner long since over. "Yes ma'am," he replied.
Asuka shot to her feet. "Wait, what? You promised to take Hikari and me to the mall downtown tomorrow! What the hell?"
Misato looked at her for a moment, puzzled, then grimaced as memory hit. "Oh, crap," she said. "I'm sorry, Asuka, I forgot all about that. Maybe we can--"
"This always happens!" Asuka interrupted. "Every time you say you'll do something for me, something with stupid Shinji comes up and I wind up getting sidelined."
Misato drew a hand over her face, and took a breath. "Asuka--" she began.
"I'm tired of this!" Asuka complained. "You said you were gonna make it up to me, but you always--"
"God damn it, Asuka, will you stop being such a petulant child?" Misato yelled. "You're sixteen years old already, and you keep going on about how you want to be treated like an adult. Would it kill you to act like one?"
Shinji recoiled a bit. "Misato . . . " he said.
Misato ignored him, focusing her ire on Asuka. "Every time the tiniest little thing goes wrong you see fit to throw a tantrum, and I'm sick of it. I'm a person, Asuka. Yes, I'm a Colonel at Herz. Yes, I'm your guardian. But I'm also a human being, and sometimes I make mistakes, and I'd appreciate it if you didn't take every minor mishap as a personal affront or evidence that I'm somehow out to get you!"
Asuka squirmed, unable to meet her guardian's gaze. She took a deep breath, ready to argue, but then her gaze happened upon the calendar on the wall. December 7, she realized. That was the date. All off a sudden, her anger drained from her. After some time, she looked Misato in the eye and said, "It was today, wasn't it?"
Misato looked at her strangely. "What are you talking about?" she asked.
Asuka smiled, a sad smile. "Kaji," she said. "It happened today, didn't it? On this date, I mean. Three years ago today."
Misato's lip quivered, and her eyes began to water. She tried to think of something to say, but before she could the girl's arms were around her neck, holding her tightly. She returned the embrace, noting that Asuka was very stiff. She doesn't like it, Misato thought. But she held the girl nonetheless, shaking as she cried. Finally, she pushed her away, gathering her composure.
"It's okay," Asuka said. "I'm not mad. And," she continued, "I'm sorry. I won't . . . " she stopped, reconsidering. "It's not like I try to be a bitch. Ask Shinji, he knows." She looked at the boy, but he could only stare at the two women in confusion.
Misato laughed, drying her eyes. "I shouldn't have yelled at you," she said. "That was inappropriate. It would be okay if we went to the mall on Sunday, right?" She managed a weak grin. "I mean, you want to see his recital anyway, don't you?"
Asuka shrugged. "That's fine, I guess. It's not like the idiot can't play or anything."
Misato laughed, patting Asuka on the shoulder. "Okay then," she said. "Okay. Good." She rightened herself, putting on the air of the guardian she pretended to be. "With that settled, I'm heading for bed. Be sure to lock the door when you leave, okay?"
Both Shinji and Asuka nodded. "Yes ma'am!" they said, in unison.
Misato headed to her room, and Asuka sat back down beside Shinji.
"What was all that about?" Shinji asked.
Asuka stuck out her chin. "Don't ask stupid questions, Third Child."
"But--" he began.
"It was girl stuff, alright?" Asuka said. "You wouldn't understand."
He scowled. "You don't have to treat me like I'm a child," he said, hurt.
She scowled at him. "Look, it doesn't concern you, alright? We're working things out, same as you and I are. I don't explain everything about our relationship to her, and the same applies here. Get it?"
Shinji stared at her for a moment, puzzled, then shrugged. "Well, okay I guess. As long as everything's alright."
"It's fine, stupid Shinji." Asuka said. "She's upset now, but she'll be okay after a good night's sleep."
Shinji gave her a skeptical look, but ultimately relented. "Fine," he said. "If you say so."
Asuka didn't reply, instead returning her attention to the TV program in front of her. But every so often her attention drifted to her guardian's door, and she resolved to be a little nicer to her for the next couple of days.
For my post-3I fic, go here.
The law doesn't protect people. People protect the law. -- Akane Tsunemori, Psycho-Pass
People's deaths are to be mourned. The ability to save people should be celebrated. Life itself should be exalted. -- Volken Macmani, Tatakau Shisho: The Book of Bantorra
I hate myself. But maybe I can learn to love myself. Maybe it's okay for me to be here! That's right! I'm me, nothing more, nothing less! I'm me. I want to be me! I want to be here! And it's okay for me to be here! -- Shinji Ikari, Neon Genesis Evangelion
Yes, I know. You thought it would be something about Asuka. You're such idiots.

Bagheera
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Postby Bagheera » Wed Aug 06, 2014 3:43 pm

Wow, crickets. Ah well, can't win 'em all. -o-; But in other news, I'm happy to say that I've come across another Misato/Shinji scene that needs to be told; the first will be shortly after Misato finds the kids, and covers The Talk that must be had (you know what I'm talking about). It's been in the back of my mind forever, and it's time to tackle it. The other will be shortly after Asuka's return, where Shinji discovers Misato's limitations as a parent. In-between will be the Misato/Okada scene I've talked about, which will lay out what's going on with the kids re: therapy and such. I've been putting it off, since it's important but not necessarily dramatic; I have to figure out how to make it interesting.

Also, I think I am going to interweave the final five chapters. People seem to dig the jumping back and forth nature of the narrative here, so I figure I'll stick with it for the endgame. But before I dig into that I'll have to scour my notes and see if there are any other scenes I need to add. The second Shinji/Misato scene brings my pre-endgame total up to 20 scenes, but I'm thinking Shinji might need some more non-Asuka attention. A scene with Okada is a possibility, but I think he needs some scenes where he processes what's happened with Kaworu, Rei, and others. I'm not sure how to address that without some sort of interaction, though. Need to ponder. If you have any ideas or suggestions, feel free to shoot me a PM!
For my post-3I fic, go here.
The law doesn't protect people. People protect the law. -- Akane Tsunemori, Psycho-Pass
People's deaths are to be mourned. The ability to save people should be celebrated. Life itself should be exalted. -- Volken Macmani, Tatakau Shisho: The Book of Bantorra
I hate myself. But maybe I can learn to love myself. Maybe it's okay for me to be here! That's right! I'm me, nothing more, nothing less! I'm me. I want to be me! I want to be here! And it's okay for me to be here! -- Shinji Ikari, Neon Genesis Evangelion
Yes, I know. You thought it would be something about Asuka. You're such idiots.

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Postby Sailor Star Dust » Mon Aug 11, 2014 12:05 am

As promised in thanks for your Otakon help, here's my thoughts. Been awhile since I reviewed a fic, but here goes. Apologies in advance if my thoughts are all over the place.

The characterizations are spot on considering what they all went through in EoE; and plausible events that could have happened post-3I. Even something as simple in your second upload of Asuka freaking out over Misato's cooking was excellent. :tojifood: Misato is a badass as always. I could totally see her dealing with anybody who needed dealing with in an effort to protect "her kids".

I really enjoy how the story's out of chronological order, it helps build the tensions and characterizations that way. Everybody really follows a logical progression post-3I. I like how you portray Shinji and Asuka dating, but not without a hell of a lot of work on their part (which is how any relationship is, anyway, if you want your relationships to be meaningful). The jumps in time between Shinji and Asuka's relationship also works for the progression between them (mending the crap immediately post-3I, to their dating as young adults). As an aside, love the "2016" nod to EoTV.

It's interesting to see Asuka address how Kaworu wasn't completely in the right with forcing the decision on Shinji. It's been a few years since I've read fanfics (and post-3I ones at that), but I don't believe I've ever seen that issue addressed before.

The September 9, 2018 chapter (I'm gonna assume the worst that the doctor raped her) was extremely heartbreaking to read. Topping off poor Asuka's trauma from Arael/harpies (PTSD, I'd imagine) and all the shitty things they went through at Nerv. The chapter afterwards of Misato and Asuka was thankfully heartwarming. It really is a shame their relationship wasn't explored as much in-series.

The March 12, 2016 chapter was excellently in-character for both AsuShin. Neither meaning to hurt the other, but they can't help it since they're only human and in a shitload of a stressful situation...

Paul's thoughts about comparing Sam to Toji is pretty interesting one, I think it strangely fits too. They were both affected by something that contacted them so briefly!

I noticed the March 14, 2016 entry still lists Asuka as writing in katakana instead of hiragana (what Paul mentioned is right). The June 1, 2020 therapist entry is excellent. I've only had therapists (several years back) regarding family issues, but thank you for not depicting them as cold, analytically-minded people. I've had crappy therapists, I've also had wonderful therapists. It just all depends on the person themselves, in my experience. His advice was (thankfully) spot-on with casually spending time to help AsuShin's strain heal over.

Annd, I think reading 3 full thread pages in one sitting is good, no? :sweat: Was a lot, but it was great.

Final thoughts: Excellent stuff overall for being realistic instead of ye olde SSD-brand WAFFles. I like how your chapters are short 'n sweet. That's a good way to do it. Since you're a Concurrency Guy, have you checked out KaiserSeph (aka SommenRider's) take on this? Google it if you haven't given it a watch. And do let me know when you've completed the story!

Edit: Typo
Last edited by Sailor Star Dust on Mon Aug 11, 2014 1:25 am, edited 1 time in total.
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Postby Bagheera » Mon Aug 11, 2014 1:07 am

Darn it. I changed katakana to hiragana in the upload version, but forgot to do it in the master. Then, when I went and did revisions, I forgot I hadn't changed it, so uploaded a "revised" chapter that had the old error in it. :facepalm: And thus we get this gem from Asuka:

:asuka_miffed: "Are you fucking kidding me? You're the one who's chronicling my life story, and you can't even get that right? I'd be better off having the idiot do it."

-o-; Heh. Sorry, 'Suka. Anyway, fixed.

Thanks for your thoughts, SSD! Glad you liked it!
For my post-3I fic, go here.
The law doesn't protect people. People protect the law. -- Akane Tsunemori, Psycho-Pass
People's deaths are to be mourned. The ability to save people should be celebrated. Life itself should be exalted. -- Volken Macmani, Tatakau Shisho: The Book of Bantorra
I hate myself. But maybe I can learn to love myself. Maybe it's okay for me to be here! That's right! I'm me, nothing more, nothing less! I'm me. I want to be me! I want to be here! And it's okay for me to be here! -- Shinji Ikari, Neon Genesis Evangelion
Yes, I know. You thought it would be something about Asuka. You're such idiots.

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Postby xanderkh » Mon Aug 11, 2014 4:30 pm

YAY! We finally got SSD on board. If our signature AxS Waffy Shipper is for this fic, then we know we've got a keeper for the ages. XD It'll be up there with Genocide, Second Try, Higher Learning, When She Smiles, etc. You're making Eva fic History Bags. ^_^

And Bagheera having Mental battles with Asuka, Oh Lord, that is a comedy trope unto itself. I would PAY to see you battle wits with her Bags. :lol: Curious though, is Shinji up there?
"You're na�ve, Cecil. Even knowing betrayal and despair, you would depend on the whims of others?" - Golbez
---------------------------------------
Sephiroth: "Do you miss the Light?"
Golbez: "Hmph...I merely have duties to fulfill."
Sephiroth: "Too close to the brightness, and you may get scorched."
Golbz:.............
Golbez: Your loss can strengthen you.

"NGE Shinji is broken, Manga Shinji is an asshole, Rebuild Shinji is an idiot. Which is best? Uh, can I get some other options? All of these really suck." -Bagheera

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Postby Bagheera » Tue Aug 12, 2014 3:12 pm

View Original Postxanderkh wrote:And Bagheera having Mental battles with Asuka, Oh Lord, that is a comedy trope unto itself. I would PAY to see you battle wits with her Bags. :lol: Curious though, is Shinji up there?


That would be a pretty one-sided battle, I'm afraid. And no, Shinji doesn't really speak to me; I have the same difficulty with him that Paul has with Asuka. But I'm playing around with him a bit now, so we'll see if I can't get him to open up a bit.
For my post-3I fic, go here.
The law doesn't protect people. People protect the law. -- Akane Tsunemori, Psycho-Pass
People's deaths are to be mourned. The ability to save people should be celebrated. Life itself should be exalted. -- Volken Macmani, Tatakau Shisho: The Book of Bantorra
I hate myself. But maybe I can learn to love myself. Maybe it's okay for me to be here! That's right! I'm me, nothing more, nothing less! I'm me. I want to be me! I want to be here! And it's okay for me to be here! -- Shinji Ikari, Neon Genesis Evangelion
Yes, I know. You thought it would be something about Asuka. You're such idiots.

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Postby pwhodges » Tue Aug 12, 2014 4:25 pm

Asuka came to me in a dream last night, and I'm starting to move on again. :wink:
"Being human, having your health; that's what's important." (from: Magical Shopping Arcade Abenobashi )
"As long as we're all living, and as long as we're all having fun, that should do it, right?" (from: The Eccentric Family )
Avatar: "Suki da, Yano" - Bokura ga ita ep.21 (details); Past avatars.
Can't wait for 3.0+1.0? - try Afterwards... my post-Q Evangelion fanfic (discussion)

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Postby Bagheera » Tue Aug 12, 2014 5:27 pm

And here we have another barely edited piece. I'm sure you lot will be kind enough to point out any errors/moments of idiocy, and I'll fix them once you do. But in the meantime, here goes: The Talk.

SPOILER: Show
August 12, 2016
Misato found him in the shelter's common area, noticeably agitated. "There you are, Shinji. I've been looking for you."
"Where is she?" he asked. "She wasn't there when I woke up. I've been looking for her, but I can't find her. Where did she go?" There was an edge of panic in his voice.
"Calm down," Misato soothed. "Asuka's fine. You two spoke with the doctor, do you remember that? Dr. Okada?"
Shinji nodded. "Yes, I remember."
Misato smiled at him. "Okay," she said. "He and Asuka talked about her treatment options, just like he did with you. He asked her what she wanted to do, and she said she wanted to get away from here, to recover on her own."
Shinji's eyes widened. "What does that mean?" he asked. "She can't do that, she won't . . . I mean, who'll take care of her? No one's looking out for her, they'll--"
"It's fine, Shinji," Misato said, placing a hand on his shoulder. He shrank back from her touch; she pretended not to notice. "She went to a hospital in Kyoto. It's a specialized facility designed to help victims of severe trauma. There are many talented doctors there, and they'll look after her."
Shinji chewed his lip. After a moment he said, "But they don't know her, do they? They don't know she likes Western food, or how to treat her after she's had a bad dream, or . . . or anything!" He looked at the ground, despondent. "Why didn't she say anything?" he asked.
Misato laughed nervously. "Well," she began, "if I had to guess, I'd say she didn't want to burden you. This was a big decision, and it was one she had to make herself. Dragging you into it wouldn't be fair to either of you."
Shinji frowned, clearly unconvinced.
Misato coughed, then crossed her arms. "Well, enough about Asuka," she said. When Shinji glared at her, she waved her hand and said, "What I mean by that is, we have to figure out what we're going to do with you!" She smiled brightly. "If you want, you can stay with me again. I've got a place set up, and . . . " She trailed off, noting Shinji's dubious stare. She laughed nervously. "Well, maybe that's not such a hot idea," she said. "But!" she said, smiling brightly, "I have alternatives! How would you like living on your own?"
Shinji's eyes widened. "Um . . . "
Misato laughed. "Don't worry, I'm not throwing you to the wolves. There are plenty of apartments available in my complex, and I figured you could live in one of them. You'd be living on your own, with plenty of privacy if you want it, but I'd be right down the hall if you need anything. And I'd take care of all of the arrangements, so you wouldn't have to worry about anything. How does that sound?"
Shinji frowned, considering. "I guess that'd be fine," he said. He looked at her directly. "I don't--" he began. "I mean . . . " He looked down, unable to continue.
Misato took his hand. "What is it?" she asked, her voice gentle.
Shinji stiffened at her touch, but didn't withdraw his hand. "You said . . . " he began. He coughed, and then continued. "You said we'd . . . do the rest when I came back." He blushed furiously. "I mean . . . "
Misato gulped. "I remember," she said.
Shinji withdrew his hand, hugging himself. "I don't . . . " he began. "I mean, if it's alright, I don't . . . " his voice dropped to a whisper. "I don't want to do that." He snuck a glance at her, then looked back at the floor. "I'm sorry, I don't want to be insulting or anything. It's just . . . "
Misato smiled, then touched his shoulder gently. This time he didn't shrink back. "It's okay," she said. "What I said then was . . . " she paused, trying to find the words. "It was . . . inappropriate. I shouldn't have said that. I was just . . . " she sighed. "I was trying anything I could to keep you in the fight, you know? I knew I was dying, and I never thought we'd wind up discussing it." She patted his shoulder, laughing all the while.
Shinji noted her discomfort, but couldn't quite let it go. "That wasn't the first time," he noted.
Misato cringed, then laughed self-consciously. "Shinji, c'mon. I didn't mean it like that, alright?" He scowled at her, and she held out her hands defensively. "Okay!" she admitted. "Okay, I did mean it like that, but it was . . . it was a tactic, alright? I was desperate, and there was so much at stake . . . " She sighed. "That's really no excuse," she went on, "but even so, it's true. Believe me, Shinji, I'm not some . . . " she waved her arms expressively, "some pedophile who's into younger guys. I just thought, 'Maybe this will work,' and gave it a shot. That's all it was. I promise, Shinji, you don't need to worry about that. You really don't."
Shinji frowned, considering. "But you always teased me," he said. "All that sex stuff, and the skimpy clothes, and . . . "
Misato groaned in frustration. "Oh, come on, Shinji, I was just teasing!" She put her hands on her hips, planting her feet for emphasis. "Look, kid, there's only one man in my life, and you aren't him. Don't read too much into things that aren't meant to be taken seriously! I was just teasing you, that's all. I'll admit it went too far, and I'm sorry if it hurt you, but I'm telling you right now that I don't view you that way at all. It's important that you understand that."
"Well . . . " Shinji began.
"And besides," Misato continued, her tone flippant, "what would Asuka think if she knew you were fixated on your guardian like that?"
Shinji scowled at her. "Hey!"
Misato smirked. "She'd be mad, right?" She gave him a sage nod. "Yep, she would be, I'm sure of it. So what do you say we put this behind us and move forward as friends?" She sounded blasé, but there was a note of pleading in her tone.
Shinji just stared at her, then smiled and nodded. "Alright," he said. "I guess that's fine."
Misato brightened, clearly relieved. "Great!" she said. "I'll make the arrangements for your new place right away. We'll have you moved in in a jiffy!"
Shinji frowned. "But Asuka . . . "
"Don't worry," Misato said, consoling him. "I'm keeping tabs on her, and I'll make sure she knows how to contact you. She'll be fine, Shinji. I promise."


Next: Misato/Okada, possibly with a callback to episode 15 in-between. Then another Misato/Shinji, and possibly a Shinji/Asuka scene on the beach. After that the final five, assuming inspiration doesn't strike in the meantime.
Last edited by Bagheera on Tue Aug 12, 2014 6:54 pm, edited 2 times in total.
For my post-3I fic, go here.
The law doesn't protect people. People protect the law. -- Akane Tsunemori, Psycho-Pass
People's deaths are to be mourned. The ability to save people should be celebrated. Life itself should be exalted. -- Volken Macmani, Tatakau Shisho: The Book of Bantorra
I hate myself. But maybe I can learn to love myself. Maybe it's okay for me to be here! That's right! I'm me, nothing more, nothing less! I'm me. I want to be me! I want to be here! And it's okay for me to be here! -- Shinji Ikari, Neon Genesis Evangelion
Yes, I know. You thought it would be something about Asuka. You're such idiots.

pwhodges
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Postby pwhodges » Tue Aug 12, 2014 6:49 pm

Technically not "paedophile" but "ephebophile" - but who would actually say/write that?
s/blaise/blasé/

Nice section.
"Being human, having your health; that's what's important." (from: Magical Shopping Arcade Abenobashi )
"As long as we're all living, and as long as we're all having fun, that should do it, right?" (from: The Eccentric Family )
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Can't wait for 3.0+1.0? - try Afterwards... my post-Q Evangelion fanfic (discussion)

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Postby Bagheera » Tue Aug 12, 2014 6:51 pm

Blasé fixed, and I doubt Misato or Shinji would recognize the distinction. Sometimes we gotta write wrong to portray the characters correctly! -o-;

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For my post-3I fic, go here.
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People's deaths are to be mourned. The ability to save people should be celebrated. Life itself should be exalted. -- Volken Macmani, Tatakau Shisho: The Book of Bantorra
I hate myself. But maybe I can learn to love myself. Maybe it's okay for me to be here! That's right! I'm me, nothing more, nothing less! I'm me. I want to be me! I want to be here! And it's okay for me to be here! -- Shinji Ikari, Neon Genesis Evangelion
Yes, I know. You thought it would be something about Asuka. You're such idiots.

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Postby Sorrow » Tue Aug 12, 2014 9:49 pm

You're actually a pretty good writer - I must admit.

I agree, "ephebophile" doesn't seem to be a distinction that the characters would make. The spell check on here doesn't even seem to consider it a real word - it's apparently that uncommon. Having said that, it seemed out of place to me that Misato would even say "paedophile"; I think she would say something like "you don't think I'm some kind of creep do you!?" or perhaps "you don't think I have a little/young boy complex do you!?" whilst waving her arms/hands expressively.

It doesn't seem very Japanese--in my experience of Japanese fiction--to refer to anyone with such a "strong" term. "Lech(erous)", "Ero-something", "something-complex" or "creep" seem to be what you'd usually expect, especially when the conversation has a slight comical tone; that I thought you was going for with her waving her arms expressively and such.

But, it's not my story so naturally feel free to ignore my thoughts on it.
Last edited by Sorrow on Wed Aug 13, 2014 8:16 am, edited 1 time in total.
The fate of man…the hope of man is written in sorrow.

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Postby Literary Eagle » Tue Aug 12, 2014 11:10 pm

In most of the post-3I fics I've come across, Misato's line about "finishing the rest" is usually either ignored or only mentioned very briefly, so it's an interesting change to see a fic include an actual discussion about it. I like how your fic addresses Misato's shortcomings but also shows her positive traits, and shows her trying to make amends. It's always a good sign when an author can write about a character's faults without turning the story into a bashfest. Nice job! Please find a way to bring back Misato's defense of Rei and Kaworu in some form...

Just one little typo: We'll have you moved in in a jiffy!

Keep up the great work, Bagheera!
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Postby Sorrow » Tue Aug 12, 2014 11:21 pm

It's not a typo.
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Postby xanderkh » Wed Aug 13, 2014 2:41 am

^^^^^^

Yeah, a lot of Post-3I fics don't really address that scene that much? I guess they assume that Shinji knows Misato is going to die, he knows that she didn't really mean it and brushes it off. :P Still, this is a good chapter and we get some more Shinji and Misato interaction. :)

And....only a few more chapters left? NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!! :faint: THIS FIC IS TOO GOOD!!! I DON'T WANT IT TO END!! :sniffle:
"You're na�ve, Cecil. Even knowing betrayal and despair, you would depend on the whims of others?" - Golbez
---------------------------------------
Sephiroth: "Do you miss the Light?"
Golbez: "Hmph...I merely have duties to fulfill."
Sephiroth: "Too close to the brightness, and you may get scorched."
Golbz:.............
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"NGE Shinji is broken, Manga Shinji is an asshole, Rebuild Shinji is an idiot. Which is best? Uh, can I get some other options? All of these really suck." -Bagheera

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Postby NemZ » Wed Aug 13, 2014 2:51 am

It's not a typo, but it could be phrased a little differently.
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Postby pwhodges » Wed Aug 13, 2014 4:18 am

"Shortly" would do it (or "momentarily" for the Americans!); but I see absolutely no reason to change it, as the present wording fits the mood better.
"Being human, having your health; that's what's important." (from: Magical Shopping Arcade Abenobashi )
"As long as we're all living, and as long as we're all having fun, that should do it, right?" (from: The Eccentric Family )
Avatar: "Suki da, Yano" - Bokura ga ita ep.21 (details); Past avatars.
Can't wait for 3.0+1.0? - try Afterwards... my post-Q Evangelion fanfic (discussion)

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Postby Bagheera » Wed Aug 13, 2014 4:37 am

xanderkh: I talk about the final five, but between the four scenes I'm working on now and the fact that those five are clusters of scenes rather than scenes themselves I'm probably only about halfway done; Kaji and O-ki-na-wa! would have 4-5 scenes apiece, for example, and I have to imagine that I can get a lot of mileage out of Kyoko and Katsuragi as well. And Fuyu . . . that's just one scene, but it'll be a whopper so it might need to be broken up.

Plenty left to come, is what I'm saying.
For my post-3I fic, go here.
The law doesn't protect people. People protect the law. -- Akane Tsunemori, Psycho-Pass
People's deaths are to be mourned. The ability to save people should be celebrated. Life itself should be exalted. -- Volken Macmani, Tatakau Shisho: The Book of Bantorra
I hate myself. But maybe I can learn to love myself. Maybe it's okay for me to be here! That's right! I'm me, nothing more, nothing less! I'm me. I want to be me! I want to be here! And it's okay for me to be here! -- Shinji Ikari, Neon Genesis Evangelion
Yes, I know. You thought it would be something about Asuka. You're such idiots.

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Postby Literary Eagle » Wed Aug 13, 2014 6:06 am

View Original PostNemZ wrote:It's not a typo, but it could be phrased a little differently.


Ah yes, now that I'm reading this scene again during the daytime instead of after midnight, I get what was meant there. My bad. -o-; But yeah, I think it could be phrased a little less awkwardly.
The Happy Red Planet (my Evangelion fan fic)


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