Ghosts of Evangelion

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Postby Monk Ed » Fri Jul 04, 2014 5:04 pm

View Original PostBagheera wrote:I have discovered a critical and unforgivable error in the text so far: none of the OCs are named after boats.

I've got an OC in mine named Yahagi. It was the name I gave to Touji's doctor. Why am I telling you? Because if it just so happens that our fics wind up not conflicting or minimally conflicting, maybe they could be seen as going together.
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Postby Bagheera » Fri Jul 04, 2014 5:11 pm

View Original PostMonk Ed wrote:I've got an OC in mine named Yahagi. It was the name I gave to Touji's doctor. Why am I telling you? Because if it just so happens that our fics wind up not conflicting or minimally conflicting, maybe they could be seen as going together.


Yahagi is a boat, so it's entirely possible.
For my post-3I fic, go here.
The law doesn't protect people. People protect the law. -- Akane Tsunemori, Psycho-Pass
People's deaths are to be mourned. The ability to save people should be celebrated. Life itself should be exalted. -- Volken Macmani, Tatakau Shisho: The Book of Bantorra
I hate myself. But maybe I can learn to love myself. Maybe it's okay for me to be here! That's right! I'm me, nothing more, nothing less! I'm me. I want to be me! I want to be here! And it's okay for me to be here! -- Shinji Ikari, Neon Genesis Evangelion
Yes, I know. You thought it would be something about Asuka. You're such idiots.

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Postby Monk Ed » Fri Jul 04, 2014 5:23 pm

Yes, I did that on purpose. Looking back at my post I see it might have looked like I was intending to show that I've done OCs without boat names. Hah! Perish the thought.
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"NGE is like a perfectly improvised jazz piece. It builds on a standard and then plays off it from there, and its developments may occasionally recall what it's done before as a way of keeping the whole concatenated." -- Eva Yojimbo
"To me watching anime is not just for killing time or entertainment, it is a life style, and a healthy one too." -- symbv
"That sounds like the kind of science that makes absolutely 0 sense when you stop and think about it... I LOVE IT." -- Rosenakahara

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Postby Bagheera » Sun Jul 06, 2014 1:27 pm

Okay, edits! The very first scene has been edited a bit, as I didn't like the ending. The most recent scene has also been edited, but only to remove the last line -- too saccharine for my tastes. And, as noted, the OCs' names have changed. Here's what I've got:

Dr. Okada has become Dr. Shiori Okada -- "Okada" in the real world is the president of Gainax. "Shiori" means "flowing" or "bending" -- appropriate for a general therapist who tries different approaches to help people, and suggestive of rivers and water in general.
Dr. Sakishima has become Dr. Manaka Sakishima -- Both names are from Nagi no Asukara, an anime with deep ties to the sea.
Dr. Kobayashi has become Dr. Kotetsu -- the Kotetsu was an Imperial era battleship, a relic of the past.
Prof. Nakamura has become Prof. Hibiki Kohaku -- "Hibiki" is a research vessel in the modern Japanese fleet. Kohaku is just a name I liked.

Ironically, I think I got it closer to Anno's actual methodology by saying "fuck it"; many of his names, including Shinji's, are not for boats. It's obvious I just need to relax and name people as I like.

The naming pattern will be obvious to anyone who cares to Google the names, so have at it. It will take awhile to post all the edits, so please bear with me.

Oh yeah, new scene. It's very rough, and probably needs to be edited/expanded, but whatever, I think it does what it needs to do:

SPOILER: Show
September 14, 2018
Misato found her in the apartment complex's common area, sitting at a table with her head on folded arms. "There you are, Asuka," she said, by way of greeting. "I've been looking everywhere for you."
Asuka didn't bother raising her head. "If you'd looked everywhere you would have found me by now," she observed.
Misato laughed self-consciously. "Oh yeah, I guess that's true." She sat down across from the girl and folded her hands before her on the table. She twiddled her thumbs, trying to think of the best way to broach the topic at hand.
Asuka tolerated the silence for a bit, then said "Well?"
Misato smiled innocently. "Well what?"
Asuka raised her head and scowled at her one-time guardian. "You aren't being Ms. Nicey Nice, trying to make me feel better or whatever, so that means you have something to say. And since you're nervous about it, that means it's probably something I won't like. Get on with it."
Misato flinched, then sighed and gave in. "You're very clever, Asuka."
"Tch."
Misato nodded and began. "As you may recall, your father returned while you were in Kyoto. He and the German government have been inquiring about your return to Germany. I've been able to stall them for the time being, citing your health concerns, but now that you've checked yourself out of the hospital I have to give them an answer."
Asuka frowned. "So you're sending me back."
Misato shook her head. "I didn't say that."
Asuka crossed her arms and leaned back. "You just got done saying how clever I am, so don't insult my intelligence."
Misato shot her a frosty glare. "Don't let your bitterness and anger cloud your judgement. The fact of the matter is that I have no intention of sending you anywhere you don't want to go."
"Whatever." Asuka shook her head. "It's not like you have any say in the matter, anyway. I'm a minor, and--"
"You're a minor who's in my legal custody, and that's the way it's going to stay until we decide otherwise."
Asuka scoffed at her. "Oh, please. How would that even work?"
Misato smiled mildly. "Bluntly, the Germans have no claim on you, since you're an American citizen, and I'm not exactly convinced your father has your best interests at heart." She folded her arms, resting her elbows on the table as she leaned forward. "But we're getting ahead of ourselves, here. Before we get to the how and the why of it, you need to answer one simple question."
Asuka cocked her head in curiosity.
"Do you want to go back, or not?"
Asuka just stared at her incredulously, then shook her head and once again crossed her arms. She looked out the window and was silent for a few moments. "All I ever had there was Eva," she murmured. "Father ignored me, my stepmother never wanted me around, and I never had any friends since I was always training and stuff. And now, with my Eva gone, with my . . . mama gone . . . " She rubbed her eyes with the backs of her hands. "There's nothing there for me now," she said. "I'm just a failure to them, why would they even want me back?"
Misato smiled sadly. "Maybe your father wants to reconnect with you. It's possible--"
"I didn't even see him in Instrumentality," Asuka interrupted. "I saw you, and Mr. Kaji, and Shinji, and Mama, and lots of others, but not him. Not my stepmother, either. Isn't that strange?"
"I don't think it's strange at all," Misato said reassuringly. "We're the ones you're close to, and that's what seemed to matter in Instrumentality."
"Hmmm," Asuka said absently. She was playing with her hair, deep in thought. Presently, she looked Misato squarely in the eye and said, "I don't want to go back. I don't . . . I don't know what I'm going to do here, but I don't want to go back."
Misato nodded. "Alright, then. That's fine. You're welcome here as long as want to stay with us, and I really mean that."
Asuka gave her a dubious look, then said, "But even so, how can you possibly think this will work? If they want me back--"
"Let me worry about the details, okay?" Misato said with a grin. "This is just politics to them, really; as soon as they realize they'll have to fight to get you back they'll leave it alone."
Asuka snorted. "Figures."
Misato's expression softened. "But you really should consider your father's position," she said. She held up a hand to stave off the girl's indignation. "Believe me, Asuka, I understand how you feel. I resented my father for years for many of the same reasons you resent yours. And I regret that now, since there's no way for me to repair things with him. But your father's alive, Asuka. That gives you options, some of them very precious. Please remember that."
Asuka looked at her guardian thoughtfully, but said nothing in response.
"What is it, Asuka?" Misato asked.
"Nothing, really," Asuka mused. "It just occurred to me that you've done more for me in the past week than they have for my entire life."
Misato beamed at her for a moment, but her face fell as the implications of Asuka's words sank in. All of a sudden she felt a crushing wave of sympathy for the girl in front of her. She took Asuka's hand in her own and said, "I'll take care of you, Asuka. I promise."
Asuka took her hand back. "We'll see," she said.


Next scene: Asuka learns the nitty gritty about Yui Ikari. IOW, EXPOSITION. Might or might not involve Dr. Hibiki, Misato, Fuyutsuki, others.

Also, I really need to do a few scenes without Asuka. Because, holy shit man, you'd think the world revolved around her or something in this fic. That isn't my intent, but biases are what they are. -o-;
Last edited by Bagheera on Wed Jul 16, 2014 3:21 am, edited 4 times in total.
For my post-3I fic, go here.
The law doesn't protect people. People protect the law. -- Akane Tsunemori, Psycho-Pass
People's deaths are to be mourned. The ability to save people should be celebrated. Life itself should be exalted. -- Volken Macmani, Tatakau Shisho: The Book of Bantorra
I hate myself. But maybe I can learn to love myself. Maybe it's okay for me to be here! That's right! I'm me, nothing more, nothing less! I'm me. I want to be me! I want to be here! And it's okay for me to be here! -- Shinji Ikari, Neon Genesis Evangelion
Yes, I know. You thought it would be something about Asuka. You're such idiots.

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Postby NemZ » Sun Jul 06, 2014 1:40 pm

Misato and Asuka actually getting along is something worth seeing. Glad you did this.

Dr. Hibiki, however, makes me think of a certain eternally lost blockhead with a penchant for smashing through walls and declaring duels to the death.
Rest In Peace ~ 1978 - 2017
"I'd consider myself a realist, alright? but in philosophical terms I'm what's called a pessimist. It means I'm bad at parties." - Rust Cohle
"Think of how stupid the average person is, and realize that half of 'em are stupider than that." - George Carlin
"The internet: It's like a training camp for never amounting to anything." - Oglaf
"I think internet message boards and the like are dangerous." - Anno

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Postby EvaBrothers » Sun Jul 06, 2014 1:45 pm

Bagheera, I only read bits and pieces here and there throughout the 5 pages of this topic, but I really love (and I literally underlined that) the gradual, soft way your plot helps the characters interact and grow. There's a lot of balance and I found no clichés so far. Feels so real. ^_^ Keep it up!
~ Luana Spinetti ~ Jabber: luanaspinetti@linuxlovers.at
Avatar courtesy of sinkerhooks. It's Misato because I'm 29 just like her this year.
"On the floor of the midbrain is the ventral segmental system, that neurobiologists call region A10. Cells soaked in dopamine, certain emotions are processed here: such as the thoughts of two lovers - or a parent and a child. And it is the synchronization of the threads and bundles of A10 that splice pilot and Eva together; to become one entity, to fight. In other words, the power of love drives this weapon of mass destruction." -Yoshiyuki Sadamoto

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Postby Bagheera » Sun Jul 06, 2014 1:51 pm

View Original PostNemZ wrote:Dr. Hibiki, however, makes me think of a certain eternally lost blockhead with a penchant for smashing through walls and declaring duels to the death.


Who? I'm clearly missing a reference here. The only Hibiki I know is the MC for Macross II. If the name has unfortunate implications I'll go with something else.

Edit: And the Wikipedia disambiguation page doesn't even mention the guy. Once again, I am terribly out of the loop . . .
Last edited by Bagheera on Sun Jul 06, 2014 2:33 pm, edited 1 time in total.
For my post-3I fic, go here.
The law doesn't protect people. People protect the law. -- Akane Tsunemori, Psycho-Pass
People's deaths are to be mourned. The ability to save people should be celebrated. Life itself should be exalted. -- Volken Macmani, Tatakau Shisho: The Book of Bantorra
I hate myself. But maybe I can learn to love myself. Maybe it's okay for me to be here! That's right! I'm me, nothing more, nothing less! I'm me. I want to be me! I want to be here! And it's okay for me to be here! -- Shinji Ikari, Neon Genesis Evangelion
Yes, I know. You thought it would be something about Asuka. You're such idiots.

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Postby SEELE » Sun Jul 06, 2014 2:27 pm

Nice chapter. A little bit Asuka-focused ... yeah but she is more salvageable than Shinji - because he learned his lesson already. I ask myself ... who might come back or who get back ... and so on.
"Shinji repeatedly rises to the occasion, overcomes his own doubts and fears and puts others ahead of himself to the point of self harm. The situation overwhelms him. Victory does not define a hero. Intent does. He breaks at the end, but after inhuman, overwhelming, borderline comedic suffering." - Chuckman talking about Shinji as a hero
Final Fantasy 7 gets a remake. I hope it doesn't goes the same way NTE did.
Plus I kinda want to be done with this franchise for a while and concentrate on other things in life. - Guy Nacks

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Postby NemZ » Sun Jul 06, 2014 2:46 pm

View Original PostBagheera wrote:Who? I'm clearly missing a reference here.


This guy.
Rest In Peace ~ 1978 - 2017
"I'd consider myself a realist, alright? but in philosophical terms I'm what's called a pessimist. It means I'm bad at parties." - Rust Cohle
"Think of how stupid the average person is, and realize that half of 'em are stupider than that." - George Carlin
"The internet: It's like a training camp for never amounting to anything." - Oglaf
"I think internet message boards and the like are dangerous." - Anno

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Postby Bagheera » Sun Jul 06, 2014 2:49 pm

View Original PostNemZ wrote:This guy.


Oooh. You know, I never thought of him as anything other than Ryoga. Odd, since family names are usually far more important in manga and anime.
For my post-3I fic, go here.
The law doesn't protect people. People protect the law. -- Akane Tsunemori, Psycho-Pass
People's deaths are to be mourned. The ability to save people should be celebrated. Life itself should be exalted. -- Volken Macmani, Tatakau Shisho: The Book of Bantorra
I hate myself. But maybe I can learn to love myself. Maybe it's okay for me to be here! That's right! I'm me, nothing more, nothing less! I'm me. I want to be me! I want to be here! And it's okay for me to be here! -- Shinji Ikari, Neon Genesis Evangelion
Yes, I know. You thought it would be something about Asuka. You're such idiots.

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Postby xanderkh » Sun Jul 06, 2014 6:03 pm

^

Overall, I liked this chapter as well Bags. :) We can finally get some headway on Asuka building a better relationship with Misato. She's about the only family left she can trust, and family is vitally important.

And, I have to agree with you on the last part, this fic has been a bit Asuka-centered. Shinji needs a part in this story too. :)
"You're na�ve, Cecil. Even knowing betrayal and despair, you would depend on the whims of others?" - Golbez
---------------------------------------
Sephiroth: "Do you miss the Light?"
Golbez: "Hmph...I merely have duties to fulfill."
Sephiroth: "Too close to the brightness, and you may get scorched."
Golbz:.............
Golbez: Your loss can strengthen you.

"NGE Shinji is broken, Manga Shinji is an asshole, Rebuild Shinji is an idiot. Which is best? Uh, can I get some other options? All of these really suck." -Bagheera

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Postby EvaBrothers » Mon Jul 07, 2014 3:03 pm

Bagheera, maybe you should edit your first post in this topic with links to the following posts where you have the chapters. :) Would make it easier to read as the topic grows bigger.
~ Luana Spinetti ~ Jabber: luanaspinetti@linuxlovers.at
Avatar courtesy of sinkerhooks. It's Misato because I'm 29 just like her this year.
"On the floor of the midbrain is the ventral segmental system, that neurobiologists call region A10. Cells soaked in dopamine, certain emotions are processed here: such as the thoughts of two lovers - or a parent and a child. And it is the synchronization of the threads and bundles of A10 that splice pilot and Eva together; to become one entity, to fight. In other words, the power of love drives this weapon of mass destruction." -Yoshiyuki Sadamoto

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Postby Bagheera » Wed Jul 09, 2014 4:11 pm

View Original PostEvaBrothers wrote:Bagheera, maybe you should edit your first post in this topic with links to the following posts where you have the chapters. :) Would make it easier to read as the topic grows bigger.


Well, I'm going to wind up doing rewrites eventually, so what I'll probably do is put a link to the relevant date on the first page so people can keep up with it. I'm happy with all of the content posted so far but I'll probably have to make some tweaks for continuity reasons. The only major change I've been thinking about is moving Asuka to Kyoto; I'll have to check the geography to see if that's really workable -- Matsushiro or somewhere might be a better choice. I'm also not happy with the new names for the OCs; they're legit references (pretty good ones, actually), but I was fond of Okada and was going to change Nakamura to Kuroha instead of Hibiki. But neither of those are boats so no go. I could revert Sugishima to Sakishima, though, since Sakishima is a sea reference -- she's one of the main characters in Nagi no Asukara, so that works.

I could just say "fuck it" and name them whatever I want; I'm not a navy otaku, and it's not like every character in the show is named after a boat or something ocean-related (Suzuhara and Aida aren't). But it's a neat way to add a little subtext to the characters, so I dunno.

Edit: I said "fuck it". It's my fic and I'll do what I want, but I'll make an effort to keep the theme alive. See edits above.
Last edited by Bagheera on Fri Jul 11, 2014 4:46 pm, edited 1 time in total.
For my post-3I fic, go here.
The law doesn't protect people. People protect the law. -- Akane Tsunemori, Psycho-Pass
People's deaths are to be mourned. The ability to save people should be celebrated. Life itself should be exalted. -- Volken Macmani, Tatakau Shisho: The Book of Bantorra
I hate myself. But maybe I can learn to love myself. Maybe it's okay for me to be here! That's right! I'm me, nothing more, nothing less! I'm me. I want to be me! I want to be here! And it's okay for me to be here! -- Shinji Ikari, Neon Genesis Evangelion
Yes, I know. You thought it would be something about Asuka. You're such idiots.

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Postby NemZ » Wed Jul 09, 2014 4:26 pm

I vote for naming them after sea creatures instead.
Rest In Peace ~ 1978 - 2017
"I'd consider myself a realist, alright? but in philosophical terms I'm what's called a pessimist. It means I'm bad at parties." - Rust Cohle
"Think of how stupid the average person is, and realize that half of 'em are stupider than that." - George Carlin
"The internet: It's like a training camp for never amounting to anything." - Oglaf
"I think internet message boards and the like are dangerous." - Anno

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Postby Bagheera » Wed Jul 09, 2014 6:10 pm

View Original PostNemZ wrote:I vote for naming them after sea creatures instead.


Hmmm. I can't tell if you're trolling me or noting my training as a biologist and encouraging me with an alternate path. Perhaps both?
For my post-3I fic, go here.
The law doesn't protect people. People protect the law. -- Akane Tsunemori, Psycho-Pass
People's deaths are to be mourned. The ability to save people should be celebrated. Life itself should be exalted. -- Volken Macmani, Tatakau Shisho: The Book of Bantorra
I hate myself. But maybe I can learn to love myself. Maybe it's okay for me to be here! That's right! I'm me, nothing more, nothing less! I'm me. I want to be me! I want to be here! And it's okay for me to be here! -- Shinji Ikari, Neon Genesis Evangelion
Yes, I know. You thought it would be something about Asuka. You're such idiots.

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Postby xanderkh » Wed Jul 09, 2014 6:12 pm

View Original PostBagheera wrote:Hmmm. I can't tell if you're trolling me or noting my training as a biologist and encouraging me with an alternate path. Perhaps both?


Why not Bags? It's your fic were the torch has been passed, so you don't have to follow the Eva Meta to the letter. You can follow the universe to it's characters and their struggles, but the rest of the universe is up to you, since it's your fic. :)
"You're na�ve, Cecil. Even knowing betrayal and despair, you would depend on the whims of others?" - Golbez
---------------------------------------
Sephiroth: "Do you miss the Light?"
Golbez: "Hmph...I merely have duties to fulfill."
Sephiroth: "Too close to the brightness, and you may get scorched."
Golbz:.............
Golbez: Your loss can strengthen you.

"NGE Shinji is broken, Manga Shinji is an asshole, Rebuild Shinji is an idiot. Which is best? Uh, can I get some other options? All of these really suck." -Bagheera

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Postby EvaBrothers » Thu Jul 10, 2014 3:14 am

View Original PostBagheera wrote:I'm also not happy with the new names for the OCs; they're legit references (pretty good ones, actually), but I was fond of Okada and was going to change Nakamura to Kuroha instead of Hibiki. (...) But it's a neat way to add a little subtext to the characters, so I dunno.


Why don't you "recycle" the original OC names for other characters? :D And maybe have these related to the others somehow. I do this from time to time and it adds more subtext, subplots and sub...fun. :wink:

I love the care you put into the details of your fic, anyway.
~ Luana Spinetti ~ Jabber: luanaspinetti@linuxlovers.at
Avatar courtesy of sinkerhooks. It's Misato because I'm 29 just like her this year.
"On the floor of the midbrain is the ventral segmental system, that neurobiologists call region A10. Cells soaked in dopamine, certain emotions are processed here: such as the thoughts of two lovers - or a parent and a child. And it is the synchronization of the threads and bundles of A10 that splice pilot and Eva together; to become one entity, to fight. In other words, the power of love drives this weapon of mass destruction." -Yoshiyuki Sadamoto

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Postby NemZ » Thu Jul 10, 2014 7:04 am

View Original PostBagheera wrote:Perhaps both?


Neither. Not trolling and didn't know that.
Rest In Peace ~ 1978 - 2017
"I'd consider myself a realist, alright? but in philosophical terms I'm what's called a pessimist. It means I'm bad at parties." - Rust Cohle
"Think of how stupid the average person is, and realize that half of 'em are stupider than that." - George Carlin
"The internet: It's like a training camp for never amounting to anything." - Oglaf
"I think internet message boards and the like are dangerous." - Anno

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Postby Bagheera » Thu Jul 10, 2014 7:41 am

View Original PostNemZ wrote:Neither. Not trolling and didn't know that.


Oh. Then why sea creatures? Just a variant on the water theme?
For my post-3I fic, go here.
The law doesn't protect people. People protect the law. -- Akane Tsunemori, Psycho-Pass
People's deaths are to be mourned. The ability to save people should be celebrated. Life itself should be exalted. -- Volken Macmani, Tatakau Shisho: The Book of Bantorra
I hate myself. But maybe I can learn to love myself. Maybe it's okay for me to be here! That's right! I'm me, nothing more, nothing less! I'm me. I want to be me! I want to be here! And it's okay for me to be here! -- Shinji Ikari, Neon Genesis Evangelion
Yes, I know. You thought it would be something about Asuka. You're such idiots.

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Postby NemZ » Thu Jul 10, 2014 8:37 am

yep. ocean-related but not a ship.
Rest In Peace ~ 1978 - 2017
"I'd consider myself a realist, alright? but in philosophical terms I'm what's called a pessimist. It means I'm bad at parties." - Rust Cohle
"Think of how stupid the average person is, and realize that half of 'em are stupider than that." - George Carlin
"The internet: It's like a training camp for never amounting to anything." - Oglaf
"I think internet message boards and the like are dangerous." - Anno


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